Love On Her Terms

But his resolve must have worked, because he didn’t run into her again until Thursday, at the hardware store. She was in earnest discussion with Al over a cordless drill, asking him questions, and—as far as Levi could tell—Al was giving her good advice, rather than simply trying to sell her something.

Mina gave him a wave, and Levi raised his brows in return. When Al noticed, he looked over his shoulder and nodded. Levi nodded back, then caught Mina’s secret smile at their shared joke.

Once Levi got home, he made sure all the blinds were shut on Mina’s side of the house. He’d played friendly neighbor long enough and would have no part of whatever she was planning with her new cordless drill.

CHAPTER FOUR

THE PROBLEM, LEVI realized Sunday morning when he woke up and automatically started opening his blinds, was dark rooms and closed blinds reminded him too much of when Kimmie was feeling at her worst. She would close out the world and couldn’t bear even the little bit of it that Levi would bring home every day when he got back from work. For weeks after her funeral, he’d kept the curtains open 24/7—the neighbors be damned if they saw him drinking coffee naked in the kitchen.

He picked up his pajama bottoms from the floor and pulled them on before padding out to the front door to get his paper. He’d mellowed a bit since Kimmie’s death.

Once back inside, he tossed the paper onto his kitchen table and made himself some coffee before sitting down to the horoscopes. Sometimes he read the rest of the paper, but he always read the horoscopes. Not that the horoscopes ever said anything useful. Once a week—and today was the day—his horoscope told him to embrace a new future. Sometimes he wondered if the astrologer who wrote these simply had a list of generic recommendations for each sign that he or she rotated through.

Kimmie’s horoscope recommended that she go outside and work in the garden. “Start early preparing the beds for your life for the winter,” it said. “The warmth of Mother Nature will provide reassurance in changing times.”

Clearly the writer didn’t know that Kimmie had had a black thumb.

Levi looked up from his paper to the window, noticing that he’d sat facing Mina’s house this morning, not with his back to it like normal. With his blinds open he could see the burst of fall colors her mums provided. Mina, crouched in her front yard, a drill next to her in the grass, was also in full view. She was holding two boards together and screwing down a clamp. When she finished, she picked up a level, held it against the join and shook her head.

He took several sips of his coffee while he watched her undo the work she’d just done and try again. Unsurprisingly, given the uneven surface she was working on, she had to take it apart once more.

He guessed she was making a raised garden bed. The task would be a lot easier if she had some help.

He flipped through the rest of the paper, idly reading the comics—even the terrible soap opera–like ones he should have given up on years ago—and checking the ads. There was nothing worth reading in the rest of the paper, but he skimmed the headlines anyway. For completion’s sake.

Only when he’d finished the paper and his last bit of now cold coffee did he look up again. Mina had apparently gotten the two boards clamped together like she wanted. Now she struggled with holding the boards and predrilling holes for her screws.

Levi sighed. He wasn’t the type of neighbor who liked to do more than wave from his truck when he passed someone on the street. He didn’t want someone interpreting a friendly smile as an invitation to drop by and say hi.

Of course, Mina had already dropped by to introduce herself and before he’d worked himself up to even waving at her from his truck. And, despite helping her with Al, she hadn’t invited herself over for dinner. She’d been friendly but not intrusive.

He sighed again, then stood and put his coffee cup in the sink.

With one last look at his neighbor’s battle against the raised bed, Levi ran his hand through his hair and went upstairs to change into jeans.

She was too young. His heart was still too tender, his memories of Kimmie too fresh. But with no one there to help her, Mina would spend the entire day struggling to produce a garden bed with lopsided joins that would set his teeth on edge every time he stepped out of his front door.

After buttoning his jeans, he dug a work T-shirt out of his drawer. In the long run, going over to help her was a bigger benefit to him than it was to her. Not only did she need the assistance and he had the skills to provide it, but that house had been sitting empty for two years. Helping her fix it up would improve his own house’s value, not to mention what he had to see every time he looked out his windows.

