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‘We have to try everything,’ I said, and I felt him nodding.
‘We will.’ He paused, then went on, ‘Evie, I know she’s closer to you than your own family, but trying to absorb Lizzy’s unhappiness won’t ease it for her. Can you imagine how cross she’d be if she knew you were spending your days worrying and crying over something you have no power to change?’
I drew back, suspicious. He sounded awfully selfish, and it surprised and unsettled me. He frowned, then realised what was going through my mind and shook his head. ‘I’m not suggesting you forget about her, that you ignore your feelings or that you be cheerful for anyone’s sake but your own, and hers. All I’m saying is that, when you write to her, you hold on to that determination we all love about you, and don’t show her a moment’s doubt. Do your crying with me, cry all the time if you need to.’ He touched my cheek, and his face was earnest, and more than a little helpless. ‘I don’t want to see you sad, but if you must be sad with someone, let it always be me.’
That afternoon when I returned home, I wrote to Uncle Jack, and then to Lizzy, keeping Will’s words in mind and forcing my determined cheerfulness onto the paper.
‘Dearest Lizzy. I have written to Uncle Jack in the hopes he may help secure your release, I don’t know how, but he does seem to know some terribly important people. I await his response, but will write to you immediately as soon as I hear he is on his way, for I am sure he soon will be!
Yr loving friend,
Evie.’
As I reread the words before sliding the paper into the waiting envelope, I felt them wrap themselves around the despair in my heart and soothe it; there was nothing more I could do, but Uncle Jack would ride to the rescue, there was no question about it. Lizzy’s fate now lay in his hands, and my own rested in mine and Will’s; it had come as a breathtaking shock to discover how suddenly everything could change, and I realised I must treasure every fleeting and fragile moment of joy while it was still within reach.
The spring of 1913 was dull and wet, and gave way to an equally dull, but dry summer. Will and I continued to meet each Sunday; it was difficult to find any more time since mother had realised I would soon be turning nineteen, and was in danger of becoming the spinster of the parish. Of course, the loss of the Kalteng Star was having an effect on the number of potential husbands that crossed the threshold of Oaklands Manor, but there were still plenty for Mother to urge in my direction, and to question me over after I had returned from whichever dinner or party I had been whisked away to.
I played my part, of course. I danced with fathers, spoke glowingly to mothers of their sons’ fine qualities, befriended sisters and curtseyed to grandmothers. I laughed with suitors and allowed a brief brush of lips on my gloved hand when we parted, and told Mother I’d had a wonderful time and would very much like to see that young man again. Then I went to my room, dismissed Ruth, and lay in the dark thinking of Will.
The day after a particularly excruciating party was a Sunday, and despite a strong breeze it was a rare sunny one. With Orion loosely tethered to a bush and munching at the grass, I climbed onto the high rock and looked across the valley to see Will, striding up over the hill with that eagerness he never tried to hide. His dark hair blew back from his face, showing strong, clean lines of jaw and cheekbone, and I enjoyed watching the unconsciously graceful ease with which he moved across the uneven ground towards me.
I stood up and waved, the wind whipping at my skirts and threatening to tug me right off the rock, and he shouted at me to sit down before something awful happened but instead I began to dance from foot to foot, just to make him walk faster. It worked; he began to run, laughing, until he was able to spring up beside me and press his smiling mouth to mine.
He tasted cold and fresh after his walk, and his skin was flushed with good health and contentment. I could tell he was going to say something momentous and romantic, and I waited with impatient and growing anticipation, while he searched for the right words.
Eventually he took my hand, and fixed his eyes tenderly on mine. ‘You’ve got a hole in your jacket.’
I blinked at him, then gave him a look of mock annoyance. ‘And here I was thinking you were about to declare your endless devotion.’
‘Oh, that too,’ he said with a grin, and tugged my hair gently. ‘Ruth not up to Lizzy’s standard then?’ My humour faded, and I sat down. He sat beside me and put an arm around my shoulder. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean to remind you.’
‘It’s never far from my mind anyway. I do wish Uncle Jack would write back, no one’s heard from him since the turn of the year.’
‘Do you think he’ll be able to help?’
‘I’m sure he will. He must be owed a favour or two, after all he’s always shooting off at a moment’s notice and it can’t be all his own choice.’
‘And Ruth?’ He waggled his finger through the hole in my jacket pocket.
‘She’s a disaster, of course. She might have been a good kitchen maid but her skills don’t extend any further than that, and she doesn’t seem at all disposed to learning. She doesn’t have Lizzy’s deftness of touch, and doesn’t notice when something needs doing. I have to ask her half a dozen times at least.’
He grinned at my grumpy tone. ‘But is she as cold as ever?’
