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Lily heard the little girls’ voices from a distance behind her and practically ran up the steps of her cabin. She went inside and shut the door.
Pam’s husband and her twins. Seeing them had tugged her emotions in ways she didn’t expect. Especially those adorable, energetic little girls who were the image of their mother.
What a family Pam could have had...if only she’d survived.
But Lily needed to focus on the future rather than wallowing in regret. She needed to gather her strength and find out if Carson was, in fact, an abusive bully. The least she could do for Pam, since she couldn’t turn back the clock and change what had happened, was to check on her children and make sure they were okay.
They’d seemed more than okay, but appearances could be deceiving.
She went to the window and watched as the man and the little blonde twins carried things into the cabin next door.
Hearing the laughter of the children, punctuated by some booming laughs from him, made loneliness squeeze Lily’s stomach, but she straightened her back and drew in the deep, cleansing breath she’d learned about from her army therapist. She deserved to be lonely.
Because the father-daughter fun outside didn’t make up for what was missing from the picture: a mom. Beautiful, mysterious Pam, who hadn’t gotten to spend nearly enough time with her husband and kids in the years before her death.
Don’t dwell on what you can’t change. Lily looked away from the trio’s good spirits toward Long John’s cabin. She’d seen the undecorated Christmas tree, the single strand of lights around the porch railing, the pizza box beside the trash can. All of it spoke of a man alone, and Long John wasn’t in such good shape.
Having a trained medic—her—up here over the holidays, when the older man was likely to be cut off from his support system, might be a blessing. Something God had planned. It was another way Lily could make up for her past.
When she looked back at the little twins, they were building something out of rocks, possibly a house for the bright collection of toys on the ground. Normally, she didn’t understand kids—they were aliens to her. But these girls’ serious, intent faces made her smile. They were focused on fun, just as kids should be.
Fun. It wasn’t something she’d thought a lot about. No time. She’d joined the army at eighteen, gotten trained as a medic and then a combat photographer, done pretty well for a poor girl from a rough background. After that, college on the GI Bill at an accelerated pace.
Everyone told her to slow down, but she didn’t want to. Slowing down gave her the time to think.
It wasn’t until she heard the knock on the door that she realized the girls’ father was nowhere in sight.
As she went to answer a second knock, she glanced through the window.
Carson Blair stood on her front porch. Her heart thumped, and she inhaled a bracing breath. She’d wanted to investigate the man, to make sure he was treating Pam’s girls well.
It looked like the opportunity had just fallen into her lap.
Chapter Two (#u9e2d1351-36d4-5617-874a-da9c35c7ee27)
Carson waited for the mysterious Lily to answer his knock, wondering at his own intense curiosity.
The pastor part of him had noticed the sad, distant look in her eyes. There was some kind of pain there, and it tugged at his heart. He’d try to establish at least an initial connection. There was plenty of time to do more probing, as Penny had requested, within the next few days.
He also wanted to get a better look at her, and honesty compelled him to ask himself why. Surely not because he found her attractive? He did, of course—he was human, and she was gorgeous—but gorgeous women were not for him. He wanted to marry again, if God willed it; his girls needed a mother, and his own work as a pastor would be enhanced if he had a wife ministering at his side. Not to mention how long and lonely winter evenings could be when you didn’t have a partner to talk to and love.
But this woman wasn’t a prospect.
The door jerked open. “Can I help you?” came a voice out of the cabin’s dimness. A voice that wasn’t exactly friendly.
“We didn’t have the chance to introduce ourselves. I’m Carson Blair. Just came by to say hello, since it looks like we’re going to be neighbors over the holiday.”
“Pleased to meet you.” Her voice didn’t sound pleased. “I’m Lily. What brings you to the ranch? Penny mentioned you live nearby.”
Her interrogation surprised him—in his counseling role, he needed to find out about her, not vice versa—and it made him feel oddly defensive. “My daughters and I are looking for a peaceful Christmas, away from our daily stresses and strains.”
“Your girls are stressed?” She came forward into the light, standing on the threshold. Her wheat-blond hair seemed to glow, and her high cheekbones and full lips were model-pretty.
So were her big, slate-colored eyes. Eyes that glared, almost like she had it in for him.
