Hopes and Fears or, scenes from the life of a spinster

But as Ratia was advancing to the window, Lucy suddenly started back, seized her and whirled her away, crying, ‘The wretch!  I know him now!  I could not make him out last night.’

‘Who?’ exclaimed Rashe, starting determinedly to the window, but detained by the two small but resolute hands clasped round her waist.

‘That black-whiskered valet of Mr. Calthorp’s.  If that man has the insolence to dog me and spy me, I’ll not stay in Ireland another day.’

‘Oh, what fun!’ burst out Horatia.  ‘It becomes romantic!’

‘Atrocious impertinence!’ said Lucilla, passionately.  ‘Why do you stand there laughing?’

‘At you, my dear,’ gasped Ratia, sinking on the sofa in her spasm of mirth.  ‘At your reception of chivalrous devotion.’

‘Pretty chivalry to come and spy and beset ladies alone.’

‘He has not beset us yet.  Don’t flatter yourself!’

‘What do you mean by that, Horatia?’

‘Do you want to try your pistols on me?  The waiter could show us the way to the Fifteen Acres, only you see it is Sunday.’

‘I want,’ said Lucy, all tragedy and no comedy, ‘to know why you talk of my flattering myself that I am insulted, and my plans upset.’

‘Why?’ said Rashe, a little sneeringly.  ‘Why, a little professed beauty like you would be so disappointed not to be pursued, that she is obliged to be always seeing phantoms that give her no peace.’

‘Thank you,’ coolly returned Cilly.  ‘Very well, I’ll say no more about it, but if I find that man to be in Ireland, the same day I go home!’

Horatia gave a loud, long, provoking laugh.  Lucilla felt it was for her dignity to let the subject drop, and betook herself to the only volumes attainable, Bradshaw and her book of flies; while Miss Charteris repaired to the window to investigate for herself the question of the pursuer, and made enlivening remarks on the two congregations, the one returning from mass, the other going to church, but these were not appreciated.  It seemed as though the young ladies had but one set of spirits between them, which were gained by the one as soon as lost by the other.

It was rather a dull day.  Fast as they were, the two girls shrank from rambling alone in streets thronged with figures that they associated with ruffianly destitution.  Sunday had brought all to light, and the large handsome streets were beset with barefooted children, elf-locked women, and lounging, beetle-browed men, such as Lucy had only seen in the purlieus of Whittingtonia, in alleys looked into, but never entered by the civilized.  In reality ‘rich and rare’ was so true that they might have walked there more secure from insult than in many better regulated regions, but it was difficult to believe so, especially in attire then so novel as to be very remarkable, and the absence of protection lost its charm when there was no one to admire the bravado.

She did her best to embalm it for future appreciation by journalizing, making the voyage out a far better joke than she had found it, and describing the inside car in the true style of the facetious traveller.  Nothing so drives away fun as the desire to be funny, and she began to grow weary of her work, and disgusted at her own lumbering attempts at pen-and-ink mirth; but they sufficed to make Rashe laugh, they would be quite good enough for Lord William, would grievously annoy Honora Charlecote, would be mentioned in all the periodicals, and give them the name of the Angel Anglers all the next season.  Was not that enough to go to Ireland and write a witty tour for?

The outside car took them to St. Patrick’s, and they had their first real enjoyment in the lazy liveliness of the vehicle, and the droll ciceroneship of the driver, who contrived to convey such compliments to their pretty faces as only an Irishman could have given without offence.

Lucilla sprang down with exhilarated spirits, and even wished for Honor to share her indignation at the slovenliness around the cathedral, and the absence of close or cloister; nay, though she had taken an aversion to Strafford as a hero of Honor’s, she forgave him, and resolved to belabour the House of Cork handsomely in her journal, when she beheld the six-storied monument, and imagined it, as he had found it, in the Altar’s very place.  ‘Would that he had created an absolute Boylean vacuum!’  What a grand bon mot for her journal!

