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‘Kate! Kate!’ She heard the sound of his voice calling her name, far away in the distance, and she struggled to nod in response. She wanted to drift again, to fall back into the heavy sleep where she felt no pain. Here she felt like a trapped animal. She sensed that she was now in a room, and Sebastian was waiting and watching her every move. The events of the day slowly came back to her; she must have fainted. She certainly only had vague flitting pictures of what had gone before, yet she remembered immediately that something was wrong.
‘Do you want a drink?’ Sebastian’s voice was soft, gentler than she remembered it, but the strength of his hands as they wrapped around her shoulders, raising her from the soft pillow, were the same. Strong, hard and muscular, lifting her with an ease that told her of his strength. The cold rim of a glass touched her dry lips and she drank thirstily of the water that was offered to her. She rested back on the pillow, forcing her lids open. The cold grey light of early morning filtered through the huge windows and Kate knew she was back, back in the house she had once called home. Sebastian was sitting on the bed. He looked tired. His eyes were red-rimmed through lack of sleep: the long drive had obviously taken its toll. His tobacco-coloured hair fell in disarray across his finely chiselled features. Kate felt a frisson race through her body, but she refused to let him see the effect he was having on her. He was still as handsome as ever, she thought bitterly, not liking the way she still responded to him.
‘Welcome home,’ he said, a ready smile forming on his sensuous mouth, as if he was unaware of the irony of his words. Kate nodded slowly, but did not return his smile.
Even Sebastian wouldn’t ask that much, she thought wryly as she continued to study him. He hadn’t really changed: there was only a touch of grey in his hair and there were no tell-tale signs of ageing around his clear blue eyes—and yet there was something. Kate felt it; that hidden thread that had always drawn them together alerted her to the fact that something about him had changed. But she was too tired to think about it now. Besides, it didn’t concern her, not now. It was all in the past and best forgotten. She would have to leave here as soon as she had the chance; she would go back to her new life. However, already doubts had begun to surface at the back of her mind and she knew that it would be difficult, that Sebastian would be keeping a close eye on her, watching her every move.
‘How are you?’ he asked. ‘The journey was too much and you passed out yesterday. That’s why you’ve slept so long,’ he continued, ignoring the fact that Kate had closed her eyes again. ‘Are you still feeling drowsy?’ he probed, his voice searing through her brain as she tried to shut him out. She hadn’t been prepared for the impact that his return into her life would make, and she knew she had to keep him out of it in order to remain immune to him.
‘Perhaps you’d like something to eat?’ he offered. Kate’s eyes flickered open; his voice seemed strangely formal and distant, but she didn’t care. She closed her eyes again, determined to keep her fragile barriers firmly intact. She had to shut out his image, to secure her mind and heart against him. The reality that she was back with him was almost unbearable and every second in his presence would weaken her defences against him.
‘I’d like a bath,’ she managed; her speech sounded slurred. Kate knew a bath was her only chance of privacy and she wanted to be alone. She needed time alone, time to think, to rationalise her feelings, which swayed dramatically between hate and love for this man.
‘A bath—yes, of course.’ His tone was distinctly polite and Kate’s eyes flickered open, searching the dark depths of his for a glimmer of tenderness, but there was none.
‘It will probably bring you round a bit,’ he informed her, patting her arm and sending an unexpected ripple of electric awareness through her body. He rose from the bed. Kate watched him cross the room. He moved with the same arrogant stride, liquid movements that belied his determination. She closed her eyes again, shutting out his image, but it was too late—already her mind had begun to drift back to their first meeting…
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_c41b5f57-c3b5-5db8-a9bc-337d5ddb440c)
‘GOOD morning.’
Kate gave a nervous start at the softly vibrant voice that cut through the early morning stillness. She spun round, fixing her eyes on the tall, broad-shouldered and immensely powerful-looking figure walking slowly towards her. A frisson of alarm ran through her body as her mind registered the sheer power of the man. He towered over her own petite stature and looked down at her. His eyes were dark blue, with thick, curly lashes, and his hair was a mixture of browns, sort of tobacco-coloured.
