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“I didn’t have to read your mind, Colt. You said it all. Flat out in plain English,” she argued, not willing to stand there and take sole responsibility for what had happened between them. “You walked out on me, Colt. Why did I owe you anything?”
“You had my children.” His voice lowered, emphasizing that last word without having to shout.
She stiffened and he must have noticed because he took a breath, seemed to settle himself and then said, “All right. Let’s start over. Just tell me why you didn’t tell me when you first found out you were pregnant.”
“I already told you.” What she didn’t add was that she had also been afraid. Afraid of the King name, the King fortune. She’d worried that he might simply turn his lawyers loose and take her children from her. And he’d pretty much threatened to do just that when he first stormed back into her life. What chance would she have had against the kind of power the Kings could muster?
“I missed a hell of a lot, Penny, and I’m not forgetting that anytime soon.”
“I understand.” Which meant, of course, that she and Colt were on opposite sides of this battle and unless they found a way to build a bridge across the gap separating them, there would be no solution. No peace. “You know about them now, Colt. What are you going to do about it?”
He pushed one hand through his hair and she remembered that impatient gesture. “I don’t know,” he grumbled and shot a quick look at the twins, babbling happily at each other. “All I’m sure of is I want to know them.”
She could understand that and, maybe, a small part of her warmed to him because of it. But the fact was that Penny was still exhausted, sore and not a little off her game since Colt had walked back into her life. So being cool and logical was a stretch at the moment.
Walking around the couch, he took a seat in a chair opposite her and close to the twins. His gaze shifted to them briefly and Penny watched his features soften. When he looked back to her, though, his eyes were chips of ice again. “I won’t be a stranger to my own kids, Penny. I won’t be shut out of their lives.”
A sinking sensation swamped her as she came to grips with her new reality. Whether she liked it or not, Colt would be a part of her children’s lives. Now she had to find a way to protect them from caring for him too much. Because though he insisted he wanted to be a part of their world right now, she knew that wouldn’t last long. How could it? He was always traveling, wandering the world, looking for the next rush.
Taking a deep breath, she said, “And what about the next time you go wingsuit flying? Or parasailing?”
He frowned. “What’re you talking about?”
“You, Colt,” she said. “It’s just not in your nature to be a suburban dad. You won’t last a month before you’ll be off running with bulls or some other crazy thing.”
“Crazy?”
“Yes. You risk your life all the time and you do it because you like it.” She shook her head. “I saw pictures of you in a magazine last month—standing on the rim of a volcano while magma jumped in the air around you.”
“Yeah. I was in Japan scouting new sites. So?”
“So how’s a quiet street in Laguna going to hold your interest, Colt?” She gave him a small smile. “This isn’t your world. Never will be. Why fight so hard to be a part of something you never wanted in the first place?”
His gaze never left the twins. Reid plopped down onto his behind and Riley leaned over to pull a car from her brother’s grasp. Reid’s face screwed up as he prepared to howl, but Colt cut off the reaction by reaching into the plastic tub and getting another car that he handed to Reid. Immediately, the baby looked up at him and gave his father a wide enough smile that all three of his teeth were displayed.
Colt laughed a little, waited another moment or two and then shifted his gaze to hers. “Because, Penny. I’m a King. And to a King, family is everything.”
Five (#ulink_0eb6f40c-2cd6-56d1-9962-63c9862e6b0f)
Penny’s fists curled into the fabric of her nightgown and held on as if it meant her life. And in a way, it did. The tangible, very real feel of what Colt had called her “radioactive” nightshirt reminded her of who she was and where she was. This was her home and he was the intruder. For the moment at least, they were on her turf and she held all the cards.
How long that would last, she couldn’t even guess.
Even from across the room, she felt the magnetic pull of him and had to fight against it. He wasn’t here for her―he was here to rip apart her world.
Pain ripped through her and she hated knowing that he still had the ability to hurt her. She’d worked so hard to get past this. To get over Colton King. And she’d done a pretty good job of it, too. She hardly ever thought of him anymore—well, no more than a few times a day and all night in her dreams—but now he was here again, back in her life. This was going to reset her starting-over clock and soon she’d be going through all the misery she’d already survived once. But better to do it now, she told herself. While the kids were too little to understand. Too small to remember him. To miss him when he was gone.
But their argument was circular. He blamed her for keeping secrets. She blamed him for walking away. There was no middle ground here, so she’d have to try to create some.
“Colt, I get what you’re trying to do.”
“Is that right?”
“But,” she said, ignoring the taunt, “you don’t have to. Just because they’re your family doesn’t mean you have to be here.”
Nodding slowly, he fixed his gaze on hers and she could have sworn she felt the temperature in the room drop a few degrees. “Where should I be?”
She threw her hands up, already forgetting about that calm, cool middle ground she was going to build. Panic wasn’t a good breeding ground for calm and cool. “I don’t know. Bali? Australia? The top of a mountain, or the bottom of the sea?”
“You’re wrong. I should be right here.”
“No, I’m not wrong.” A short, sharp laugh escaped her. “Right now, you’re doing what you think you should, Colt. Not what you want to do. And when this rush of responsibility has faded, you’ll take off again. It’s what you do. It’s who you are.”
