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“You’re sending me mixed messages again,” he pointed out.
She couldn’t seem to help herself. Although she was starved for the physical stimulation she’d grown accustomed to during the year she’d spent with her brother’s best friend and former cell mate, she couldn’t let this go any further. Myles had a daughter. And he’d suffered enough with the loss of his wife. She needed to take that into consideration. She’d hate herself if she brought any more pain and unhappiness into their lives.
“You’ll have to trust what I say.”
His fingers continued to glide back and forth, creating goose bumps. “What if I prefer what you’re not saying?”
He didn’t realize what he was doing, stirring up such longing. She was so tired and scared she couldn’t seem to marshal her self-control. “What do you want from me?” she whispered.
His hand stilled. “I’m thinking yes to dinner would be nice. Any chance we could start there?”
Dinner? That wasn’t enough. Not now. Everything she’d been missing, craving, imagining in the dark hours of night was bearing down on her all at once—distilling into a reckless abandon unlike anything she’d experienced before. Nothing seemed to matter except obliterating that aching need. “I have a better idea.”
He cocked his head, and she swallowed hard before continuing. “What if we made an…arrangement?”
“What kind of arrangement?”
Her heart felt like a fish flopping around on the sand. “An arrangement that would…last for one night.”
When his eyes narrowed, she knew she’d piqued his interest. “The only arrangement I know that lasts for one night is called a one-night stand.”
When she didn’t tell him he’d gotten the wrong idea, as he so obviously expected, he sat up and blinked. “When a woman turns a man down for dinner as many times as you’ve turned me down, he pretty much figures sex is out of the question.”
That didn’t mean it had to be. They couldn’t have a relationship. But one night wasn’t a relationship. It was an escape.
She wet her lips. “Is that a no?”
He took an even closer look at her. “You’re serious.”
“It’s a simple question.” She’d knocked him off balance but she’d been off balance from the beginning. “Do you want to make love to me or not?” Don’t say no. I can’t keep waging this battle alone. Just one night with company in my solitary world. That’s all I ask…?.
He shoved back in his chair, the small movement a sudden explosion of energy. “Is that a trick question? Because if this is…some sort of test…I mean, if you think that’s all I’m after—”
He was searching for pitfalls when there were none. “You don’t understand. That’s all I’m after. One night. Just promise me two things.”
Several creases appeared in his forehead. “What?”
Vivian curled her fingernails into her palms. “You have to keep it to yourself—”
“What kind of person do you think I am?” he retorted.
She didn’t bother answering, because this next part was the clincher. “And you can’t ask me out again. Ever. You can’t come over here hoping for a repeat, either. We agree to forget about tonight, act as if it never happened, and we go back to being polite neighbors. That’s all. It’s a…a time-out for both of us.”
Jumping to his feet, he paced to the counter. “Listen, I’m sure it’s probably been as long for you as it has for me. I understand how—” he seemed to be choosing his words carefully “—lonely you must be…living the kind of life you’ve been living, taking care of your kids, working so much and devoting any free hours to your garden. But…there’s a lot we don’t know about each other. And we’re not the most transparent people in the world.”
He was trying to be kind, using we.
“I’m not sure having sex is the best way to start a friendship,” he finished.
“It’s not a friendship,” she corrected. “It’s a one-night stand, like you said.”
“But we’re neighbors. We live in the same small community.”
She knew it would be awkward afterward, but they could deal with it, put the barriers back up. And if they couldn’t, she didn’t care. She refused to be logical, to acknowledge the risks. Fortunately, the wine made that easy. Couldn’t she just act for once, before her self-control regained the upper hand and denied her yet again? How much more sacrifice could life demand? She was thirty years old and she’d had one fulfilling sexual relationship, which had lasted less than a year. “You don’t have to explain or justify your decision. You merely have to make up your mind. Do you want me or not?”
When he cleared his throat and adjusted himself, she could tell he wasn’t unaffected by the tension crackling between them. “This isn’t about want, for Christ’s sake. If that was the only thing I had to consider, I wouldn’t think twice.”
“Then stop thinking.”
“I can’t. Taking off our clothes isn’t the right place to begin a relationship.”
Why was he saying that again? She’d already told him she didn’t want a relationship. There was no beginning. Only an end. And she’d let him choose what that end would be.
She gave him a rather tight smile. “I understand. Thanks for fixing my refrigerator.”
