Her Hidden Hope

Addie could be losing her mind right now with Sawyer, or definitely her temper, but she was handling his escape with calm. At least on the outside.

“I think they make childproof locks for doors, don’t they? Otherwise I could help you rig something up.”

“They do. I can order online, or maybe Herbert’s will have something.”

“If you need help, let me know.” Remember you’re not here to reinsert yourself into Addie’s life, Hawke. And yet a quick drive by had turned into a rescue and a continued conversation.

Addie plunked Sawyer onto the bench that lined the breakfast nook. The seat was under the windows at the front of the house.

“Would you like something to drink, Evan?” She opened the fridge. “I have...water. Or milk.” Her mouth tugged to one side and her shoulders inched up. “Sorry. We’re operating at necessity levels around here.”

“No, thanks. I’m good.”

The countertops were missing from the cabinets, leaving the empty lower drawers open on the top. A small metal island cut down the middle of the kitchen, the underneath portion creating extra storage for hanging pots and pans, just like when Evan had visited the B & B with Addie as a teen. Not that much had changed with the place. A quick scan while they’d been upstairs told him that the interim owners hadn’t demolished walls or changed the floor plan. Probably a good thing. Less for Addie to put back together.

“Are you sure? I’d like to reward you with something for saving my son’s life.”

Her curved lips hollowed out his stomach. Addie had been pretty in high school. She was beautiful now. “He wasn’t really in huge danger. Just stuck.”

“But he could have been if he’d gotten any farther.” Her exasperated—likely fear driven—huff filled the kitchen. She gave Sawyer some crackers on a paper towel, half a banana and milk in a cup with a cover. “Not that I’m not grateful, but how did you end up driving by when you did?”

Evan shifted uncomfortably, moving his weight from his transtibial-amputation leg to his right. How to answer that?

“Oh no. Did you hurt yourself helping Sawyer?” Her concern was laser focused on his left leg.

And...that’s what not answering right away got him. “No, no. I’m fine. I was...” Spying. Too curious for my own good. “I’d wanted to check out the place. See how the remodeling was going.”

Addie returned the milk to the refrigerator. “I don’t know that I’d call it a remodel. I’d like to do more, but I’m mostly finishing what the last owners started. And fixing up a few things, I guess.” She leaned back against the cabinets opposite of Evan, facing him. “I’m more giving it a makeover. A facelift. Some Botox here and there.”

Evan had eased farther into the kitchen during their conversation and now inspected the stripped cupboards, which were missing the doors.

“I’m planning to paint those. The last people must have planned the same but didn’t get to it. Nice that they were already stripped down for me.”

“True. That’s a lot of work.”

“I already ordered new countertops. I would have loved granite, but that’s not going to happen on my budget. So laminate it is. I think it’s a viable choice because laminate countertops are so much nicer these days. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.”

Sounded like she was also giving herself a pep talk. “I’m sure it will look great in here, especially with the cupboards freshened up.” Not that Addie could do all of what the place needed in two and a half weeks by herself. “You have someone helping you out? A contractor or handyman?” She’d said she was on her own at the store—as in divorced—but she could be hiring some help.

“No. I don’t have the money for that. I’m planning to do the work myself. I can paint cabinets. I’ve watched enough videos online to figure it out.” A wobble threaded through her attempt at confidence, and Evan’s heart gave a thump of sympathy.

There was absolutely no way Addie could turn this place around in two and a half weeks. Absolutely no way guests could arrive for Old Westbend Weekend and find the B & B intact and ready. The wood floors were scratched and needed refinishing, the countertops had to be installed, the cabinets painted. And that was just what Evan had seen in a few seconds. Certainly Addie had a much longer list.

Seeing how Addie’s life had unfolded, the unexpectedly painful twist she’d been dealt which had landed her and Sawyer on their own...Evan couldn’t just ignore how tough things must be for her. How hard she was working to reopen the B & B and create a life for her and Sawyer in Westbend. Addie had obviously had a rough go of it. Not that Evan knew the details of her marriage and divorce, but he could fill in the blanks.

