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“I just don’t see any help for it, Lieutenant Commander,” General Halter was saying. “Your medical condition requires me to assign you thirty days R and R while we make a further review of the incident. While you’re on the mend, you’re free to come and go as you please. But I’d like you to stay in Tampa and make yourself available to the investigators.”
“Yes, sir. Of course, sir.” No one had to tell Kell what his commanding officer meant by thirty days of rest and relaxation. He had, in essence, just been relieved of his command, wounded or not. Dressed in his battle fatigues in front of General Halter’s desk in the Special Operations Command headquarters building on MacDill Air Force Base, Kell knew he’d messed up. He’d been in charge of a mission in Eastern Europe that had gone sour.
It was the worst possible outcome. They’d been detected, had a face-to-face with the opposition, and in the ensuing fight, some of his men had suffered injuries. In fact, Jeff Camden, his second-in-command and Kell’s best friend, was still in the hospital in Frankfurt, Germany. Guilt ate at Kell. Still, he refused to blame the bad intelligence he’d received regarding their target. He had no one but him to blame. That was the way it worked. He knew the risks and had always accepted them. With rank came responsibility. He’d danced to the music, and now it was time to pay the piper. Hopefully, the price would not be his career. That loss of honor would be unthinkable.
“At ease, Commander. This isn’t an inquisition.”
“Yes, sir.” No less tense, Kell did as ordered. He stood straight, his hands clasped behind his back, his gaze riveted to a point on the opposite wall.
“Look, Kell, why don’t you sit down and let’s talk, man to man?”
Kell blinked at the general’s familiar use of his name. He cut his gaze over to the tall, lanky man, who suddenly appeared to look a little haggard. “Yes, sir. After you, sir.”
The general nodded and sat down, gesturing to the upholstered leather chair on the other side of the desk.
With measured precision and a few sharp moves worthy of a military parade…as if to show the general that the sutured and bandaged cut on his thigh didn’t bother him…Kell sat, holding his Special Ops beret in his hand while he awaited the general’s next words. He tried to convince himself that his heart wasn’t about to thump out of his chest.
The general sat forward, resting his elbows atop his desk and tenting his fingers together. “All right, here’s the thing. How old are you?”
Startled, Kell almost dropped his precise military bearing. “I’m thirty-two, sir.”
“Thirty-two. And you’re a lieutenant commander. I’ve always believed that only in our profession and in professional athletics is thirty-two getting up there in age. Most of our field officers are still in their twenties.”
Kell knew instantly where this was going. A desk job. His chest tightened around his heart, which felt as if it were expanding. “Begging the general’s pardon, sir, but I’m as fit as any man in my—”
“Yes, you are, even despite your injury. And you’re a fine commander. Your men are extremely loyal to you, and your superiors sing your praises, me among them. You’re also a highly decorated officer with more successful missions under your belt than anyone else. No one doubts your dedication, son.”
Until this last mission. It was unspoken between them. As the general talked, Kell’s jaw got tighter and tighter.
“It’s time for a change, Kell. I know how you feel about a desk job. But you have to admit this isn’t any ordinary office. You know what SOCOM is—a mixed-branch military nerve center where the strategy is done for the four services, where the missions originate. And it’s a tremendous responsibility. I feel we need someone like you in-house. No one knows Special Ops like you. And, of course, there’s a promotion in this.”
Kell sat rigid. The only thing worse would be to get assigned to the Pentagon—it was considered a graveyard for commanders. However, the one-foot-in-the-grave assignment was the desk job. Which he’d just been handed. A dead end. The last of the line. Kicked off the team for a lack of performance. Total loss of respect, of self-esteem. And there wasn’t one damn thing he could do about it, except say, “Thank you, sir. I’m honored, sir.”
“Like hell you are, Commander. I wasn’t when I got these stars—” he pointed to the insignia of his rank on his shoulders “—and this corner office. I thought my military life was over, that I was washed up. I couldn’t have been more wrong. And neither can you. This isn’t punishment, Kell. But it will seem like it when you’re sitting here safely, knowing you’re putting young men out in the field in jeopardy. You’re going to fret like you’re their daddy. And you’ll find you’re extremely careful of every detail so none of them gets hurt. That’s what I want from you. In one way, having you here is a way of making sure that what happened to you and your men will never happen again.”
Kell met his commanding officer’s steel-gray eyes. The general was referring to the intelligence officer who’d been relieved of command after Kell’s latest mission had failed. But Kell couldn’t help thinking that the general also meant that if Kell was sitting here at a desk, he couldn’t lead any other men into a trap. He swallowed, knowing the general was awaiting some comment from him. He stood up, coming again to attention. General Halter followed suit. Kell met the older man’s gaze. “Thank you, sir. Will that be all, sir?”
