Her Only Chance

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After a second or two, Kell said, “She’s fine. All safe at home after visiting her husband.”

“Her husband?” Jamie was shocked. What he did and who he saw were really none of her business. But considering she had the home field advantage with him—meaning, she’d known him since he was a kid—she could be judgmental. “Kellan Chance, you’re seeing a married woman? What would your mother say?”

“Nothing, because there’s nothing to say. Melanie, just like her husband, Jeff, is a good friend of mine.” Kell chuckled. “Not that I owe you an explanation, but I was just seeing her home after an overseas flight.”

A bit embarrassed, Jamie tried to keep the moment. “Oh, a world traveler, huh? Must be fun.”

“Not this trip.” Kell’s voice was dark. “Jeff was…injured and is in the military hospital in Frankfurt, Germany. Melanie had been over there with him. So when she flew back home, I offered to pick her up. It’s the least I could do.”

They were friends. Just friends. Jamie’s heart soared. Kellan didn’t have someone else, and he wasn’t over her. She knew this because he’d just gone to great lengths to explain things to her. “That was nice of you to help out a friend,” she finally said. “So how’s her husband? Is he going to be okay?”

Kell didn’t say anything at first. After a few moments, he said, “Jeff will be fine. Melanie wouldn’t have come back otherwise.” She heard him let out a loud breath. “Listen, Jamie, I really called to apologize to you for what a jerk I was at the airport yesterday.”

She couldn’t believe her ears. “What’s this? An apology from the Kellan Chance?”

He chuckled. “Knock it off. I’m trying to be nice here.”

“Wow. Now I’m worried. I must be dying and no one’s told me. I mean, an apology and an attempt to be nice—all in the same conversation?”

“People change, you know. You probably wouldn’t recognize a lot of things about me now.”

Jamie tensed, again assailed with the same fear that had gripped her when Dr. Hampton had asked her what she’d do if Kell ever changed. Suddenly claustrophobic, she searched for something innocuous to say. “So, were you and your friend Jeff on some mission when he was injured?”

“You know I can’t say if I was there or even if it was a mission.”

Which meant it had been and Kell had been there. Still, something in his voice, a sadness or a hardness, she didn’t know which, made Jamie ask, “Kellan, are you all right?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.” Now that she thought about it, yesterday he’d looked thinner. His handsome face had been all taut angular lines. And he’d walked stiffly, too, maybe a bit slower. Then, because he was so somber, so different, and because she was worried about him, Jamie reverted to familiar ground. “So, are you still Mr. Important out at MacDill?”

That earned her another chuckle…a sound she knew well and loved, one that had her stroking the mouthpiece in her hand, as if by doing so she could feel Kell’s strong jaw or his clean-shaven cheek. “Ironically,” he said, “I’m even more so now, it turns out. And how about you, Dr. Winslow? I’m really proud of you—not that you could tell yesterday by my behavior at the airport.”

“Forget that, Kell. We were both pretty immature. The shock of seeing each other, I guess. I’m over it.”

“Well, good. But I’m still sorry. So, are you going into private practice?”

Jamie exhaled in frustration. When would she ever be able to tell anyone the truth? “No. Not exactly. Why? Are you in need of a therapist?”

“Surprisingly, yes. It’s been suggested.”

Jamie laughed. “I bet it has.” But she already knew that the men of the Special Forces units regularly undergo psychological testing and evaluation because of the nature of their jobs.

“So, Jamie, how come there’s no new man in your life?”

Well, that touched a very old and deep wound between them. But his voice hadn’t sounded anything but conversationally friendly…maybe. “Now, how do you know there isn’t? I could just be going by my maiden name, you know.”

“That’s true.”

He didn’t believe her in the least. Mainly, she decided, because he knew her too well. After all, he was the man she’d twice left standing alone. There it was—the old commitment thing. Jamie smiled wistfully. “I can’t pull anything over on you, can I?”

“No. Afraid not.”

After that, the conversation seemed to drag. Jamie couldn’t think of a thing to say. And all Kellan did was breathe…and perhaps wait for her to say something. She wondered why he’d called, where this was going. “Are you married, Kellan?” she suddenly blurted.

“Oh, hell no. You broke me of wanting that. Ever.”

Well, if she thought the conversation had lagged before…

“Look, Jamie,” Kellan suddenly said, “you want to get a drink or something right now? Maybe ride to the beach, if you don’t have plans?”

He was asking her out? “No, I don’t.”

“You don’t what—have plans or want to?”

He was so direct. And giving her the opening she needed to speed up the closure Dr. Hampton so obnoxiously insisted on. Jamie moistened her lips. She couldn’t think how to respond. It suddenly seemed cheap to use him like this. Especially when he was down and a little vulnerable. But wasn’t that the perfect mood for him to be in for her to achieve her goal? Well, that sounds perfectly noble, Dr. Jamie Lynn Winslow.

“Hello? Jamie?”

Jamie started, as if only then realizing she held a cordless phone to her ear. “Oh, I’m sorry, Kell. You just surprised me, that’s all.”

“I didn’t mean to. But what do you say?”

He sounded as if he really needed to talk to her. This was so scary and so unlike Kellan. Jamie’s chest constricted. Why was she so good at this with patients but terrible at it in her own life? “No, Kell. I…can’t go with you. I’d like to. But I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” His voice betrayed nothing.

Helplessness ate at her. She didn’t want to turn him down. She wanted to go, but she feared it was for the wrong reason. For her reason. And not his. If he was really down, then he deserved honesty and sincerity. Not her self-serving motivations. “I just can’t. I’m really sorry, Kellan.”

