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Brianna didn’t know what to say so she remained quiet, silently sharing the grief that filled his eyes and dimmed their sparkle. Suddenly the earlier awkwardness she’d felt didn’t matter.
“It’s okay.” She offered the soothing response she often used at the clinic.
“It’s not.” Zac’s shoulders straightened. His chin lifted and thrust forward. “It’s not okay at all. That’s why I have to nip this in the bud now.”
“Nip this—I don’t know what you mean.” Dread held her prisoner. Something was going on behind that dark gaze. Would her son be expelled? Would Zac punish her son because of what she’d done?
“I refuse to allow drugs to ruin another young life. Not Cory’s. Not anyone’s.” Zac blinked. His eyes pinned hers. “I’m going to need your help, Brianna.”
“My help?” She gaped at him. “I’ll certainly talk to Cory, get the whole story and help him understand how easily drugs can cause damage we never expect. But what else can I do?”
“More. A lot more, I hope.” Zac rose and began pacing behind his desk, his long legs eating up the distance in two strides. Nervous energy. He’d always been like that. “Let me explain. I came here—actually I specifically chose Hope because school test scores are rock-bottom, the lowest in the state.”
She listened attentively as he haltingly told her of the purpose he’d set for himself since Jeffrey had died. Zac spoke of making a difference, of helping kids find their own potential so that drugs weren’t even a consideration. His words reminded Brianna of his youthful eagerness to teach when they’d both been students at college, when their goals had been the same—to help kids uncover their potential.
“You must have seen the test scores in the files of the students you’ve counseled at the clinic,” he said.
“Yes.” Brianna nodded. “Pathetic.”
“Last year was my first year in this job and it was an eye-opener. I found a major lack of initiative, total boredom and a host of other issues. But I never found drugs.”
Brianna grew engrossed in his story of trying to create change until she glanced at her watch and realized she didn’t have much time to see Cory before her next appointment.
“I’m sorry it’s been so difficult, Zac,” she interrupted, rising. “Though I don’t know the first thing about combating drugs in schools. Education is your field.” His slow smile and those bittersweet-chocolate eyes, glittering with suppressed excitement, made her pause. “What?”
“You know a lot about motivating people, Brianna. You always did, even before you started practicing psychology. Inspiring people is in your blood.” He held her gaze with his own. “I doubt that’s changed.”
Surprised that he’d harked back to a past that could only hold painful memories for both of them, Brianna frowned.
“Remember when there were no funds for our school choir to go to that competition?” Zac’s grin flashed. “You were the one who roused everybody and got them to pitch in and raise money for the trip.”
“You want me to raise money?” she asked dubiously, confused by his excitement.
“No,” he said and continued as if she hadn’t interrupted. “When Jaclyn’s sister died, you were the one who made a schedule to ensure her friends would be with her during the first hard days after the funeral. You were the one who helped Jaclyn solidify her goal for Whispering Hope Clinic, and you were the one who kept that dream alive even though your other partner left town.”
“It wasn’t just Jaclyn’s goal. Jessica was my dearest friend. I vowed to keep her memory alive by making sure no other kid ever went through what she suffered because of a lack of medical help. That’s why I came back to Hope, to help kids,” she said.
“I know.” Zac smiled. “You’re an encourager, Brianna.”
What was with the trip down memory lane? It sounded as if Zac was praising her, but that couldn’t be. Brianna had jilted him!
“You’re a motivator who inspires, and you’re very, very good at it. I’ve always admired that about you.”
Admired her? Brianna bristled, irritated that his memory was so selective. The words spurted out without conscious thought.
“If you admired me so much, how come you betrayed me the night before our wedding?”
That was so not the thing she wanted to say to Zac Ender after ten long years. Brianna clapped a hand over her mouth and wished she’d never answered his summons this morning.
“I—wh-what?” Zac’s face was blank, his stern jaw slack.
Brianna had to escape.
“Look, I have to go. I have another appointment.” She grabbed her purse and headed for the door. “Perhaps we can talk about this again another time,” she murmured.
“Count on it.”
The firm resolve behind his words startled her into turning to look at him.
“We’re not finished, Brianna.”
