скачать книгу бесплатно
“I came to ask you something,” he murmured at last.
“Go ahead. I reserve the right to refuse an answer.” She wouldn’t let him see her fear. Please help me, God. Don’t let him take Daniel.
“Will you marry me?”
Blair wanted to laugh. Or cry. Something. Her eyes studied him, shocked by his quiet words. “Marry you? Why, for goodness sake?”
He looked innocent enough, his hands hanging at his sides, his feet crossed at the ankles as he leaned against the workbench in his natty designer clothes. Blair knew the pose was a disguise to conceal his thoughts. What was he planning?
“Why? Hmm.” He frowned for a few minutes, then smiled at her, his eyes lighting up in the teasing glint she’d almost forgotten. “To keep a promise I made once, over six years ago.”
“What promise?” She kept her gaze trained on him, refusing to fall for the diversion. “You never actually proposed. I did that, I think. You said okay.” She looked away from his eyes, noticed the wax hardening on the floor. She bent to scrape it off the tiles, glad to avoid the speculation in his curious stare as the heat of a blush burned her cheeks.
“Maybe I didn’t actually say the words, but I led you to believe that’s what I wanted, too. Now it’s pay-up time. So will you please marry me?” He waited till she’d straightened, then held out a black velvet box, and when Blair didn’t take it, snapped it open to reveal a glittering marquise diamond set on a narrow gold band.
“Please, Blair?”
Blair’s breath got tangled up in her throat, and she couldn’t draw fresh air into her lungs. She stared at the gorgeous ring and wondered how he’d known she had always loved that particular setting. It wasn’t what he’d chosen last time.
“I’m building a house, a home. That’s why I bought that land from your grandfather. I’d planned to move here anyway. I’m leaving Los Angeles. For a while, at least.”
“Why?” Her voiced croaked, her disbelief echoing around the room.
Gabe shrugged, but she could see him closing up against her probing, hiding his thoughts away, just as he’d always done. “Because I need to regroup, get a new game plan, figure out where I’m going from here.”
She snickered, tossing the lump of misshapen wax into the garbage. “Yeah, right! You’ve always known that, Gabriel. Straight to the top. Business first. The biggest, the best, the brightest. That’s always been your focus.”
“It was,” he admitted quietly. “But lately, it just doesn’t mean as much. I feel like I’m missing something.”
“So by marrying me, latching onto my son, you’ll fill in some piece of your life that you didn’t know existed seven years ago?” She shook her head, her ponytail flopping from side to side. “I don’t think so. Thanks anyway, but we don’t need your pity.”
“It isn’t like that.” He sighed, leaning his narrow hips against her counter. He set the ring on the workbench as if it didn’t matter a whit to him whether it got lost in the wax kettle or not. “Besides, he’s my son, too. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
There was something in his voice, some plaintive yearning that made her stop fiddling with the wax and look at him.
“Would you have believed me?” she murmured. She could have wept at the hurt that darkened his eyes and made his lips pinch together. But it couldn’t stop the questions.
“Can you guarantee that you wouldn’t have tried to take him away or talk me into giving him up for adoption?” She made herself continue in spite of the torture contorting his handsome features. “You said you never wanted a child.”
“That was before I knew, before I realized….” He stopped, brushed a hand across his eyes, scuffed a polished toe against the floor. “Maybe I’m just not saying this right.”
Unreasoning anger flooded her.
“You’ve said everything you need to say. You’ve done your duty, Gabe. Don’t worry, I’ll tell Mac you offered. But no, I won’t marry you so you can try out your hand at playing father.” She saw his mouth tighten and hurried on.
“Daniel is the most important thing in the world to me. I love him, and I won’t let you hurt him. You don’t want a gold digger for a wife, or the encumbrance of a child in your life. Remember?”
When he winced at the repetition of his own words, Blair felt a stab of shame. But she wouldn’t take them back. Daniel was too important to be used as a pawn, no matter how much she’d once cared for this man. She would not weaken, wouldn’t let him see that she’d never given up the dream of a husband, and a home where she was the most important person in her husband’s world.
“You’re turning this around, Blair. Making it ugly. And that’s not what I’m saying. I want us to be a…a family.”