‘My name’s Sebastian,’ he said, his voice deep and clear, as he extended his hand in a formal greeting. Kate gazed up at him, her eyelids blinking anxiously as she noted the teasing lilt in his tone.
‘Hello, Sebastian,’ she managed, at the man who was now her stepbrother and her senior by twelve years.
‘I’d thought I’d take Dylan out,’ Sebastian said smoothly, releasing her hand and moving into the stalls. Kate nearly sagged with relief at his words.
‘He’s all ready, Mr…’ she began, but Sebastian swung round, his blue eyes dark.
‘Sebastian—please. My name is Sebastian.’
‘Sebastian,’ agreed Kate, with a nod. It seemed odd to her that he should want to be called by his first name. The timbre in his voice held the unmistakable tone of authority and Kate knew he expected to be obeyed. ‘Dylan is ready and eager to be out,’ Kate said, instinct warning her that Sebastian was not as malleable as her father. He was wearing riding boots but the rest of his clothes were far from formal. He wore a pair of faded denim jeans that hugged his muscular thighs and a checked shirt peeked out around the crew neck of a thick navy sweater. He could have passed for an Englishman. But Kate had eavesdropped on many adult conversations, so knew his heritage, even if his mother was at pains to forget all about her disastrous first marriage. She had been married to a much older man, a fiery Italian who believed a woman’s place was in the home. Sebastian had inherited his father’s dark looks, his fiery disposition, but his ideas on women were far removed from his father’s. Still, Kate would have known immediately that he wasn’t English. There was something wild about him—untamed and free—unlike the wealthy English gentlemen that she was familiar with. His hair was streaked with flecks of shimmering gold and it was swept back off his face like a sleek lion’s mane, drawing attention to his autocratic features. His eyes were blue, yet they were dark with a piercing quality, like an icy shaft of light Kate sensed even then that she would always love him, that somehow they were kindred souls who had been drawn together by circumstances beyond their control. She stared up at him, her pale grey eyes almost hidden beneath her long, straight fringe of ash-blonde hair.
‘Dylan is a fine horse, such a beautiful grey stallion,’ she breathed, following Sebastian into the stalls, wanting to be close to him.
‘He needs far too much exercise,’ Sebastian commented as he began to lead the horse out.
Kate was still following, like a young puppy eager to please its new master.
‘Do you ride?’ Sebastian asked, suddenly turning his attention to Kate, and he managed to control the smile of amusement that tugged at his lips when she coloured again instantly. Kate nodded silently in childish awe of the man. ‘Then saddle up; we can both go for a ride.’
‘Your bath is ready.’
The sound of Sebastian’s voice shattered her dream and Kate opened her eyes and nodded.
‘Thanks,’ she said, quickly lowering her long lashes over her eyes before he had time to read the depths of emotion in them.
‘Let me help you,’ Sebastian offered, moving towards the bed; but he stopped instantly as he saw Kate stiffen.
‘I’m quite capable of finding my own way to the bathroom.’
‘I’m sure you are.’ His mouth tightened. As he’d spoken a flame of anger had briefly flared in the normally ice-cool depths of his eyes. Kate glared back at him. It was always the same between them—a constant round of battles, and she was growing weary of them.
‘I can manage,’ she said. She wanted to be strong, to show him she could now do without him. She had changed in the last two years, had become self-sufficient. Had it not been for the unfortunate car accident, he would have never found her. She had a new life, and she had learned to cope, to accept the fact that she was no longer welcome in her childhood home. It had been hard but she had managed—without Sebastian’s help, without anyone’s help. Kate swallowed, trying to rid herself of any bitterness. It would do no one any good. Besides, she was home now; perhaps her father would finally accept her back into the fold. She sat up, pushing the crisp, warm sheets from her body. Her eyes dropped to her legs. How thin they looked. Had she lost that much weight? she mused momentarily, before urging her body upwards. She swayed slightly as she got up, the after-effects of the accident making her unsteady. Sebastian reacted quickly, instantly at her side, his arm offering an unwelcome support Kate pulled away. It was all his fault She was here, back at home, with no sign of her father. Sebastian had been wrong to bring her home; she had not been forgiven.