The general looked Kell up and down, narrowing his eyes assessingly. “You’re a fine man and a fine officer, Commander Chance. It’s just time for a change, for a move up the chain of command. It will be an honor to have you in the building and to work with you directly.”
Like the general had said—it sure as hell didn’t feel like an honor. Still, Kell put his beret back on, carefully adjusting it to the perfect angle. Then he saluted the general. “Thank you, sir. I look forward to the opportunity to serve you and my country in my new capacity.”
The general nodded and returned Kell’s salute.
Guilt ate at Kell. He’d gone too far one time too many. He’d asked too much from his men, and they’d almost paid the price with their lives—and all at his command. Maybe the general was right. Maybe he was getting too old for this. Maybe it was time to quit gambling, something his parents had never learned. Maybe it was time for a desk, time for change. No more risks.
Like hell it was. A bit of the fire in Kell’s belly went out. Who was he kidding? He didn’t believe any of that. He was Kellan Chance. A warrior. It was too bad his mother and father had just left after coming to see about him. He could have asked them what the Gaelic term for desk jockey was. Thank God they’d returned to New Orleans before he’d been put out to pasture. That wasn’t something he wanted them to know right off. But he’d better get used to the idea, he told himself. Because apparently he was going to have to live it.
He was also going to have to find a way to avoid losing face with his risk-taking brothers. Or himself.
THREE DAYS and as many doctoral-degree celebrations later, Jamie sat with Donna in the sun-splashed Tampa International Airport. True to Winslow form, the three of them—Jamie, her sister and their mother—had arrived chronically early for the flight that would take Jamie’s family back to New Orleans. So, with time to kill, their mother had wandered into a glass-fronted bookstore in search of the latest thriller to read during the flight.
That left Jamie and Donna to chat as they camped out with the carry-on luggage at one of the upscale coffee bars in the terminal. But even with all the traffic around them, all heads turned their way when Donna squealed, “You have got to be kidding—”
“Shh.” Jamie immediately leaned across the table. “Mom and half of Tampa will hear you.”
Donna’s blue eyes danced with delicious intrigue as she, too, leaned forward, speaking in a lowered voice. “Mom’s over there in that bookstore. She can’t hear us.”
“Ha. The woman can hear through walls. We’re talking about Mom here, Donna.” Jamie sipped the last of her coffee.
“Like heck we are. We’re talking about Kellan Chance. I was right, wasn’t I? You’re going to have to confront him.” Triumphant, Donna sat back. “Damn. I’m good.”
Jamie wondered what her sister would say once she could finally tell her about the book deal. “Yes, you are. But I knew it would all be about Kell, if you’ll remember.”
“Yes, you knew.” Donna turned serious. “But I’m worried about you, little sister. You walked away from that man and a church full of people on your wedding day eight years ago. And then you broke up with him again last year. And now these psycho professors of yours want you to see him again?” Donna sipped her coffee and eyed Jamie over the cup’s rim. “Have they lost their collective minds, playing Cupid like this? Kell is not going to be amused.”
“They’re not playing Cupid. They say I need closure. Can’t you just hear me telling someone as practical-minded as Kellan Chance that we need closure? He’s going to think I’m crazy.”
“Well, add my name to that list,” Donna said. “I’ve thought you were nuts ever since you ditched him right out of college.”
Jamie let out a guilty breath. “Will you quit saying I ditched him? I didn’t ditch him. I had…issues.”
“Issues? Such as…?”
“It’s not obvious? The way he plays with life and limb, Donna. I mean, come on, he’s thirty-two now. When do these Chance boys get over it?”
As if suddenly too warm, Donna fanned herself with her hand and sent her sister an arch expression. “They’re hardly boys, honey. Whew. Kell and his brothers are men to the nth degree. Wow.” Then she popped forward in her seat. “Wait a minute. You knew that Kell hadn’t changed a couple of years ago when y’all got back together. Shoot, we expected you two to finally get married then. But you took off on him again. So, what’s really going on here, Jamie? There’s something else, isn’t there?”
Jamie exhaled and toyed with her now empty paper cup. There was something going on. She just wished she knew what it was. It wasn’t a commitment thing. She’d committed to many things…although none of them had been men.
“Sweetie? Out loud.”
Jamie blinked and stared at her sister. “Oh. Sorry.” Suddenly she wished she and Donna lived a little closer. There was no one better to confide in. Donna was a counselor herself, a committed wife to Wayne and a wonderful mother to Jamie’s niece and nephew, Cindy and Bret. In other words, she was stable. But Donna was also someone who would be totally on Jamie’s side, someone who had the same parents, the same experiences, and who could tell her how to get past this closure/commitment hang-up of hers.