However, either the spirit of indignation at the sight of the unkneeling congregation, or else the familiar words of the beautiful musical service, made her more than usually devout, and stirred up something within her that could only be appeased by the resolution that the singing in Robert Fulmort’s parish should be super-excellent.  After the service, the carman persuaded them to drive in the Phœnix Park, where they enjoyed the beautiful broken ground, the picturesque thickets, the grass whose colour reminded them that they were in the Emerald Isle, the purple outlines of the Wicklow hills, whence they thought they detected a fresh mountain breeze.  They only wondered to find this delightful place so little frequented.  In England, a Sunday would have filled it with holiday strollers, whereas here they only encountered a very few, and those chiefly gentlefolks.  The populace preferred sitting on the doorsteps, or lounging against the houses, as if they were making studies of themselves for caricatures; and were evidently so much struck with the young ladies’ attire, that the shelter of the hotel was gladly welcomed.

Lucilla was alone in the sitting-room when the waiter came to lay the cloth.  He looked round, as if to secure secrecy, and then remarked in a low confidential voice, ‘There’s been a gentleman inquiring for you, ma’am.’

‘Who was it?’ said Lucy, with feigned coolness.

‘It was when you were at church, ma’am; he wished to know whether two ladies had arrived here, Miss Charteris and Miss Sandbrook.’

‘Did he leave his card?’

‘He did not, ma’am, his call was to be a secret; he said it was only to be sure whether you had arrived.’

‘Then he did not give his name?’

‘He did, ma’am, for he desired to be let know what route the young ladies took when they left,’ quoth the man, with a comical look, as though he were imparting a most delightful secret.

‘Was he Mr. Calthorp?’

‘I said I’d not mention his name,’ said the waiter, with, however, such decided assent, that, as at the same moment he quitted the room and Horatia entered it, Cilly exclaimed, ‘There, Rashe, what do you say now to the phantom of my vanity?  Here has he been asking for us, and what route we meant taking.’

‘He!  Who?’

‘Who?—why, who should it be?  The waiter has just told me.’

‘You absurd girl!’

‘Well, ask him yourself.’

So when the waiter came up, Miss Charteris demanded, ‘Has Mr. Calthorp been calling here?’

‘What was the name, ma’am, if you please?’

‘Calthorp.  Has Mr. Calthorp been calling here?’

‘Cawthorne?  Was it Colonel Cawthorne, of the Royal Hussars, ma’am?  He was here yesterday, but not to-day.’

‘I said Calthorp.  Has a Mr. Calthorp been inquiring for us to-day?’

‘I have not heard, ma’am, I’ll inquire,’ said he, looking alert, and again disappearing, while Horatia looked as proud of herself as Cilly had done just before.

He came back again while Lucilla was repeating his communication, and assured Miss Charteris that no such person had called.

‘Then, what gentleman has been here, making inquiries about us?’

‘Gentleman!  Indeed, ma’am, I don’t understand your meaning.’

‘Have you not been telling this young lady that a gentleman has been asking after us, and desiring to be informed what route we intended to take?’

‘Ah, sure!’ said the waiter, as if recollecting himself, ‘I did mention it.  Some gentleman did just ask me in a careless sort of way who the two beautiful young ladies might be, and where they were going.  Such young ladies always create a sensation, as you must be aware, ma’am, and I own I did speak of it to the young lady, because I thought she had seen the attraction of the gentleman’s eyes.’

So perfectly assured did he look, that Lucilla felt a moment’s doubt whether her memory served her as to his former words, but just as she raised her eyes and opened her lips in refutation, she met a glance from him full of ludicrous reassurance, evidently meaning that he was guarding his own secret and hers.  He was gone the next moment, and Horatia turned upon her with exultant merriment.

‘I always heard that Ireland was a mendacious country,’ said Cilly.

‘And a country where people lose the use of their eyes and ears,’ laughed Rashe.  ‘O what a foundation for the second act of the drama!’

‘Of which the third will be my going home by the next steamer.’

‘Because a stranger asked who we were?’

Each had her own interpretation of the double-faced waiter’s assertion, and it served them to dispute upon all the evening.

Lucilla was persuaded that he imagined her an injured beauty, reft from her faithful adorer by her stern aunt or duenna, and that he considered himself to be doing her a kindness by keeping her informed of her hero’s vicinity, while he denied it to her companion; but she scorned to enter into an explanation, or make any disavowal, and found the few displeased words she spoke were received with compassion, as at the dictation of the stern monitress.