‘Leave me alone,’ she ground out at him through clenched teeth. The knowledge that her father hadn’t come to see her hurt her more than she cared to admit. Sebastian’s face darkened at her words, but he remained silent, viewing her with such cold contempt that Kate felt chilled to the bone, the heat of her temper evaporating under his steely gaze.
‘I don’t want or need your help,’ she scoffed.
‘Don’t you?’ Sebastian questioned, with an amused raise of his eyebrows as Kate’s body swayed slightly again.
‘No,’ Kate snapped back, but too soon; her legs suddenly gave way and, had it not been for Sebastian’s quick actions, she certainly would have fallen to the floor.
‘Kate!’ he admonished, his voice gruff and strangely at odds with the concern that flickered in his face. He swept her hair from her face, the rough hairs on the back of his hand rubbing against the smooth, soft skin of her cheeks. Kate felt an immediate rush of heat. His touch still held the same potent magic for her and the realisation made her feel dangerously vulnerable.
‘I’m all right,’ she said. She made her voice sound strong, hoping that it sounded like a statement when in fact it was a plea for survival. She was already weakening. Her female instincts seemed determined to betray her. She pushed her hand against his hard chest. It was a futile gesture, like hitting a brick wall. Her hand made no impact on his muscular frame. She stood up, moving away from him, aware of his growing impatience.
She willed her weak legs to support her as she made her way tentatively to the bathroom. She slammed the door behind her, shutting Sebastian out, then she leant back on it, desperate for the solid support it could offer her. Her shoulders sagged with the weight of despair and her knees buckled with fatigue. She didn’t want Sebastian’s pity, his brotherly concern, yet it was all he was willing to offer her. The realisation that she was still vulnerable to him made her angry.
She slipped out of her over-sized nightshirt and stepped cautiously into the bath. It was wonderful; the hot water, made silky-soft with delicately scented oils, lapped against her aching body, slowly massaging away her physical pains. But her lonely heart still ached. Nothing had really changed. She breathed deeply, inhaling the heavenly fragrance. The sweet smell of summer flowers made her mind drift back to happier times, as if drawn by a hidden power source that she was too weak to fight.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_7076a765-c96c-5e04-92f1-240a4caaffa8)
SHE was a young girl again, lying in the meadow, the summer grass high; the wild flowers were in glorious abundance, shooting up between the verdant green. The sun was a brilliant yellow disc of heat, burning on to her bare legs as she lay day-dreaming, heedless of everything except the fact that Sebastian was coming home. It had been months since she had seen him and the separation had been almost unbearable. He had been in America, working on Wall Street, but he had now returned to England, still working in commodities on the Stock Exchange. He came home only at weekends, keeping a penthouse flat in London for the week. Kate longed for those weekends, hating Sunday evenings, when he drove away, leaving her for another week.
She hadn’t heard him approach and at first she took no notice of the tickling grass that played across her cheeks; she felt lazy; it was too hot to move. Finally, as her hand attempted for the tenth time to brush the offending grass away, she reluctantly opened her eyes. It was like a dream, as if she had thought about him so much that he had suddenly materialised before her! He was leaning over her, his face tantalisingly close, and she lifted herself up closer to him, instinctively placing her soft, warm lips on his, kissing him with sweet innocence.
‘Kate!’ He laughed. She could still hear it now, echoing through her mind, teasing, mocking, cutting into her heart. He had not been offended or perturbed—or even aroused, she added to herself ruefully. To him, she was still a child. He had been blissfully unaware of the changes her body had been going through, while she had watched her growing development with daily interest, hoping with each swell of her tender young breasts that Sebastian would finally see her as a woman…
Kate slipped deeper into the soapy water till the water splashed up against her cheeks. How hard she had tried to become the woman Sebastian wanted, copying the looks and styles of the women-friends he had. That innocent kiss had been the first of many attempts to capture his attention, but it had all been in vain; all Kate had managed to arouse was her stepmother’s wrath and her father’s disapproval. She could still hear Clare’s voice ringing in her ears.