Then help her.

He wished the thought had come out of nowhere, but Evan knew exactly the source who would have said it if she were present: his mom.

He could hear her as if she were standing next to him. Do what you know you should do, Evan Hawke. Or, more likely, she wouldn’t have even used words. One look and he’d have been done. Signed up. Committed.

Growing up, Evan’s mom had basically been a single parent because their dad hadn’t contributed to the family. Unless consuming alcohol counted as a career. Mom had worked a ton of hours, and she’d been consistent for Jace and him. She’d never complained about the way her life had turned out even though she’d had every right to.

The last time Evan had gotten to see her alive, she’d told him that she didn’t want him or Jace to sit around moping or wasting time after she was gone. Be grateful to be alive, honey. I don’t have any regrets over my life. You don’t need to either. Their mom had been nothing if not tough and strong. A fighter.

Ever since she’d passed, Evan had been looking for opportunities to honor her life and not focus on her death.

Helping Addie could very easily fit that bill.

But was the tug in his gut currently jumping and demanding his attention really about what his mom would have wanted? Or about his long-lost relationship with Addie?

No. They’d been kids. It couldn’t be that old attraction driving this boat. Besides, Evan didn’t do relationships well. Every time he got close to someone, he ended up distancing himself when things got serious. And he would never do that to Addie and her son.

She was off-limits for him.

Which meant he should be able to help her out, pay the single-mom tax and move on.

Evan’s eyes flared with disbelief, as if he wanted to tell her that her plans to get the B & B completed in time for Old Westbend Weekend were impossible. But Addie didn’t have any desire to hear that kind of negativity...or logic. It had to be possible. She didn’t have any other choices.

She’d already taken reservations for the Moose and Fox rooms for Old Westbend Weekend. The other two master suites were still open, but she was hoping to have them filled too. And then during Old Westbend Weekend, she’d start booking up for the rest of the summer. Once people knew Little Red Hen Bed & Breakfast was back in business. It would take time and effort to resurrect the place, but it would be worth it. Addie could build a legacy for Sawyer to inherit in this town. Running the B & B was what she’d always dreamed about doing. Now she just had to turn those dreams into reality.

Sawyer was sneaking Belay, who’d settled near his feet, pieces of his crackers, but Evan didn’t seem to mind, so Addie didn’t say anything either. As long as her son was alive, well and not wandering around lost in the woods outside, she could forgive a small infraction like sharing his snack.

“Addie, it’s physically impossible for you to do all of this in that amount of time without help.”

Sparks grew at Evan’s intrusion, igniting, heating. “I can’t hire anyone, Evan. I’ve used every last cent to move us here from Michigan and to invest in supplies for this place.”

“When do your countertops come in? It would be easier if you had the cabinets painted before then.”

“Supposed to be the end of this week.” Addie sucked in one of those calming breaths that only worked on other people. Between Evan bringing up all she had to do for the B & B and her guilt over the son he didn’t know about, Addie was about to go in search of a brown paper bag and indulge in a panic attack.

“And then I assume you have a list of everything else you need or want done?”

Wants weren’t on the list, but more needs than she knew how to handle were. She held up the sheet currently tossed into a drawer that was open and missing the countertop. She’d scribbled notes to herself all over it of what had to get done. Every time she saw the paper, dread squeezed her windpipe. Numerous things were crossed off but plenty remained.

“I can help you get some projects done around here while I’m in town. I’ll have free time in between stuff at my mom’s, and I don’t have that much left to do there. I’m sticking around while the house gets shown and we see if anyone puts in an offer. Plus Jace is studying and training right now, so it’s not like I can hang out with him as much as I’d like to.”

Addie blinked. Evan was offering to help her out? Why? And how could she accept something like that when he didn’t know she had been pregnant that summer? When he didn’t know about their son?

“That’s very generous of you, but I can’t accept.”

“Is this about me? About the leg? Because I promise to keep it under wraps.”