Horatia, on the other hand, could not easily resign the comical version that Lucilla’s inordinate opinion of her own attractions had made her imagine Mr. Calthorp’s valet in the street, and discover his master in the chance inquirer whom the waiter had mentioned; and as Cilly could not aver that the man had actually told her in so many words that it was Mr. Calthorp, Horatia had a right to her opinion, and though she knew she had been a young lady a good many years, she could not easily adopt the suggestion that she could pass for Cilly’s cruel duenna.

Lucilla grew sullen, and talked of going home by the next steamer; Rashe, far from ready for another sea voyage, called herself ill used, and represented the absurdity of returning on a false alarm.  Cilla was staggered, and thought what it would be, if Mr. Calthorp, smoking his cigar at his club, heard that she had fled from his imaginary pursuit.  Besides, the luggage must be recovered, so she let Horatia go on arranging for an excursion for the Monday, only observing that it must not be in Dublin.

‘No, bonnets are needful there.  What do you think of Howth and Ireland’s Eye, the place where Kirwan murdered his wife?’ said Rashe, with great gusto, for she had a strong turn for the horrid murders in the newspaper.

‘Too near, and too smart,’ sulked Lucy.

‘Well then, Glendalough, that is wild, and far off enough, and may be done in a day from Dublin.  I’ll ring and find out.’

‘Not from that man.’

‘Oh! we shall see Calthorps peopling the hill-sides!  Well, let us have the landlord.’

It was found that both the Devil’s Glen and the Seven Churches might be visited if they started by the seven o’clock train, and returned late at night, and Lucilla agreeing, the evening went off as best it might, the cousins being glad to get out of each other’s company at nine, that they might be up early the next morning.  Lucy had not liked Ratia so little since the days of her infantine tyranny.

The morning, however, raised their spirits, and sent them off in a more friendly humour, enjoying the bustle and excitement that was meat and drink to them, and exclaiming at the exquisite views of sea and rugged coast along beautiful Kilmeny Bay.  When they left the train, they were delighted with their outside car, and reclined on their opposite sides in enchantment with the fern-bordered lanes, winding between noble trees, between which came inviting glimpses of exquisitely green meadows and hill-sides.  They stopped at a park-looking gate, leading to the Devil’s Glen, which they were to traverse on foot, meeting the car at the other end.

Here there was just enough life and adventure to charm them, as they gaily trod the path, winding picturesquely beside the dashing, dancing, foaming stream, now between bare salient bluffs of dark rock, now between glades of verdant thicket, or bold shouldering slopes of purple heath and soft bent grass.  They were constantly crying out with delight, as they bounded from one point of view to another, sometimes climbing among loose stones, leading between ferns and hazel stems to a well-planted hermitage, sometimes springing across the streamlet upon stepping-stones.  At the end of the wood another lodge-gate brought them beyond the private grounds, that showed care, even in their rusticity, and they came out on the open hill-side in true mountain air, soft turf beneath their feet, the stream rushing away at the bottom of the slope, and the view closed in with blue mountains, on which the clouds marked purple shadows.  This was freedom! this was enjoyment! this was worth the journey! and Cilla’s elastic feet sprang along as if she had been a young kid.  How much was delight in the scenery, how much in the scramble, need not be analyzed.

There was plenty of scrambling before it was over.  A woman who had been lying in wait for tourists at the gate, guided them to the bend of the glen, where they were to climb up to pay their respects to the waterfall.  The ascent was not far from perpendicular, only rendered accessible by the slope of fallen debris at the base, and a few steps cut out from one projecting rock to another, up to a narrow shelf, whence the cascade was to be looked down on.  The more adventurous spirits went on to a rock overhanging the fall, and with a curious chink or cranny, forming a window with a seat, and called King O’Toole’s chair.  Each girl perched herself there, and was complimented on her strong head and active limbs, and all their powers were needed in the long breathless pull up craggy stepping-stones, then over steep slippery turf, ere they gained the summit of the bank.  Spent, though still gasping out, ‘such fun!’ they threw themselves on their backs upon the thymy grass, and lay still for several seconds ere they sat up to look back at the thickly-wooded ravine, winding crevice-like in and out between the overlapping skirts of the hills, whose rugged heads cut off the horizon.  Then merrily sharing the first instalment of luncheon with their barefooted guide, they turned their faces onwards, where all their way seemed one bare gray moor, rising far off into the outline of Luggela, a peak overhanging the semblance of a crater.