‘Really, Kate, you should leave Sebastian alone. Find friends of your own age,’ her stepmother had complained on numerous occasions, but Kate had ignored her, always ignored her.
‘I don’t want friends of my own age,’ she had retorted frostily, hating Clare for interfering.
‘Clare’s right, Kate. Why not invite some of your own friends home?’ Her father had supported his new wife, which had hurt Kate deeply.
‘Clare is right, Clare is right,’ she’d mimicked back. ‘Isn’t she always?’ she’d added bitterly. ‘As for bringing friends home, I haven’t a home any more—not since she came.’
Clare had flinched at her words but remained silent.
‘Really, Kate!’ admonished her father. ‘There’s no need to be rude.’
‘I’m going out,’ Kate had snapped back, heedless of his opinion and slamming the door as she left It had been a scene played out many times, till Kate had felt trapped in the role and unable to escape.
The thought of her parents made Kate begin to scrub at her body with the coarse loofah, as if in an attempt to rub out the past. She knew that was impossible; all her attempts to make amends had been disregarded. She was back home now—soon, perhaps, she would see her father again. The thought of being reconciled made her heart leap with sudden joy.
She stayed in the bath till the water chilled. She wanted to be alone to try and sort out her feelings. Eventually, however, she got out, wrapping a warmed fluffy towel about her body. Wiping the condensation from the mirror, she stared blankly at her reflection. She pushed damp tendrils of hair from her face and moved closer, peering at the dull image of her face. She was pale, her eyes lifeless, with dark rings brought on by a poor diet and lack of sleep. They were swollen and bruised as a result of the accident. Tentatively she raised her hand, touching her face gently, moving her fingers lightly over her eyes, and flinching at the pain that even the gentlest of touches caused. She rubbed at her forehead wearily. Her head still ached and she couldn’t remember quite what had happened—it all seemed so unreal, like a bad dream.
‘Kate! Are you OK? Kate! Kate!’ Sebastian’s voice was growing louder. It was accompanied by the rattling of the door-handle and his fist hammering against the solid wood panels till the door shook. Kate gripped the luxuriously soft peach towel about her body as a defensive wall. She turned the key, opening the door with deliberate slowness.
‘Are you all right?’ Sebastian demanded sharply, stepping closer, his arms catching her slender shoulders in a firm grip. Kate’s skin burned as his fingers touched her soft flesh. She caught the scent of his familiar aftershave.
‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she snapped, shrugging herself free as she moved, hating the effect he was having on her. She tensed herself for his touch as she went through the doorway, passing close to him but avoiding his outstretched hands. He dropped his arms in a sudden gesture of defeat. A frustrated frown creased his forehead.
‘There’s no need to snap. You’ve only yourself to blame,’ he reminded her grimly, following her back into the bedroom, his eyes burning into her back. Kate spun round. All the pent-up feelings she felt for him spilled out in a torrent.
‘Me?’ she practically screamed. ‘I’m to blame?’ She echoed his words in furious disbelief. ‘How do you make that out? It was a car accident.’
‘An accident you would not have been involved in had you been at home,’ Sebastian reminded her in a chilling tone. Kate shook her head at his words. She felt she could stand up to him now. She was no longer a child, though the familiar sense of being unloved surfaced at his words.
‘This was my home before you and your mother arrived,’ she told him as all the old pain and bad memories swelled up inside her. It had been traumatic enough, her father’s suddenly remarrying. Kate had felt so rejected. The small amount of time her father had had for her when not working now had to be shared with his new wife and her son. It had been so hard; how she had hated them both. Yet, despite everything, now Kate realised just how homesick she had been, how much she had really missed them all. The effects of the accident had only increased her stress.
‘Stop it, Kate; stop feeling sorry for yourself, and stop blaming others for your own silly mistakes,’ Sebastian growled, his voice dangerously low in comparison to her heartfelt scream.
‘It’s true! It’s all your fault, you and your mother’s,’ she threw back, heedless of the way his whole frame suddenly stiffened.