He took a breath and reminded himself of that old counseling cliché: hurt people hurt people. “I guess it’s just me that’s stressed,” he admitted, keeping his tone easy and relaxed. “Busy time of year for a pastor. But the girls are thrilled to be up here with Long John and the dogs.”
Her face softened a little. “It is nice up here. Good feel to the place.”
“Yes, there is.” He paused. “Say, Penny mentioned that you’re a photographer. And that she’d asked you to take some family photos of us as a Christmas present.”
“That’s right. When are you available?”
Noting that her body language was still tense, Carson decided that this wasn’t the time to work out details. Besides, she wasn’t inviting him in, and her short-sleeved shirt and faded jeans weren’t cold-weather gear. She must be freezing. “We can figure that out in the next day or two. Meanwhile, if you need anything, I’m right next door.”
He turned to go down the steps when two blond heads popped up next to the railing. “Hi,” Sunny, always the bolder of the two, called out to Lily. “What’s your name?”
Carson walked halfway down the steps and stopped in front of his curious girls. “I think Miss...” He realized he didn’t know her last name. “I’m sure our neighbor is busy right now.”
“Whatcha doing?” Sunny slid under the wooden rail and climbed the rest of the way up the steps. “Can we see your cabin?”
Skye, easing up the stairs behind Sunny, didn’t speak, but it was plain to see that she was equally interested.
“Girls.” He put a hand on each shoulder. “We don’t go where we’re not invited.” Watching the pouts start to form, he added, “Besides, we’ve got unpacking to do, and then some dogs to meet.”
“Dogs!” they both said at the same time, their curiosity about the lady next door forgotten.
“Unpacking first,” he said, herding them down the steps. But as he turned to offer an apologetic wave to their neighbor, he thought her stance on the porch looked lonely, her eyes almost...hungry.
* * *
The next morning, Lily shivered in the bright sun, looked at the newly slick, icy road out of the ranch and had a crisis of confidence.
Could her ancient, bald-tired Camaro handle the trip into town?
If not, could she handle staying up here without coffee?
The lack of caffeine had left her head too fuzzy to figure out how to investigate her surprise neighbors, and there was no coffee or coffee maker in the cabin.
She could go to Long John or Carson to see what she could borrow, but she didn’t want to open up that kind of neighborly relationship with Carson, not when she was trying to ascertain his suitability as a father. And she’d heard Long John say that he didn’t drink coffee.
Her caffeine-withdrawal headache was setting in big-time. So she had to go, and now, full daylight with the sun shining, was the right time, rather than waiting until later when it was likely to snow. And when all the shops would be closed for Christmas Eve.
Because most people wanted to be with their families.
You’re not an orphan; you’re just making a choice. Her father was still living, and he would have certainly taken her in for Christmas. If she could find him, and if he had a roof over his head. And if he was sober.
But in all the years she’d spent Christmas with her parents as a child, she couldn’t remember one where he’d made it through the holiday without heavy drinking. There was no reason to think that now, with her mother gone, this year would be an exception; the opposite, in fact.
And while she hated to think of her father being alone, she knew he probably wasn’t. He was probably carousing with his buddies. He was the friendly type and had a ton of them.
The image of her dad’s jolly face brought an unexpected tightness to her throat.
“It’s her!” came a high, excited shout.
“Hey, Miss Neighbor!”
The two childish voices let her know she’d stood reflecting too long. She turned, and the sight of the twins—Pam’s twins—coming toward her made her heart turn over. Clad in identical red snow jackets, black tights and furry boots, they could have been an advertisement for Christmas family joy.
And she couldn’t make herself turn away from them, even though she should. She’d keep it brief. “Good morning, ladies,” she said, kneeling down to be at their level.
They slipped and slid to her with the fearless footing of children accustomed to snow and ice. “Where are you going?” one of them asked.
Lily studied her. “Are you Sunny?” She’d noticed that Carson had gestured toward the twin in the lead when naming them yesterday.
“How did you know?” Sunny asked, eyebrows lifting high.
“Nobody ever does, at first.” The other little girl studied her, head cocked to one side.
“Just a guess,” she said, smiling at them. Man, were they cute.
Man, did they look like Pam.
“Where are you going?” The quieter girl, who must be Skye, asked.
“Down to town,” Lily said.