“Please, Evan.” Is that what not keeping in touch after she’d left town had made him think? Because that was nowhere near the truth. “Of course it’s not about your leg. Never in a million years.” How could he think she cared about something like that? Especially when she’d no doubt been a part of what had caused his run-in with the mower. “Do you ever...blame me for what happened?”

Evan’s forehead quirked. “What? No. Of course not.”

“But if I hadn’t told you that morning...”

The morning of his accident, Addie had told Evan she was afraid she could be pregnant. Maybe she should have kept that information to herself, but she’d been panicking. Big-time. Her parents were so strict. She’d been certain they would lose it if they found out what she’d been up to. That she fancied herself in love with Evan.

She and Evan had both been frightened out of their minds.

He’d been distracted while mowing that day. He hadn’t shut the machine off when he should have. It had rolled...

Addie swallowed the wave of sickness that squeezed her stomach in a fist.

“We were kids, Addie. I should have been paying better attention. And we shouldn’t have been doing what we’d been doing in the first place. I’d never meant to...” Evan shook his head, regret evident. “I’m sorry for my part in that.”

Addie had spent plenty of time dwelling on those misgivings over the years. “Me too.” Neither of them had ever intended for things to go as far as they had, and there was no time machine to go back and change it now.

Just like she couldn’t go back and keep herself from comforting Evan with a protective lie that would forever haunt her.

He’d been in so much pain and shock after the accident. Addie hadn’t known what to do, how to help. He’d been in and out of it from the medication. So angry. Struggling beyond belief. The boy she’d loved had been replaced by one who shuffled through every emotional state minute by minute. Evan could barely function. How could he help her cope with a pregnancy scare?

That’s why, a few days after the accident, when he’d asked her if there’d been any developments, she’d told him she wasn’t pregnant. That it had been a false alarm.

He’d been so relieved that he’d hugged her, wept into her shoulder. Thank You, God, he’d whispered over and over.

The fib had been temporary and not meant to be malicious. Addie had assumed she would get her period. That stress was just holding it captive. She’d been mad at herself for sharing that news with Evan in the first place. Angry that she’d no doubt been part of what had caused his accident.

Even if he was saying differently now.

Telling Evan that she wasn’t pregnant had worked. In the days following, his emotional health had improved greatly. He’d started asking questions about mobility and the future. The dark circles had begun to fade away under his eyes.

When she’d returned to Michigan, there’d still been no sign of Aunt Flo, but Addie had refused to take a test, to confirm her fears.

She’d arrived home absolutely petrified.

At her parents’ house, she’d started throwing up in the mornings. It had taken her mom less than a week to figure out what was going on.

Her parents had come up with a plan and dictated all of her next steps. When she’d said they needed to tell Evan the truth—that he could handle it once he was more removed from the accident—they’d disagreed.

They’d controlled everything: her care, preventing her from having any contact with Evan, homeschooling so that she could keep up with her junior year while pregnant, the adoption paperwork. She still wasn’t sure how they’d managed the adoption without Evan’s permission. Without his signature.

Addie had never asked. She was afraid to find out what they’d said or done in order to make that happen.

“I don’t know what it is with everyone trying to shoulder the blame for my accident. Jace did the same thing, thinking it was his fault. It wasn’t, just like it’s not yours. I’ve long ago dealt with all that happened and my part in it. I can even say that I wouldn’t be who I am today without the accident. Took me a few years to figure things out, but eventually, I did.”

“Your work...” Addie studied him. “The fact that you help other people, that you provide a way for them to embrace life after they’ve been through a trauma...it’s impressive, Evan.”

“Thanks. It just kind of worked out that way.” Now he looked like he wanted to crawl under the breakfast-nook table. He’d never been very good at taking a compliment or being the center of attention. Back when he’d been bull riding, he’d told her that he would block out the crowd when he competed. It had just been him and the bull in that arena for eight seconds. “In the beginning, I was focused on proving I could still do everything with one leg and a prosthesis. Other people got wind of what I was up to and wanted in. Things steamrolled from there. It’s a God thing that I get to do what I love and help people at the same time.”

