Dark Corners

‘It’s not much…’ started Michael.

‘It’s a pit,’ said Georgia.

‘It’s technically breaking and entering. And it creeps me out, I wanna go home,’ added Holly, which was greeted with a scoff from Neve and an eye-roll from Georgia. Only Chloe nodded, spooked.

‘I mean, we all know the stories coming out of the mine,’ she said as a way of defence when Neve caught her agreeing.

‘Don’t tell me you believe in ghosts?’

‘No, of course not, Neve. But it’s creepy here.’

‘Yeah, it kinda is,’ said Georgia, nodding.

Baz looked crestfallen. ‘But that’s part of its charm, and with a little imagination, and a little change, it could be brilliant.’

‘This is what you dragged us out here for, to climb inside a concrete box?’

‘Use your imagination, Holly. Picture a bean bag here,’ said Baz, pointing towards the furthest corner, ‘and a little table next to it.’

‘Do the electrics work?’ asked Jamie, with a hint of excitement in his voice.

‘You know, we’ve not checked. Why?’

‘If they do, my dad’s got an old fridge, if we can get it here.’

‘There you go! Jamie gets it.’

‘I still don’t,’ said Chloe sulkily.

‘Chloe, you need this place more than anyone.’

‘Why would I—’

‘Because you and your mum don’t get on.’

‘So? Our parents do all of our heads in.’

‘Yeah,’ agreed Georgia quietly, and instantly wished she hadn’t spoken. She knew they all talked about her dad when she was out of earshot.

‘Exactly,’ continued Baz, oblivious to Georgia’s unease. The whole group knew her dad hit her, despite her denying it on several occasions. ‘And we are stuck, listening to them whinge and moan at us about not eating our dinner or doing the bins.’

‘My mum gets on at me because I don’t clean up the dog turd,’ said Jamie.

‘My dad makes shitty jokes about the music I like,’ agreed Neve.

‘And who is it this week?’ asked Michael.

‘NSYNC, of course.’

‘It was Boyz II Men last week. Both crap.’

‘Anyway,’ interrupted Baz before a debate about musical taste ensued. ‘No one cares about this place anymore. And those who might probably assume it’s sealed. No one will know we are here. This could be our space. Not our parents’ or Nan’s,’ he said, looking towards Michael who lived with his grandmother, for reasons the group still didn’t know. ‘There won’t be anyone telling us what to do here. This can be a safe haven, to help those of us who care get through the exams.’

‘And those who don’t get to have some fun,’ Michael added before removing his rucksack and placing it on the floor. The familiar sound of glass clinking against glass made several in the group smile.

‘And on that note: I think we need to raise a toast to our independence,’ he said as he unzipped his bag and pulled out a case of alcopops.

‘Where the hell did you get those?’ Holly asked, alarmed at the fact they were hidden from the world and armed with booze.

‘I nicked them.’

‘You nicked them? From where?’

‘The offie,’ Michael said.

‘How?’ Jamie asked, impressed and alarmed in equal measure.

‘I do the paper round, don’t I? Anyway, a truckload of stock came in last night, Mr Busby was busy doing the take and I saw my chance. He’ll never know.’

‘Michael!’ Holly exclaimed, shocked and upset.

‘Oh, chill out, he’ll never know, and anyway, what does it matter, he owns the shop. He’s got more than enough money.’

‘It’s still stealing. Baz, I can’t believe you let him go through with this.’

‘Hey, don’t look at me, I had no idea until it was done.’

‘Badass!’ Georgia said, shocking Neve who expected her to be unimpressed.

‘It’s not a big deal. They were just sat by the door, and I took them. It’s not like I shoplifted.’

‘You did shoplift.’

‘Not the same, Holly. I bet old Busby saw me take them and couldn’t be arsed to say anything about it.’

‘Michael…’

‘Holly, it’s done now. Chill the fuck out.’

Baz nodded, as did Jamie, while Georgia gave Holly a look as if to say ‘stop being embarrassing’, and the conversation was over. He was right, it was done, and there could be no way to undo it. Michael handed out the bottles and opened each one with the bottom of his clipper lighter before uncapping his last. He raised his in the air, and everyone, including Holly, joined in.

‘Here’s to us, our space, and the freedom to make the choices we wanna make.’

