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‘London is a dangerous city,’ Robert said in a low voice. ‘What do you think would have happened if I hadn’t followed you?’
Louisa felt her hands start to shake. She knew what would have happened. She doubted she would be alive now, or if she was she would probably be wishing she was dead. It was only luck that Robert had seen her leave and had followed her, and reached her in time to save her from her attacker.
She felt the tears building in her eyes and tried to hold then back.
‘I know what would have happened,’ Louisa said, her voice cracking as the tears started to roll down her cheeks.
Robert looked at her for a couple of seconds, but as the sobs started to rack her body Louisa felt him sit down beside her and suddenly she was in his arms.
Her body instinctively stiffened at the contact, but gradually she relaxed as he held her, glad of the comfort he provided. He made her feel safe, Louisa realised. In this world where it seemed everyone was out to hurt, her he protected her time and time again.
‘It’s okay,’ he said soothingly. ‘You’re safe now.’
Louisa sniffed and tried to stem the flow of tears, but found now she had started she just couldn’t stop.
‘I’ve got you,’ he whispered. ‘I’m not going to let anything happen to you.’
In that instant Louisa was inclined to believe him. He’d saved her from the asylum and just now he’d saved her from her own foolishness.
With an effort she wiped the tears from her cheeks. She felt her fears slowly ebbing away as he held her, knowing somehow that with him she was safe, at least just for a while.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Robert seeming to understand she needed a little while to collect herself. As she dried the last of her tears, she felt him pull away slightly so she was still in his arms but could look up at his face.
‘We need to discuss what you’re afraid of,’ Robert said. ‘And this time I need you to be honest with me.’
Louisa nodded. She supposed she owed him that much at least.
‘I understand you haven’t been able to rely on anyone for a very long time and I know me asking you to trust me is an impossible task when you’ve known me for less than a day, but I do need you to at least be willing to see if I can earn your trust.’
She looked up into his sincere eyes and wondered for a second what would happen if she did just trust her life to this man. He seemed so genuine and caring, yet Louisa knew it would be a mistake to trust him. It would be a mistake to trust anyone, but maybe she could just give him a chance.
‘London is a very lonely city,’ he said with a sadness that made Louisa wonder again why he was quite so serious all the time. ‘And it is a dangerous city, especially for beautiful young women.’
She felt her pulse quicken at his description of her. Did he actually think she was beautiful or was he just being kind?
‘I would feel much happier if you would agree to stay here with me, under my protection,’ he said, ‘but I’m not going to force you to.’
She couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing.
‘So I can leave at any time?’
He grimaced.
‘Yes, you can leave at any time, although I’d prefer it if you didn’t choose the middle of the night.’
‘You wouldn’t stop me?’ Louisa needed the confirmation.
‘I’m not going to lock you in, Louisa. I would much prefer it if you choose to stay, but if you want to go I will not protest.’
Louisa looked at him, still not quite able to believe what he was saying.
‘I suppose you think with no money and no contacts I have no choice but to stay.’
‘If you choose to go, I will give you money,’ Robert said. ‘Good God, Louisa, do you think I could let you go out on to the cruel streets of London without any means of supporting yourself? I’m not a monster.’
It was the first time since the asylum he’d called her by her first name. Louisa rather liked the sound of it coming from his lips.
‘You’d give me money?’ she echoed.
‘Yes. And contacts. But I really hope you decide to stay, at least for a little while.’
She thought it over. Part of her wanted to grab the money and go, start a new life not having to rely on anyone but herself. The other part was still scared from her first experience of London on her own.
‘If you do decide to stay, you can of course change your mind at any time,’ Robert said.
‘So I could stay for a week, but you’d still help me if I decided to leave after that?’
He nodded. Louisa felt torn. She looked up at Robert and searched his face. How could she tell if he would hurt her, if he would betray her trust at some point in the future? Everything she knew of him so far pointed towards him being honest and trustworthy, but how could she judge a man on such a short acquaintance?
‘Maybe I could stay for a couple of days,’ she said, ‘at least until I get to know London a little better.’
The relief that flooded over Robert’s face was obvious and Louisa dared to wonder if she had found someone who actually cared for her. She suddenly had an overwhelming urge to lean forward and kiss him. His lips looked so inviting and the way he held her made her feel so safe and secure.
