The struggle between good and evil

I remember that once Artem and our father built a fence. While building a wooden fence our father offended and humiliated Artem more than fifty times. My brother heard such phrases as: “Are you brain dead?! You can’t even measure the distance from edge to edge!” Our father also told him: “Watch carefully! Are you are absolutely blind?! You look and you do not see! I think what a slow-witted you are!”

I saw the torment of Artem. I saw this horribly nasty extermination of common sense and love. When Artem did not stand such humiliation and said something to his father in return, his father immediately pointed at him his angry look and began “to beat” Artem with his anger, abuse, humiliation and resentment. Almost always our father answered Artem: “A few more remarks like that and you will qualify for punch on the nose! Snivel!” After each such phenomenon our father’s heart changed and he got angrier each time. He nourished his malice with poisoned bread, and this inner beast began to gain weight gradually.

Once I could not stand it and told our father: “You know, father, you must love your children, and not humiliate and scowled them!”

After my words our father’s look changed and if someone else was in front of him that time, he would have answered that person something stupid, continuing to enjoy with that he constantly enjoys. But this did not happen, because I was in front of him, but not someone else. My father was displeased with this, as well as the husband of my ex-girlfriend, who showed his tattoos to young girls and smoked cigarettes, telling his “delightful stories from life.” After all, how do you do what you like now, when some kind of insignificant barrier appears before you? My father stopped humiliation and resentment for about three days. When my father and Artem went to build the fence again, my father was silent, remembering my words and feeling my gaze on him, and Artem began to feel like a man and a loving son. But anyway, three days later, after thinking about the fact that I had to pull myself up and say something to my father, he again began to look for loopholes for venomous humiliations towards Artem and seeing that no one could stop him, he continued to speak angrily, as he did before.

Why do many fathers, meeting their wives with newborn children right from a maternity home, do not know whether they will love their child or will irritate him, or accidentally will push him away to bricks, iron objects or sharp stones. Or maybe some of them will beat their children and break their hands with a wrench, so the children will lose consciousness and will have to withstand a surgery operation for several hours, because they just scribbled something on the door of dad’s new car. Or maybe someone will slap on the wrist of children for dropping and smashing an expensive vase, brought from abroad, as they do everywhere. At this time blind anger points to children’s hands and says: “Swing him because he touched your expensive things with these hands”. But a vase and a car door together cannot be more expensive than children’s hands, and their health given them from birth cannot cost ten scattered potatoes all the more.

It is very difficult when some people bear children with disabilities. Children are born without hands, feet, or with other diseases. It’s hard when these children ask why they are not like the rest of the people. But even harder, when someone makes his children disabled himself, because of his psychosis, anger or irritation. Such parents often say to their children: “Forgive me! Forgive me! Forgive me!” But the child often responds to his mother or father: “Why are you repeating the same words to me? And why do you cry? Why are you asking for forgiveness? You should forgive me for having broken a vase, a scratched door or thrown potatoes, we will not do it again!”

Madness, anger, narrow thinking, irritation, hatred, pride, jealousy, quarrels, psychoses and much more insanity destroy a person from within, dump a person off the rails of love and make the worst and most terrible things with a person.

I remember that I watched once some kind of program about people’s lives. One woman who sat in the studio said: “We all do not have enough love!” I’m sure that many people sitting in that studio, as well as many viewers, did not understand what this adult woman was talking about. And some people, probably, said thought: “If it’s not enough for us, let it not be enough! A man cannot give what he hasn’t got!” But I think there were some people who said:" Maybe we should learn to love!” But if we have not got the most important in our lives, then for what and with what such a person lives? If people do not have enough water in the desert, how can they survive? A person will simply die without water. But a person who does not have love in him continues to live, but there is something else inside him instead of love. Without love a person is physically alive, but spiritually he is simply dead.

Once I asked Artem: “Does our father give us love or not, what do you think?” Artem replied: “I do not remember a single day that our father will give me loves. He only offends and proudly ridicules me and constantly gets irritated. I’m sure when people love their children they do not do that.” Yes! In fact, it is true. Absolutely everything irritated our father. When Artem and I opened our mouths to talk with our father, our words were like salt, which is poured on the wounds of a man, causing him inconvenience, discontent and irritation.

Love never dies. It can only be temporarily encroached on, exposing it as ridiculous, stupid, abnormal, shameful and finally try to press the love with the foot to the ground.

Our father constantly makes some conditions for love, and also our father is distracted from love by some things. Our father wants something good, but he has some kind of constant anger from within. Very often he discreetly thinks: “I’m a good person! I like to be closer to my children, especially to my son! But something is hindering inside. My son is annoying and angry with me. Each of his questions leads me to unbearable irritation and I cannot stand it. Maybe, I should let my son stop asking me his stupid questions and let him achieve some success in this life. Perhaps only then it will all pass! Yes! And when I retire and I calm down a bit and everything will be fine!!!”

I remember the day when Artem came home after one youth camp and our father went out to meet him. He did not look into the eyes of his son again, but looked somewhere outside and on the floor, as if embarrassed by his son and could not talk to him about anything, considering Artem as futile person and not adult yet. But the reason was not in Artem, as three days later Artem began to receive regular portions of humiliation, screaming, angry and scowls towards Artem.

I remember how one of our distant relatives, who had become very rich, came to visit our father. He helped us once in a difficult moment, giving us financial assistance. When our father met that man and drank some strong drinks, his eyes were shining with happiness. Our dad told him the sweetest, laudatory words of love and good. He said to him: “My friend! You are not just a friend to me, you are more than a friend to me. I am very glad to meet you warmly and tell you that I have always valued our friendship. You can address me with absolutely any request. I will give you any help with great joy.”