‘So, what do we do now?’ asked Georgia, still unimpressed as they could just drink in the park, or Baz’s house when his parents were away.

‘I’ve got an idea,’ said Neve, eyeing Holly with a mischievous look that moved towards Chloe. ‘How about a ghost story?’

Chapter 6

20th November 2019

Morning

I finished making us a coffee – for Esther, a chai latte and a strong black Americano for me – and heard Esther swear angrily. She didn’t swear often, and the fact she had told me something was very wrong. Putting down the cups, I walked out back to find Esther on the floor, her face in her hands. At first, I thought she had banged her head on something and had called out in pain. I was just about to ask if she was OK, then I saw.

Beside her, the safe I had put all of our money in the night before was open, and it was empty. They hadn’t just stolen a few cakes. They stole half a week’s takings, a few thousand pounds. My legs felt like they were going to give way, so I stumbled to a chair and sat.

‘Why didn’t the police check in here?’ she asked, her voice barely audible.

‘I told them there was nothing missing.’

‘Then why didn’t you check, Neve?’

‘I… I don’t know.’

Esther looked up at me, and I could see anger in her eyes. I almost told her to calm down, to remember we’re insured. After she’d spoken next, the words failed me.

‘They didn’t break into it.’

‘What? I don’t…’

‘They didn’t break into the fucking safe, Neve. Look at it. Look.’

I looked once more to the open, empty safe. And she was right, there was no sign of forced entry. No scratches, no dents. The safe was simply open.

‘They either knew the code, Neve, or…’

‘How would they know they code?’

‘Or you didn’t lock it last night.’

‘No, I did, I’m sure I did.’

‘Neve, either you’ve given the code to someone…’

‘Why on earth would I do that? Are you saying I stole it?’

‘… or you left it open. Which is it?’

I racked my brain, trying to recall if I shut the safe after returning the money. I remembered the rain, spilling my wine. Seeing the silhouette through the blinds. I remember taking the money out back, putting it in the safe. Did I shut the door? Did I lock it? Yes, I was sure I did. But I was so hungover, so tired, distracted by the person I saw outside. I couldn’t be convinced.

‘Neve!’ Esther shouted, snapping me back into the now.

‘I don’t know.’

‘You don’t know?’

‘I mean, maybe, yes. I must have left it unlocked because how else could they have got in?’

‘Exactly! I go home for one evening. One evening to be with my little girl and you’re drinking at work and fucking things up.’

‘Esther! I wasn’t drunk…’

‘No, Neve, no!’ she shouted, silencing me. ‘I get that you’re having a tough time. I do. And I’m sorry Oliver left you, it’s really shit. But it has to stop affecting this place.’ Her voice became softer, harder to hear. She sounded hurt. ‘It has to stop affecting me and my life. I have bills to pay, a child to feed.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I’m sick of you telling me you’re sorry,’ she said, holding my gaze. ‘I am. We’ve known each other a long time; we’ve been through it all, haven’t we? I’ve been at your side through thick and thin, but I can’t keep doing this, Neve.’

‘Doing what?’

‘Your life falls apart, I fix it. It was all right when we were twenty-one and at uni and you were falling in love and breaking up every ten minutes – or when you cut yourself off from the world because of what happened to that girl you used to know. It was all right that night in the club when…’

She didn’t finish her sentence; she didn’t need to. I thought of that night, and how she’d held me, soothed me, until help arrived.

‘But we’re adults now. I’m an adult now. You’re still you. Living from day to day, doing what feels right in the moment. Never moving forward.’

‘I was moving forward. Oliver and I…’

‘Oliver despaired that you wouldn’t let him in. You know that, right?’

‘What, he talked to you about it?’

‘He told me, more than once, that he was struggling because you wouldn’t tell him about your past. He thought you were so secretive. You and he split up because you can’t take responsibility for your problems.’

‘Esther, that’s hardly fair,’ I said, choking back tears.

‘What’s not fair is that we’re now completely skint, and I have my baby to feed, Neve – that’s what’s not fair.’

Her words sucked the air from my lungs.

‘Go home, Neve.’

‘What?’

‘You look like shit, and I can’t face you right now. Just go home. I’ll deal with this, get the door boarded and tidied up.’