“Why?” She pressed him for an answer, knowing he wouldn’t have one. Gabriel Sloan had never wanted any encumbrances in his solitary life. Things couldn’t have changed that much.
“Because he’s my son and I owe it to him,” he said, exploding, mouth tight, eyes hard as emeralds. “And because you’re his mother and I owe you, too. I should never have…never mind that.” His cheeks darkened.
So he felt guilty for that one night of indiscretion? Blair smiled bitterly. Well, it was as good a reason as any to suggest marriage, she supposed. It just wasn’t her reason, not the one she’d dreamed of, anyway. Not when she remembered her grandparents’ marriage, and from what Mac said, her parents had been happy, too.
“So tell me, Gabe, just how would this marriage work?” She’d string him along, pretend she would go along with it. For a while. It would be interesting to note just how far the great Gabriel Sloan was willing to go with this experiment at nobility.
But in the end she would turn him down cold. Daniel was her son, and she intended him to feel the love in his life. Gabe didn’t believe in love, and she couldn’t forget that.
“Blair?”
She glanced up, then at his hand on her arm. Though he moved it immediately, Blair was only too aware of his touch and her reaction to it. How could she still feel this way? Especially now.
“I want the very best for Daniel,” she began, trying to focus the conversation and direct it where she wanted it to go. “I know how much he’s wanted a father. Especially lately. He keeps asking me about you, where you are, what you do, what you’re like.”
Gabe’s face whitened. “He knows I’m his father?” His eyes were huge, his hands tight with tension as they clenched and unclenched at his side. “What have you told him?”
“He doesn’t know you are his father.” Blair fiddled with a tray of glitter that would accent the Christmas candles. “He doesn’t know anything about his father. I’ve never said a thing.”
“Then how—”
“They’ve been doing a series of projects at school about families.” Blair shrugged at his frown. “This is a little community. Daniel knows the families of the kids in his class. He’s seen two parents, a happy home, siblings. Some of the kids like to brag about their fathers.” She shrugged. “I don’t suppose his teacher thought of him as any different when they started on their family study unit.”
“Which is exactly the scene you always wanted,” Gabe muttered, peering at her. “Your ideal was always this happy home scenario, wasn’t it? I can still hear you talking about how wonderful families were. I thought it was just a line.”
And I can still feel how much you didn’t want that. Blair searched for some underlying meaning to his words, but could find nothing to show he was goading her.
“Yes, well, we all have to grow up sometime. That isn’t going to happen for me. I’ve got Mac, Willie, Albert and Daniel to look after. I’ve learned to deal with my reality. The truth is, raising a child takes a lot out of you. I’m not sure I could handle any more of them.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier if there were two of us parenting? I could take over sometimes when you needed a break. Or vice versa. We could share our son.”
It felt funny to hear him call Daniel that. And yet, Gabe was his father. He owed Daniel.
“We don’t have to be married for you to be involved in his life,” she offered, turning her back as she clicked off the switch controlling the wax warmer and began boxing already completed sets of candles. Surely she couldn’t mess that up. “If you’re so determined to stay here, fine. Build your house. Live in it. You can see Daniel, be around for him. But his home will always be with me.”
“Why are you so dead set against marriage? Once you would have jumped at the chance.” He stood opposite her, his hands mimicking her movements as he, too, boxed candles.
“I’m not against marriage, when it happens for the right reasons. You’re mixing those reasons up just like you’re mixing these orders up. You don’t know the formula.” She quickly redid the boxes he’d finished.
She wouldn’t give in to the anger, wouldn’t talk about the burn of distrust inside that still, after all these years, ate away at her. Let him think what he liked, she wasn’t going to drag herself through it all again. She’d learned her lesson, learned it well.
Forgive and forget, Mac said. Very well. It had cost her dearly, but she’d forgiven Gabe. She had! But Blair Delaney wasn’t so stupid that she would ever forget the shame or the sense of betrayal he’d left her with. Not ever.
Gabe stood, staring at her with an odd questioning look.
“Sorry. Did you say something?”
“The formula for marriage?” A twisted smile tugged at his mouth. “You always did bring chemistry into everything.”