Stop it, she told herself, do something like that and he’ll march you out the door himself.
Still, Louisa couldn’t quite make herself look away.
She was suddenly very aware of every place his body was touching hers: the way their thighs were pressed up against one another, the bare skin of his arms looped around her back and how her body was cradled against his chest.
Louisa watched his face as he registered her desire for him and for an instant she thought he might lean in and kiss her. His eyelids seemed to grow heavy and Louisa thought she saw the flash of desire brighten in his eyes.
As quickly as the moment had come, it passed and Louisa was left wondering if she’d imagined it. Robert stood and paced to the window, a hand running through his hair.
Louisa felt suddenly bereft. She wasn’t used to such close contact, but it seemed she missed it when it was gone.
‘You should get some rest,’ Robert said, his voice thick and directed towards the window. ‘Just promise me you won’t leave again tonight.’
She owed him that much at least.
‘I promise,’ she said quietly. Standing from the sofa Louisa crossed to the window and waited until Robert turned to face her.
‘Thank you,’ she said, looking Robert directly in the eye. ‘You’ve saved me twice in the space of twenty-four hours.’
She stood on tiptoe and planted a light kiss on his cheek, her lips brushing momentarily against the fine stubble, the sensation sending a shiver down her spine.
Louisa didn’t wait to see his reaction, instead turned and walked from the room, knowing she would probably dream of this quiet, serious, chivalrous man when she eventually fell asleep.
Chapter Six (#ulink_e3201c24-a888-58ae-9819-c2b86321efaf)
Robert sipped at the scalding cup of coffee and tried to focus on the newspaper he held in front of him. He’d been attempting to read the same article for the last fifteen minutes and he hadn’t got past the first paragraph. Every few seconds he would find himself glancing at the door, wondering if and when Louisa was going to show up for breakfast.
He’d recovered from the scare she’d given him the night before and he thought she would probably decide to stay with him for the time being. Robert told himself it was just friendly concern that made him look up from his newspaper every time there was a creak in the hallway, but deep down he knew that wasn’t true.
There had been a moment in his study last night, just as Louisa had agreed to stay for a while at least, when she’d swayed towards him. Her body had been pressed up against his after he’d cradled her in his arms for comfort. He’d become aware of her womanly curves under the sack-like dress and a flicker of desire had ignited within him. For a second he had nearly given in to his desires. Robert was certain Louisa had leant towards him ever so slightly and it would have been so easy to bend his head and cover her mouth with his own.
Easy but disastrous. Louisa was his ward, a young woman who had been through so much in the last few years. She didn’t deserve to be pounced upon by her new guardian within hours of meeting him. And even if the attraction was mutual, it was still very bad idea. Robert had not been with a woman for a very long time. Not since...
With a gargantuan effort Robert dragged his thoughts away from that catastrophic night. The night he’d lost his best friend in the entire world and most of the men under his command. All because of a woman. No, he wasn’t going to allow himself to get involved with anyone ever again. It was the least he could sacrifice for the men whose deaths weighed on his conscience.
Robert was distracted from his dark train of thought by the opening of the door. Louisa edged into the room and stood nervously in the doorway. He realised she wasn’t quite sure how to behave in his house yet.
‘Come and sit down,’ he said, motioning to the seat beside him. ‘How did you sleep?’
‘Wonderfully,’ she said with a sunny smile.
He studied her carefully, wondering if she was joking. After their midnight dash through the neighbourhood Robert hadn’t slept a wink. He wasn’t sure if it was because he’d lain awake listening for Louisa’s footsteps, wondering if she would disappear into the night again, or if it was the knowledge that if he fell asleep the nightmares would return. This morning he felt haggard.
Louisa, by contrast, looked fresh and ready for the day.
‘Are you ready for our shopping trip today?’ Robert asked. If she was ever going to be seen out in public, she needed something suitable to wear and his housekeeper’s dress really wasn’t good enough.
Louisa looked down at her dress and ran the coarse material through her fingers.
‘I’ve grown rather fond of baggy grey dresses,’ she said with a grin. ‘It would be a shame to change my style now.’
‘And it is quite a style.’
