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It sounded boring and the very last thing Rick would have thought about Penny Stern was that she lived a boring life.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” When she nodded, he told her as much as he could about his schedule, emphasizing that he often had to change the times when he picked up the twins. “I need to keep all my men working so I’m back and forth between sites a lot, troubleshooting and fixing issues that come up, sometimes at odd hours.”
“Must be demanding.” She studied him then glanced at the clock on the wall. “What about now? Do you have today off?”
“I wish.” He barked a laugh. “I’ve got to be on-site to pour a foundation in half an hour. The agency couldn’t find a sitter on such short notice so I guess the twins will just have to come along.”
Rick hated doing that because it would be so dull for them. Construction job sites were just about the worst place for kids, but after yesterday afternoon’s fiasco when the temporary sitter had lost Katie at the park for over two hours before calling him, he had no choice. He wouldn’t leave them with her again.
“Um, can I ask what happened to Katie’s pigtails?” Penny murmured, studying the back of the little girl’s head with a frown.
So much for being a capable parent.
“She cut them off.” Rick squirmed, knowing Penny would bawl him out for his carelessness.
“She got hold of scissors?” There was nothing in Penny’s voice that accused him but Rick felt guilty all the same.
“My electric razor. Last night.” He heaved a sigh. “I thought they were asleep. I should have been doing books but I conked out. Something woke me up. Katie was in the bathroom, half-shorn, and most of her hair was in the sink. Kyle had dared her and Katie never refuses a dare.” He raked a frustrated hand through his hair when his phone made a noise. “Excuse me.” He scanned the text then quickly rose. “I need to go. When would you be able to care for the kids?”
“I could start now.” Penny also rose and smiled at him. “Are you sure you trust me, Rick?”
“You come highly recommended by Tanner and Sophie. I trust them implicitly.” He made a face. “Anyway, I doubt you can do worse at childcare than me.”
“Given the state of Katie’s hair that’s not exactly a vote of confidence,” she teased then shrugged. “Don’t beat yourself up, Rick. She didn’t get hurt and hair grows back. Kids do things that are utterly unpredictable.”
“Not to you, I’ll wager.” He watched her face, saw distaste in the way she wrinkled her pert nose.
“You think?” Penny gave a half laugh and shook her head. “A student once brought a snake to school in his backpack. He hadn’t told his parents he’d found it. A python. He put it in my desk.” She nodded at his disbelief. “True story.”
Rick liked the way her eyes sparkled with amusement. Penny didn’t take her world too seriously it seemed. “What did you do?”
“I prayed. Really, really hard. Then closed the drawer and called the janitor.” She smiled. “So you fell asleep last night. You were tired and who wouldn’t be? Caring for one child is taxing. You have two to watch over and you’re not used to doing it.”
He opened his mouth to protest but Penny held up a hand.
“It will get easier, I promise. Why don’t you take today off as a caregiver, focus on work and leave the kids with me? I’ll take Katie to get a haircut, if that’s okay with you?” Penny waited until he nodded.
Rick was happy to turn that task over to her. He figured she’d know more than he did about little girls’ hairstyles.
“After a trim we’ll think of something fun we can do for the rest of the day.” She did not seem fazed by the prospect. “Do they have allergies to anything?”
“No.” Rick wanted so badly to accept but something inside him hesitated. What if—
“It’s really okay, Uncle Rick.” Penny didn’t sound irritated by his indecision. “I won’t let anything happen to them. I promise.” She wrote on a piece of paper then held it out. “My cell phone number.”
“Thank you.” This is an answer to prayer, stupid. Take it! “Here’s mine.” He waited till she’d written it down then called, “Katie and Kyle, can you come here for a moment?”
Rick carefully explained to the twins that they were going to stay with Penny for a while. Katie’s lip trembled for about a nanosecond, until Penny mentioned a water park. Both kids whooped for joy.
“But their swimsuits—I didn’t bring them.” Rick frowned at her.
