On Equal Terms

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‘Yes, my mother did suggest you should go away for a while. It was a sensible decision in the circumstances,’ he said, his voice taking on another edge. His tone warned her that he had totally agreed with that decision. So, he was as much to blame as Clare, perhaps even more so. Kate tried to suffocate the flush of discomfort she was feeling. She rallied, suddenly wanting to turn the tables on him.

‘And what circumstances were they?’ she asked, her eyes bright with a challenging gleam.

Sebastian sighed loudly and shook his head. He viewed her like an adult looking at a disobedient child. He sunk his hands deep into his trousers pockets, till the material of his trousers was stretched across his flat stomach.

‘Why, Kate, do you insist on making life difficult?’ he growled, his jaw tensing with annoyance. ‘Aren’t there enough problems in the world without you adding to them?’ he continued. His tone was weary, as if she were still a besotted schoolgirl in total awe of him.

‘Problems? Doesn’t that just sum it up? In your eyes I was a problem, so you all decided to ship me off to school,’ Kate retorted, flicking her hair back from her shoulders as she stood up to face him. ‘But naughty Kate wouldn’t do as she was told,’ she taunted. How, in reality, she had hated going away, leaving him and her family and friends. The same sense of hurt and betrayal still gnawed away at her, despite the fact that it had been almost two years ago. He had remained here, at home, while she had become the outcast, struggling to prove to him that she was an equal.

‘It wasn’t like that, Kate, and you know it,’ Sebastian reminded her, his voice dangerously quiet and his features softening.

‘Wasn’t it?’ she returned, wrinkling her nose in an expression of scorn as she moved closer to him, her body aching for a response, even if all she got was an arousal of his wrath.

‘No,’ he cut in sharply. ‘You were getting out of hand—surely you remember?’ His eyes searched her face for some trace of understanding.

‘I remember all right, Sebastian,’ she answered. She remembered the pathetic lengths she had gone to in order to secure his attention in the past. That fateful evening had made her realise how foolish she had been, and it was branded on her mind, her heart and her soul forever. ‘I remember it very well.’ She moved closer, still hoping she could make him weaken, but not understanding why. ‘A kiss in the dark, that’s all. Wasn’t it, Sebastian?’ she goaded, watching the streak of colour that highlighted his cheeks as his gaze fell on her heaving breasts as they rose from the cover of the towel.

‘For goodness’ sake, Kate, grow up!’ he barked, his dark eyes turning to pools of black ink.

‘Wasn’t that the problem—that I did grow up?’ she taunted, her head tilted back, her eyes ablaze with defiance. Now his face was white with anger, his jaw tight and hard like granite. His eyes trapped hers with a piercing light that almost seared into the depths of her soul. Kate was frozen to the spot, her heart beating furiously. But she refused to drop her gaze. She stared up at him defiantly. She had grown up a great deal in the past eighteen months, working in a busy office, often forced to take on extra responsibilities, and now this was her chance to prove it. Sebastian remained silent, and for a fleeting moment Kate thought she caught a flicker of interest in his expression, but it disappeared so quickly that she decided she had imagined it. The stillness only heightened the increasingly tense atmosphere and she waited silently, trying to force a response from him. Suddenly he turned on his heel and marched away, the slamming of the door confirming that he had gone. Kate sank in disbelief on to her bed. What on earth had possessed her to act in that way? She threw herself back on to the soft pillows in frustration. Why did she always have to react to him? Her own words came back into her mind to taunt her: ‘A kiss in the dark.’

How well she remembered it! It had been her eighteenth birthday—the house had been filled with family and friends for the celebration. Kate had known Sebastian would come, even though she had seen little of him over the last few months. She’d known he would be there that night. Her heart had flipped every time she’d heard the doorbell ring then sank again when it wasn’t him. Finally he had arrived. She could see it now, like watching a film on the screen. She had raced to the door, flinging herself into his arms.

‘Sebastian, I knew you’d come,’ she cried. Her arms clung around his neck and she rejoiced in the intoxicating aroma of him that enveloped her whole body.

‘Kate.’ His tone was abrupt, almost curt, and he pushed her firmly away from him. It was as if she had been slapped, the pain was so real. She stepped away, bewildered; she was eighteen now, a young woman. She had made so much effort tonight, dressing with so much care, in a dress which she knew perhaps was a little too sophisticated for her but she had seen his other girlfriends wear such designs. He had disentangled himself from her as if embarrassed, and Kate felt her blood turn to ice as he introduced her to his stunning companion, who had just stepped into the house.

‘Kate, this is Louisa.’ His arm wrapped around the woman’s slender waist and he drew her up against him.

Kate gave a bitter smile at the memory. How shocked she had been—totally stunned. She had truly believed it was only a matter of time before Sebastian would confess his love for her. Unbidden tears now pricked her eyes and she rolled over on the bed, unable to stop their salty flow at the memory of that fateful night. She had gone outside in the garden until finally Sebastian had come in search of her. She had been cold, but her body had been shivering more with anticipation than the night air.

