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“It was only a few overdeveloped knot-heads who needed to be taken down a peg. You could have used your own jock strap if it had been bigger.”
“Great. Always the personal jibes about the short, skinny guy,” Martin complained.
“But you don’t owe me your life from that day forward,” Sam told him gently. “I merely want one simple thing.”
“Name it,” Martin said, as always.
“I want to find out how I keep Maddie from dipping into my sperm savings in the future. I have rights in this matter, and I want them exercised. I know she wants more children. Four was always her dream number. I just don’t want my name in the father slot on her future lab experiments.”
Martin coughed, and it sounded like whatever he was drinking spewed everywhere. “You really are giving up the hero role, aren’t you, buddy?”
“Yeah. I still want it friendly and easy, the way you managed to work out the specifics of our separation.”
“Kid-glove detail.”
“Exactly.”
“Why do I have a bad feeling Maddie isn’t going to want to be my stand-in little sister after this?”
“Maddie believes I only want to be here for the sake of the children. She’s never going to be convinced that I want her for her, and that I honestly believe we belong together. Any future children are going to have to come from our physical—”
“I think I get your drift,” Martin interrupted. “I’ll get right on it.”
MADDIE STARED AT her mother and Sara, who’d come in to help her with diaper time. Then she burst into tears.
“What’s wrong, honey?” Franny demanded.
“I don’t know. I’m weepy for some reason.” Maddie touched the toes of her babies lovingly, each touch a miraculous sensation she cherished. “I think seeing Sam again has me off balance. This should be a happy day, and yet he’s angry with me. I expected him to be upset, but I didn’t realize how strained we would feel.” It had been so much better when she and Sam had enjoyed a happy marriage. To see him again after nine months had been a shock to her system. His anger had been heartbreaking.
Each grandmother took a child in her arms. Franny shooed Maddie toward the bathroom. “Take a shower. You’ll feel so much better if you do. A good warm shower will wash all those worries away.”
“All right.” Maddie sighed and went to get some fresh clothes. She was in between sizes. Her pregnancy clothes were too big now, and her regular clothes didn’t fit. She pulled out another pair of elastic shorts and a sleeveless top that would cover a nursing bra. “At least this gives me the illusion of working toward my normal body size.”
Franny eyed her over the sleeping baby in her arms. “Don’t rush yourself. I know you’re feeling tense with Sam right now, but I’m sure he finds you attractive just the way you are.”
“Men always think of your body the way it was before the baby,” Sara assured her. “At least Severn always says he still sees me as the girl he fell in love with.”
“Maybe that’s the trouble. Sam’s not in love with me. He’d live with me again, to give the children a proper family. But any deep feelings we had went out the window during our marriage.” Even though this had been a fact for a long time, Maddie still found it wrenching.
“He didn’t seem angry to me awhile ago,” Franny said. “Although I did hear him raise his voice a bit when he was on the phone.”
“Must have been about the wine company merger,” Sara guessed.
“I think he was talking to Martin,” Franny said with a frown.
“Oh, well. That explains it. He always yells at Martin.” Sara shook her head as she finished diapering a baby. “It’s not a normal legal relationship those two have, that’s for sure. I don’t yell at my lawyer. He’s too…uninvolved for me to yell at. I say what I want, and he does it.”
“Well, Sam never did what anyone wanted him to,” Franny asserted. “And Martin merely does his best to advise Sam, who is usually intractable, and I mean no insult to you and Severn. Sam is Sam and I’m sure he had Martin’s head in a vise for good reason. Now, dear, I’m positive Sam is simply trying to come up to speed on the fact that he’s a father, and he’s not angry with anyone.”
Maddie wanted to believe Franny’s words, yet was painfully aware of the wounds their marriage had suffered. “Mother, haven’t you ever heard the old saying there’s no going back?”
“Nope. Haven’t heard that one. I have heard that the second time’s the charm,” Franny said brightly.
“I don’t know. Something’s not right,” Maddie murmured. “We’re not on the same track anymore. Sam and I used to be compatible. We were very comfortable with each other. We’re just awkward now.” She glanced up at Sara and Franny. “Out of whack.”
“Out of whack?” Sara repeated.
“Not on the same wavelength,” Maddie clarified. “I have a funny feeling Sam called Martin about the babies.”
