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“Salad dressing.” She crossed her arms thoughtfully, before meeting his gaze. “Not much nutrition in that.”
She was talking about nurturing their marriage. Sam nodded. “Guess nothing in life is perfect, Maddie. I like you just the way you are.”
“Yes, but you’re a better person than me, Sam, really. You want to have a marriage again. You’d want to try to make a baby with me. All this because I didn’t tell you I was trying to conceive without you here. It isn’t right if you’re the one who always does the compromising.”
“I’m just thinking what’s best. We’ve got two little babies to consider, and I want us to give them a good family. Two happy parents.”
“You’ve given up France, and your wine company,” she pointed out. “You’d looked for the right deal for a long time.”
“I think my life will be better in the long run if we merged Sam with Maddie in Texas. All I can think about right now is babies who need their father as well as their mother.”
“It’s so uneven,” she murmured. “Like the new shutters on the house. They’re lopsided, Sam, but only because Mom and Dad didn’t agree on what was even. She’d say up a little, he’d say no, they should be down a little, and the house ended up a little off balance.” She gave him a pain-filled glance, her delicate brows drawn together. “A little here, a little there all adds up. Somehow I think we’d end right back at square one.”
“You need some time to yourself,” Sam said softly, “and I think you said a shower might be relaxing. So I’m going out to visit with the extended family. Try to get some rest.”
She nodded slightly, her lower lip quivering, her eyes big and haunted as she watched him close the door behind him.
Outside, he hesitated, thinking about what they were doing. About what they weren’t doing.
She had never planned on him returning for good.
He wished that didn’t bother him as much as it did.
“IT’S NOT THAT WE DON’T want you here, Sam,” Sara Winston told her son as she walked him over to see her rented house. “We just aren’t set up for company. We’ve been spending all our time helping Maddie with her house. And in the final months of the pregnancy, she didn’t feel so well. In fact, she was housebound. Severn and I thought you’d want us here in Austin to help in any way we could.”
“I’m hardly company.”
She glanced away for an instant. “You know what I mean, surely. The only bed in this house is ours.”
Hard to argue with that. He was their only child, so it wasn’t like they’d ever plan for extended visits from farflung children. Except him, and clearly they had neither planned for nor expected his return. That didn’t make him feel one bit better. “You could have mentioned that your new address was next door to my ex-wife. I thought you were retiring to the coast.”
His mother adjusted her pearls. “Maddie told us this house had come up for rent, and Severn suggested we take a short lease to see how we liked the area. We weren’t certain, you know, if Maddie would get tired of having us around. To tell you the truth, Sam, it’s so much nicer being close to her. Otherwise we would be spending our time in hotels or hauling up and down the highway to visit. This way we avoid a great many sleepless nights and purposeless worrying from not knowing what was happening here. And we’ve had the time of our lives getting to know Maddie and the Bradys better. In fact, your father is seriously considering purchasing the house for our permanent retirement residence.”
“That doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me.”
“Maddie didn’t want us to, and we agreed, Sam. You can be angry if you like, but we did what we thought was best for you and Maddie.”
“Unfortunately, there is no Maddie and me.”
“Certainly there is. They’re named Henry and Hayden, and that’s all your father and I care about. We didn’t choose sides. We chose to live near our grandchildren and their mother.”
He kissed his mother on the cheek. “Thanks for looking after Maddie.”
“You should be next door with the children, anyway. Not over here with us.”
That wasn’t the way Maddie wanted it, and he’d decided to do things her way—for now. “It’s all going to work out, Mom. I’ll see you later.”
He left the house, intending to go back to Maddie’s.
“Sam!”
He straightened at the carrying sound of Franny Brady’s voice. “Yes, Franny?”
She gestured from the porch of what had last been the Reefers’ house. “Let me hug your neck, Sam. You haven’t given me a proper greeting.”
“Let me make up for that at once.” He sprang up onto the porch and gave her a sound, grateful hug.
“Now, you bad boy. You come inside and tell your old mother-in-law what was so pressing in France that you had to run off and leave us all in the lurch.” She went inside the comfortable one-story dwelling, leaving him to follow.
“Maddie and I agreed to separate,” he began in self-defense as she pointed him to a chair in her mahogany-paneled kitchen. “She wanted it just as much as I did.”