What Evan had created from his hardship was the thing Addie found most attractive about him.

“All done, Mommy.” Sawyer crawled across the bench seat of the breakfast nook and then curled arms around Addie’s legs. More like he’d run out of snacks to toss to the dog.

Addie scooped him up. “I think Sawyer’s spent from his ordeal.” She ran a hand over his hair and followed it up with the press of her lips. “I should get him down for his nap.”

The two of them were staying in the first-floor bedroom located behind the kitchen. Eventually she’d get the two-bedroom cottage out back livable, and she and Sawyer would occupy it. Addie had considered including it as a rental unit, but she’d done the math, and as long as she ran at full occupancy during mapped-out times of the year, they’d be fine. And she wanted to provide Sawyer with a place that was just theirs, away from guests every moment of the day. She’d add the main-floor bedroom to the rental list once she and Sawyer moved into the cottage, though she wasn’t going to rush that stage or renovations. As Evan had pointed out—and she already knew—she had a lot on her plate.

“I should take off anyway, but I’ll swing by tomorrow afternoon and help you paint the cabinets.”

“There’s no need—”

“Addie.” Evan cut her off, but his soft tone curled around her heart, warm and tempting and absolutely off-limits. “I’ve got extra time and you need help. There’s no denying it.”

She opened her mouth. Closed it. He was right. She couldn’t deny it.

“My mom...she worked so hard.” Evan continued. “She did most everything on her own, despite my dad. But once in a while, someone would give her a leg up. A barely used bike would be handed down for me or Jace. Clothes. Even the occasional meal would get dropped off by someone well-meaning. Jace was younger, so maybe he didn’t notice all of those details. But I did. Every single time.” Evan cleared his throat, moisture glistening in those toffee eyes of his. “I’m not saying we were the poorest of the poor, but we certainly weren’t rich either. We always had something to eat, but I don’t remember things being easy. I was old enough to hear details, to read between the lines. I understood far more than I let on, but I stayed out of it because I didn’t want to upset my mom.”

Addie swallowed the rush of sympathy filling her throat. She’d known enough about Evan when they were teens to piece most of that together but hearing it from him now made it that much more real.

“After my amputation, I went out to the hot springs with some friends wearing my post-op cast. It was too far for me to be going at that point. Stupid, really, but I’d just wanted to feel normal. To be one of the guys again. I ended up reinjuring myself, splitting open some stitches. Recovering from that was awful, and I had to wait longer to get my prosthesis. All because I’d been so determined to do something on my own time and schedule. My own strength.”

He thought she was doing the same—refusing because of some stubborn determination to handle the B & B on her own—but she wasn’t. What was she supposed to say? It wasn’t about not being able to accept help. It was that she had the power to hurt Evan immensely with the information she held. And the power to make the man loathe her for keeping it from him. It was that every moment around him reminded her of what she’d done—what her parents had forced her to do. And yet it all still felt like her fault. Her sin to atone for.

“Evan. I’m sorry.”

“I’m over it now. But I’m just saying...don’t be me. Don’t be stubborn. Let me help you.”

“I can’t give you anything in return.” Her voice hollowed at that admission. She’d risked everything to reopen the B & B. Sawyer’s future and their livelihood hinged on it. Addie didn’t have any money to spare.

“I’m not asking for anything. Just a way to honor my mom. To do what she would have wanted me to do.”

A huff of air escaped from Addie. “You make it hard for a girl to say no, Evan.”

“Then don’t. My partner’s wife is having a baby, so we scheduled out a few weeks without trips. I have the time to help out, and I have no doubt you need it.” Sympathy radiated from him with the last comment, softening the blow.

Of course she did. Anyone could see that. And if Addie kept fighting him, Evan would just grow curious as to why.

If he insisted on helping her at the B & B, then Addie could use the time spent with him to figure out a way to tell him about their son. Maybe Evan offering his assistance was a gift from God. An answer to jilted, broken prayers and a chance to tell him the truth and wipe her slate clean.

Addie would love nothing more.

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