She wasn’t sure whether that was a threat or a promise and she didn’t want to consider either at the moment. For some reason she couldn’t figure out, Zac still got to her. She needed time to get her defenses back up.
“I’ll talk to Cory,” she promised and left.
Brianna breathed deeply as she headed back to the clinic. Once there she paused a moment to study the exterior of the building that housed Whispering Hope Clinic and to remember how the dream had started. Jessica’s cancer had been diagnosed too late because of a doctor shortage in Hope. As they watched the disease decimate her, Jessica’s sister, Jaclyn, Brianna and their friend Shay had made a pact to one day return to this little town in New Mexico and open a medical clinic for kids to ensure no child ever went without help again. Jaclyn was now the pediatric physician at Whispering Hope Clinic. Brianna was a child psychologist and hopefully Shay would soon join them to offer physiotherapy.
Brianna’s mother had never understood how deeply Jessica’s death had affected her daughter, or how that death had prompted Brianna to volunteer in the hospital’s children’s ward. But it was there Brianna had learned to listen. That’s what she’d been doing on the school steps one afternoon with Shay and Jaclyn. A teacher had later commented on her ability to encourage, and then urged Brianna to consider becoming a counselor. Desperate to escape her mother’s expectation that she take over the family business, Brianna focused on her own plan—attend college, get her doctorate and return to Hope to keep her vow. Her mother’s refusal to help her reach that goal sent Brianna to seek help from the smartest kid in school, Zac. Once she’d thought he loved her but his perfidy had sent her away from Hope and she’d struggled to achieve her goal on her own.
Now that she was finally back in Hope, fulfilling the dream she’d cherished for so long, Brianna could not afford to get sidetracked by handsome Zac Ender.
* * *
Zac ran every evening after sunset, when the community of Hope was nestled inside their houses with their families around them. Usually he used the lonely time to review his progress in reaching his goals. But tonight his thoughts wandered back ten years to a time when he’d been so certain life couldn’t get any better; when Brianna Benson said she loved him and he’d loved her.
Zac knew now that he’d been deceiving himself. What did he know about loving a woman? He hadn’t had a father growing up, nobody to teach him anything about relationships, especially how to be the kind of husband Brianna needed. He’d always had a social disadvantage. Those first few years after the car accident that had killed his father had left Zac so badly injured he’d had to endure ten years of surgeries just to walk again. Maybe that’s when the lingering feelings of abandonment had taken root; maybe he was a loner because he’d never had a role model to show him how to become a man who could open up to a woman, to expose his deepest fears and his worst scars and trust that she would still care for him in spite of everything. Maybe that lack of inner harmony was why he never felt God had any particular use for a man like Zac Ender.
But for that tiny space in time ten years ago, Zac had believed marriage to pretty Brianna was the answer to his prayers. Then, her long, coffee-colored curls had framed her heart-shaped face. Her perfect white smile had engaged everyone and her hazel eyes had sparkled gold glints in their green depths as she’d cheered him on. Zac had bought into her dream that he could finally shed his inhibitions and open up to people as she did, without freezing up. For a little while he imagined it was possible to shed the inner lack of confidence which had branded him a laughingstock from the first awkward day his health had improved so much he’d finally been granted permission to quit homeschooling. He’d walked into Miss Latimer’s seventh-grade math class full of excitement and found he couldn’t answer a question he’d studied two years earlier. Instead he’d stuttered and stammered until Miss Latimer had called on someone else. Even now, all these years later, the sting of the other kids’ snickers and scorn still caused a mental flinch. As time passed, Zac had accepted their branding of the nerd who never fit in.
But in college, Brianna tantalized him with a self-concept that hinted at the possibility of him becoming poised and able to communicate in any situation. Though Zac had improved his communication skills thanks to Brianna’s tutelage, he now recognized that back then, inside, in the recesses of his heart, he’d never outgrown being that ashamed, embarrassed kid who couldn’t use words to express what was on his mind. Secretly, even then, he’d always feared that one day the vivacious, energetic and exuberant Brianna would realize he could never be the outgoing husband she wanted, that God simply hadn’t made him that way. The day her dad told him Brianna had run away from their wedding, the bubble of Zac’s pretend world burst.