His wink reminded her of the past they’d once shared. A past she didn’t want to remember. She shook it off like a nasty pest and focused on his next words.
“What reason could be more right than providing a home for a child?” His voice remained calmly reasonable.
Blair sighed, then turned and walked toward her office. She wasn’t going to get anything done as long as he was here. At least she could sit down for a moment, even if she couldn’t relax.
One glance told her that Gabe had followed. He folded himself onto one of her small, ratty chairs and tilted back, his eyes intent on her.
“I know women grow up with this fairy-tale idea about weddings and marriage. Fine, you can have all the white lace and orange blossoms you want. I’ll even hire a white charger if that will help. But the bottom line is that I intend to be a father to my son, Blair.”
Blair studied him with narrowed eyes, her fingers knotting in her lap, where he couldn’t see them.
“It would only be a temporary father,” she argued angrily. “As soon as somebody from your office calls, you’ll go trailing back. And Daniel will be left behind, wondering why you don’t call him or take him to his soccer games. I’m not allowing that.” She held his gaze, daring him to say what she saw glinting in the depths of his eyes.
“The thing is, you can’t stop it, Blair. I am going to have my son.”
His mouth clamped in that implacable line she remembered so well. The emphasis was unmistakable. Blair could see the tiny white lines radiating from his lips and knew he meant business. Oh, God, please make this stop!
He leaned over and wrapped his fingers around hers, holding her hand carefully in his. Blair felt herself drawn by his eyes. Something glinted there, some shred of desolate rejection that she knew involved his past.
“I just want to spend some time with him, Blair. Is that so wrong?” His voice softened, cajoled. “You’ve had almost six years with him. I haven’t had six minutes.”
There was no condemnation in his eyes, but Blair felt guilty anyway. She’d deprived Gabe of seeing Daniel’s first smile, his first step, of hearing his first word. Little joys that parents should have shared. He’d been robbed of them.
“I don’t want to take him away, Blair. Please believe that I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to put the past behind us and make something good for the future. Something for Daniel.”
She tugged, and he let go of her hand, but stayed leaning across her desk, his face serious.
“Please? I don’t want people gossiping about his parents, or the fact that we aren’t married. I don’t want him teased, mocked, ostracized. You said it yourself, it’s a small town.” He looked triumphant at having found this bit of wisdom to use against her. “Surely you wouldn’t do that to an innocent child?”
Blair refused to trust in those softly spoken words. She’d trusted his honest intentions once before, and he’d disappointed her deeply. She wouldn’t go that route again. Instead she cut to the truth of the matter.
“You’re not in love with me, Gabe. You never were.” She stated the facts baldly, ensuring that he knew she’d accepted the truth about their relationship.
“Wasn’t I?” He shook his head, his eyes hooded, shading his thoughts. “I don’t know what love is. I was infatuated with you, that’s for sure. For a while you made me believe things I’d never thought possible, sort of like a Tinkerbell in disguise.” He grimaced at those words and tried again.
“I mean, well, I guess I felt more alive when you came into my life. I haven’t felt that in a long time, Blair.”
It was an honest admission that she hadn’t expected. But she couldn’t allow it to sway her. Not now, not with Daniel to think about.
“That’s nice of you to say, Gabe. But I don’t want to base my son’s future, my future, on something you might have felt a long time ago. It wouldn’t be practical.”
He leaned back, his mouth tipped in a frown as he studied her. “When did you become so practical?”
She smiled, letting the sarcasm tinge her words. “A little over six years ago,” she murmured, then felt ashamed as a flush covered his cheekbones. “I’ve had to be practical. Otherwise my family and I wouldn’t have survived.”
Gabe jumped to his feet, shoved his hands in his pockets and strode across the room and back. He stopped right beside her.
“Look, I know I messed up. I was a jerk, an idiot, a creep. You can call me whatever you want and feel totally justified. But I didn’t know about Daniel! Now that I do, I want to try to make things right.”
Blair sighed, more weary than she’d been in months.
“You couldn’t just jet back to L.A., back to your company and your life there? You couldn’t just forget about him?” She breathed out the wish with a hope and a prayer, knowing as she did that it was futile.
