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James rubbed the baby’s downy head. She had hair that was white-blond, her pink cheeks completing the look of a chubby angel. “How long will that be, Lila? Do you even know?”
“I told you. I’m not sure.” And there was the rub. Because for Lila to function at maximum capacity, she really needed to be sure. About everything. Uncertainty drove her nuts. Since the moment she’d received the heart-wrenching phone call about her sister’s death, life had been nothing but uncertainty.
James took a step away, allowing her to breathe normally. He examined load-bearing walls, scribbled a few measurements on a scrap of paper and paced off the dimensions of the dining room. All the while holding the baby as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
At last, he turned. “Shouldn’t be a problem. But you and Sybbie will need to move over to my place for a couple of nights. When I’m sledgehammering walls, it won’t be safe for you or the baby to breathe the air.”
“What about you?”
“I wear a mask when I’m doing demolition.”
“I’m sure I could go to a hotel for a few nights.” The thought of sleeping under James’s roof again gave her hives.
His scowl told her in no uncertain terms what he thought of the hotel idea. That had been one of their problems actually. James had a maddening habit of telling people what to do. The two of them had butted heads over the issue time and again.
“Be reasonable, Lila,” he said, clearly trying for a conciliatory tone. “A hotel is no place for a baby. I have a refrigerator for formula and everything you could possibly need, save a baby bed. But you were going to have to buy that, anyway.”
What he said made perfect sense. But she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. “James, um...well, considering our past...it would be—”
He held up his hand, his expression grim. “Let me stop you right there. The past is the past, Lila. You and I were a bad match from the beginning. But we both know that now. You’re a neighbor and a friend. That’s all. What happened three years ago has nothing to do with this.”
Her stomach curled. That was easy for him to say. James had moved on. And he hadn’t wasted any time. She’d seen him with a parade of women, each one more beautiful than the last. It wasn’t James’s feelings she was worried about. It was her own.
James Kavanagh had no interest in bedding her again. That was clear. But she still had feelings for him, even if most of those feelings were hormones. It would be incredibly foolhardy to put herself in his path. She had Sybbie to think of now. She couldn’t afford more heartbreak.
The trouble was, she was fresh out of options. James’s suggestion made perfect sense. But she didn’t have to like it. “Fine,” she said, trying not to sound huffy. “We’ll take you up on your kind invitation.”
His nod was terse. “Not tonight. I have a project I promised to finish up in the morning. But I’ll help you move tomorrow evening. You can have the baby bed delivered to my house.”
“James Kavanagh. You know I can’t do that. Gossip spreads faster than kudzu around here.”
He shrugged. “So what? I think my reputation can handle it. Are you worried about your fancy bank job?”
His smart-ass tone made her see red. “You always hated my job, didn’t you?”
He leaned against the door frame, his dark-eyed gaze unreadable. “I never hated the job, Lila. I merely hated the fact that it consumed you. There’s more to life than work.”
“Says the man with a trust fund. Some of us need a little security.”
The sudden silence mushroomed between them. Here they were, three full years after the nuclear detonation of their relationship, still fighting the same tired battle.
James shook his head. “I didn’t mean to go there. I’m sorry.”
“Me, either. Maybe this will work better if we pretend we’ve only known each other a few weeks.”
He chuckled. “I don’t think I’m that good of an actor, but I’ll try. What if you order the baby bed tomorrow morning, and I’ll pick it up after work?”
“And tonight?”
“You can keep her upstairs with you for one night. You have a king-size bed...right?”
“Yes.” He knew full well that she did, damn it. They had certainly made use of the big mattress and the spindled headboard.
“Put Sybbie in with you and tuck the covers as tightly as you can under the mattress. That way she won’t be able to roll out.”
“Okay. You’re right. That will be fine.”
He shifted from one foot to the other. Sybbie was almost asleep, her tiny eyelids drooping. “Is that all?” James asked. “I need to get back to work.”
Lila flushed. She had asked him to treat her like a virtual stranger. But she hadn’t expected it to hurt so much. “Of course,” she said brightly. “Let me take her from you.”
James seemed almost reluctant to give up the little girl. Maybe he thought Lila wasn’t capable of being a competent caregiver. When the baby passed from him to her, James’s fingers brushed Lila’s breasts. It was a simple contact. Unavoidable. Fleeting at best.
Even so, her body’s instinctive reaction told her the next few weeks were going to be a challenge. She’d gotten over James Kavanagh once. She didn’t have it in her to do it again.
Two (#ulink_17dde68b-8790-5f4a-94ae-8689c5d3e170)
James got out of bed, thirsty, at 3:00 a.m. As he stood in the bathroom and downed a glass of water, it was impossible to ignore the fact that a light burned in Lila’s upstairs bedroom window. Hell. The baby must be awake.
It wasn’t any of his business. It wasn’t his concern.
He could give himself all the lectures in the world, but it wasn’t going to change the facts. Lila was in trouble, and he needed to fix things.