‘What about your father, Kate? Isn’t he to blame as well?’ Sebastian replied in a low voice. ‘He did marry my mother,’ he concluded, a smile tugging at his mouth.
‘My father always loved me,’ she protested, as she thought of the terrible argument she had had with him the last time they had spoken.
It came racing up, forcing itself from the dark, deep recesses of her mind. She could see it so clearly, the four of them, as if locked into a time-warp. Her father was in front of the blazing fire, Clare, her stepmother, was sitting on the edge of a chair, obviously a little nervous, and Sebastian was there with the smear of tell-tale red lipstick still on his face. Kate stood alone, staring in disbelief at her father’s words. It couldn’t be true.
‘You’re offering Sebastian my partnership?’ she cried in horror, her eyes flying to Sebastian, suddenly hating him with all her might
‘No, Kate,’ her father said, softly but firmly. ‘It’s just that I have other plans for you at the moment…’
‘Other plans? What other plans? I want to join you in the family business,’ she protested furiously. She had worked so hard to understand the work involved—now it was all for nothing.
‘Clare has found a suitable school for you in France.’ Her father paused as he saw the look of dismay sweep over his daughter’s face. ‘It’s just for a couple of years. It will broaden your horizons.’
‘I don’t want my horizons broadened—and nor does she.’ Kate glared at her stepmother with unconcealed contempt. ‘She just wants me out of the way so her son can take over the business.’
‘That’s not true, Kate…’ Clare began, but Kate turned her back on her, refusing to listen. How she regretted that action later. Her father reacted instinctively, pulling at Kate, anger and hurt vying for supremacy.
‘Apologise, Kate, at once,’ he demanded, but Kate remained resolute, her lip protruding stubbornly.
‘No, no, I won’t! It’s the truth, only you’re too blind to see it! And he,’ she said, swinging her hand out to point accusingly at Sebastian, ‘he’s not family. What does he care about our traditions? He’s just a money-maker!’
‘Kate! Kate!’ her father cried again. ‘Apologise at once!’ But Kate was too filled with emotion. How could he do this to her, take their sides against her? It was all so wrong.
‘I won’t, and I won’t stay where I’m not wanted. You have a son now, so you don’t need me,’ Kate cried as her heart broke in two and she fled the room.
Two days later she had left. All attempts she had made to get in touch with her family since then had been rejected, leaving her desolate. She had never received even one reply.
‘Why the past tense?’ Sebastian asked her now, as if unaware of the strained relationship between her father and herself. ‘He still loves you, but you’re not a child any more, Kate, you have to understand that he loves my mother as well,’ he explained gently, as if he were speaking to a child. Kate seethed inwardly. She was an adult—she understood! But would Sebastian always insist on seeing her as if she had never grown up? Did he really think that her reason for not returning home was because of her stepmother? Surely he knew that her father had ignored all her attempts at a reconciliation? ‘I understand that.’ She almost laughed. ‘I accepted their marriage a long time ago.’
‘Did you, Kate?’ Sebastian questioned her grimly, and her eyes flew to his. Surely he must realise why she couldn’t return home? Surely he hadn’t forgotten what had passed between them, and the terrible consequences? His eyes rested on hers, blank and unreadable.
‘Of course I’ve accepted their marriage, for God’s sake. They’ve been married eight years!’ she bit back at him, hurt by his lack of understanding. She knew she had been difficult when her father had first remarried, but she had been a child and not used to sharing her father’s affection with anyone. The adjustment to sharing his love had not been easy but she had grown to accept his new relationship, hard though it had been. She had carefully hidden her pain behind a mask of outrage.
‘Then why did you run away?’ Sebastian challenged. ‘When you should have come home?’ he added.
‘I couldn’t,’ she protested angrily, not wanting to explain, to let him know he had won everything—the business and her father.
‘You mean wouldn’t!’ he returned.
‘You don’t understand—surely—’ Kate began, but Sebastian interrupted, anger sharpening his voice to a rapier edge, cutting deeply into her heart.
‘Oh, grow up! You just ran away,’ he snapped.