I am sure that if our father accidentally found out that Artem became a millionaire, then Artem would not have to listen to no offensive words during the day. I imagine the picture: Ten o’clock in the morning, the father is going to get angry, get irritated with Artem because he helps to do something to his father, but it is not right. But suddenly a bell rings and Artem gets to know that he inherited in a will from some distant relative or won a stunning amount in the lottery, and only Artem has the right to dispose of this fortune. I think that our father would have never say anything offensive to Artem for all day, thinking about the fact that he will get a certain amount of money. Embarrassed by the apology and looking somewhere outside, he would begin to pretend to smile and pretend that there were no offenses on his part. But even if they were, then his smile and closed mouth would apologize for his behavior, hiding the words: “You can’t even hold screws normally! And where do you get it from?!”

I have a friend whose parents behaved exactly the same. This guy has not been able to find a job for a long time. His parents did not like that, and they began to offend him and tell him that he simply did not want to work. They

engaged in ad hominem attacks with him and called him “a stupid child”. Not existing love and respect for him disappeared in their eyes immediately. Of course, when this guy achieved a success and began to earn much more than his parents, the parents’ eyes shone again. And they began to treat their son much better. Once the parents of this guy burned down the house, which they have been built for almost fifteen years. Fortunately, everyone was safe and sound. Their son just went to the bank, withdrew a certain amount from his account, gave it to his parents and said: “Build a new house or buy another one.” His mother shed a tear of joy and said: “We are proud of you, son. You’re clever.” Mom could not even imagine that these words would upset her own son, because he felt inside of himself why and for what they treated him so. He remembered his childhood, youth, a time when he could not find a job! He remembered the time when his mother and father did not believe in him, remembered all the words that they had told him before, looked down and did not say anything. His sadness and grief blinded his eyes with tears. His mother, seeing his wet eyes, decided that it was a tear of joy. But he was thinking about something else. He understood that his mother was spiritually dead, and did not have humility and love inside. I think if this guy would ask his mother: “Why do you start treating me better when I got money?” Then, surely, his mother would answer him: “What?! We treat you as we always did before, because you are our only beloved son!” It will be hard to believe in these words, because the facts speak quite differently. Sometimes, his mother would say: “Go away and do not come until you find a job.” What did this young man feel? It is not known how long this humiliation could last, if the guy did not find a job and did not get rich. But this is only one of a thousand stories like that. And how many cases there are where fathers completely turn away from their children, just because they did not follow in their footsteps, only for the fact that their son chose a different profession. He chose the profession that his father did not want. His father probably wanted his son to become a general or maybe someone else, for example, a policeman, a doctor, a lawyer. But the son did not become what his father wanted to. Of course, the father was upset, because all the children of his friends became generals. Is it really necessary to stop loving and respecting your children because of this?

I have two girlfriends. The mother of one girl always said: “You are your own mistress in this life! No one should ever be reckoned with! If you are offended by a word, then offend in response even harder!” Another friend of mine was saying something completely different: “In this life you live in a society! It is necessary to love and accept people as they are. If you are offended, then try not to offend in response, but on the contrary, peacefully solve the problem and love people.” Looking at these girls you can see very different views. One is filled with malice, discontent, psychosis, suspiciousness, speculation and vengeance, and another – with love, peace, the desire to help their family and other people.

I had a very hard time, when I consciously began to break myself and change my character completely. Everything begins with the realization that a person thinks, speaks and does evil, doing absolutely wrong. Many people need to change their views, beliefs, ways of thinking and way of life. Yes, a person who carries light and love should not ask himself the question: “And maybe I’m doing something that is absolutely not right? Can I become evil again because many people do not understand my love and kindness?” In fact, all these questions are false, since evil always persecutes a person, dreaming to eat him from within, and sweep out of it holy love. If a person removes love from the heart, what then will fill it?

My father always jokingly told Artem: “Deceive your neighbor or neighbor will deceive you. Take it away from your neighbor or neighbor will take it away from you.” All these words were said as a joke, but still they were firmly deposited in my mind and in the consciousness of my brother. After these words Artem became different. He began to look at people with disbelief and anger, scrolling in his head the following thoughts: “All people are evil. Everyone wants to deceive me and take everything from me. Man is a wolf to man.” Artem lost his inner peace. And it was difficult to ken Artem after communicating with our father. Over time, our father began to see more shortcomings than he had seen them before in Artem. In other words, our father saw only the bad in him, and also saw what he was so unbearably irritated and repelled with.

Therefore, every person has a very important choice in his life. Either he is angry and multiplies his anger, and sees only evil in people, or he closes the source of grumbling, hatred, psychosis forever and begins to love, praise, encourage, endure and multiply love, mercy, humility and reason. The choice will have to be done to every person. Nobody can escape from this. Either a person is constantly angry, hates and gets irritated, or a person constantly loves, does good deeds and speaks only good things. I’m sure, there is no reason to despair and be upset for those who love evil deeds and words because they have to replace evil deeds with good ones. This disorder is just habitual and deceptive.

I remember how Artem went into the yard of our house and felt rejected, lonely and humiliated, although his parents were alive. All that our father gave him were insults, irritation and anger. Undoubtedly, the father took care of him and said in his heart: “I, after all, feed my children and potter about the garden and repair our house for the last money. So, I fit into the standard of good fathers.”