Wasn’t this the theme of one of their many fights? She was a grown woman who wanted to take care of herself.
But tonight was different. Being a new parent was hard and scary for almost everyone. Especially a woman with a kid who wasn’t even her own...a child who had been thrust willy-nilly into the middle of Lila’s perfectly manicured life.
Cursing beneath his breath, he pulled on a pair of pants and shoved his feet into leather slippers. It was in the thirties outside. He found a clean button-up shirt and threw his leather jacket on over it.
Then he stopped, stymied by how to get past this next hurdle. If he rang the doorbell at this ungodly hour, he might scare Lila to death. Even worse, if the baby was finally on the verge of sleep. Lila would string him up by his toes if he woke little Sybbie.
There really was only one logical choice. He pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through his contacts. He didn’t want to admit he still had Lila’s phone number. It wasn’t a thing. He’d just never gotten around to deleting it.
Quickly, he typed a text:
I see your light on. Would you like me to come hold the baby so you can sleep for a few hours? I was up anyway.
He leaned against the wall beside the window, looking for a reaction. Nothing happened. It was possible that Lila had left her phone downstairs. Or maybe it was turned off. Damn.
Suddenly, his phone dinged.
Yes! Please. I suck at this.
He laughed out loud. That was one thing he’d always loved about Lila, her sense of humor. He ran down the stairs and out the side door, oddly unconcerned that it was the middle of the night. He didn’t require a lot of sleep, anyway. Helping out with little Sybbie wouldn’t be a hardship.
On Lila’s porch, he paused, but she was at the door ready to let him in. When he saw her, he had to hold back a chuckle. She was undeniably disheveled. She had tried to put her hair up in a ponytail, but the baby must have grabbed it, because one whole side was falling down.
On her T-shirt he saw what might have been a mixture of baby food and drool. He cocked his head and smiled. “Tough day at the office, dear?”
Lila bristled. “Don’t make fun of me, James Buchanan Kavanagh. I might have to shoot you in cold blood, and then what would poor Sybbie do? Her aunt in prison and her only babysitter deader than dead.”
He raised his hands in the universal sign of surrender. “Message received. Show me where the cable remote is and go to bed. Little Princess and I will be fine.”
Lila hesitated. “Seriously, James? This isn’t your problem. You have to work tomorrow.”
“So do you,” he said firmly. “And it’s a good bet that juggling Sybbie for twelve hours will be a heckuva lot harder than sitting behind your desk all day.”
“Is that a criticism?” She was tired, but not too tired to give him grief.
“Only an observation.” He took the baby from her. “I can find the remote on my own. Go. You’re about to fall over.”
Her gorgeous blue eyes filled with tears. “Thank you, James.”
Lila was not the crying type. Tomorrow it would piss her off that he had seen her at such a vulnerable point. But there was nothing he could do about that. “It’s not a big deal, Lila. Get some sleep.”
The fact that she obeyed him without further protest told him she was at the end of her rope. This was only her first week as a mom. How was she going to manage?
Shaking off his disquiet, he concentrated on the little girl who nestled so trustingly in his arms. She was tired. Anybody could see that. Maybe it was the new surroundings that had her out of sorts. Poor kid wouldn’t understand why her parents weren’t around...or why she wasn’t in her familiar bedroom.
“Come on, little Sybbie. Let’s see what Aunt Lila has on late-night cable.”
Seeing the soft, high-end leather sofa gave him a weird vibe. He and Lila had spent many a night cuddling on that particular piece of furniture. Nothing good would come of dwelling on those memories. It would only make him horny, and tonight he had better things to do than rehash old love affairs.
By the time he settled into the soft cushions, dimmed the lights and wrapped an afghan around the baby, little Sybbie was yawning. He rubbed her back and sang to her softly about small spiders and babies rocking in trees. She smelled good...like babies were supposed to smell.
He was struck by a bolt of sadness that made no sense. Everything in his life was going great. It was true he envied his brothers and their growing families, but he was young. He had plenty of time to find the kind of woman his siblings had found. Then it would be time for him to do the whole slippers-by-the-fire thing. Making sure Sybbie was secure against his chest, he yawned and closed his eyes. The baby was asleep already. He would catch a few z’s before she woke up again. That’s what all the baby experts said. Sleep when the baby sleeps...
* * *
Lila fell into bed and was dead to the world in seconds. An hour later, though, she sat straight up, her heart racing in a panicked rhythm. Sybbie. Where was she?
Everything came crashing back. The past day and night had been a challenge, but Lila had done everything she was supposed to do. Sybbie had eaten a good dinner of pears and sweet potatoes, Gerber style. Then, she had seemed perfectly happy and normal when Lila got out a collection of small metal pots and pans and colorful plastic containers. She even laughed when Lila built towers on the rug and helped Sybbie knock them down.