“I’ll handle it.” What assurance those words held.
He had to ask. “Are you sure?”
“Positive. We’re going to have so much fun.” Penny’s face glowed when she smiled and suddenly any reservation he felt was gone. “Call me to pick them up whenever you’re ready. We’ll be fine. Guys, let’s go get your car seats and say goodbye to Uncle Rick.”
A second summons from his phone forced Rick to leave more quickly than he wanted but as he drove away, he saw Penny pushing a laughing Katie on a swing in the yard outside the daycare building while Kyle whooped as he raced down a slide.
Rick smiled as he waved but his thoughts were on the past. If only he hadn’t let Gillian die. If only he’d run faster, forced himself through that choking blanket of smoke a second time, pushed through the searing pain of those burning embers on his face to get to her. Maybe, just maybe—
With a sigh of resignation Rick headed toward the job site. Recriminations didn’t help. Somehow he’d have to readjust his focus on the present and not the past so the twins didn’t suffer.
At least he had Penny’s help. For now.
Rick liked the pretty woman a lot, liked her spirit and unstinting kindness. Liked the fearlessness in her face when she broached a subject. But liking was all he would allow. He had to concentrate his entire focus on the kids, on making their world as happy as Gillian would have. It didn’t matter what he gave up. It was all about them and that meant he had no time for romance. Rick would have gladly sacrificed a lot more than that if he could have his sister back.
Since he couldn’t he would spend every day making the world the best it could be for Katie and Kyle and he’d take Penny’s help every time she offered. Help and friendship, yes.
Anything more wasn’t possible.
Chapter Three (#u134dfa13-6ad3-5ed8-8ad7-97fc3f8b2db6)
Hungry, dirty and very weary by the time he arrived at Penny’s that evening, Rick paused a moment to survey her home. The lovely adobe structure in the old Southwest style had a rose trellis climbing up the outside walls and a towering saguaro cactus that shielded the front windows from the heat of the desert sun.
Though he didn’t yet know Penny well, he thought the house suited her. It was warm and inviting just like she was. Maybe sometime down the road he could ask her for hints on how to make his ranch as hospitable.
Keep focused on today.
“Come on in, Rick,” Penny invited in a friendly though hushed voice. “The twins are asleep. I’m afraid I wore them out.”
“Great. Then they should sleep well tonight.” And maybe without a nightmare. “I’ll get their car seats then load them up so we can get out of your hair,” he said, admiring the homeyness she’d created inside. This was a place where a family could relax and enjoy each other; you could see the hospitality in the warm colors and soft welcoming furniture. So why did Penny always seem to be alone? “I’m sorry it took me so long.”
“No problem. I’m having cookies and lemonade. Want to join me?” Wearing a sleeveless bright yellow top and white shorts, Penny’s bare feet and tousled blond hair made her look cool and comfortable, a far cry from the worn-out caregiver he’d expected to find. “The twins helped me bake the cookies so you have to try some.”
“Uh—okay.” Like it was a hardship. Rick was starving. “I hope you didn’t have any trouble getting them to eat supper? They’re picky eaters, I know.”
“I roasted a chicken with some new potatoes and spring vegetables. They seemed to enjoy it.” Penny frowned at him, making Rick wonder if his tongue was hanging out at the sound of roast chicken. “Did you eat dinner?”
“No time to eat today. It was crazy busy. I’ll get something when I get the twins to bed.” He said it quickly with a shrug, downplaying it so he wouldn’t look like he was asking Penny to feed him. No way did he want to impose on this woman’s generosity. Caring for the twins for an entire day was far more than he’d dared to hope for.
“There are plenty of leftovers, Rick. I’ll heat a plate for you.” Before he could object Penny had opened the fridge and was pulling out containers. “I always make way too much,” she said when she noticed his surprise at the amount of food she was removing. Her cheeks pinked, enhancing her blue eyes. “Roast chicken is my favorite meal. It always makes me think of family dinners and...”