Franny put a paper plate on the table in front of him, loading it up with brownies and butterscotch cookies, then thumped down a glass of tea beside his plate. She stared at him from under iron-gray curls tumbling over her broad, lined forehead. Franny was from sturdy farm stock and didn’t tolerate guff in anyone. Her daughter had inherited a great deal of her head-on attitude. “You knew when you married my daughter that she wasn’t like any other woman. You always said that. Said she was original. That you wouldn’t find another like her if you hunted the world over. So, how’s the hunting?”
“I haven’t been hunting. Maddie is Maddie. One of a kind. But Franny, I couldn’t give her what she wanted, and it was difficult.”
Franny’s face softened. “I understand how hard that must be for you, Sam. But I think you jumped the gun. And damn it, I hate to lose the only man I’m positive I could stand for a son-in-law. Truly.”
That touched him. He’d gotten along very well with Franny and Virgil—once they’d accepted him. They hadn’t thought he’d be happy with their daughter, suggesting that perhaps his family was too embedded in the Silk-Stocking Row for him to know a thing of quality when he saw it. He’d known it, however. Maddie would sparkle no matter where she was, and growing up on a hundred-acre cotton farm hadn’t affected her brilliance. “I can’t change the fact that we separated. Can’t turn back the clock.”
“No. But it would be best for everyone if you cease this disastrous living arrangement here and now. The two of you belong together. And I hope you’ll remember my advice and not get all hotheaded when you discover Maddie decided to return to using her maiden name.” Franny shook her head. “I sure wish you the best of luck, Sam, but quite frankly, I fear you stayed away too long.”
MADDIE NEARLY HAD heart failure when the door to her bedroom was flung open. She instinctively tightened her hold on the baby she was nursing. “Did it ever occur to you to knock?”
“I just had a conversation with your mother.”
She frowned at her tall, way too handsome ex. “I’m trying to relax so I can breast-feed. I can’t deal with family angst right now.”
He sat on the edge of the bed, his gaze suddenly fixated on the contented newborn at her breast. Plainly uncomfortable, he diverted his gaze, fastening it to the lamb-and-lion picture on the opposite wall. “I beg your pardon.”
“Not necessary. Just please don’t barge in. This is the only place in the house I can be alone. I’m having trouble letting down.”
“Relaxing?”
“Letting down milk.”
“Oh.” He moved his gaze to a large potted palm in the corner.
She closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of the warm, sleepy baby in her arms. “Are you bothered by the breast-feeding?”
“I’m not sure what I am. Trying to give you some privacy, I think.” He stared down at his hands. “I’d like to help, though.”
“What do you want to do?”
He shrugged big shoulders, the white polo shirt he wore flexing over a broad back. “Help somehow. Hold the baby. Do something. To be honest, I’m having trouble letting down myself.”
They weren’t talking about milk now. “In what way?”
“I guess even though those are my children, I don’t feel bonded to them in any way. Connected.”
She could see the frown of concentration even with his face in profile. “You weren’t here, so you didn’t see me pregnant. And you haven’t really held them. Go ahead, Sam. Pick Henry up.”
“Where is he?” He looked around, finally spying the baby between two king-size pillows on a towel on the lace-covered bed.
The small baby lay on his stomach, sucking his fist gently, eyes blinking. “I don’t think I should pick him up. I might hurt him.”
“You won’t.” Maddie smiled. “It’s the only way to bond. You have to touch them, hold them, smell them. Change diapers.”
She stood, handing Hayden to Sam before he realized what she was doing. He was too busy trying to figure out how to settle the tiny baby in his arms to sneak a look at her breasts, and Maddie thought it an excellent sign that he was concentrating. Silently, she picked up Henry and settled him to feed.
Apparently Sam developed the knack of holding a baby with lightning speed because his gaze immediately focused on the infant latching on to her nipple. Rats. Now she was uncomfortable.
“Your breasts are so swollen. Do they hurt?”
“A little,” she admitted. “Though I think I won’t be in as much pain if you look away.”
He did, but she could see his eyes were still wide with amazement. The tingling between her legs warned her that she was still very aware of Sam as a man, not as her ex. She insisted to herself the physical sensation was only her body reacting to the baby suckling her nipple. Abby told me that breast-feeding would cause my uterus to contract. That’s all it is.
“I like holding him,” Sam said, his voice rich with pleasure.
Unexpected tears popped into Maddie’s eyes. Would miracles never cease?