‘But…’

‘Seriously, just go. And if you really wanna help, perhaps think of an idea that can save this café.’

‘What? The café is fine. Besides this, we’re doing OK.’

‘I can’t keep doing “OK”, Neve, I can’t,’ she said, getting up. ‘We both know this has turned out to be a lot tougher than we thought it would be. I don’t mind the long hours, I don’t. But I can’t afford to work for nothing.’

‘Esther, it will be…’

‘And we’ve just lost what, £2,000, £3,000?’

‘Close to £3,500,’ I said quietly.

‘How are we going to get that back? How are we going to pay our rent on this place, let alone my mortgage? Tell me, how?’

‘I don’t know,’ I said, tears pressing in the back of my eyes.

‘Go home, Neve. Get yourself sorted out, you’re a mess,’ Esther said with an air of finality. I watched her get up and grab her phone. She must have dialled 111 because she asked me to get the crime reference number. I did as she asked, and when she started to talk into the phone about the stolen money, I grabbed my coat and left.

Chapter 7

20th November 2019

Evening

I had tried to call Esther three times during the day; each time it rang and rang before going to voicemail. I didn’t leave a message. And just in case I wasn’t already feeling shitty enough, I stupidly tried to call Oliver too. It rang once and then disconnected, like he had seen who was calling and hit the cancel button. Great. Despite being home for most of the day, those two small things were the sum of what I had accomplished. I was being pathetic. I knew Esther would calm down eventually. I hoped the stolen money would be insured but if the safe had been left open after all, I didn’t think it would be. I also hoped that, despite my mistake, the landlord would be sympathetic, as would our customers. We would have a tough few weeks, but we would survive long enough for us to work out what to do to save our business. The way Esther looked at me today, I knew she was just about ready to give up on The Tea Tree if we didn’t do something to lift our game and pay us both a proper salary. I didn’t blame her; she’d been doing very well working for the marketing department of some corporate giant before we spoke of my insane idea of opening a café together. If I was her, I probably would have given up a year ago. No, I definitely would have given up, because apparently that’s what I do. I run away from my problems.

Then I thought about it properly – maybe some time apart wasn’t such a bad idea. I didn’t want to run away from Esther, not in a million years. She had been my first true friend since leaving my childhood home all those years ago. She was one of the few people who knew that Chloe Lambert – the girl who was once all over the news, the girl who was never found – was my best friend. She knew about the man I saw back then, the Drifter. She knew about my dad; she knew about the village I grew up in. I trusted Esther more than I trusted anyone else in the world, even Oliver. I couldn’t afford to lose her from my life. But if I stepped back a little, let her run The Tree Tea on her own, just for a few weeks, she could take all of the income and pay herself properly, and I would get a break to sort my head out. It was perfect. She would make good money, and I would return fresh and sober and full of ideas of what we could do to expand our café. The more I thought about it, the better the idea became. I looked at my online banking, the joint account still in mine and Oliver’s names, and saw that what was left had remained untouched. I’d half expected him to take it, but he hadn’t – he was better than that.

I ran the numbers; I had enough sat in our joint account to pay my household bills for a couple of months. My personal account didn’t speak the same tale, but my two credit card balances were quite low. I would be all right for a couple of months without any other income. If the stolen money wasn’t covered by insurance, that would surely help, and even if it was, I’d still take leave of absence. Once I was back, I’d chip away at my credit cards until I cleared the balances. It might take a year, but that was far better than losing either my business or my best friend. Closing my banking app, I rang Esther’s number again; I was going to leave a message, outlining my thoughts. But after the third ring, she picked up.

‘Hey, Esther, are you all right?’

She sighed on the other end of the phone. ‘Tired.’

‘Yeah, I bet. Listen…’

‘No, Neve, let me speak. I’m still angry, you know? I’m angry you’ve let yourself get into such a mess lately, I’m angry this business isn’t doing what I know it could do. I’m angry some little shits robbed us. I’m really angry about that.’

‘I know.’

‘But that still didn’t give me the right to speak like I did to you. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.’

‘Don’t be sorry, I deserved it.’

‘No, Neve.’

‘Esther, it’s OK. I know I’m a mess.’

‘Neve, you’re not a mess.’

‘I am, I always have been – ever since you’ve known me. Oliver was right, I didn’t let him in, I pushed him away with my inability to let go of things, and I’m doing the same to you. I know I have to change.’