“Maybe he wanted to brag,” Sara suggested.
“Not if he was yelling. And that’s what makes me nervous. Sam never yelled before. He’s a very civilized person.”
“Well, Martin could drive a body to yell,” Franny pointed out.
“Custody agreements can’t be instated at this point, can they? Since the babies came after our separation?”
“Oh, Sam wouldn’t want to take the children away from you,” Sara said. “He wouldn’t think it was right for a mother and her children to be separated.”
“Well, they’re not just her children,” Franny said slowly. “As much as she thinks she did it on her own, she did require help. And that help was Sam’s doing. Reckon he has some rights where the boys are concerned. Maybe he just wants to know for sure, and that’s why he called Martin.”
“Oh, dear,” Maddie said. “I wouldn’t want my babies going to France for their visitations.”
“I’m sure Sam would let you come along,” Sara exclaimed. “Wouldn’t that be fun? The two of you and the children in such a romantic place?”
“You’re not helping,” Maddie said gently. “Sam and I do not want to take trips together.”
“Sam and I don’t want to do what?” Sam asked as he entered the room after briefly knocking.
“Don’t want to go to France together,” Maddie explained.
“No. We wouldn’t want to do that,” he concurred. “I just told Martin to rescind the offer to Jardin Wineries. I need to be here with the boys.” He looked fondly into the baby blanket Sara held and spoke soft gibberish to his son.
Sara and Franny both sent triumphant smiles at Maddie, before quietly exiting the room.
“Glad we got that all straightened out,” Maddie grumbled, not glad at all for some reason. In fact, now she felt grouchier than ever. Sam being around all the time meant he’d be underfoot all the time. She’d expected him to pop in and then pop out of her life.
It appeared he planned on staying. Her heart rate elevated, the blood singing through her body in giddy anticipation.
“And I also instructed Martin to draw up a will that includes my children. I want to make certain they’re taken care of should anything ever happen to me.”
Maddie’s blood stopped cold. Here she’d been thinking about Sam trying to obtain custodial rights, and he’d been thinking of the children’s well-being. “Oh, Sam,” she said. “You are a good man.”
“Not really.” His expression was a trifle sheepish. “I was just explaining to Martin the difference between a louse and a hero.”
“You’re not a louse.”
“Sometimes I am. You’re just seeing everything in a rosy light because you’ve just been through the miraculous process of birth. Amazing that little fellows like these can grow from…” He shook his head in silent, awed admiration as he stared over at his sons.
“I think I’m the louse,” Maddie said sadly. “I was thinking all kinds of bad thoughts about you when they told me you’d been on the phone yelling at Martin.”
“I yell at Martin when he aggravates the hell out of me, which he does frequently. He wants me to have the babies’ DNA matched to mine, in case there was a screwup in the Maitland blender.”
“Oh.” Maddie’s brows rose. “I would be very surprised if Maitland made a mistake such as that.”
“I told him it wouldn’t matter to me, anyway. You had those children, and you love them. They have my name on the birth certificate. If they’re not born from my cells, then it’s no different than if we’d adopted. Martin understands this now.”
“Oh, Sam.” Her eyes sparkled at him. “You have no louse potential at all.”
“I do,” he assured her. “I also told him I didn’t want any more withdrawals made from my account.”
Maddie lowered her head after staring into Sam’s eyes for a moment.
“Well, I wish you felt differently, of course. But I certainly understand.”
“You do?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “And when I’m ready to have more children, I’ll have Dr. Abby help me select another appropriate donor. Of course, I doubt there’s a man alive who could give me better children than you, but I certainly—”
“Maddie!” he bellowed. “You are not running a stud farm around here!”
“Sam—”
“This entire discussion infuriates me!” He glared at her. “Pardon me for having an adverse reaction to the idea of you blithely shopping for sperm!” He took a deep breath and glared at her again.
“Well, I’m not planning to try to become pregnant for quite a while, anyway. So there’s no need to be upset.”
“Until you leave one afternoon to go shopping. I won’t be thinking Neiman Marcus, I’m sure,” he grumbled.