Feeling a rush of warmth for her sister, Jamie leaned forward, fully prepared to spill everything that was going on with her—including the book deal. Until she glanced over her sister’s shoulder. Then Jamie sat up stiffly, her mouth open, her eyes wide.
Donna pivoted in her seat and a starkly silent moment passed. Then, Donna, still looking over her shoulder, intoned, “Oh…my…God.” She jerked back around to face Jamie. “Is that who I think it is with Mother?”
Jamie nodded and finally remembered to breathe. Kellan Chance was walking their way. He was almost upon them…with her mother in tow. And that wasn’t all. Latched on to his arm was a stunningly beautiful woman who smiled warmly up at him.
KELL GLANCED DOWN at Melanie, who clung tiredly to his arm. Her flight from Germany, not to mention the long hours she’d spent at her husband’s bedside, had to have been exhausting, but still she smiled up at him. Kell winked at her and then met Jamie’s gaze as they approached the table where she sat with her sister. Jamie’s expression reeked of uncertainty. For his part, though, Kell could hardly look at her without wanting her. His breath caught. His chest ached. Dammit, he wasn’t the least bit over her. Still, staunchly military in his bearing, despite his civilian clothes, and revealing nothing of his inner turmoil, Kell proceeded with his greetings. “Donna, Jamie,” he said, managing a sincere smile. “It’s good to see you.” His gaze came to rest on Jamie. “You look great.”
Some naked emotion flared in her eyes but was quickly gone, leaving Kell to wonder if he’d really seen it. But if Jamie had nothing to say, Donna wasn’t stuck for words. She got up immediately and came around the table toward him, her slender arms held out. “Kellan Chance, you great big hunk of good-looking man, come here and give me a hug. Excuse me.” That last was meant for Melanie, whom she neatly sidestepped as she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him hard.
Held that way, Kell could only submit with a grin. When Donna finally released him, he stepped back, glanced again at Jamie, who hadn’t moved except to tightly cross her arms and legs. All Kell wanted to do was sit down and memorize very nuance of her. He wanted, needed, to feel the heat from her body, smell the scent of her skin, hear her laugh, listen to her talk. But he couldn’t. He turned to Melanie. “Donna, Jamie, I’d like you to meet Melanie Camden. Melanie, I’ve known Donna and Jamie since I was a kid back in New Orleans.”
“That he has,” Mrs. Winslow chirped, her bright-eyed gaze and forced smile betraying her underlying nervousness. “Isn’t Melanie just the prettiest thing, girls?”
“Lovely,” Donna confirmed, arching a worried look at Jamie.
Fighting a grin, Kell silently applauded Jamie’s mother’s attempt at diplomacy. No doubt, she expected the same fireworks from her daughter that he and, obviously, Donna did. “Why, before I recognized Kellan, I couldn’t help thinking, ‘What a lovely couple.’ And well, I guess they still are. Don’t you think so, Jamie? Honey?”
Along with everyone else, Kell looked expectantly at Jamie. Finally, she got up and came around the table. “Yes, Mother, they’re very lovely.” Then, offering her hand to Melanie…as if a firing squad forced her to do so…she said, “Hi. I’m Jamie Winslow.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Jamie. It’s good to meet all of you.” Melanie retrieved her hand and brushed it through her sleek brunette hair. “Kell always speaks of New Orleans and his family and friends there. And looking at y’all, I can see it’s no wonder. All that rich mahogony hair and those blue yes. How striking. Louisiana must be missing three of its sharpest beauties.”
In Kell’s opinion, this just could not get any better. The three women, like everyone else from three to ninety who met Melanie Camden, softened and sighed, succumbing to her Atlanta-debutante charm that even out-Southerned theirs. You couldn’t hate the doe-eyed Melanie if you tried. Kell knew that Jeff, her husband and a Tom Cruise look-alike, counted him as the only man he could trust with his wife—but only in broad daylight and in a crowded airport. She was that breathtaking—and that upsetting to Jamie. Kell didn’t know if he felt good or bad about that.
“Are y’all just getting in? Or are you leaving?” Melanie asked, apparently feeling a need to fill the gap in the polite conversation that none of them were making.
Jamie, Kell noticed, studiously avoided looking at him as she answered. “My mother and sister were here for my graduation. They’re leaving today.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Why, I bet you hate to see them go,” Melanie sympathized. “But how nice for you…your graduation, I mean. What a happy time in any family. May I ask what degree you obtained?”