‘You’re not pushing me away.’

‘Esther, let’s be honest. You shouldn’t have to scrape by.’

‘What else can we do?’

‘I’ve had an idea.’

I told her my plan, and at first she dismissed it, but the more we talked, the more receptive she became.

‘Esther, I know I’ve not been great these past few weeks, and I’ve dumped loads on you. With me taking a break, I’m making your life easier. A bit of time to sort my shit out and I’ll come back with ideas, energy, and we can fix this. I’m not walking away – let’s call it a sabbatical.’

‘How will you survive without an income, Neve?’

‘I’ll be fine. I’ve got my credit cards.’

‘But then you’ll end up in a load of debt.’

‘Better to have a little debt I can pay off over time, than to lose our business, and you.’

‘Neve… are you sure about this?’

‘We both know it’s the right thing.’

‘Yeah, you’re probably right,’ she said after a pause.

‘I’ll come in tomorrow and up to the weekend and help, and then we’ll start afresh on Monday.’

‘I doubt we’ll open tomorrow.’

‘Then I’ll come anyway, and help.’

‘Honestly, Neve, there isn’t much you can do. It’s mainly waiting for the glass company to fit a new door. I’ll be fine. Start your break now. The sooner you go, the sooner you’re back.’

‘You really think it’s a good idea?’ I asked, suddenly doubting myself.

‘I hate to say it, but yes. I think you need the space to deal with what’s going on in your life and…’

She didn’t finish her sentence, but we both knew what she was going to say. She needed a break from me and my misery.

‘OK, my phone will stay on, and I promise I’ll come back sooner if you need me to.’

‘Thanks. What will you do with your time?’

‘Sort myself out.’

In the background, I heard Tilly calling for help on the potty. It felt good that, despite all this, something was still normal, still so utterly normal.

‘I better go.’

‘OK, Esther, I’ll… I’ll see you soon?’

‘Yep, see you soon.’

The line went dead and for a moment I kept the phone to my ear. That was it, I had officially stepped away from my business. Now I had, it felt incredibly impulsive. But Esther didn’t stop me, so it had to be right? Getting up, I walked into the kitchen and rifled around for something to eat. I found an old packet of Quavers at the back of a cupboard and opened them. What I really needed was a drink: a big, stiff, strong drink, one that hurt to swallow and tasted awful. I needed to be numbed, just for one more night, and then tomorrow, I would start to rebuild myself. But, thankfully, I didn’t have anything in. It meant I had to start now.

Feeling blue, I wanted to look at Oliver’s Facebook wall, to see if anything had changed since I last checked a few hours ago. But before I could stalk his profile, I saw I had a new friend request from someone I once knew and had wanted to forget. My old childhood friend, Holly. Seeing her picture made my stomach feel uneasy. I had been tagged in a post, by her, linking an article from a local paper close to where I had grown up. The headline floored me.

CONCERNS DEEPEN FOR LOCAL MISSING MAN, JAMIE HARDMAN

Jamie.

I didn’t read the article but jumped onto his private Facebook page. I saw his face; one I’d not seen in a long time. He hadn’t changed much. Still the same cheeky smile. Still the same mischievous glint in his eye I once found so attractive. As I read his timeline my heart sank. People had posted on his wall, lots of people, all saying similar things. They all asked him to come back, they all wondered if he was OK, and a sense of déjà vu washed over me.

Jamie, my first, had gone missing.

Just like Chloe.

Chapter 8

20th November 2019

Evening

He was missing. The first boy I’d ever loved was missing. I should have been concerned for him, but really, I was more concerned about what it really meant. Missing. There had to be some mistake? I tried to deduce from the messages posted on his Facebook wall in what context he could be unaccounted for, but I couldn’t. It unnerved me, but the article didn’t mean something terrible had happened to Jamie. He could have moved out of town without telling anyone. He could have booked a trip away, a spur of the moment thing. He was an adult, there could be a million reasons as to why he was missing. It didn’t have to mean the same thing as it did back in 1998. I couldn’t help but think about that shadow outside The Tea Tree. As soon as the thought landed, I dismissed it. There was no way it was connected.