Now, ten years later, Brianna had changed, and not just by cutting her hair into a pixie style that framed her face and made her eyes the focal point. Zac had changed, too. He knew who he was and exactly what his failings were. He was a nerd and he didn’t fit in. God didn’t mean for him to be a missionary or a minister. He didn’t gift Zac with social abilities. Zac still struggled to speak in public. Certainly God didn’t expect him to express his faith publicly, other than by attending church. Zac had no illusions about God ever turning him into a public figure. But Zac had a plan. And he’d done what he planned, gotten his degrees, advanced his career. He’d set very high goals for himself. None of them included romance. He had no intention of failing twice.
But now Zac had reached all his objectives save one. It was time to climb the final rung and prove to the world that nerd or not, Zac Ender wasn’t a failure. It was time to make his move from delivering education to formulating curriculum. To do that, he needed success. He’d chosen Hope High School as his proving ground.
Success in the only field he was good at was achievable, particularly if he could get Brianna’s help.
Zac thought he’d feel awkward with her today. But after the first few moments he hadn’t. It seemed natural to seek the opinion of the school division’s psychologist about a matter relating to school issues. He’d kept things cool and businesslike between them. No emotion, no harking back to their past mistake.
Until she’d made that comment “How come you betrayed me the night before our wedding?”
Zac jogged up his driveway and made his way to the back deck. He stretched out, gasping for breath as her words played over and over. Finally, when his breath evened, when he’d settled into a patio chair with a bottle of water and still no explanation for her comment arose, he decided it didn’t matter.
Their past was over and so was any relationship he’d had with Brianna. It was the future he had to focus on. He didn’t intend to waste a second of it rehashing who had done what. She’d come home to Hope. At the first job opportunity Zac intended to leave.
In the meantime he would seek Brianna’s help for the school, he’d work toward straightening out her son, but he would not allow any of his old feelings for her to take root. He couldn’t. Because some things never changed.
Ten years had proven nerdy Zac Ender was still not the man Brianna Benson wanted.
Chapter Two
“I’m leaving now, RaeAnn—”
Brianna stopped midsentence, surprised to see Zac in her office doorway.
“Hi.” He grinned.
“Hello. Uh, I’m just on my way to the nursing home. Mom needs...” She frowned. “Did we have an appointment?”
“No.” Zac turned, picked up something and carried it in. “Since you declined my offer of lunch, twice in the past two days, I might add,” he reminded, one eyebrow arched, “I figured you must be too busy to go out, so I brought lunch to you.” He set the basket on her desk and began unloading it. “Voilà.”
Wonderful aromas filled the room, catching Brianna off guard.
“Uh, that’s really nice, Zac.” She blinked. “But—”
“I’ll drop off whatever your mom needs on my way back to the office. Okay?” He stood waiting, looking every bit the professor his friend Kent always called him.
“But—”
“I really need to talk to you, Brianna. Today.” Clearly Zac wasn’t leaving.
Brianna decided it was best not to argue given that everyone who was still in the waiting room had probably seen or heard his arrival. Hope wasn’t a big town. She could imagine news of his visit to her office would spread like the flu that currently kept Jaclyn so busy. If the intense scrutiny the townsfolk gave her now was what Zac had to endure after she left, Brianna was amazed he’d ever returned.
Why was he back? It couldn’t be just the failing students. According to the television reports, there were failing students all over the country. Why had he chosen to return to Hope?
“Have a seat.” Zac pulled forward a small table and snapped a white tablecloth in place.
“Where did you learn to do that?” She stared as he set the table with a flourish.
“I ran out of funds before I finished my PhD so I waited tables.” He grinned. “Why do you look so surprised? As I recall, you always told me I had to get out in public more to develop my poor communication skills.”
She had, many times. But Brianna did not want to hark back to those days and be reminded of the many other things they’d said to each other, especially their promises. So she waited until he’d finished, took the seat he indicated and accepted the plate he offered.
“This is about Cory, isn’t it? I did talk to him and he still denies deliberately using drugs.”
“I know. We’ll get to that,” he promised. “For now let’s eat.”
She took a bite. Chicken salad—her favorite.