“You’re kind of…sweet,” he murmured. “I mean, I think you need a diaper change, little fella, ’cause I’m pretty sure that’s not baby powder I smell, but hey, a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do, right?”
He held the baby to his chest, gazing down into the small, open eyes. “I think someone should clean your bottom, which is going to be a little cruel since you’ve had your nice warm mother comforting you with those big breasts, treatment to put any right-thinking male into a seriously relaxed trance. A wipe down to the backside won’t be near as nice, but then you can get right back inside your cozy little blanket. Quite the life of luxury, eh, little man?”
Maddie’s lips parted as Sam oh-so-carefully laid the baby on the bed.
“How do I do this?”
Her eyes widened. “Can you?” She’d expected him to hand the baby to her.
“Is there a huge difference for babies?” Sam asked. “Except less space to cover?”
“I guess not. The washcloths are stacked on the bathroom counter. Go in there and warm one up, and grab a diaper, too.”
“Okay.” He went into the master bath. “Whoa! Who installed the ugly woman spitting water? That’s frightening!”
Maddie grinned. “Our mothers.”
“Ugh!”
“It’s supposed to be soothing. They put it in there to give me an illusion of tranquility. Your mom read that the sound of water bubbling or gurgling was supposed to be calming, so my mom bought the fountain, and together they worked on it.”
“I’m sure they had the best of intentions.” He brought the warmed cloth out, and carefully peeled off the tiny diaper. “I didn’t hear any bubbling or gurgling. Just spitting. And I’ve got to tell you, that’s not a remarkably serene sound effect.”
Maddie couldn’t help laughing. At that moment, her milk let down. “Oh, my gosh!”
“What is it?” He stared at her, pausing in his diapering.
“I let down! I let down! It really works!” Grateful delight ran all through her. “I was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to breast-feed!”
“Why wouldn’t you? You’ve got more-than-satisfactory equipment.”
She let that go in her joy. “I don’t know. I just was afraid I couldn’t.” Staring at the baby suckling earnestly now that he was being rewarded for his trouble, Maddie smiled in dizzy relief. “I got nervous when I couldn’t let down. And there are all these people in the house, which I love, but it’s…”
“Hard to relax.”
“Yes! And then there’s the formula cans.”
Sam finished diapering the baby and cradled him to his chest as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Formula cans?”
“Well, there’s so much pressure, Sam! I know this will sound neurotic, but it says right on the can that ‘breast milk is best. But if you choose not to feed your baby breast milk,’ etc. etc. I mean, how is that supposed to make a woman feel?”
“Pressured?”
“Exactly! I couldn’t get pregnant the normal way. What if my other equipment failed me?”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
She missed him staring at her breast, which was free of the towel she’d draped over her shoulder. “It all just made me tense, I guess. I’m so happy I can breast-feed my babies!”
He shook his head. “I think you should kick everyone out of the house, except me. This is time you should spend relaxing.”
“I have privacy in my room, and our moms have decorated it beautifully. I’m supposed to feel like I’m in a jungle, far away from everything, among the natural elements of life.”
“It’s certainly got that primitive feel.”
She shook her head at him. “I must have relaxed when you made me laugh, enough to let down.”
“Glad I’m good for something.”
“Precisely. Because if anyone had told me you’d be the instrument of my relaxation, I would have been very concerned.”
“Stranger things have happened, I guess. Why don’t I diaper that greedy little guy if he’s through, and you three can take a nap?”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Why are you being so caring?”
“I was always caring, Maddie. I simply want us to go back to what we had before.” He helped her up and toward the bed, taking the baby from her. “You know, our natural element.”
Tucking Henry next to her body, she said, “Our primitive instincts.”
“Well, yeah. I mean, we’d gotten so calendar-happy. It’s tough to get passionate when you feel like you’re playing beat-the-clock. Not that I’m complaining about having sex. Just the performance thing started to weigh on me.” He glanced at her. “I knew I was letting you down. And when the doctor mentioned my potency, I knew I was holding you back from what you wanted most. That’s not what marriage should be.”
“Oh, Sam.” She stared up at him, feeling regret for everything. “I am sorry about all that.”
“Well.” He finished wiping and diapering Hayden and tucked the infant next to his mother. “Good to see that I wrung out some powerful babies, after all.”
“You did.” A slight smile curved her lips. “Dr. Maitland told me there was a major explosion in the old petri dish.”