Taking my phone into the kitchen, Jamie’s face dominating the screen, I looked again for something to drink. I knew I shouldn’t, but that seven-letter word shook me. Missing. Problem or not, I needed steadying, and a drink was the only thing that would do that. On my hands and knees, I looked into the dark corners of my booze cupboard and found an old bottle of crème de menthe that had sat in there for God knows how long. A joke gift from a friend that we drank once, despised, and put away never to drink again. I grabbed a mug from the draining board, poured a healthy measure and downed it. It made me shudder, like drinking sweet mouthwash, but I felt it warm my stomach. Pouring another I sat at the breakfast bar, transfixed by Jamie’s profile picture. He hadn’t aged well, becoming a fatter, greyer version of the boy I once knew. He was smiling in the photo, his teeth stained, probably through cigarettes, but he had a sadness in his eyes, a weight. And I knew why, because I carried the same weight too. Chloe.

The sadness I should have felt as soon as I discovered he was missing came. It seeped from my chest, pushed up my throat and from behind my eyes. Fuck, Jamie was missing. As my eyes glazed, I knocked back my mug of crème de menthe. Though it made me gag, I still poured a third, and the more I drank, the more I felt. Fear, sadness, curiosity even. Things I couldn’t feel any more without something warming my insides.

After the fourth measure went down, I felt the alcohol wave begin to roll over me, and I needed to know Jamie was OK. I’d not wanted to know anything about him in twenty years. The summer Chloe disappeared, I ran away to live with Mum, abandoning Dad who had already been tossed aside by the mine closing the winter before. I abandoned my friends and the villagers who were grieving. I’d intended to stay with Mum for a short while, but weeks became months, which turned into years. Once I left, there was no looking back. And the village, being as small and isolated from the rest of the world as it was, never forgot. I was hated, just like my mum was, and I had made peace with that long ago.

I accepted Holly’s friend request and said hello. I assumed she had added me to tell me about Jamie, but I didn’t mention it. All I could do was wait, and hope she replied. I put on my coat and shoes, grabbed my keys and headed into the cold, wet night. I knew I shouldn’t, I knew I should stay at home, wait for a reply, perhaps try and get an early night. But I walked to my local Tesco anyway to buy myself a bottle of wine, reasoning that I would only have one glass, just to calm my frayed nerves.

Chapter 9

21st November 2019

Morning

I wake with a start, like I’ve been holding my breath in my sleep and my body has subconsciously forced me to take air into my lungs. I’m aware of a familiar smell once again, but before I can place it, it fades. I roll onto my side; I don’t even bother to try and open my eyes. They already hurt too much.

Reaching behind me I feel for Oliver. I don’t know why; this time I know he isn’t there. Perhaps it was just wishful thinking that the last few weeks had been a weird and incredibly vivid dream. I cough and a pain shoots through me. Then I realise I’m still fully clothed, and soaking wet – it was raining when I left last night, so I must have been so drunk that I’d not undressed. Lifting up my top, I see there is a deep purple bruise on my side.

Though the damp bedsheets are starting to make me feel clammy and cold, I don’t move straight away – I need to piece together everything up to just now. It hurts to think. Slowly I recall the shop being robbed, the safe being left open by me. I remember stepping away and wanting life to be easy again, and Jamie. Oh God, Jamie. Reaching across to my bedside table, I grab my iPhone and swipe across the screen, not noticing the crack – a small shard of glass cuts my thumb. Opening Facebook, I go back to Jamie’s page but notice there’s a new message waiting in my inbox. It’s from Holly.

Neve, it’s been a long time? Thank you for accepting my friend request. I’m shocked we weren’t already connected. I’m sure we were once?

We were, as I was to the rest of my childhood friends. When I first joined Facebook about a decade after Chloe disappeared, it seemed like it would be OK to reconnect, but all it did was dig up old skeletons, things I didn’t want to remember. So, over the years, one by one, I deleted them all and changed my surname on Facebook to my mother’s maiden name. Holly must have really been looking for me. I read on.

Listen, I’m just going to come out and say it. I don’t know if you have seen that article I sent you about Jamie, but he disappeared three days ago. It’s such a shock to us all. I know you and he were once close, so wanted you to find out from one of us before you saw it somewhere else. Yesterday, there was a news crew in the village, digging up the past, and Chloe.