His silence told her he clearly hadn’t expected that response. Just as she was about to change her mind, he said, “All right. If you can’t, you can’t. Sorry I bothered you, Jamie. I shouldn’t have called. I guess I just let the past get in my way there for a minute. It was nice seeing you yesterday. I was just hoping—well, never mind. It won’t happen again. Goodbye.”

Jamie started to protest…but the line went dead.

3

THE HOLLOW SOUND of a dial tone assaulted Jamie’s ear. Hating herself, she hit the off button, and tossed the cordless set onto her overstuffed sofa. She followed it, plopping down on the poofy cushions. “Jamie Lynn, why didn’t you go?” she asked herself. “Because I—”

The phone rang again.

Startled, her pulse racing, Jamie searched the cushions for the receiver. And came up with it on the fourth ring. “Hello? Kellan? I’m sorry. I—”

“Jamie? This is Dr. Hampton. Are you all right? You sound breathless.”

“Dr. Hampton? Oh, hi. No, I’m fine.” Acute disappointment ate at her. It wasn’t Kellan. Of course it wasn’t Kellan. Why would he subject himself to further rejection? “Did I forget a session?”

“No, no. We need to schedule one, if you’ll remember. I told you I’d call you the first of the week. Remember? And this is Monday, Jamie.”

“I know what day of the week it is, Dr. Hampton. I am firmly oriented as to day and time.”

“Of course you are, Jamie.”

That’s when it hit her. He was right—this was Monday. Why wasn’t Kellan at the base? How could he be free to ride to the beach on a Monday? That didn’t make sense. He never took time off. Jamie frowned. Something was wrong with Kellan.

“Jamie?”

“Oh, sorry, Dr. Hampton. I’m right here. When did you want to see me?”

“That depends on you. Have you had an opportunity to speak with Mr. Chance?”

“Sort of.” When Dr. Hampton didn’t say anything—it was like being back in his office—Jamie rushed to explain. “I mean I had a chance—no pun intended—encounter with him yesterday at the airport. And he just called me a few moments ago.”

“Oh. That explains why you thought I was Kellan.”

Caught red-handed. “Yes, sorry. But the conversation between us didn’t go well. As usual.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I guess we couldn’t expect it to be smooth sailing right out of the chute.”

Jamie frowned. A mixed metaphor from Dr. Hampton? It really was Monday. “No. I guess not.”

“May I ask why it didn’t go well?”

“Sure. You’re the guy with the license.” She had to wonder why she was always on the defensive with Dr. Hampton.

“You’re being defensive, Jamie.”

She exhaled sharply. The man missed nothing. “I know. I can’t seem to be any other way with you.”

“Just relax and let me help. So, I guess we’d better set up an appointment. How is Thursday afternoon at three, shall we say?”

As if she had any plans. “Fine.”

“Good. That gives you another three days to talk to Mr. Chance. In the meantime, give some thought to a specific plan. Be proactive in this. Set some goals so you’ll know if you’re making progress. I think that will help you.” Dr. Hampton paused. When he spoke again, his voice held a different tone, that of a friend…or a father. “I wouldn’t ask you to do this, Jamie, if it weren’t important. I might be your therapist, but I also like you very much. You’re a wonderful young woman with a bright future. I have been proud to call you my student…and now, hopefully, my colleague and friend.”

Tears clogged her throat. She’d never seen this side of Dr. Hampton before. “Thank you,” she managed to sniff out.

“You’re welcome.” Then, he turned professional again. “Well, then. Does meeting with Mr. Chance remain something you’re comfortable doing?”

No. “Yes. But you know, he seems sort of down about something, Dr. Hampton. I don’t want to use him for my purposes, if he’s really vulnerable right now.”

“That’s very admirable, Jamie. But you wouldn’t be using him if you were sincerely listening to him and being his friend. In fact, why don’t you strive for that, for just being his friend? You might be able to help him. After all, you are a trained professional, as the joke goes, so you can try this at home. Come up with a non-threatening situation for your first meeting. Maybe a ride to the beach?”

“Well, that’s already been discussed. Apparently, I should be listening. Anyway, thank you for your advice. I’ll be Kell’s friend, and I’ll see you Thursday at three.”

“I look forward to it.”

“Me, too. Bye, Dr. Hampton.” Jamie hit the off button again and just sat there, the phone in her lap, staring into space.

She’d just blown Kell off and now she had to reestablish contact with him. Fine. But on my terms, not his. That was why she’d refused him when he’d called, she told herself. She hadn’t been comfortable with the scenario. His car. His money paying for their drinks—he would have insisted on that. Kellan calling the shots. The balance of power would have been all wrong. She needed it to be on her side when she talked to him about closure. Her closure. Not his.

Jamie frowned. Now, that sounded terribly selfish. It brought back Kell’s remark yesterday about her thinking everything was about her, and that bothered her. Maybe the problem was she spent too much time considering every motive behind every act that every person ever made. Well, hadn’t she just spent the last ten years training to do exactly that? So why should she beat herself up about being true to her profession? Alleged profession, if I don’t find closure. So there it was. Maybe she was trying too hard. Maybe she just needed to lighten up and concentrate on other people. Wasn’t that what her profession was all about, anyway? Helping others?

But she knew that she had to be okay with herself first before she could be of any help to others. She couldn’t be like the dentist with bad teeth. Or the beautician with awful hair. She had to be the therapist with her head—teeth, hair and all—on straight. And that meant…she had to deal with Kellan Chance. Just his name made her shiver with wanting. It was so masculine, so strong. Gaelic for warrior. Jamie put a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. “Oh, man. What have I got myself into?”