He went stone-still despite all the energy that seemed to be coiled up inside him. “Thanks? That’s it? What about a movie? Bowling? A hike? Boating on the lake? We could drive into Libby if you’re afraid someone here might see us and make an issue of it.”
Her head suddenly felt as if it weighed a ton; just holding it up became a struggle. She was too weary to continue carrying her usual load, which had been made all the heavier by Pat’s murder. And now she knew there’d be no relief, not even for a few hours. “No, but thank you.”
“This is crazy,” he said. “You want to sleep with me, but you won’t go out with me? Why?”
“I can’t.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
She pressed her palms to her eyes. “Please…go. I—I should never have asked. I wouldn’t have, except…” Except she had no other alternative. She felt she had to grab hold of someone before she lost all ability to cope. “Never mind. It’s no excuse for my behavior, but…I’m tired.”
“Listen.” The tension threatened to escape his control, but he managed to bridle it. “You’ve had too much to drink. That ties my hands right there. But…you never know where dinner might go.”
“I understand,” she said again. “But no, thank you. I had no business asking. I can’t even imagine how it must’ve sounded.”
“I want to get to know you better first, use a little caution. We’re not eighteen.”
“Right. It was my mistake. I’m sorry.”
That she agreed with him only seemed to bother him more. “But it’s still a no.”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Fine. Forget it.” With a frustrated scowl, he strode to the door, where he turned back and studied her as if he couldn’t believe they’d reached this impasse.
She forced herself to look away. “Your daughter’s probably wondering where you are.”
Cursing, he grabbed his toolbox and left.
The click of the door echoed in Vivian’s mind as she sat alone, staring at the wine bottle that had come between her and some restraint.
“Great. I just propositioned my neighbor,” she muttered. “And it was the county sheriff.” What’d gotten into her? Could she really be desperate enough to make such a fool of herself?
Apparently so. Embarrassment would consume her in the morning. She could already feel a hint of what she had coming, dancing just beyond the fuzziness caused by the alcohol.
Pouring herself the last of the wine, she decided she could deal with that later. First, she had to contend with the cold emptiness that’d settled into the pit of her stomach.
Laying her head on her arms, she looked at the clock on the wall, watching the second hand move slowly from dot to dot. One minute… Two…
She hadn’t even gotten any information out of him about the murder. Shit… Shit, shit, shit…
Then she remembered the shock on his face when she propositioned him and started to laugh. If she didn’t laugh, she’d cry. And what good was crying? There was no one to hear her, no one to help…?.
As usual.
3
I have a better idea… What if we made an arrangement?… What kind of arrangement?… An arrangement that would last for one night…?.
Holy hell. Myles had so many hormones coursing through him he couldn’t even bring himself to sit down. Leaving the lights off—the darkness gave him a sense of privacy he desperately needed right now—he prowled around his living room, fighting the urge to return to Vivian’s. If he couldn’t convince her to go out with him, why not take what he could get? Tonight might be his only chance.
But that was a pretty creepy way to look at it. He really didn’t want to be that big an asshole. For one thing, she’d had too much to drink. That meant he couldn’t.
There were other issues, too. He still felt some loyalty to Amber Rose, hadn’t been with anyone since. Then there was Marley and how irresponsible it would be for him, as a father and a police officer, to be intimate with someone he wasn’t even dating. And what about Pat? The murder of a Pineview citizen should’ve been enough to keep him occupied and well beyond temptation. He’d assigned his two best investigators to the case, but he’d have his work cut out for him in the morning, when the press began to call and everyone started demanding answers. He should be getting some sleep. The whole community was depending on him…?.
But he wanted her. There was no question about that. As guilty and disloyal as it made him feel, he’d wanted her almost from the first day he saw her, watering her lawn wearing that pretty summer dress and no shoes. Would one night of hot, sweaty sex be that reprehensible?
If he indulged himself, maybe he’d be able to start living again. He felt as if his life had been on pause since Amber Rose died. He’d convinced himself to go out on a couple of blind dates set up by well-meaning friends, and he’d joined a softball team in an attempt to socialize, but he was merely going through the motions, pretending to be whole when he wasn’t. Except for the love he had for his daughter and the interest Vivian sparked whenever he saw her, he felt very little passion for anyone or anything—even, to a point, his work.
This might be the answer, might bring him back to the man he used to be.
