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Jay’s arm tightened around her waist and he pulled her against his side. “Lacey, I haven’t smiled…”
And then he was quiet and Lacey didn’t know why he didn’t smile. But she was glad it was time to go home.
* * *
Lacey’s phone rang late the next afternoon. She was stiff from the fall and from working all day. As she reached for the phone she grimaced a little. Bailey was sitting at the dining room table and she laughed. But she had promised not to mention the fall again.
“Lacey, they’ve got Corry in custody.”
Lacey closed her eyes. “Okay. What now?”
“I’ll pick you up and take you to Springfield. Family Services has Rachel.”
“Will they let me have her?”
“We’re making phone calls.” Jay paused. “It’ll work out. I’ll be down there in a few minutes.”
Lacey hung up and then turned to Bailey. “They have her in custody.”
“Jay’s taking you to Springfield?”
“He is.” Lacey tossed her cell phone in her purse. “I’m scared to death.”
“Don’t be. This is going to work out. Call me when you get home, so I know you’re okay.”
Lacey nodded. “I’ll call.”
Five minutes later Jay’s black truck pulled up in front of the house. Lacey had popped a few ibuprofen and she met him at the front door. He stepped out of the truck, leaving his hat behind.
He was the one there for her.
No, not for her. She pushed that thought away, because it was dangerous to her heart. That thought didn’t even belong. It was like a kid’s activity book, one of these things doesn’t belong. The thing that didn’t belong was Jay Blackhorse in her life.
This was about Corry in trouble, the baby and the police. Jay wasn’t in her life. He was…
She wasn’t sure and now wasn’t the time to deal with suspicion, worrying that he had other motives for helping. She didn’t want to get caught up in questions, prodding her to ask why he was involved in her life and what he wanted.
“Call me.” Bailey stood behind her. “And stop looking like the sky is falling. That isn’t you, Lacey. You’re my sunshine friend, not a dark cloud.”
Lacey turned and smiled at Bailey, remembering a time when they were on opposite sides of this fence and Lacey had been the optimist. “You’re right.”
“Ready to go?” Jay stood in her yard, Wrangler jeans, a button-down shirt and his puka-shell necklace. She smiled, because she couldn’t help herself. She liked that he had these two sides of his personality.
“I’m ready to go.” She smiled when Bailey kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Bay. You mean the world to me.”
“Ditto, chick.”
Bailey walked down the steps, punching Jay a little on the arm. “Take care of her. She’s my best friend.”
“Will do.” He shifted a little and looked down, his cheeks red.
Lacey pulled her door closed and twisted the knob to make sure it was locked. And then she walked across the lawn with Jay.
It felt worse than a first date.
It was anything but.
“Climb in.” Jay opened the passenger-side door and she obeyed, really not seeing the running board, and then falling over it. A strong hand caught her arm from behind and held her steady.
“Very graceful.” He said it with a smile that she could hear. “You’re two for nothing on the accident scale.”
Lacey turned, frowning, and he was still smiling, a smile that showed dazzling teeth and the tiniest dimple in his chin.
“Thanks.” She smiled back.
“You’re welcome. Do you need help?”
He was teasing and that helped, for a second she forgot the case of nerves that was twisting her insides.
“I’m fine, and you can let go now.” She slid into the seat, aware of the place his hand had rested on her arm.
The truck was still running and Casting Crowns played on the CD player, songs of worship, loud and vibrant. She fastened her seatbelt and leaned back, waiting for him to get in. He did, bringing with him that freshly showered and spicy-cologne scent of his.
“Lacey, you have to stop thinking I’m the enemy.” He reached to turn the music down. “I’m sorry for knowing about you, about…”
“My record.” She looked out the window, watching farm-land slip past them. Gentle hills, green fields, a few houses and barns. Not St. Louis, city streets and crowded neighborhoods of people getting by the best way they knew how. Some did better than others.
Lacey’s family had been one of the families not making it at all. Never any security or hope, just scraping and trying to survive.
“We’ve all done things.” Jay tried, she knew he really tried. He didn’t get it. He couldn’t.
“What have you done?” She turned away from the window to look at him. “Well?”
He didn’t answer, but he smiled a little smile, keeping his eyes on the road ahead of them. Both hands on the wheel in driver’s-ed position. He did everything by the book.
“Did you maybe sneak behind the barn and smoke once, years ago? It made you choke, might have made you sick, and you never tried it again?”
He laughed. “Were you watching?”
“No, but I can picture your skinny little self out there with a friend, sneaking around with your contraband, your little hearts racing, hoping you didn’t get caught.”
He laughed, and Lacey laughed, too. And it felt good. It felt like a moment of normal in a crazy, mixed-up world. A world that for a time had been on its axis, turning smoothly.
“You picture me as a skinny little kid, huh?”