‘Kate, you’ll catch your death in that flimsy thing,’ he had laughed, pulling her gently against his warm chest, and Kate had allowed her head to fall against him, listening to the steady thud of his strong heart, breathing in the very essence of him.

‘Do you like my dress?’ she whispered, raising her doe eyes to look at him. He looked at her, smiling, and nodded.

‘Quite the young lady,’ he said, but she had known he was sincere and her heart had leapt at his words. She moved closer, and lifted her face to his, her full lips parted in soft invitation, her eyes holding a slumberous warmth.

‘Kate,’ he whispered, so quietly, as if it was an incantation of love. ‘My Kate.’ He allowed his hand to travel over her tender cheek and she inclined her head like a satisfied cat, to enjoy the feel of it on her skin. She knew he was going to kiss her, she had imagined it so many times that it seemed perfectly natural. She stepped closer and their bodies fused together in silent communion. He lowered his head and Kate closed her eyes, savouring every moment. His lips met hers in gentle surrender and Kate felt herself soaring, soaring higher and higher.

‘Sebastian!’ The shocked, disapproving tone of Louisa broke the spell, banishing the magic moment. Kate heard Sebastian mumble apologies and the realisation that to him it had all been a mistake chilled her to the bone. He moved away from her, leaving her feeling lost and alone in an alien world. She knew then that he didn’t love her, not the way she loved him.

The rest of her birthday party had been a fiasco. Sebastian spent the whole evening with Louisa, dancing closely, sharing jokes, snatching kisses like typical young lovers. Kate watched them, her insides twisting painfully at every sign of intimacy between them. She hadn’t wanted to go away but knew now that there was little to keep her at her family house. Kate sighed and pushed herself upright. It was all in the past, she reminded herself firmly. It had been a silly schoolgirl crush, an infatuation with an older man. She was past all that now—she no longer loved Sebastian. She hated him, in fact, hated his arrogance, his superior attitude. All she wanted now was the chance to prove to him just how little he meant to her.

CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_d841c7d8-9b75-574a-9ddb-18af12a13d1f)

KATE began to dress, pulling open familiar drawers and taking out some delicate underwear, and suddenly rejoicing in the luxury she had been denying herself. She gave a start as she heard the door open and swung round to face Sebastian as he viewed her in her skimpy underwear.

‘Why so startled, Kate?’ he enquired. Kate grabbed at her dressing-gown, drawing the cord firmly around her body, but she still felt bare, exposed, under his cold scrutiny.

‘It’s polite to knock before entering a lady’s bedroom,’ she retorted. She had immediately gone on the attack as it was her only protection against him. She still felt oddly vulnerable with him, despite the fact that all she felt for him was loathing.

‘I’ve brought you breakfast in bed,’ Sebastian replied, with a calm smile. He seemed to ignore the look on Kate’s face. Here we go again, Kate thought to herself. He’s treating me as if I’m the baby sister needing to be looked after. But she had to concede that despite his usual customary arrogance he sounded sincere.

‘Breakfast in bed?’ she echoed. ‘That’s hardly necessary.’ She laughed, touched by his sudden gesture of kindness yet troubled by it, too.

‘It is, because that’s where you’re to stay for at least two days,’ Sebastian said firmly as he placed the tray on the side-table and inclined his head towards the bed, expecting her to get back into it immediately.

‘Two days!’ repeated Kate miserably. She would go mad! She hated being inactive—and Sebastian knew that.

‘That’s right; now get back in.’ Sebastian gave an indulgent twitch of his mouth, as if he expected her to protest. Kate grimaced to herself at his arrogant assumption that she would do as he said.

‘I feel fine,’ she protested, moving away from the bed and over to the tray of food; the delicate aroma of smoked bacon had awakened a sudden feeling of hunger in her. Sebastian shrugged his broad shoulders, obviously indifferent to her claims.

‘That’s debatable. However, they’re doctor’s orders—not some devious idea thought up by me,’ he informed her. He knew she held him responsible.

Kate turned away, lowering her sooty long lashes over her eyes. ‘I think he’s over-reacting, then,’ she said stubbornly. The thought of being trapped in bed still filled her with dread. She had been so busy, used to working all hours, and even then all her energy had not been spent.

‘It was a very nasty accident; it could have been fatal,’ Sebastian reminded her.

Kate shivered as a sudden image of the out-of-control car spinning towards her flashed through her mind. She gripped the edge of the table for support, suddenly feeling sick.

‘That’s why bed-rest has been recommended,’ he continued, a tiny note of triumph in his voice. His arms were round her shoulders as he guided her back to the bed. Kate’s muscles set against his touch but she felt too weak to protest as he helped her. She lay down on the bed, grateful now for Sebastian’s support. She looked up at him, smiling her thanks weakly, but he withdrew his hands quickly and looked away.

‘You’ll feel better after you’ve eaten.’ There was a strange tension in his voice.