“Us, too!” Sunny sounded amazed. “Daddy sent us out to play so he could look over his sermon in peace, but as soon as he’s done that, we’re going down into town, too.”
Oh, right. Pam’s husband was a preacher. According to Pam, it was a cover-up for his abusive ways.
“Is your dad pretty strict?” she asked the twins. And then she wished she could take the words back. It wasn’t fair to ask the girls to tattle on their father. If she wanted to know something, she would discover it by observation, not by grilling these two innocents.
“What’s strict?” Sunny asked.
“She means, does Daddy make us behave.” Skye glanced back at the house. “He tries to be strict, but we don’t always do what he says.”
Lily was dying to ask what kind of punishments he meted out, but she didn’t.
Didn’t need to, as it turned out.
“When we don’t do what he says,” Sunny said, “we get a time-out.”
“Or an extra chore,” Skye added.
“Yeah, we have lots of chores!” Sunny spread her arms wide and nodded vigorously, the picture of childhood overwork. “We have to make our beds every day.”
“And put the silverware in the drawer.” Skye frowned. “Only, here at the cabin, we don’t have a dishwasher. So Daddy washed our dishes last night, himself, and put everything away.”
Lily waited for a continuation of their onerous list of chores, but it didn’t come. Either the list was limited to two not-very-challenging tasks or their attention had drifted elsewhere.
Meanwhile, she had better get going before Carson the ogre came out of the cabin. Even though she needed to check on Pam’s twins, she didn’t want to get sucked into even a superficial friendship. Not when she had secrets to keep. “It was nice talking to you girls,” she said, getting into her car and starting it up.
The girls still stood next to her car, and Sunny’s lips were moving, so she lowered her window.
“Maybe we’ll see you in town,” Sunny said.
“That would be...fun,” Lily said. Not. She would drive down to town, get the coffee and coffee maker she needed now even more desperately than before—her headache was getting worse—and then drive back up and hide out in her cabin for the duration of Christmas Eve.
Spending the holiday by herself seemed a little bit lonelier after talking to Skye and Sunny, but Lily pushed the feeling away. She put the car into gear and started cautiously down the icy road.
The car picked up speed on the incline, and she hit the brake reflexively. The car fishtailed a little, even though her pace was slow. Her heart beat faster, and her hands on the cold steering wheel were slick with sweat. If she went off the road, who would help her?
You’re tough; you’re a soldier. She just had to remember that you braked gently in icy conditions.
She gathered her courage and took her foot off the brake. The car started moving again.
There was a shout behind her, and when she looked into the rearview mirror, she saw the two little girls running after her. That wasn’t safe. What if they got too close and the car went out of control? She braked, harder this time, and the antilock tick-tick-tick-tick didn’t stop the car from sliding sideways. It stopped just at the edge of a two-foot dropoff. Not deadly, but... She put the car into Park and got out just as the girls reached her.
“We saw your car slide and we told Daddy!” Sunny said.
“And he said you could ride to town with us.” Skye looked up, her brown eyes round and hopeful. “We have a big truck.”
“Oh, no, it’s okay.” She walked to the front of her car, and it was, in fact, okay. About three inches from being not okay, but okay.
She looked back toward her cabin and saw Carson Blair striding toward them, flannel-shirted and boot-clad and looking nothing like any preacher she’d ever seen.
More like a lumberjack.
Weren’t there social media sites and photo calendars about good-looking lumberjacks?
She shoved that ridiculous notion away, her face heating as Carson reached them.
“Everything okay?” He patted each twin on the back and then walked around to look at the front of her car.
“It’s fine,” she said.
“But her car went sliding. Like a sled!” Sunny demonstrated with a complicated hand motion.
Carson nodded. “I like the rear-wheel-drive Camaros,” he said, tapping the hood, “but they’re not the greatest on snow and ice.”
“I didn’t think of that before I came,” she admitted. “Not much snow in Phoenix. But it’s no big deal for me to get to town,” she added while her body cried out for caffeine.
“Daddy’s a good driver,” Skye said earnestly.
“You should come to town with us!” Sunny was wiggling her excitement, which seemed to be her normal state of being. “You could come to church!”
“Oh, I...” She trailed off, part of her noticing that the girls seemed enthusiastic about church and life in general, nothing like abused children were likely to be.