Silence reigned. She glanced up curiously and found him staring at her, his jaw clenched, his eyes roiling with anger.
“Could you do that? I’m not my father, Blair. I’m not going to ignore my son, dump him in his room and forget him there. I know firsthand what that kind of life is like.”
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say.
Gabriel Sloan had never shared his past with her, never allowed her to see into his childish hurts and disappointments. Oh, she’d had a few hints here and there, had known his adolescence had been less than perfect.
But this sounded like abandonment. Was that why he was so anxious to build a relationship with Daniel?
“I can’t see how it would work.” She fiddled with the pens jammed into the tin-can penholder Daniel had given her last Christmas. “I have to take care of my grandfather and my great-aunt. I can’t just leave them to fend for themselves. They’re old, they need me. Albert, too.”
“So we’ll include them.” Gabriel’s simple statement shocked her into silence. “It could work, I know it could. We’ll make the house bigger, include a place for them in our family. I’ve never had a grandfather or any aunts.”
“Gabriel, you’ve always lived alone. You don’t know what it’s like to have people around you all the time.” Blair almost laughed at the idea of it. “Daniel isn’t going to go away just because you’re thinking up a new computer gizmo. He’s a child. When he wants attention, he wants it now.”
A thousand problems filled her mind, and yet she didn’t voice them. She couldn’t. Not when she saw the shimmer of hope that transformed his face into boyish eagerness.
“I’m not involved with any project. I hire people for that. Polytech almost runs itself now. Besides, that guy, Albert, is working on this neat idea. I checked it out yesterday. It sounds crazy, but I have a hunch….” Gabe’s thumb rubbed his chin, his mind consumed with a new problem.
Blair smiled, remembering the habit from the old days. How many times had he taken her for dinner and started talking about his work, only to end up scratching diagrams on napkins and completely forgetting his surroundings?
“Gabe?” He turned from his perusal out her window, his eyes far away. “This is exactly what I mean. Just when you’re in the middle of something, Daniel will come and ask you to play. Or Mac will need help with something. Or Willie will burst into your room and relay some insight that sends everything else out of your brain. This isn’t your L.A. condo. You won’t be able to get into your jet and take off to some spa in the valley whenever you want. Parenthood is a full-time occupation.”
He smiled, a huge, ear-splitting grin that begged her to share his exhilaration. “I know I’ll have to make some adjustments.” He rubbed his palms together as if he could hardly wait. “But I’ll get used to it.”
Blair scrambled for another route to dissuade him, frantically searching her brain. It was obvious Gabe was considering the idea of a family. She’d never have guessed that, and the knowledge made her question what other facets she’d missed in this complicated man.
“What would you expect from me? I mean, I’ve never been married, but I know I don’t want to do it more than once. I couldn’t do that to Daniel.” She risked a glimpse at his face. “After all, we’re not in love or anything. It wouldn’t be the usual marriage.”
Blair rearranged the items on the top of her desk again, her mind veering from the question she most wanted to ask.
“Blair?” He stood beside the desk, his hand stretched toward her. “Stop babbling and come here.”
Blair looked at the floor, at her scuffed boots, at the messy desk, at her ragged fingernails. She looked everywhere she could until, finally, she looked at him. Then she slipped her hand into his and allowed him to draw her near him. Gabe’s other hand clasped hers as he looked deeply into her eyes.
“It’s not just Daniel I want,” he murmured, his voice rippling over her taut nerves. “I think…I want all of it.” He swallowed hard, his chest bulging as he took a deep breath.
“All of what?” She couldn’t believe she was hearing this.
“I’d like the chance to find out what being a family means. I’m thirty-five, Blair. I know for sure what I don’t want, and I think I know what I want. I’m willing—no, excited about making us into a family, including your grandfather, your aunt, even Albert. The more the merrier, as far as I’m concerned. I never had that, and I’d like to experience it. I’d like to prove that I’m not the selfish, egocentric swine my father was.”
“But—” His fingers brushed over her lips, and Blair immediately ceased speaking. This was important. She had to hear what he was about to say. His voice was faint, hesitant.