Nothing afforded them much more mirth than a rude bridge, consisting of a single row of square-headed unconnected posts, along the heads of which Cilla three times hopped backwards and forwards for the mere drollery of the thing, with vigour unabated by the long walk over the dreary moorland fields with their stone walls.

By the side of the guide’s cabin the car awaited them, and mile after mile they drove on through treeless wastes, the few houses with their thatch anchored down by stones, showing what winds must sweep along those unsheltered tracts.  The desolate solitude began to weary the volatile pair into silence; ere the mountains rose closer to them, they crossed a bridge over a stony stream begirt with meadows, and following its course came into sight of their goal.

Here was Glendalough, a cul de sac between the mountains, that shelved down, enclosing it on all sides save the entrance, through which the river issued.  Their summits were bare, of the gray stone that lay in fragments everywhere, but their sides were clothed with the lovely Irish green pasture-land, intermixed with brushwood and trees, and a beauteous meadow surrounded the white ring-like beach of pure white sand and pebbles bordering the outer lake, whose gray waters sparkled in the sun.  Its twin lake, divided from it by so narrow a belt of ground, that the white beaches lay on their green setting, like the outline of a figure of 8, had a more wild and gloomy aspect, lying deeper within the hollow, and the hills coming sheer down on it at the further end in all their grayness unsoftened by any verdure.  The gray was that of absolute black and white intermingled in the grain of the stone, and this was peculiarly gloomy, but in the summer sunshine it served but to set off the brilliance of the verdure, and the whole air of the valley was so bright that Cilly declared that it had been traduced, and that no skylark of sense need object thereto.

Losing sight of the lakes as they entered the shabby little town, they sprang off the car before a small inn, and ere their feet were on the ground were appropriated by one of a shoal of guides, in dress and speech an ultra Irishman, exaggerating his part as a sort of buffoon for the travellers.  Rashe was diverted by his humours; Cilla thought them in bad taste, and would fain have escaped from his brogue and his antics, with some perception that the scene ought to be left to make its impression in peace.

Small peace, however, was there among the scores of men, women, and children within the rude walls containing the most noted relics; all beset the visitors with offers of stockings, lace, or stones from the hills; and the chatter of the guide was a lesser nuisance for which she was forced to compound for the sake of his protection.  When he had cleared away his compatriots, she was able to see the remains of two of the Seven Churches, the Cathedral, and St. Kevin’s Kitchen, both of enduring gray stone, covered with yellow lichen, which gave a remarkable golden tint to their extreme old age.  Architecture there was next to none.  St. Kevin’s so-called kitchen had a cylindrical tower, crowned by an extinguisher, and within the roofless walls was a flat stone, once the altar, and still a station for pilgrims; and the cathedral contained two broken coffin-lids with floriated crosses, but it was merely four rude roofless walls, enclosing less space than a cottage kitchen, and less ornamental than many a barn.  The whole space was encumbered with regular modern headstones, ugly as the worst that English graveyards could show, and alternating between the names of Byrne and O’Toole, families who, as the guide said, would come ‘hundreds of miles to lie there.’  It was a grand thought, that those two lines, in wealth or in poverty, had been constant to that one wild mountain burying-place, in splendour or in ruin, for more than twelve centuries.

Here, some steps from the cathedral on the top of the slope was the chief grandeur of the view.  A noble old carved granite cross, eight or ten feet high, stood upon the brow, bending slightly to one side, and beyond lay the valley cherishing its treasure of the twin lakelets, girt in by the band across them, nestled in the soft lining of copsewood and meadow, and protected by the lofty massive hills above.  In front, but below, and somewhat to the right, lay another enclosure, containing the ivied gable of St. Mary’s Church, and the tall column-like Round Tower, both with the same peculiar golden hoariness.  The sight struck Lucilla with admiration and wonder, but the next moment she heard the guide exhorting Rashe to embrace the stem of the cross, telling her that if she could clasp her arms round it, she would be sure of a handsome and rich husband within the year.

Half superstitious, and always eager for fun, Horatia spread her arms in the endeavour, but her hands could not have met without the aid of the guide, who dragged them together, and celebrated the exploit with a hurrah of congratulation, while she laughed triumphantly, and called on her companion to try her luck.  But Lucy was disgusted, and bluntly refused, knowing her grasp to be far too small, unable to endure the touch of the guide, and maybe shrinking from the failure of the augury.