Kate’s eyes flickered down to the tray of food. There seemed to be a huge amount—more like a full brunch than a light breakfast! She looked back at Sebastian, searching for some trace of—what? She knew that all she would find was his contempt. He felt no sympathy for her, only duty. She tried to read what lay behind the cool, intelligent mask—what type of game he was playing with her.

‘There’s far too much here…’ she began.

‘Kate, this is one point I refuse to argue about.’ Sebastian’s gaze narrowed on her militant expression. ‘I am not going to repeat this at every meal. I don’t know what the hell you’ve been doing with yourself but you look a mess. You’ve lost weight, and before you see your father you’ll have to look a damn sight better.’ He paused for a second to place a silencing finger on Kate’s lips as her mouth opened, ready to protest again. He continued, his eyes warning her to be silent, ‘So each and every meal which is served I expect you to eat—all of it. Understood?’ he pronounced sternly.

Kate’s protests died on her lips when she saw the uncompromising look that was carved on Sebastian’s face. She knew that, as far as he was concerned, there was going to be no more discussion on this matter; he was determined.

‘The longest Daddy’s ever away is a few days. I can hardly eat that much in such a short space of time that it could make any difference…’ she tried once more, her argument going off on a tangent, but Sebastian cut in forcefully.

‘He’s not here. Our parents are in Kenya…’

‘At this time of year?’ she asked after a while, slightly puzzled. She took a mouthful of hot coffee and was about to launch into a million questions, but the bed sank with the weight of Sebastian’s body as he sat down. There was something in his expression, a seriousness that shone in his eyes, that caused a sudden whirl of panic to surge through Kate.

‘What is it?’ she demanded as she struggled to keep the strain from her voice.

He took a slow, deep breath, while Kate waited.

‘Your father has been ill. They’ve gone to the villa for an extended holiday to help in his recuperation.’ His voice was clinical. He could have been reading the news, not informing her that her father was seriously ill. It was well-known that Howard Peterson was a workaholic, who never took holidays unless forced to and even then work was never that far away. Kate tried to comprehend what Sebastian had just told her. It couldn’t possibly be true. Her father was a strong, vital man; he had never been ill in his life.

‘Why are you saying this?’ she accused Sebastian, wanting so much for it to be a cruel trick on his part. Her eyes searched his face, hoping and waiting for his denial, but none came.

‘I’m sorry, Kate, there was no easy way of telling you. I know it’s a shock…’ His voice now held little comfort.

‘What happened? What’s wrong with him?’ She didn’t care now about appearances; she was not going to hide her emotions. She couldn’t; they were far too strong. Her hand reached out, grasping Sebastian’s arm tightly. ‘What happened?’ she demanded again. ‘Tell me what’s wrong. You should have told me sooner, at once…’

‘I’ve told you now because I feel you’re strong enough. I wasn’t sure before that you were ready for the news,’ Sebastian said quietly.

‘You had no right to keep this information from me. He’s my father,’ Kate shouted with sudden possessiveness. Sebastian shrugged his arm free of her grip with a sudden jerk, and Kate’s hand dropped limply on to the bed. His eyes raked over her with derision.

‘So the prodigal daughter is now concerned?’ he mocked her. ‘A little too late to play the dutiful child, aren’t we?’ he scoffed. Kate flinched at his tone. She sat stunned, in silence.

‘Tell me what’s wrong with my father,’ she persisted, ignoring Sebastian’s contempt.

‘Why the sudden interest, Kate? Feeling guilty?’ Sebastian almost sneered. Kate felt suddenly leaden; surely he was not blaming her for her father’s illhealth?

‘For God’s sake, Sebastian, tell me,’ she urged, her voice hoarse with emotion.

‘He had a heart attack,’ Sebastian said simply, but Kate heard the crack in his voice and knew then that he too was concerned.

She sat, struggling to accept the idea. Finally, she whispered, ‘When?’

Sebastian looked directly at her as he heard the unspent emotion in her voice.

‘Three months ago…’

‘Three months? I should have—’ Kate began, but Sebastian was in no mood to give any quarter.

‘Yes, you should have been here, and had you been he might have recovered. As it is…’ His voice trailed away, leaving Kate in turmoil.

‘What is it?’

‘He’s not making the recovery he should. Progress has been slow, hence the holiday,’ he told her coolly.

‘Thank God you came when I had that accident, otherwise I might never have found out,’ Kate breathed, with some measure of relief.

‘You don’t honestly believe I came to the hospital out of concern for you?’ Sebastian said evenly. ‘I saw the effect your absence was having on him. Despite your appalling behaviour, he actually still loves you.’

Kate listened, horrified. She had wanted so much to make amends to her father but he had refused to accept her offers of reconciliation. Surely Sebastian knew that any ill-feeling was all on her father’s side?

‘You don’t understand…’ she protested, hurt and anger vying for supremacy as she caught the flash of scorn in his eyes.