Her voice trailed away as she turned, set the filled plate in the microwave and started it.
“Do you have a big family?” Penny’s comments gave Rick an opportunity to satisfy his curiosity about her.
“Actually, I’m an orphan.” She looked a little wistful as she explained. “Apparently I was about two days old when I was found on some church steps in Seattle. I’ve never discovered who left me there or why. But I used to imagine—” She stopped, swallowed then focused on him. “Anyway, my childhood was nothing like yours.”
“Mine?” He frowned. “How did you—?”
“The twins, of course.” She grinned at him. “They said you and their mother grew up with your family beside a lake here in Arizona.” Penny shook her head. “How blessed were you?”
“Very blessed,” he agreed. “I had a great childhood.” He watched as she poured a big glass of lemonade and set it in front of him. Cookies sat piled high on a platter in the middle of the table. “Chocolate chip?” He was surprised when she shook her head.
“As a treat for sitting so still while we had Katie’s hair cut, I bought the twins ice cream cones at the water park. I thought it would be wise to tone down the rest of the sugar content today so these are coconut oatmeal with a bit of honey as a sweetener. Try one,” she invited, then as the microwave beeped revised, “Or maybe after you eat dinner.”
Penny’s roast chicken dinner was delicious. Rick savored every bite of his abundant serving then finished it off with a third glass of lemonade.
“This is really delicious,” he said, savoring the tangy flavor. “What kind is it?”
“Uh, lemonade.” Penny looked confused by the question.
“I meant what brand.” When she frowned he immediately realized his mistake. “This isn’t from a package, or frozen, is it?” When she shook her head, Rick noticed the bits of lemon floating among the chunks of ice and a couple of seeds that must have slipped in. “I haven’t had real lemonade since I don’t know when. It’s very good. Did the kids drink it?”
“Of course.” She frowned. “Why wouldn’t they? They helped make it.”
“Katie and Kyle made and drank real lemonade?” Rick couldn’t wrap his mind around it. “You must be Wonder Woman.”
“Hardly.” Penny’s lilting laughter filled the room but it was her face that held his attention. Though her eyes sparkled with fun, behind that he saw a steely willpower. “I offered them two choices, lemonade or water. They drank both but seemed to prefer the lemonade.”
“Huh. Seems like I’m always buying juice for them, even though I know it’s full of sugar.” As usual, guilt rushed in. “Gillian made her own juice,” he mumbled, feeling inadequate.
“Rick, you can’t do everything she did,” Penny said in a quiet voice. “And I doubt she’d expect you to.”
Funny that he’d never considered Gillian’s expectations of him.
“The twins shared some of their memories after we had dinner tonight. I know that Gillian was a great mom.” Her smile altered; she grew more serious. “The thing is, Rick, a great mom has just one desire for her kids, one thing she wants above all else.”
“Which is?” He waited, his interest in her opinion growing.
“A mom who truly loves her kids wants the person who cares for them when she can’t to love them as much as she would. Just like you do.” Penny’s kind words soothed and comforted him. “I can tell that you love Katie and Kyle very much. You’re doing exactly what Gillian would have wanted.”
“Except it’s not enough.” As soon as he said it Rick wished he hadn’t.
He was so tired, worn out with trying to be all things for his business, the twins and his overworked parents. He hadn’t been able to get out to the lake and help them begin the summer season, as he usually did. Greg’s illness meant he hadn’t been able to spend as much time with his parents, helping them deal with Gillian’s death. Neither had he been able to get the twins out to the lake as frequently as he should have so his grieving parents could find some solace in their daughter’s children.
The truth was Rick was barely managing to juggle all the balls in his life. He spent his day moving from worksite to worksite, always dreading that he might mess up something important and make things worse. And while he kept that tucked inside, he also fought his growing fears that he’d fail to live up to what his sister wanted, that he wouldn’t be there when the twins needed him, that the twins would suffer because of him.