He imagined taking Vivian to the lake, pictured himself peeling off her swimsuit and bringing his mouth to her breast, and nearly groaned. Allowing himself to dangle at the far edge of restraint was driving him mad—
“Daddy?”
His daughter’s voice acted like a splash of cold water in the face. Whipping around, he saw her charging down the steps, heading toward the kitchen. He’d left the light on in there. Her best friend, Elizabeth, trailed after her. Their movie must’ve ended.
“Yes?”
His answer, coming from the direction it did, startled her. She hadn’t expected to find him brooding in the dark.
After hesitating for a moment, she came forward. “Is something wrong?”
A lot was wrong. But he felt as though fifteen minutes with Vivian could fix at least some of it. “No, why?”
“What are you doing here?”
“Just thinking.”
When she leaned closer, he could tell she was trying to see him more clearly in the light spilling from the hallway. “Why is your hair messed up?”
Better his hair than his clothes, he thought, and jammed his hands in his pockets. “I must’ve shoved my fingers through it.”
“It looks funny.” She nudged Elizabeth and they both giggled. But then she sobered and the worry was back. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
That was a question he hoped he’d be more capable of answering in the affirmative tomorrow. “Of course. What’s up?”
“Elizabeth and I were wondering if I could stay over at her house tonight.”
“No!” The quickness of his reply revealed that he hadn’t even considered it. She wouldn’t like that, of course, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t let her stay elsewhere. Not until they found Pat’s killer. Besides, her absence would leave him with an empty house, making it that much more difficult not to slip over to Vivian’s.
When she summoned the pout he usually couldn’t resist, he knew she wasn’t going to accept his answer without an argument. “Why not? It’s summer. It’s not like I have school tomorrow.”
He hated to tell her about Pat, but she obviously hadn’t heard. “Pat Stueben was murdered today, Marley. I don’t want you going anywhere.”
The “please, please, please” part had been coming next. He could tell. But this brought her up short. “What do you mean…murdered?”
He put some effort into gentling his voice. “Someone killed him.”
She gaped at Elizabeth, whose horrified expression matched her own. “The real-estate agent?” she breathed when her attention shifted back to him. “The guy who sold us this house?”
“That’s him.”
“Oh, no!” Her hand flew to her mouth. “Now I feel awful for making fun of that plaid jacket he always wears…wore.”
Her comment might’ve been comical under different circumstances. Under these circumstances, Myles wasn’t even tempted to laugh. “It’s very sad, especially for his wife.”
“Are you sure someone did it? It wasn’t an—an accident?”
“I’m sure. A person doesn’t get beaten to death by accident.”
“So that’s why you’re pacing around in here.”
The murder was part of it; his angst over Vivian was the rest. That lust could take center stage on a night like this made him question his own character.
Marley turned on a lamp. “But…how could someone do such a thing?”
The sexual tension that had held him in its grip was beginning to dissipate. His daughter grounded him, helped him remember what was important. He’d made the right decision coming home. How could he expect Marley to approach sexual relationships with respect and caution if he didn’t set the proper example? “I don’t know, but we’re going to do everything we can to find the culprit.”
“Are you investigating it? I thought you had people who did that for you.”
“I do, but I’m in charge, so I’m responsible for how it’s handled.”
Troubled eyes regarded him as she pondered the news. But with typical teenage narcissism, she reverted to what she wanted almost immediately. “So why does that mean I can’t go to Elizabeth’s? You don’t think it’s safe?”
That wasn’t what he’d meant to convey. He didn’t want to cause mass panic in Pineview. He simply preferred to have his daughter at home tonight, where he could watch over her. And he wanted to remove the temptation to unleash the anger, disappointment, sexual frustration and myriad other emotions of the past three years on his neighbor. Taking Vivian up on her offer wouldn’t have made dealing with their lives afterward any easier. “That’s not what I’m saying. I just want to be cautious while my investigators figure out how and why it happened and make sure the same thing doesn’t happen to anyone else.”
“You think someone else could be killed?”
Unless the perpetrator had already moved on. For the sake of everyone who lived in this small town by the lake, Myles hoped the danger had passed. But he also craved justice for Pat and understood how much harder it would be to obtain if his killer had left the area. “I can’t even guess. Like I said, we need to be cautious until we know more.”
“Oh, my gosh!” She grabbed her friend’s hand. “Then can Elizabeth stay here instead?”