He caught a glimpse of a bullshitting liar in the mirror as his head popped through the neck of the shirt. God, who was he fooling?

In the short bit of time he’d spent with Mina, he had felt more like his old self. The person he’d been before Kimmie’s death, who made plans and had dreams. If he spent more time with her, that man he’d once been would come back, and it was that allure that had him hurrying down the stairs and out the door.

Against his better judgment, he was sure.

* * *

A LARGE, MAN-SHAPED shadow blocked Mina’s view of the marks she’d made in the wood. She sat back on her heels, both in frustration at how long it had taken her to get the stupid boards flush and at the person blocking her view of the part of this process she was really looking forward to—using her new drill.

The shadow didn’t speak, nor did it move. Finally, she turned and looked up into the sun at the man towering over her.

Her sometimes friendly, usually unfriendly neighbor, Levi, had come to watch her be foolish. A better show in person than from the window, no doubt.

“Hey,” she said, throwing a little extra chipper into her voice.

“That’d be easier if you did it on the driveway. Your driveway’s pretty level.” Not much as far as greetings went, but what she could see of his shadowed face was open and friendly. Or as friendly as he got. His now two-day beard and sleep-messed hair didn’t add much welcoming or pleasant to his look, but she’d always preferred brooding to charming.

“I know it would be easier, but if I did this on my driveway, I’d need someone to help me move it once it’s built. And,” she said with a shrug, “I figured it would be easier to get it level on the grass than move it by myself.”

Looking up at him was giving her a crick in her neck. She put her drill down. Much to her surprise, when she looked back up, preparing to stand, his hand was out. She stuck her hand in his, felt a reassuring squeeze and then a pull that was surprisingly gentle considering how quickly she came to her feet.

“Thank you.” She wiped the dirt off her knees.

“Why don’t you have a friend help you?” There was nearly a smile on his face.

A hand and nearly a smile. Even though he hadn’t said a word to her since their trip to the hardware store, Levi wasn’t the cranky neighbor he seemed to so desperately want to be. Under the hair that had fallen down the front of his face again, there might even be a flicker of humor in his eyes.

Spooking him seemed like a possibility, so she didn’t smile back. Or even nearly smile back. “I’ve only lived here a month. No friends yet.”

His brows raised in surprise. “Really? You seem like the kind of person who makes friends in a day. And you’ve been here a whole month.” He said everything but the last word drily, and she wondered if he were making fun of her until she remembered the near twinkle in his eye and the twitch of a smile she might have seen on his face.

“Well,” she corrected herself, “no friends who could help me today. Ivan, the guy I share an office with, is going out of town this weekend. Perry and Susan are at church, and I guess there was a thing after church. And Caroline doesn’t do power tools. When I said I’d use the drill and she only had to hold the boards, she counter-offered with alcohol when I was done.”

She glanced at the boards that were not yet the rectangle she’d thought they would be by now and laughed. “I think I’m going to need at least a beer. Maybe three.”

Levi looked longingly across the two driveways to his house. For a long moment she thought he was going to shrug and walk back into his home. But he blinked, shook his head against some invisible foe and turned back to her. “I’ll help you.”

She didn’t have to wonder if he wanted to. There was no smile on his face and no light in his eyes.

“What makes you qualified?” she asked, more curious than suspicious.

He raised an eyebrow. “I’m a contractor. Normally people pay for my help.”

“Well, I didn’t ask and you don’t have to help me.” Help was help, but begrudging help was almost worse than no help at all. “If I don’t get it done today, Ivan can help me next week. He’s already offered.”

“Yeah, but if I leave you here, I’m going to know you’re struggling, and I’m going to think about it every time I look out a window. I’ll get nothing done.” From his deadpan delivery, she couldn’t tell if he was joking.

“So, really, I’m doing you a favor.” His backward logic brought a smile to her face. “After you help me with this, you’ll owe me a beer.”

Surprise opened his face for a brief second before he barked out a laugh. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“That’s a fair deal.” She stuck out her hand to shake on it. And so she could feel his hand in hers again. Touch him again. Rugged, handsome, and he laughed at her bargaining skills. Suddenly she wanted to start touching him and never stop.