Nothing out of the ordinary had occurred until Lila tried to give the baby her bedtime bottle. Lila had researched the appropriate formulas and amounts. Carefully, she tested the temperature on her wrist to make sure it was exactly right. Sybbie responded with a happy gurgle.
What was supposed to happen next was that the baby went to sleep until morning. Unfortunately, Sybbie hadn’t read the same baby manuals. She finished her bottle and wanted to play again. That lasted until midnight, at which point she threw a baby-sized tantrum.
It wasn’t the little one’s fault. Poor sweetheart had had her life turned upside down. Knowing the cause, though, didn’t help when Lila’s body craved sleep. Getting James’s text was a lifesaver. She probably shouldn’t have accepted his offer so quickly, but she had been almost comatose.
Now she’d had just enough of a snooze that her adrenaline was flowing again. The house was quiet. Too quiet.
Carefully, she crept down the stairs, avoiding the ones that squeaked. If Sybbie was asleep, she dared not wake her up.
The scene in the living room took her heart and gave it a good hard twist, almost a physical pain. The lights were low. The TV was on, but the sound was muted. James was stretched out with his feet propped on the coffee table. Sybbie slept blissfully on James’s chest, her knees tucked under her and her little bottom up in the air.
The afghan had fallen to the floor, but neither man nor baby seemed to care.
What should she do now? With the hour of good, solid sleep she’d had, surely she could take over and let James go home. But it seemed a shame to wake him. Not only that, if they disturbed the baby, all of James’s efforts would have been in vain.
Lila yawned. According to the mantel clock, it was still a good two hours before the sun would come up. She might as well join them. Grabbing the afghan off the floor, she covered her two guests and found a blanket of her own. She curled up in the recliner and closed her eyes.
* * *
James groaned, trying to figure out why his back ached and why the dog was sitting on his chest. He opened his eyes and blinked. The world came into focus slowly. It was eight o’clock in the morning, and his charge still slept peacefully. He needed to hit the john, but he didn’t want to disturb the child.
Across the room, Lila was a lump in the recliner, the top of her head barely visible above the edge of her blanket. He smiled in spite of his physical discomfort. She must have come downstairs at some point and not wanted to wake him.
Evidently, he made a noise in spite of himself, because she jerked straight up in the chair and stared around the room wild-eyed.
He waved a hand to get her attention. “Everything is fine,” he whispered. “The baby’s still sleeping.”
Lila stood up and stretched, giving him a mouthwatering view of her flat belly and cute navel. “Thank God for that,” she muttered. Then she frowned at him. “Why are you still here? You have to go to work.”
Her tone irritated him. “You might try saying, ‘Thank you, James.’ ‘You saved my butt, James.’”
“Sorry,” she muttered. “I do appreciate it.” She sounded like a little kid being forced to thank Grandma for an ugly Christmas sweater.
Their entire conversation was being conducted in whispers. Thankfully, Sybbie was sleeping so deeply now, she never stirred. She had missed out on several hours of slumber the night before. Clearly, she was making up for lost time.
Carefully, he stood up, his hand cradling the baby’s back. “If you’ll take her, I’ll go home and get ready for work. I wouldn’t leave, but I promised Mrs. Bellamy that I’d finish stabilizing her banister and newel post this morning.”
Lila was flushed, either from sleep or because she was flustered. “Of course you have to go.”
They finessed the baby transfer without a hitch.
James rubbed the crick in his neck. “Can you manage ordering the baby bed?”
“Yes,” Lila said, her voice curt. “I’m not totally incompetent.”
“I never said you were.”
They stared at each other across the room, the sofa between them. Old wounds had inexplicably opened up, leaving both of them on edge.
Lila sighed deeply. “I apologize, James, for being so touchy. It’s the lack of sleep. I’m extremely grateful for everything you did last night.”
He nodded. “I’ll call you later. We’ll come up with a plan.”
Three (#ulink_228fc590-827a-5ba7-b084-5aed21198b00)
Lila had to fight the urge to beg. Don’t leave me. I can’t do this. Please help me. She swallowed the words and bit down on her lip until the door closed behind James. Then she sank into a chair and sighed. What was she supposed to do now? Maybe she could grab a little more sleep to get her through the afternoon and evening.
But no sooner had she sat down than Sybbie woke up, her blue eyes sunshiny with happiness. She reached up to pull Lila’s earring. Lila intercepted the small fingers. “No, sweet thing. You’re too young for that. Come on, baby girl. How do you feel about mango applesauce and toast?”
* * *
The day flew by, but inexplicably, Lila had nothing to show for it by five o’clock other than a hamper full of dirty clothes, a floor strewn with makeshift toys and a kitchen that looked like it had been ground zero for a nuclear explosion.
She did get online and order the crib and mattress and bedding, but only because she couldn’t bear to see the look of smug superiority James would give her if she dropped the ball on that detail. The baby store was a local company in Silver Glen. They delivered the boxes to her front porch before the close of the business day. She’d texted James and told him he didn’t need to pick them up. That had never been an option as far as she was concerned.