He watched as she tucked into her breakfast and wondered whether this shopping trip was a good idea. He couldn’t deny she needed some new clothes. The dress she’d worn home from the asylum had been consigned to the bin and she couldn’t continue borrowing Mrs Kent’s dresses. No, he knew she needed to go shopping, but he wasn’t sure he was the one who should be going with her. If he’d found her attractive in the shapeless grey dress last night, he dreaded to think what response she might elicit from him as she paraded up and down in silks and satins.
Robert shook his head almost imperceptibly. This was ridiculous. He was a grown man, not a young boy unused to controlling his emotions. For years he’d been able to maintain a stony exterior, hide what he was really feeling from the world. Compared to that, concealing a modicum of attraction for Louisa should be child’s play.
‘Why don’t we meet in half an hour?’ Robert said, standing to leave. ‘That will give you enough time to enjoy your breakfast.’
Louisa turned to him with a smile on her face. ‘I’m very much looking forward to today,’ she said.
Robert nodded, then beat a hasty retreat, not trusting himself to say a word.
* * *
Twenty-five minutes later Robert was standing in the hall, waiting for Louisa. He resisted the urge to check the clock again, knowing she would probably have interpreted his half-hour rendezvous time as flexible. Not everyone was as punctual to the minute as he was.
‘So where are we going?’ Louisa asked as she descended the staircase, a skip in her step. Robert thought she seemed more relaxed today and he knew his assurance she could leave at any time had helped her to trust him just a little more.
‘There is a modiste not too far from here,’ Robert said. ‘I’m told she’s one of the best in the city.’
‘Wonderful, I wouldn’t want anything less than the best. I am used to garments made of the finest fabrics and designed by the most talented dressmakers.’
Robert was slowly getting used to her sense of humour and even found himself smiling.
‘I’m not sure we can quite match the quality of the clothes you’re used to, but we can only try.’
He led her out to the carriage that waited for them at the bottom of the steps and took her hand in his to help her up. Her fingers were warm against his skin and Robert found himself holding on for just a little longer than was strictly necessary.
Once she was settled, he bounded up into the carriage and took the seat opposite her. They moved off almost immediately.
For a few minutes they travelled in silence. Robert watched Louisa as she stared out the window at all the grand houses. She was a little awestruck, but as they neared their destination he could tell she was becoming increasingly nervous. Although the expression on her face didn’t change, she was absent-mindedly wringing her hands together. Robert’s best friend, Greg Knapwell, had done the same thing before each and every battle they’d fought together.
He tried to work out why she was quite so nervous; it was only a dress shop after all. Then he realised she probably hadn’t ever been to a dress shop before.
‘There’s nothing to be afraid of,’ he said quietly.
Louisa spun to face him. ‘Why do you think I’m afraid?’
‘When I was in the army, a friend of mine used to wring his hands together before we went into battle, very much like you’re doing now.’ Robert surprised himself with his answer. He never talked about the war if he could help it. And if he was asked questions by some simpering debutante who thought he was ‘ever so brave’, he always answered in the vaguest terms possible. He didn’t think he had voluntarily brought the subject of the war up in the two years since he’d returned to England.
Louisa looked at him silently with her big brown eyes and Robert felt as though she were looking deep into his soul.
‘You lost your friend didn’t you?’ she asked eventually.
He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
‘I’m sorry. It must seem silly to you, my being afraid of visiting a shop, after all you and your friends went through.’
‘No,’ Robert said, ‘it’s not silly. Being nervous of the unknown is the most natural response in the world.’
‘You must find everyday fears a little ridiculous, though,’ Louisa said.
Wordlessly he shook his head, knowing he couldn’t tell her sometimes he was afraid to go to sleep, knowing the nightmares could start as soon as he allowed his mind to drift into oblivion.
‘There’s nothing to be afraid of today,’ he said, steering the conversation away from himself. ‘I’ll be with you all the time.’
‘Surely not all the time,’ Louisa teased.
‘Well, not far away,’ Robert said, his voice gruff.
‘I worry what people will think of me.’
‘Don’t.’
He’d stopped caring what people thought when he realised he’d lost most of the people who mattered to him.
‘That’s your advice?’ Louisa asked. ‘Just don’t?’
‘That’s my advice.’
She grinned and turned back to the window. Robert was pleased to see she’d stopped wringing her hands together.
The carriage halted in front of a large shopfront and Robert watched as Louisa’s eyes widened in amazement.