His hand lingered in hers, and with it the possibility of more intimate touches. Though, if that happened, she’d have to tell him about her HIV. And even if he didn’t back away in horror—and most people didn’t—he’d still want her to stop touching him so he could think about what she’d said. That everyone did.

Not that she blamed anyone for needing time to think, but, well, it always ruined the mood.

But Levi was helping her with her raised bed, not slipping his hand around to cup her head and bring her in for a kiss. There was no mood to ruin, only this stupid raised bed that she’d half destroyed in the process of building it.

As they sank down to the grass together, Mina kept her rash decision to build the garden bed at the forefront of her mind. The fact that she’d looked helpless enough for Levi to offer to help was a clear sign that she’d not thought the project through. And she knew better than to rush into things, men included—especially rugged neighbors with an air of tragedy about them. Lack of thinking things through made for bad decisions, and bad decisions made her parents worry. They would suggest she get on the job market again. They would call more. They would question every decision they knew about.

She’d moved to Montana for some independence, not to develop an unsubstantiated crush on a neighbor.

CHAPTER FIVE

LEVI GATHERED THE materials while Mina moved her car out of her driveway. Together they moved everything to the flat surface.

“You’re right,” she said as he tightened the clamps on the boards. “This does make everything easier.”

“The driveway or another person to help?” Levi held his hand out for the drill.

“Both,” she said, though she was shaking her head. “But you’ve only promised to stick around to build the thing. I neglected to ask you to help me move it in place.”

“That’ll cost you a beer.” He gestured for the drill and grunted when she shook her head again. “What, I don’t get beer for my labors?”

She laughed. “I’m not shaking my head at the beer. I’m shaking my head at giving you the drill.” She crab-walked around the driveway, the weight of the drill obviously pulling down at her hand, until she was next to him. Then she bumped him with her shoulder. “Move over. This is my raised bed and my drill. I get to use the power tools.”

“I’ll give up my beer in exchange for power-tool responsibility.”

The way her nose wrinkled as she pretended to consider his request made him want to laugh. “No dice,” she said, with another nudge. “I’ll pay you two beers for a lesson in power tools.”

He gave up with a bark that didn’t quite cover up his laugh and scooted to where he could hold the wood steady while she drilled.

It took Mina a few times with the drill to figure out how to control the power. Levi was pretty sure she was muttering and swearing under her breath each time the drill slipped and she had to release her fingers, but she managed to control any cursing by the time the whirl of the tool stopped. And each time she wrinkled her nose in frustration, took a deep breath and leaned forward with renewed concentration. When she had finally gotten all the holes predrilled and the screws in to attach the first short side of the bed to the post, she looked up at him in triumph.

“You didn’t give me any instruction, so I’m not sure I owe you the beers. But I got it done anyway, and I’m feeling generous. One beer, not two.”

He smiled at her continued reevaluation of their bargain. If he didn’t pay attention, he’d end the day having built a raised bed and offering to make dinner, too. “Your first lesson in power tools is that it would have been faster if you’d let me do it.”

“Does that mean you’d rather not have any beers?” She took the clamps off the board, then slid down and started clamping that end to the post.

“No,” he said, slipping into his role as assistant. To his surprise, he was having fun. “Just being honest. I have experience with this. You don’t.”

“But I’ll never get experience if I don’t do it. And if I mess it up, the store has more boards I can buy.”

“But you can’t pick up another helper.”

“Like I said, Ivan can help me next weekend.” She said the man’s name again, as if he should know who Ivan was. Her boyfriend? He hadn’t seen anyone regularly coming to the house—or noticed her spending nights away. Not that it mattered to him if his cute neighbor had a boyfriend. He was over here to be neighborly—trying something new like the horoscopes always suggested—not because he was interested in anything else.

Liar, liar, pants on fire, as his nephew Skylar would say.