Suddenly the weight of it all multiplied, stretching his nerves taut until he blurted, “I can’t make up for it.”
“For what?” Penny frowned, which puckered her smooth brow. She leaned forward to peer into his face. “What are you trying to make up for, Rick?”
He held his breath, waiting, hoping she’d let him off the hook, wouldn’t force him to answer. He hadn’t said this to anyone else, especially not his parents, certainly not his clients, not even to Tanner even though he was a good friend.
But Penny waited, her question hanging, begging an answer.
“Never mind.” He took another cookie and chewed it so he couldn’t say any more.
“I can tell that whatever has you feeling guilty is wearing you down,” she guessed, her head tipped slightly to one side. “You need to let it go.”
“It’s not that easy.” Oh, how he wished it was.
“Of course it isn’t easy. The important things never are.” Penny tilted her head to one side as she studied him. “I’m guessing your guilt has to do with your sister’s death.”
Rick remained silent while wishing he’d never brought up the subject.
“Guilt will drain you, sap your energy and change your focus. You can’t dwell on it.” Her soft voice was like a balm, soft and soothing.
“I can’t help it.” Rick raked a hand through his hair feeling as helpless as a kitten to battle the negatives that plagued him.
“But you have to for the twins’ sake. They need your full attention. So does your work.” Though Penny’s tone remained mild she didn’t mince words. “There’s no room for guilt.”
What would she say if she knew why he felt guilty, Rick wondered? Would she walk away? Would she refuse to have anything to do with him or the twins? Would she blame him?
More to the point, why did Penny’s good opinion of him matter so much?
“Talk to me, Rick,” she murmured.
“I tried to get Gillian out.” It was like a dam breaking and once started, he couldn’t stop. “I managed to fight through the flames to the twins’ bedroom and carry them out of the house but when I went back in I couldn’t find Gillian. The smoke was so thick you couldn’t breathe. But I kept going anyway. I couldn’t leave her there, alone.”
“Of course you couldn’t. And then?” she nudged.
“Then a burning timber fell on me and—I don’t remember much more.” Except the pain. He remembered that very clearly. In fact, the horror of those moments haunted him almost every night.
“It’s over, Rick.” Penny’s soft reassurance penetrated his thoughts. “Gillian doesn’t blame you.”
“Doesn’t she?” She should. He’d made her children orphans.
“Gillian knows that God is in control, that He will love and care for the twins better than she ever could. And she knows there was a reason for her death.” Penny sounded so confident.
Rick wanted to believe her, to trust that Gillian would absolve him for his failure to save her. But even if she could, he couldn’t. There was no forgiveness for letting his sister die.
“I can’t accept that.”
From Penny’s silence and her bent head, Rick figured he’d shocked her. He rose with a silent sigh. The constant guilt he lived with every time he glanced at the twins or heard his sister’s name was his punishment and he didn’t begrudge it. He deserved it. But for the twins’ sake he needed to keep caring for them. He didn’t need more problems so why didn’t God—?
“I’m sorry, Penny. I shouldn’t have dumped all over you. If you can show me where the car seats are, I’ll get going.” Rick no longer wanted to share his aching, wretched soul, especially not with this woman, who seemed so smart and cool with her world put nicely together. “Thank you for today. We appreciate it.”
Penny said nothing as she rose. She silently led him to the garage to get the two car seats from her car and carried one out to his truck. Then she led the way inside the house to her spare room, where the twins lay curled under a lovely turquoise afghan.
“I’ll take Katie, you take Kyle,” she whispered and tenderly lifted the little girl.
Rick followed, cradling Kyle. When the twins were safely belted in his truck, he thanked her once more.
“You went above and beyond for us. Katie’s short hair looks really cute. Thank you.” He handed her some bills. “I appreciate everything you’ve done.”
“So when will you bring them tomorrow?” she asked before he could swing into his truck’s driver’s seat.