‘Ah! to be shure, an’ it’s not such a purty young lady as yourself that need be taking the trouble,’ did not fall pleasantly on her ears, and still less Ratia’s laugh and exclamation, ‘You make too sure, do you?  Have a care.  There were black looks at parting!  But you need not be afraid, if handsome be a part of the spell.’

There was no answer, and Horatia saw that the outspoken raillery that Cilly had once courted now gave offence.  She guessed that something was amiss, but did not know that what had once been secure had been wilfully imperilled, and that suspense was awakening new feelings of delicacy and tenderness.

The light words and vulgar forecasting had, in spite of herself, transported Lucilla from the rocky thicket where she was walking, even to the cedar room at Woolstone-lane, and conjured up before her that grave, massive brow, and the eye that would not meet her.  She had hurried to these wilds to escape that influence, and it was holding her tighter than ever.  To hasten home on account of Mr. Calthorp’s pursuit would be the most effectual vindication of the feminine dignity that she might have impaired in Robert’s eyes, but to do this on what Ratia insisted on believing a false alarm would be the height of absurdity.  She was determined on extracting proofs sufficient to justify her return, and every moment seemed an hour until she could feel herself free to set her face homewards.  A strange impatience seized her at every spot where the guide stopped them to admire, and Ratia’s encouragement of his witticisms provoked her excessively.

With a kind of despair she found herself required, before taking boat for St. Kevin’s Cave, to mount into a wood to admire another waterfall.

‘See two waterfalls,’ she muttered, ‘and you have seen them all.  There are only two kinds, one a bucket of water thrown down from the roof of a house, the other over a staircase.  Either the water was a fiction, or you can’t get at them for the wet!’

‘That was a splendid fellow at the Devil’s Glen.’

‘There’s as good a one any day at the lock on the canal at home! only we do not delude people into coming to see it.  Up such places, too!’

‘Cilly, for shame.  What, tired and giving in?’

‘Not tired in the least; only this place is not worth getting late for the train.’

‘Will the young lady take my hand?  I’d be proud to have the honour of helping her up,’ said the guide.  But Lucilla disdainfully rejected his aid, and climbed among the stones and brushwood aloof from the others, Ratia talking in high glee to the Irishman, and adventurously scrambling.

‘Cilly, here it is,’ she cried, from beneath a projecting elbow of rock; ‘you look down on it.  It’s a delicious fall.  I declare one can get into it;’ and, by the aid of a tree, she lowered herself down on a flat stone, whence she could see the cascade better than above.  ‘This is stunning.  I vow one can get right into the bed of the stream right across.  Don’t be slow, Cilly; this is the prime fun of all!’

‘You care for the romp and nothing else,’ grumbled Lucilla.  That boisterous merriment was hateful to her, when feeling that the demeanour of gentlewomen must be their protection, and with all her high spirit, she was terrified lest insult or remark should be occasioned.  Her signs of remonstrance were only received with a derisive outburst, as Rashe climbed down into the midst of the bed of the stream.  ‘Come, Cilla, or I shall indite a page in the diary, headed Faint heart—Ah!’ as her foot slipped on the stones, and she fell backwards, but with instant efforts at rising, such as assured her cousin that no harm was done, ‘Nay, Nonsensical clambering will be the word,’ she said.

‘Serves you right for getting into such places!  What! hurt!’ as Horatia, after resting in a sitting posture, tried to get up, but paused, with a cry.

‘Nothing,’ she said, ‘I’ll—’ but another attempt ended in the same way.  Cilla sprang to her, followed by the guide, imprecating bad luck to the slippery stones.  Herself standing in the water, Lucilla drew her cousin upright, and with a good deal of help from the guide, and much suffering, brought her up the high bank, and down the rough steep descent through the wood.

She had given her back and side a severe twist, but she moved less painfully on more level ground, and, supported between Lucilla and the guide, whom the mischance had converted from a comedy clown to a delicately considerate assistant, she set out for the inn where the car had been left.  The progress lasted for two doleful hours, every step worse than the last, and, much exhausted, she at length sank upon the sofa in the little sitting-room of the inn.

The landlady was urgent that the wet clothes should be taken off; and the back rubbed with whiskey, but Cilla stood agitating her small soaked foot, and insisting that the car should come round at once, since the wet had dried on them, and they had best lose no time in returning to Dublin, or at least to Bray.