“Besides, I don’t see you leaving in a huff because I won’t let you hold the power tools.” Her smile had turned into an impish smirk, and Levi knew he was staying, beer or no beer, power tools or no power tools.

“I said I’d help you build this bed, and I will,” he said with conviction that surprised even himself. “I’m a man of my word.” He paused. “Around household projects, at least.”

“A caveat of household projects? Is that a promise or a warning?” Figuring out how to put her whole body into the push of the drill didn’t seem to change her ability to keep that playful smile on her face.

Levi hadn’t enjoyed watching a woman’s face move so much since...well, since he’d first met Kimmie all those years ago. That realization hit at the same time Mina finished drilling and released the body-weight pressure she was putting into the wood. The sudden change knocked him off balance and on his ass, his hand flying out behind him for an equilibrium he couldn’t seem to find.

When he looked up, Mina was staring at him, her mouth and eyes wide in surprise. Amusement shone in her eyes. She recovered well enough to close her lips, but one corner of her mouth stayed lifted in surprise. Levi pushed himself back upright, chuckling at his clumsiness, and it seemed to be all the break Mina needed to laugh herself.

“Are you all right?” she asked.

“Yes. I didn’t expect...” He’d expected to spend the afternoon thinking about his house and his chores and being anywhere other than here. He hadn’t expected to have an offer to get more wood so they could build another raised bed lingering on the tip of his tongue. “You moved sooner than I expected.”

“Well, Levi of no last name and worn hems, you’re less grumpy than I expected.”

Levi laughed, not a bark, not a chuckle or an acknowledging grunt. The laugh escaping his mouth was a full belly laugh that made his stomach muscles hurt but lightened the weight of his head on his shoulders. “Worn hems, huh? I guess my pajama pants are a bit old.”

“So is the T-shirt you were wearing.”

“You don’t let up, do you?”

“Not when I’m winning,” she said, her face bright with both the sunlight shining down on her and the pleasure radiating from within her.

“Let’s get this bed finished so I can have the beers that you owe me,” he said, emphasizing the s on the end of beers.

As they built the rest of the raised bed and dug holes for the posts, Mina chattered along, much like she had when standing on his front porch. Chatter was her default setting, he realized, and it had only been mindless and haphazard on his porch because he’d been silent, and she’d been nervous. Now, as he occasionally asked questions and bantered back, her conversation was still light, but it was also interesting. Levi had never expected to care about the glories of Russian curses, but so long as Mina was the one talking about them, he was eager to become an expert.

* * *

THE LEGS OF the wheelbarrow sank into the grass when Mina let go of the handles. The bed was done. It was even full of dirt. Levi had called someone he knew who ran a rock and soil yard, and they’d gone in his truck to pick up a load of topsoil and compost mix. She might, might, be able to squeeze in a few fast-growing greens and harvest something before the bitter cold weather set in.

But that was a task for another day. Despite the cool air hinting at fall, all the work they’d put in meant dirt stuck to the sheen of sweat on her skin like those minuscule brambles that stick to your socks after a hike. Her hair had fallen out of the bobby pins and was adhering to her face in clumps. And sniffing herself wasn’t required; she knew she stank.

Levi grimaced as he ran his hand along the back of his neck and gave his shoulder a few hard rubs. The world could be deeply unfair. Mina was pretty sure she looked like something the cat dragged in. Levi, who had to be just as dirty and probably also stank, looked rugged and capable. The streak of dirt across his cheek made the light brown of his eyes stand out, and his teeth looked whiter when he smiled at her.

“I’m going to be sore tomorrow,” he said with another rub at his neck.

“Since you weren’t happy giving over responsibility for the drill, I assume you do this sort of thing on a regular basis.” Maybe she just liked to imagine what he would look like chopping wood. “Or was that just because you’re a man and like to be in the driver’s seat?”

He let out a low sound, somewhere between a snort and a chuckle. The outright laughter that had caught her by surprise earlier was gone but not forgotten. She didn’t need it to know he was having a good time. “I supervise more than I hammer, so if you want to drive, I’m man enough to be a passenger and enjoy the scenery.”