She put a hand on his arm, and instinctively he reached to take that hand in his. When she realized he’d done it out of habit, reacting comfortably as he had hundreds of times before, she stiffened, then relaxed. It felt right to let Sam hold her hand. Their marriage had been close and loving. He was a good man, even if he had a slick lawyer. “I’m going to take a shower. Our mothers say I need to relax.”
“You definitely need to slow down. You keep me turning in circles.”
“I don’t mean to.”
“Don’t you?” He eyed her carefully. “Somehow I thought you were enjoying torturing me.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Not torturing. Although the occasional good-humored teasing does bring to your eyes a fire I remember well.”
He sank onto the bed, his shoulders slumped. “Just don’t let me find any lists lying around for a while, unless they’re for the grocery. Okay? And even then I’ll be doing the shopping for quite some time.”
“Safer that way?” she asked with a smile.
“I was thinking of your recovery, but yes, possibly it is safer if I know you’re tucked at home recuperating.”
He was still holding her hand in his, and warmth spread through Maddie. But she wanted to make certain he understood the whole situation. “Sam, you know I want more children, don’t you? I mean, if heaven smiles on me with more babies, I would consider it a dream come true.”
He looked up at her suddenly, his eyes full of the fire she loved. “Fine. Have four. Have ten. But just let me take a crack at getting you pregnant the old-fashioned way.”
Chapter Three
Sam had no idea why he offered. What was he saying? That he accepted that Maddie wouldn’t be his true wife, but a sexual relationship designed to create more children was fine with him? “I mean, if we were to have a real marriage, of course. I would be very vigilant with practicing.”
She tipped her head to look up at him. “Practicing?”
“Well, I couldn’t shoot out any arrows that hit the bull’s-eye before. Maybe I just needed more practice.”
“One thing I can never say about you, Sam, is that you were unskilled and out of practice.”
“I may be, after nine months.”
She smiled hesitantly, her face taking on a glow that spoke of happiness. “That almost sounds like a confession.”
“A confession of what?” He stared at her, confused. “Oh…you’re asking if I’ve been totally out of practice since our separation?”
She turned away. “It’s really none of my business. I read more into your remark than I should have.”
Yeah, but it had made her glow, and he liked that. Gently, he turned her to face him. “Yes, Maddie, it was a confession, even if I didn’t realize I was making one. There has been no other woman since you.”
She stared into his eyes, searching. Maybe she was trying to see his feelings. Surely she didn’t have to look so hard. He leaned forward to drop a soft kiss against her forehead.
“It shouldn’t make me so happy,” she said, her voice trembling as she leaned against his chest, her forehead resting at his throat. “It does, though. And that makes me so angry!”
“Why?” He held her away from him a little so he could see her face.
“I don’t want to love you anymore,” she said, sniffling. “I don’t want to sound mean, but it took my heart a long time to heal, Sam. Actually, it never has. It’s kind of hanging in my chest, a big, gaping wound that I don’t think will ever stop leaking sadness over our breakup. I just can’t go back there.”
“Back where?”
“To the hopes and dreams,” she said softly. “It was too hard when we couldn’t work things out. I learned the true meaning of heartbreak when I couldn’t give you children.”
“But I—”
“I know you didn’t want them as badly as I did. But substitute the baby issue for a different issue, Sam, and maybe I’ll let you down again. I don’t have any confidence in myself as a wife.”
“I was happy.”
“But that was the only real big issue our marriage was even tested with. What if something bigger came along?”
He wasn’t sure there was anything more momentous than not being able to get his wife pregnant when she wanted to be. “I think I see what you’re getting at. I felt the same way about not being able to give you something you desperately wanted. But just for the record, I didn’t have any complaints.”
“No, you didn’t. It was all my fault. I was the one who wanted children, and that destroyed our marriage.” She sighed and pulled slowly from his arms. “I caused us pain.”
“I have to shoulder my share of responsibility, Maddie. I shouldn’t have told you to choose between our marriage or the continual merry-go-round of fertility heartache. Those are words I can’t unsay, no matter how much I wish I could. Of course, I was expecting you to pick me.”
Maddie shook her head. “If I’d been any other woman, I would have. That’s the whole problem. I’m selfish.”
“You’re sweet, too. A man’s got to take the bitter with the sweet. Vinegar and sugar is probably a good recipe for something, isn’t it?”