‘More so, I would say.’ But I didn’t want to waste our time talking about Ruth. ‘I’m thinking of telling Mother I don’t want a maid at all.’
‘You’d want one if Lizzy was still here,’ he pointed out.
‘She was very good, but I miss her friendship more than her skill with a needle. Besides, I can dress myself. And,’ I added drily, ‘I could mend my own clothes a sight better than Ruth Wilkins. I can’t help feeling it’s time to let go of all that nonsense.’
‘So you’re still convinced everything is going to change,’ Will said, staring out over the hills. Then he swung back to face me and stared at me closely. I was ready for him to tell me I had a smudge on my nose, or a leaf in my hair, but instead he said, ‘I want to marry you, Evie. One day. When we can, without upsetting your family. Will you let me?’
I felt a smile creep across my face and saw it answered in his own. ‘Never mind my family,’ I said, ‘it’s not them you’re marrying.’
‘What sort of an answer is that?’
‘It’s a resounding, thunderous yes!’ I stood up again and cupped my hands to my mouth, bellowing down the valley in a most unladylike manner, ‘Mother, can you hear this? I’m going to marry the butcher’s boy!’
I turned back, still laughing, but Will had stood too, and was looking at me oddly. He folded his arms across his chest, tucking his hands into his armpits, but it seemed less as a way of keeping warm than of keeping his distance.
My own laughter died. ‘What is it?’
‘Why did you say “yes”, Evie?’ he asked quietly, his words almost whipped away in the summer wind.
‘What do you mean? I said it because I want to marry you!’
He blew out a breath and looked down at his feet, and I could see he was struggling with something he didn’t want to say aloud, but felt he must. Eventually he looked back at me, and there was a confused kind of hope in his expression.
‘Are you sure you’re not saying it just to upset the apple cart, and you’ll change your mind later?’
‘No! Why ever would you ask such a thing?’
‘In the market, when I gave you the rose, I thought it was sweet and funny that you put it in your hat-band and said it would annoy your mother. I told myself it was because you were, I don’t know…’ he shrugged, embarrassed, ‘a little bit moved, maybe, and couldn’t think of anything else to say.’
‘I was! That was exactly it. Will, don’t –’
‘No, listen. Just now, when you agreed to marry me, shouldn’t your first reaction have been to come to me? To kiss me? But no, you stood up and, well yes, gloated that you were going to marry the butcher’s boy. Not me, not Will Davies. The “butcher’s boy”.’
Remorse struck me as I stared at him, at his usually open, cheerful face, now tight-jawed and frowning. I couldn’t blame him for his anger. I wanted to go to him, as I should have done before but it would just look false now – it was far too late. I simply didn’t know what to do.
I looked at him helplessly, hoping my regret would show through my wordless inability to move. He looked back, his face pale, his own silence begging me to contradict what he’d said, but I couldn’t find anything big enough, and significant enough, to say. The feelings were swelling inside me, but they couldn’t find a way to be expressed. Eventually I found a tiny voice and managed, ‘Do you still want to marry me?’
He let his arms drop, but he didn’t hold them out to invite me closer. ‘Of course I do,’ he said, gently enough, then went on in a firmer voice, ‘but I won’t be your toy, a means of annoyance to your mother.’ He shook his head, his expression touched with exasperation now. ‘I don’t understand you sometimes. You clearly love her, but you have this need to push her to the limit of her endurance. I can’t just be another weapon in your armoury.’
That stung. ‘This is about you and me, Will, no one else.’
‘And what of your mother?’
‘Well, of course I love her, even though she’s sometimes hard to love.’ I saw a way to convince him then, and hurried on: ‘And yet I’m prepared to risk hurting her to be with you. Doesn’t that tell you all you need to know?’
‘You torment her at every chance,’ he pointed out, but he had softened his stance and now took a hesitant step closer. ‘Look, I know you’ve always been a bit of a tearaway, but you’re growing up fast, and Lady Creswell needs to get to know the young lady you’ve become. She’ll never like me, I understand that, but when she sees you’re serious she might give us her blessing.’
I shook my head. ‘She won’t. And it’s not because of who you are, because if she knew you she would love you as much as I do. It’s because of who you’re not.’
He slumped a little then, but my words seemed to reach him and he accepted my tentative embrace. We stood for a while, on top of the rock, while our first ever moments of discord gradually slipped away into the breeze, and began to appreciate, once more, this precious time alone together.
I ran a finger over the back of one of his hands, noting the slender strength of his fingers and remembering their dexterity with the paper sculptures. ‘You never did tell me: how did you end up working for Mr Markham? And what do you want to do, really?’