“How long have you lived in Missoula?”

“Three years.”

“Is that long enough for you to be able to show me some cool places? Places I wouldn’t discover unless I had also lived here for three years?”

She had tried to make her question airy—and tried for a light smile to match—but she could see in the cock of his head that he was trying to understand if she was truly asking or being flirty. Hell, she didn’t know if she was looking for suggestions from someone who’d lived in the city longer than she had or if she was hunting around for the likelihood of a date. She’d promised herself that from now on she’d get to know someone casually before getting serious. No more rushing into relationships or hopes or dreams. Rushing led to hurts, and she was trying to cut down on hurts.

But emotional caution just wasn’t and never had been a strength of hers.

“I know some places,” he said finally, each word carefully measured out as if he was also trying to figure out what she was asking and what he was offering. “And I know locals who know more places.”

“I’ve not met many locals. The university seems to be full of transplants like me, at least among the professors.” Different universities had different cultures and different feels, but the hodgepodge of people from around the globe remained the same. The academic job market was tough, especially for someone who studied a language, and everyone took what they could get.

“But before I ask you for more favors,” she said, giving them both an out, “I should probably get you that beer I promised. I’ll make you dinner, too, if you’re interested. You helped me out a lot today, and feeding you is the least I can do.”

Again he looked at her, obviously evaluating her words with a slow blink.

“It’s just dinner, I promise,” she said with a low laugh to cover the awkwardness. “I’m not trying to put a down payment on future yard work.”

He snorted. “I don’t believe that, but I also don’t care. Give me a chance to shower first, and then dinner sounds great.”

“A shower is a good idea.” Maybe cleaning the dirt off her body would clear the confused dust out of her mind. And, if she decided she really was trying to explore the potential for a date, at least she wouldn’t be worried about armpit smell.

“Give me at least a half an hour to get myself cleaned up, and you can come over anytime after that. I’ll leave the door unlocked, but give a knock so I don’t jump when you walk in the door.”

“Deal,” he said. Then he smiled, and his face and shoulders relaxed. Hers did, too.

* * *

FRESHLY SHOWERED AND in clean clothes, Levi stood in his kitchen watching the clock. It had been twenty minutes since he’d left Mina’s front yard, and he figured he had ten minutes to kill before he could walk through her front door without risking her still being in the shower. He emptied his dishwasher, then turned his attention to the paper still lying open to the astrology section.

He was supposed to try to embrace a new future today. If Kimmie were alive, she was supposed to go outside and garden. Not that he believed in the nonsense of the stars covering his fate, but today’s horoscope seemed uncomfortably close to the truth. Kimmie couldn’t go outside and garden, but Levi was alive, and getting outside seemed good advice for all the living.

And then there was that new future...

Levi glanced up at the window to where Mina was out of the shower and closing her curtains. She didn’t look embarrassed at all as she caught him looking while she was wearing only her towel. Instead, she smiled and waved. He waved back, then reached up and closed his own blinds.

Dennis was right that maybe he should get out and explore the world of women. Brook was right that he should do so with more seriousness. He’d never imagined that he’d be in his midthirties and single. He’d been excited to marry Kimmie and talk about having kids. He’d wanted to settle down. He still wanted to. But it wouldn’t happen if he avoided women who seemed more interested in relationships than in just sex.

Mina didn’t have to be the one or even the maybe, and dinner tonight didn’t have to lead to anything more than friendly greetings between neighbors, but he’d never know unless he tried. Mina was the first woman he’d felt more than a sexual interest in since Kimmie, and she was at least a good place to start, even if she seemed impossibly young.

He sniffed at his shoulder, which smelled like dryer sheets and deodorant. He reached up and unbuttoned his shirt, draping it across the chair as he headed to the bathroom to shave. Cologne would be overkill—besides which, he didn’t own any—but shaving for a woman was a nice gesture, even if dinner was just dinner.

After his shave and before heading out the door, Levi stopped by the kitchen, folded up the paper and tossed it in the recycling bin before the stars carried him away from reality.