“She got her doctorate in clinical psychology,” Mrs. Winslow chimed in, as if anxious for an opportunity to praise her daughter. “We’re so proud of her. She’s a doctor now.”
Kell, tired of being ignored, reached out and took her hand in his, holding it tightly…even as that familiar fire traveled up his arm. “Congratulations, Dr. Winslow.” He looked her right in the eyes. “I know how much getting your degree means to you. In fact, I recall it was more important to you to get a degree in mental health than it was to practice it yourself.”
He’d left her no choice. Jamie bristled. That was what he wanted from her…an honest response. “I don’t practice mental health? How about you? Jumped out of any perfectly fine airplanes lately? While they’re in the air, I mean.”
In light of last week’s secret and disastrous events, Kell bristled right back. “As a matter of fact, I have. Just recently I jumped out of an airplane that was only barely adequate.”
“Oh, really, Captain Marvel? No parachute, either, I suppose?” She jerked her hand, trying to get it out of his grip. But Kellan wouldn’t let go, he couldn’t let go. Jamie’s face reddened. He knew that sign—her Irish was up. And he knew what would follow. An escalation in the cold war.
“You’re so full of yourself, Kellan Chance, you probably just floated to the ground on your own ego.”
“All right now, you two, that’s enough.” The sharp intervening warning came from Jamie’s mother. “Don’t you start up in front of Melanie here. Behave.” Then she turned to Melanie. “Think nothing of them, honey. They’ve known each other practically since the cradle and just fuss all the time.”
To Kell, Melanie looked shell-shocked. Jamie finally managed to pull her hand from Kell’s and touched Melanie’s arm. “I apologize, Melanie, for my rudeness. But if you’ll excuse us, I have to get Mother and Donna to their terminal. Their plane leaves in—”
“An hour. We have plenty of time…Dr. Winslow,” Donna said, cutting Jamie off and emphasizing doctor…as if reminding her to act her profession, if not her age.
Kell’s anger left him. He’d provoked Jamie and this scene. It was up to him to end it. He gripped Melanie’s elbow. “It was nice to see all of you. But I’m sure Melanie’s luggage is downstairs at baggage claim by now. If you’ll excuse us.”
Everyone—except Jamie, Kell noticed—called out goodbyes and nice-to-have-met-yous. As he walked away with Melanie, Kell thought he could still feel Jamie’s hand in his, as well as her gaze burning into his back. He wanted nothing more than to turn around, stalk back to her, grab her by the arms and kiss the hell out of her…for starters.
After a few more steps, Melanie broke the silence between them. “That’s her, isn’t it? She’s your lost love—the one whose name you’d never tell me.”
Suddenly defensive, Kell shrugged. “She might be.”
Melanie tsked. “Might be, nothing. She is, and you know it. I swear, Kellan Chance, if you don’t tell that woman you still love her, you are just going to pop.”
Kell’s jaw tightened. “Then I guess I’ll have to pop.”
“Oh, you men. You are so stubborn.”
Kell glanced down at Melanie’s beauty-queen face. Guilt shot through him. Her worry over her wounded husband, the exhaustion on her face, her long flight…all of that was his fault. He’d caused it, as much as did the hazards of belonging to Special Ops—or being married to it. Kell suffered the fleeting yet troubling realization that this woman’s life, lived essentially without her husband at home but always worrying about him, would have been Jamie’s, if the two of them had made it work that last time. This is what he would have been subjecting her to. How selfish was that? Kell blinked away his unsettling epiphany by grinning down at Melanie. “What about you women? You go around breaking our hearts all the time.”
Melanie demurred with a classic uptilted look at him through her long eyelashes. “Only as necessary. And always for a good reason.”
Kell laughed. Even more than Melanie’s beauty, he appreciated her for her warmth and wit…two of the same qualities he’d always admired in Jamie. “I’m in over my head with you, aren’t I?”
“I expect so.”
“You do know that Jamie thought you and I are together, don’t you?”
“Well, we are together. But I know in what sense you mean.”
“And you were content to let her think it, weren’t you?”
Melanie raised her chin, à la Scarlet O’Hara. “As were you. But from what I just saw in that woman’s eyes when she looked at you, this isn’t the last you’ve seen of her. Now, what do you think of that?”
Kell couldn’t deny the leap his heart took at such an idea. But out loud he quipped, “Frankly, my dear, I think I don’t give a damn.”
THE NEXT DAY, Jamie flopped impatiently around her high-rise apartment, dressed only in shorts and a T-shirt. Nothing felt right. Even the brilliant Florida sunshine, sparkling off the blue water of the bay outside her balcony’s sliding-glass doors, couldn’t cheer her.