“You weren’t?”
“I was.”
“I know. Your mom showed me pictures.”
He groaned at that and shook his head. “Of course she did. So you see, we’ve all done things.”
He didn’t understand feeling dirty. He didn’t know what it meant to walk down the aisle of the Gibson Community Church, wondering if it would be like the other times she had gone to church, wanting to be loved and walking out lonelier than ever.
She closed her eyes, remembering that first week in Gibson, when she’d gone to church and she had gone forward, looking for love. And for the first time, finding it. She found perfect love, and redemption. She found forgiveness.
“Do you know what I learned when I moved to Gibson?” She looked at him and he shook his head, glancing her way only for a second.
“No, what?”
“That the love I had been looking for wasn’t real love. I had tried church quite a few times over the years, but I’d had the wrong idea and each time I went, I left unhappy.”
“Okay.” He waited. She liked that he really listened. He got that from his mom.
“I wanted love from the people in those churches. And when I didn’t get the love I needed from them, I left. Not that some of them didn’t reach out to me, but they couldn’t give me what I needed.”
“Forgiveness?”
“Exactly. I needed God’s love, and I craved His love, I just didn’t know it.”
“I know.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “I’ve had my angry moments with God and a few years of wild rebellion because I thought he’d let me down.”
“You really were a bad boy?”
“I was.”
Lacey looked away, because she didn’t know how to go farther with the conversation. She didn’t know how to accept that Jay could actually understand her.
* * *
They were fifteen miles from Springfield. Jay turned the radio up a few notches and let the conversation go. Lacey was staring out the window. A quick glance and he could see her reflection in the glass, big dark eyes and a mouth that smiled often. But she wasn’t smiling. She wasn’t crying, either.
She reminded him of a song, a song about a young woman seeking love. And she found it at the cross. Lacey was that song.
“I guess I can’t bail her out.” She spoke as they drove through the city.
“If you have the money. I don’t know how much her bail will be.”
“Since she stole my savings, I guess she’ll have to spend her time in jail.”
“It might do her some good.” He didn’t want to be harsh. He also didn’t want to see Lacey go through this exact same scenario again. And he thought she would if her sister was released.
“I know.” Still no tears. “But the baby. I really don’t like to think about Rachel being taken from her mother.”
“It isn’t always the worst thing for a kid.” He didn’t know what else to say. They’d said pretty much everything on the drive to town. “Lacey, is being with Corry the best thing for Rachel?”
She didn’t answer for a long time. Finally she shook her head, but she was still looking out the passenger-side window. “No, it isn’t.”
He slowed and pulled into a parking lot. “We’re here. You can probably see your sister for a few minutes. And then we’ll see if we can’t get you custody of Rachel.”
She turned away from the window, her brown eyes wide. Troubled. “Do you think they won’t let me have her?”
“I think they will, but you know that isn’t up to me.”
“I know.”
He parked and neither of them moved to get out. Lacey stared at the police station. Her eyes were a little misty but she didn’t cry.
“Okay, let’s go.” She got out of the truck and he followed.
“Before I picked you up I had one of our county social workers call the family services workers up here. I don’t know if that will help, but we can hope.”
They walked side by side. Jay’s shoulder brushed Lacey’s and his fingers touched hers, for only a second. He wondered about holding her hand, but didn’t. She didn’t need that from him. He didn’t believe that she wanted it.
He pulled his hand back and pulled a pack of gum out of his pocket. “Would you like a piece?”
“Please.” She took it from him, unwrapping it as they walked. “I don’t want to do this.”
“It won’t be easy.”
“Thanks, that makes me feel better.”
“Anything to help.” He slid the gum back into his pocket. “She’s going to try and make you feel guilty.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time.”
“Remember, you haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Maybe I did.” Her voice was soft.
Jay opened the door and she stepped in ahead of him. He took off his hat and breathed in cool air, a sharp contrast from the heat outside. “How did you do anything wrong?”
“I could have taken her with me when I left St. Louis. She might not be going through this.” She walked next to him again, her shoes a little squeaky on the tile floor and his boots clicking. “She was about sixteen when I left. She could have been saved.”
“You were just a kid.” He pointed down the hall. “What were you, about twenty-one or two when you moved to Gibson?”
“Twenty-two.”
“You can’t keep looking back at all of the things you could have done differently.” He stopped at a window and smiled at the woman behind the glass. “We’re here to see Corry Gould.”
“Oh, yes, just a minute please.” She slid the glass closed and talked on the phone. She opened it again and smiled. “Have a seat.”
Lacey crossed the room and stood, glancing out the window and not really seeing the view of the city. She sat down next to Jay. The plastic chairs placed them shoulder to shoulder. After a few minutes she got up and walked across the room to look at magazines hanging in a case on the wall.