Riley chose that moment to crawl to her father and pull herself up by grabbing tiny fistfuls of his jeans. She staggered a little and swayed more than a few times, but Colt sat perfectly still, watching his daughter grow and develop right before his eyes. Her black hair curled around her ears, her blue eyes shone with happiness and her chubby hands slapped at his legs in triumph as she finally found her feet.
He covered one tiny hand with his and stroked his thumb over Riley’s smooth skin. Penny’s foolish, gullible heart gave a ping of tenderness at what she was seeing and just for a second or two, she caught a glimpse of what might have been.
Finally, Colt looked at her again. “I’m here. Whether you like it or not, and you’re just going to have to deal with my presence.”
Not for long, she promised herself, determined not to be touched by the gentle way he treated the twins. Not to be swayed by the warmth in his eyes. She’d been fooled once by Colton King. She’d believed that he had felt the same way she had—swept away by a powerful and unexpected swell of love. And she’d been crushed. Devastated.
In fact, the only thing that had held her together after signing his divorce papers was finding out she was pregnant.
Knowing that she would have a child—then two—helped her to refocus her life. To concentrate the love she’d thought she’d lost onto two children who had become the very center of her life.
She wouldn’t allow Colt to hurt her again. Or worse, to hurt the twins with his callous disinterest in real, honest feelings.
“I’m here. Deal with it,” Colt told her, his voice steely with determination. “Besides, you’re just out of the hospital and you need help, whether you want to admit it or not.”
She wanted to argue, but the pain in her abdomen made that impossible. Looking up at Colt, Penny had to admit, at least to herself, that she wasn’t going to win this one. And if she kept arguing, she’d only end up looking like an idiot. She was in no shape to take care of herself, let alone the twins. Colt was right. She did need help.
She just didn’t want to need him.
Still, he was here and maybe... She nearly smiled as something occurred to her. Maybe if Colt was here, in the middle of what was Penny’s normal chaotic life, if he could experience firsthand just how much work two babies could be, he would leave that much sooner.
Right now, she knew he was running on anger and regret that he was only now finding out about the twins. But sooner or later, his natural inclination to take off would kick in. He might not be able to admit it to himself, but Penny knew that even now, that itch was gnawing at him. If she let him stay, let him take care of the twins, it might be enough to push him away that much faster. And though it pained her to think of him leaving again, she knew it was for the best that it happened fast.
“Okay,” she said.
“Okay what?” He looked at her, suspicion gleaming in his eyes.
“Okay, you’re right. I do need help and you are the twins’ father.”
“Uh-huh.” If anything, his eyes narrowed even further.
She gave him a smile that cost her some of her pride. “Don’t look so surprised. You convinced me, that’s all.”
“Is that right?”
Penny sighed. “Colt, you wanted me to agree with you and I have.”
“That’s what worries me,” he admitted quietly, his suspicious gaze still locked on her.
Reid crawled at top speed across the floor to join his sister. Grabbing hold of Colt’s jeans, he pulled himself up, and laughed in delight as he and Riley took turns slapping their palms against Colt’s thigh. For a minute or two, he simply watched them, a smile curving his mouth, and when he looked over at Penny again, that smile was still reflected in his eyes.
She felt a way-too-familiar jolt of something that she knew was dangerous. Attraction mingled with old feelings of love that were already being rekindled. But she didn’t want that fire again. Didn’t want to get burned by her own emotions being tossed at the feet of a man who had already made it clear that he didn’t want them.
But she knew there was no way to stop what she felt for Colt. The only remedy would be to get him to leave as soon as possible. Then she could lose herself in her kids and her work and pretend that there wasn’t a large, gaping wound in her heart.
* * *
The next morning, after a hideously sleepless night, thanks to red-hot dreams of Colt, Penny stood in the bathroom studying her reflection in the mirror. Right away, she really wished she had simply draped a towel over the mirror instead.
Her hair was wild, her face looked pale and she really wanted a shower but didn’t think she’d be able to manage it on her own. And frankly, the thought of asking Colt for help with that problem was too much to consider. Just thinking about being wet and slippery with Colt’s hands moving over her soap-slicked body made her want to whimper with need. Which was just enough to make her push aside the fantasy and deal with reality.
He’d stormed into her life and was so busy laying claim to everything around her that Penny felt as though she had to make a stand.
Frowning, she let her gaze drop. All right, yes, her nightgown wasn’t the most attractive piece of clothing she’d ever owned, but it was hers. Just as this house, these kids, were hers. And as for the nightgown being a man repellent, maybe she should have it tattooed onto her skin. But that would only take care of keeping Colt away from her. She couldn’t think of a thing to keep her from wanting him. Except, of course, that large dose of reality. Too bad that whenever she was around Colt she tended to do more feeling than thinking.
Shaking her head at the sad, sad woman in the mirror, Penny brushed her hair, washed her face and then got dressed. A long-sleeved green T-shirt over some comfy old jeans and she thought she was ready to face Colt.
Naturally, she couldn’t have been more wrong.