That’s what she got for setting up the next two weeks as her downtime before beginning the arduous task of trying to make a glitzy bestseller out of her doctoral thesis. She’d known this time would be all she’d have to herself for a while and had looked forward to the freedom. But now the days seemed ominous, as if each passing second was stretched taut and yet frighteningly short. All because of Kell.
Standing now at the closed glass doors, her arms crossed, Jamie watched a jogger slowly progressing along the same stretch of sidewalk that she and Donna had run. And decided she’d never felt more alone. She tried to tell herself that what she was experiencing was simply the normal letdown following the excitement of graduation. After all, her academic life, for the most part, was now over. That was good, she supposed.
And then there was Mom and Donna. She’d really enjoyed their visit, just the three of them, girlfriending it all around Tampa. There’d been so much to show them. But now they were gone. Back home. A wistful feeling overtook Jamie. She’d hated not being able to tell them about the book deal. It had taken every bit of restraint she possessed to keep it a secret. But a signed deal was a signed deal. She was to tell no one. And she hadn’t.
It was funny. She wanted this book contract mostly because of the good she could do with the money that came with it. And yet she couldn’t tell those it would affect. Jamie hated that her mother, who’d already suffered one heart attack, was still working and paying off a mortgage. Her mother had even managed to help Jamie through college, just as she had Donna. Now it was time to pay her mom back, to give her a carefree life, full of fun and travel, whatever she wanted. It was only fair. And her mother was still a relatively young woman of fifty-eight. She could find someone else to make her happy. Jamie smiled, knowing nothing would make her happier than giving back even a little of what her mother had given her.
So her silence now about the book deal had been bittersweet, even more so as she’d watched her family leave. Their leaving always left a void and yesterday had been no exception. Again, she saw herself standing at the plate-glass window at the airport, watching the big jet take off, already missing them.
She’d been sad…and seeing Kellan had made her feel so much worse. Jamie felt so hollow, so fragile. It had upset her to realize that she’d wanted nothing more, as he walked away with that woman, than to humiliate herself and chase after him, crying out his name, begging him to stop. What a desperate, romantic scene that would have been. Like the foggy airport scene at the end of Casablanca. Of all the homecomings and leave-takings that go on day in and day out at airports all around the world, you had to walk into this one. Or something like that.
Still, she couldn’t get yesterday’s scene out of her mind. There she’d sat, unaware of his nearness, enjoying the moment with her sister. Then, out of the blue, Kell and that gorgeous Melanie Something had walked right up to her and Donna. What were the chances that her mother would run into them in a complex the size of Tampa International Airport? Stupid fate.
Poor Mom. Before she’d gotten onto the airplane, she’d said she was sorry. She simply hadn’t known what to do once she’d realized it was Kell she’d bumped into. She’d been stuck and had to bring him over and she hoped she hadn’t upset Jamie. Jamie recalled now downplaying the moment, telling her mother that was silly, she was over him and had been for a long time.
Yeah, right. I’m over him. Tears threatened in Jamie’s eyes. She blinked and sniffed, telling herself she could not do this. Not for a license. Not for a publisher. She just couldn’t contact Kell now that she knew about Melanie. Another woman. Talk about closure. Jamie knew she should be happy for him. He’d gotten over her, that was easy to see. But it hurt. Turning away from the glass doors, Jamie told herself she needed to shake herself out of this mood before she did something dire…like eat all the ice cream she had stashed in the freezer. She perked up…Hey, ice cream. That sounds good—
The phone rang. Blessedly.
Relieved for her waistline, Jamie ran for the cordless set, flitting around her furniture and hoping it was either Becca or Jan or Carrie—or all three of her friends, women who understood the terrible possibility of death by chocolate. They could all go out to lunch. Or for a ride to the beach. Or shop. No, wait, this was Monday. They’d all be at work. So who could be on the line? She grabbed the phone on the third ring. “Hello?”
“Jamie? It’s Kell.”
Jamie froze, staring at her reflection in the ornately framed beveled mirror over the sofa. The woman staring back at her looked shocked. Because that woman is, Jamie told herself. Her heart was pounding and she felt hot and weak and giddy.
In the earpiece she heard Kell saying, “Jamie? Are you there? Do I have the right number? Is this 2-5-8—”
“Yes. It’s me—” she swallowed, having trouble saying his name “—Kell. I’m just…I’m here. Hi.”
“Hi. You okay?” His voice sounded low and seductive. It frittered on Jamie’s nerve endings.
Despite their public fuss yesterday, she strove for light and cheerful. “Sure. I’m fine. Couldn’t be better. How about you? You okay? How’s Melanie?”