‘I didn’t run away,’ she protested indignantly. She was ashamed to admit the truth that her father had not wanted her here. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing the awful truth…‘I chose to live away from home, and I’m twenty this year—hardly a child,’ she informed him crisply, ignoring the mocking rise of his dark eyebrows. ‘I’ve grown up a lot in the last couple of years—’ she began to explain, suddenly wanting him to know the work she had been doing. She was so proud of it. She had to make him realise the past was behind them.
‘Physically, perhaps,’ Sebastian cut m, his eyes making a swift inventory of her slender body. But Kate ignored his appraisal; she was still too angry with him. He was putting her down, refusing to acknowledge that she was no longer a child, totally disregarding what she was saying, and she was incensed.
‘I’m not a child any more, Sebastian,’ she managed to say calmly, despite her annoyance and the fact that her stomach felt weak under his cold scrutiny.
‘You certainly behave like one,’ he said sharply.
‘I don’t!’ Kate came back, hating the way her impulsive denial sounded so immature. Sebastian’s expression showed his dry amusement at her remark. Kate seethed. He would never know how she had longed to return home, but there had been a myriad other reasons, too, why she couldn’t, reasons that he still seemed oblivious to. What about the relationship that had been developing between them? It hurt that he didn’t seem to have thought of that at all. It was true that she had not been welcome here, but she had also wanted some independence. A chance to show her parents that she had changed, become responsible, that she was no longer the spoilt, selfish child. The work she did now made her realise just how privileged she had been, which made her feel uncomfortably guilty sometimes.
‘Then you don’t consider running off and upsetting your father childish behaviour? I’ve wasted quite a lot of money over the last few months searching for you,’ Sebastian growled. His face was dark with intent, lightened only by the fierce light that flamed in his blue eyes. Kate felt her anger bubble up again inside her. It seemed to feed off him. He just wasn’t prepared to listen. He wouldn’t even give her the chance to explain.
‘I’m sorry you wasted your money. You should have left me where I was and your money in the bank,’ she replied.
‘Left you in that tawdry flat, with that man? How long do you think you would have survived?’ Sebastian asked.
‘I happen to like that flat. OK, it was a little rundown, but it was cheap,’ she defended herself. Terry, her boss, shared all the expenses, making it very economical.
‘I’ can believe that.’ A smile touched the corners of Sebastian’s mouth as he enjoyed her flaring temper. Kate knew what he was implying and she was furious. Did he not realise that she worked? That Terry and she were merely flatmates? She would not lower herself to explain. It might do him good to think she had a relationship with Terry. She tossed her head back as she spun away from him and marched over to her dressing-table, throwing herself down heavily on the chair. It creaked in protest. She glared at his reflection in the mirror.
‘I’d rather be on my own,’ she told him aloofly as she picked up a hairbrush and made a desultory attempt at brushing her damp hair. She hoped that her cold attitude was coolly dismissive but Sebastian remained impassive.
‘Quite the Greta Garbo, aren’t we?’ he mocked, his generous mouth widening still further while her mouth thinned to a grim line. He folded his arms across his muscular chest, his stance warning her that he had no intention of leaving. She knew how stubborn Sebastian could be.
‘Shut up, Sebastian. Shut up and get out,’ Kate shouted, unable to stand his presence any longer. His taunting smile only reflected his lack of understanding. He raked his fingers through his hair and shook his head, tutting softly at her outburst.
‘Now that’s not very polite, is it?’ he teased. ‘I see your manners haven’t improved. Clare was right—you should have gone to a finishing school.’
But Kate was in no mood to be taunted. She was determined to wipe the smile from his arrogant face.
‘Clare still managed to get rid of me,’ she turned to remind him. She hoped the jibe would hit home. But her sense of victory was quickly squashed. For a moment there was a flicker of annoyance on his face but then he grinned, his eyes bright with humour.
‘Of course! It was the wicked stepmother,’ he said dramatically, laughing as he raised his hand to his forehead, as he were part of a Victorian melodrama.
‘Well, it was, wasn’t it?’ she said coolly, trying to ignore his mocking attitude and the obvious amusement she was affording him.