‘I suppose if you’re going to marry me you ought to know something about me,’ he conceded. ‘I have no deep, dark secrets, but you’re right, butchery was never my first choice.’ He jumped off the rock and turned to me, hands outstretched to help, but I’d been jumping off this rock for years and, with a withering look at him, I managed it quite well again today without his help. He grinned and took my hand, tucking it around his arm as we walked up towards the big quarry pit that lay over the hill.
‘Dad wanted me to take over the business. He worked seven days a week, but that wasn’t why I left, I’ve never been afraid of a full working life. I just felt as if I had no time to do what I loved most: sculpting wood.’
I should have expected this; his eye for crafting beautiful things was clearly echoed in the skill of his hands. ‘I had a friend,’ he went on. ‘Nathan. He lived in Blackpool too, but he had family in Breckenhall. Quite well off, I think. We both shared this…’ he looked down at his free hand and flexed the fingers reflectively, ‘this need to create, I suppose.’ He glanced down at me, a little embarrassed, a little defiant.
‘Go on,’ I said, delighted to be learning about him at last. ‘Where is Nathan now? Oh, and what was the family business you couldn’t wait to get away from?’
Will stopped and withdrew his arm from mine to shove his hands in his pockets. ‘You’ll laugh.’
‘I won’t, I promise.’
‘Cross your heart?’
‘Absolutely. I will not laugh.’
His eyes narrowed in warning, then he shrugged. ‘All right. It was a butcher’s shop.’
I bit my lip, but it was no good, and although I didn’t laugh outright I did feel a wide smile on my face that made him roll his eyes, pull my hat down over my ears and stalk off. I chased him, letting the giggles out at last, and caught his hand. ‘Wait! I want to hear the rest!’
‘I’ll tell you the rest if you promise not to say the word “butcher” to me once more today.’
‘I promise,’ I said again, with the proper solemnity, and he sighed.
‘Might as well get the grass to promise not to grow,’ he grumbled. ‘Anyway, Nathan was – is – an artist. A proper artist, not like me; I just like to make things, but he’s a painter.’
‘I don’t see why that makes you less than a “proper” artist,’ I protested.
Will shook his head. ‘He had real talent, everyone said so. He was offered a studio here in Breckenhall, one of his family left it to him. So he asked me if I wanted to leave Blackpool, come here and set up with him in business. He would take commissions, I would work on my carvings and sculptures, and we would sell them at the market.’ He shrugged again. ‘It all sounded wonderful. I was just in the way at home, anyway.’
‘In the way? How could you be?’
‘I’m the youngest of five. There were plenty of others to take my place beside Dad.’
I tried to imagine how anyone could make him feel anything less than special, but I couldn’t begin to. ‘So the two of you came to Breckenhall, set up your studio, and what happened then?’
‘Nathan’s dream carried us for a while. I sold a few pieces and we set ourselves up using our savings. But we’d not thought it through really; frames, oils, canvas, brushes…it all cost much more money than we’d allowed for.’
‘But you owned the studio outright?’
‘Yes. We partitioned it off and slept in one half, worked in the other. It was fun, those few years,’ Will said, smiling in remembrance. ‘We got on well, and we were able to spend all our time doing the thing we each loved the most. I was able to get by without spending too much on equipment; I walked to the forest and gathered hardwoods there, so all I had to do was keep my blades sharp. And eat and keep warm, of course.’
I wished I’d known him then, it gave me an odd feeling to think he’d been there all this time, I’d probably even seen him selling his carvings in the market without noticing him…it didn’t seem possible now. ‘Sounds heavenly,’ I said.
‘Well, I knew things were difficult, but I thought we were muddling through. Then one day Nathan stayed up late to finish a project he was working on, and when I woke up I found a note. He’d gone.’
‘Gone? Where?’
Will shrugged. ‘Just…gone. He’d been struggling for a long time, borrowing from friends and family, until he found himself in so much debt he couldn’t pay it back. Not even his family could help. I had no idea things were so bad.’
‘What about the studio?’ I said, aghast, ‘Couldn’t you sell that?’
‘He’d already sold it, without telling me, and now I owed rent to the new owners.’
‘What on earth did you do?’
‘I sold everything I could to pay the back rent, found a smaller room above the fruit shop, and just when I thought I would have to go back to Blackpool with my tail between my legs, I saw the note in Frank Markham’s window.’ He looked at his hands again and gave a rueful laugh. ‘It seemed I’d learned more from my father than I thought, Markham was very impressed despite my “advanced age”. He gave me the job there and then.’
‘Well, thank goodness he did,’ I said, ‘or I’d never have met you.’
Will stopped and turned me to face him. ‘Thank goodness,’ he echoed, and I stood very still, breathless, thinking how close I had come to driving him away with my childish need to provoke my mother.