“This is really good. I’ve been to all the food places in town and I never saw this on the menu.” Brianna savored the hint of lime. “I haven’t had a decent chicken salad since I left Chicago. So where in town did you get it?”
“I made it,” Zac answered.
“You?” She stared in disbelief. “But you never cooked.” That was a stupid thing to say. In the past ten years, Zac had probably done a lot of things he never used to, just as she had.
“The cook at the restaurant where I worked couldn’t read. I taught her. She taught me how to make stuff like this.” He shrugged. “You used to eat chicken salad a lot in college. I figured you might still like it.”
“I love it.” As thoughtful as he’d always been, Brianna mused as she bit into a roll. She frowned, then held it up, looking at him with eyebrows raised. “This, too?”
“Nope. Sorry.” He shrugged. “Just not that talented.”
“Thank goodness.” She made a face. “I was beginning to feel intimidated.”
“Hardly.” He poured a cup of iced tea from a thermos he’d brought. “Nobody intimidates Brianna Benson.”
Brianna stared into Zac’s face, unsure of whether he’d meant that as sarcastically as it sounded.
“How is your mother, by the way?” he asked.
“Fine.” Brianna let his previous comment go. Zac was always sincere. If he were trying to get a dig at her, he’d do it openly. “She told me you’ve stopped to see her several times.”
“I go to the nursing home a few times a week to visit Miss Latimer. She was so good to Mom before she died that I try to repay the favor.” For a moment Zac peered into a distance as if remembering the sweet gentle mother who’d encouraged him through countless surgeries after a car accident that had killed his dad and left five-year-old Zac with multiple injuries. “How is your father?” he asked. “I haven’t seen him lately.”
“Dad’s doing better since his heart attack. He visits Mom a lot.” Brianna didn’t add that she didn’t understand why her father went so faithfully when it seemed all her mother did was carp at him.
“I’m sure he’s glad you’re back.”
“I guess. It seems weird to be living at home again, but Cory does the yardwork and I try to keep the house up. We’re managing.” She finished her salad and sipped her tea, scrounging for the courage to ask the hard questions. Finally she just blurted it out. “Why are you here, Zac?”
For a moment she thought she saw regret rush over his face. Which was silly. Granted it had been years, but she’d pushed into adulthood with Zac and grown to understand him. He was the type of man who never regretted his decisions. He thought through everything, weighed the pros and cons and made his choices only after he’d done a complete analysis. He didn’t have regrets.
So what did he want with her?
“What did you mean when you said I’d betrayed you?” Zac looked straight at her and waited for an answer. A frown line marred the perfection of his smooth forehead.
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s forget the past and deal with now.” Brianna took control of the conversation, desperate to avoid delving into the past again. “You want to find out who is giving out drugs and stop the spread of them in the school. I get that.”
“Oh, I want a lot more than that, Brianna.” Zac’s voice oozed determination. “I want the students in Hope’s schools to shake off their apathy and start using the brains God gave them. I want them to begin looking at the future with anticipation and eagerness.”
“But—” Brianna closed her lips and concentrated on listening. When Zac became this serious it was better to let him just say it.
“Do you know that less than one percent of the students graduating from Hope High School go on to college?” Zac huffed his disgust. “And no wonder. They have no interests. There’s no choir, no debate club, no science club, no language club. Everything’s been discontinued. And regular class attendance is a joke. That’s what I want to change.”
Brianna blinked at Zac’s fierce tone. “Okay, then.”
“And I want you to help me do it.”
“Me?” She could say no more because he interrupted again.
“I am not a motivator, Brianna.” Determination glittered in his eyes.
“That’s not true,” she said firmly. Zac had motivated her time after time when he’d tutored her to win a college scholarship and all through the courses that followed. You can do anything you want, he’d repeatedly insisted.
“If there were even a spark of interest, I could work with that.” He frowned at her. “But throw drugs into the mix and the challenge expands exponentially. I need a big change, something that will grab the students’ attention.”
Brianna didn’t know what to say. Zac sounded so forceful, so determined. Intrigued by this unexpected side of him, she decided to hear him out.
“I know you haven’t been here long, but think about the kids you’ve seen at the clinic.” Zac’s brown eyes narrowed. “Have you spoken with any who are excited about their future?”