“What are you doing?” She walked into the kitchen, a little steadier on her feet, thank heaven, than she had been the day before. But what she found in the kitchen had her swaying. In indignation. Colt sat at her small round table, her laptop open in front of him and stacks of unpaid bills laid out around him.
Humiliation was a living, breathing thing inside her. With this latest invasion of her privacy, she felt as if he’d stripped her bare and she was so furious about it, she was practically vibrating.
Colt barely glanced up from her computer. “I’m paying your bills.”
“You can’t do that,” she managed to say through gritted teeth.
“Sure I can. All you need is money and I’ve got plenty.”
Another verbal slap—another reminder of just how different their lives were—and she felt it right down to her bones. He was a King. He had more money than she could ever dream of and here he was, tossing it in her face. Just to make sure she knew where she stood in this particular battle.
He looked so confident, so sure of himself, sitting there in a slice of sunlight while the twins happily feasted on the Cheerios scattered across their tray tables.
“I don’t care how much money you have, Colt.” Lies, lies. If he were poor, she wouldn’t be so worried about what he could do to her life. But no, he just had to be one of the richest men in California. “I pay my bills with my money.”
One black eyebrow quirked. “Not lately, you haven’t.”
Her gaze swept the embarrassingly tall stack of bills that he slapped one big hand on top of.
“Things have been a little slow lately businesswise, but it’s about to pick up.” Defensively, she folded her arms across her chest. “Just butt out, Colt.”
“Nope, can’t do it,” he said, lifting his gaze to hers at last.
His features were cold, hard, and his eyes glinted like chips of ice in the sun. He looked out of place in her bright, sage-green kitchen with its yellow cabinets and old scarred floors.
“By the looks of this mess, you’re in deep and sinking fast.”
Who knew there was more humiliation to be felt, Penny thought. Lying awake nights worrying about how to pay her bills was her business. She hated that now he knew all about it, too. With no other choice in how to handle the situation, she stiffened her spine, lifted her chin and did what she always did when she was faced with immutable facts. She brazened her way through.
“I’m building a business,” she argued. “That takes time. Something you wouldn’t know about, I’m guessing, because the Kings don’t have to actually work for a living.”
Inwardly, she winced at the snide tone in her voice. She even knew that what she said wasn’t true. But more than that, waving a red flag in front of an already-raging bull was never a good idea. Still, was she supposed to simply stand there and be made to feel like a failure?
As she watched, the chips of ice in his eyes grew flintier. More forbidding. “The Kings have money, yeah,” he said, every word covered in frost. “But we’re expected to work. To build our businesses, and we do. Every last damn one of us works our asses off and we’re good at it.”
She flushed. “I know. But you don’t know what it’s like to do it all alone, do you?”
He took a breath, scrubbed one hand across his face, then nodded. “Fine. You might have a point.” His gaze fixed on hers, he added, “But that’s only more reason you should have contacted me. I would’ve helped.”
“That’s what you don’t get. I didn’t want your help,” she reminded him and realized that she sounded like a whiny child.
Irritated at herself as well as him, she crossed the room in a flash and grabbed for the closest pile of papers.
Colt was faster. He snatched them up and flipped through them with a casual ease that made her even more furious.
“Electric, gas, phone, cable...” He paused and looked up at her. “Credit cards. You were behind on all of them.”
“I make payments,” she said, embarrassment tangling with outrage and getting lost in the shuffle.
“Does the phrase ‘paid in full’ mean anything to you?” he asked, voice quiet, controlled.
“Not really. I pay them what I can when I can.”
“Well, now you don’t owe anyone,” he said flatly.
It would have been really wrong of her to actually experience a sweep of relief, so of course, she didn’t allow herself to feel anything like that at all.
“Except you,” she pointed out and felt the heavy weight of that little fact settle onto her shoulders.
She really was going to have to kill Robert, she told herself firmly. And her brother probably suspected that was her plan since he hadn’t come around in a while. If he hadn’t gone to Colt none of this would be happening.
“You already owe me,” he said, bringing her up out of her thoughts.
“For what?” He’d already swept her ordinary world into oblivion. What more could he possibly expect from her?
He just stared at her as silence grew and thickened in the air between them. “Time. I lost eight months with the twins. And the nine months you were pregnant. I didn’t see their birth. Didn’t see their first smiles or see them crawl for the first time.” He shook his head slowly, his gaze still pinning her like a bug to a board. “So don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. You kept my children from me, Penny. I’m not forgetting that.”
“Neither am I,” she said softly, as a flicker of shame joined the tumult of emotions rattling around inside her. She still believed she’d done the right thing, but seriously, the way Colt had reacted to the news of the twins’ existence had really surprised her. She hadn’t thought he’d be interested enough to come and see them, let alone stay there, in the house, taking care of two babies who could bring a grown man to his knees.
But even as she thought it, she knew that his actions now didn’t mean he would stay.
“That doesn’t mean you get to stick your nose into every aspect of my life. How I live is none of your business, Colt.”
“It is when it concerns my children,” he countered neatly. “I looked through your bills because your brother told me you didn’t have health insurance. I was worried about the twins. But it seems they’re covered and those payments are up to date.”