‘I’m sorry,’ I blurted. ‘You had every right to be angry.’
‘I wasn’t –’
‘Yes, you were.’
He smiled, suddenly. ‘Yes, I was. Bloody angry, actually. There was I, baring my soul to you, and all you can do is start yelling down the valley.’
‘Sorry,’ I said again, then gave him my wickedest grin. ‘You do look very handsome when you’re angry though, I must remember that. Perhaps I should begin a list of all the things that make you cross.’
He growled, and lunged for me, but I danced back out of reach and sat down on the grass. ‘You’re so easy-going, what does make you angry?’
‘Apart from young ladies reacting incorrectly to proposals of marriage?’
‘Apart from that, yes.’
He sat next to me, and pretended to consider. ‘Grown-ups sulking,’ he said at last. ‘I find that more annoying than almost anything.’
I lay back and rolled over, letting out the biggest, grumpiest sigh I could manage. He chuckled, and I felt his hand on my back, but although I smiled into the crook of my elbow I didn’t roll over. I liked the feeling of the persistent rubbing of his hand through the thin material of my dress, and as he lifted the hair away from the nape of my neck I knew what would happen next. Sure enough, his lips touched the newly exposed and tender skin and I bit my arm to keep from letting out a sigh of pleasure; I wasn’t ready for this to end yet, and as I gave another grunt of feigned annoyance I felt his mouth curve against my neck in a smile that I knew would be wide and beautiful.
‘I’m getting very angry now,’ he whispered, and the warmth of his breath sent a shock of longing through me that I wasn’t prepared for. My playacting ceased immediately and I lay very still, aware of the heat of his hand at my shoulder, and of the cool shade of his body. He kissed my neck again, and his hand moved gently down my side to cup my hip, then roll me gently towards him, brushing across my body to rest at my waist. I found myself unable to speak, but it didn’t matter; his face blocked out the sun, and as his lips touched mine, I knew this time things were different.
Our afternoons had always held the frisson of forbidden pleasure, and, while I knew the attraction between us had been growing, I had never, until now, felt the almost painful need to take our innocent kisses any further. Now, as he drew back and looked down at me, his breathing suddenly shallow, I felt a sweet, tugging sensation in the pit of my stomach that grew stronger the more I studied him. I noticed every single thing about him; the way his hair flopped untidily across his brow; the stray lash that lay beside his left eye; the slightly reddened skin along his jaw where he’d shaved in a hurry before coming out to meet me. I felt his hand slide up from my waist and across my ribcage to lie tentatively beneath my breast, and then his thumb moved to caress the swell there and he closed his eyes.
I kept mine open. His collar was open in the August warmth, and I saw the muscles move in the strong, smooth column of his throat, and the pulse beating rapidly below the angle of his jaw. I smelled grass and soap, the faint tang of moorland animals, and my own light perfume, all mingling in the dry air, and then his mouth was on mine and as my lips parted I felt him sigh against me, and I was lost.
I came to only moments later. Will jerked away from me as if I had slapped him, and I stared up at him in mortified astonishment before realising he had not moved voluntarily. A tall shadow fell over us both, and even as I recognised the angry face of my cousin David Wingfield, Will rolled away from me and came to his feet. Before he had gained his balance David shoved at him and he stumbled back, but recovered in time to deflect a blow that would otherwise had crashed into the side of his head. His own fist came up with a short, quick motion and connected with David’s jaw, and from where I lay I could see David go sprawling backwards.
Will turned back to me, stunned, and crouched down. ‘Darling, I’m so sorry, are you all right?’
‘What on earth is going on?’ I said, putting my hand in his.
He pulled me to my feet. ‘I have no idea why he’s here, but you’d better –’
Before he could finish, David’s foot rammed into the back of his knee and he staggered into me, carrying me back to the ground with a grunt, and my teeth clacked together painfully. He only just avoided landing on top of me by rolling onto his side and, off-balance and worried about me, he failed to move out of the way quickly enough and David’s next kick took him below the breastbone, knocking the breath from his body. He slumped, gasping, but the next time David’s foot flew out he caught it and tugged hard, spilling David onto his back again.
Will climbed to his feet, pale and still dragging painful breaths, and waited until David was upright again before advancing with his fists ready. I stared at them both, dizzy with the suddenness with which everything had changed, and wanting to go to Will and make sure he was all right. But he was completely focused on David now, and as David lunged, he easily dodged and clipped David on the point of his chin.
I watched, my heart slowing as the panic eased; Will was older, and easily the most agile and stronger of the two, and, despite the bruising kick, he was breathing more easily now. I wondered what had brought David up to the quarry in the first place, and, hot on the heels of that came the more urgent question: how could we prevent him from telling everyone what he had seen?
