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Like coffee with Braden. It should have been so simple, but the evasions began to get to her. You couldn’t have a relationship based on lies, and the truth was too painful.
Pulling on her outdoor gear, she decided to take a walk in the woods. She left her phone behind, even though she knew she should take it in case she had an accident, but she didn’t want another call reminding her about tomorrow, asking how her writing was going, and did she ever intend to come out of her cave.
For the first time she wondered how anyone wrote a book when people were so disrespectful of a writer’s time. But maybe writers learned not to answer the phone, not to go to the door, not to feel guilty for ignoring a friend’s call.
Somehow she doubted it. Her acquaintance with guilt was growing by leaps and bounds. She seemed to be building it constantly and adding to it with every evasion.
Telling herself it was necessary didn’t much help.
They’d tried to convince her that she would be building a new past for herself each day that went by. It sure wasn’t enough of a past to satisfy her. Yes, she could talk lightly about the few jobs she’d held in her wanderings, some of the people she’d met, but there was always that wall she couldn’t surmount.
Dang, she thought, scuffing her toe in the light layer of snow and bringing up some loam from beneath.
Braden. He was another problem. Though she didn’t have a lot of experience she remembered so she could call on it, she was almost certain that he’d looked at her several times with male interest.
Well, she’d looked at him the same way. He drew her, attracted her, made her want to be a normal girl who could just date and get to know a guy. But since there wasn’t much he could get to know about her, she was a fool to even cherish such dreams, and even more of a fool when he hadn’t tried to reach her in over a week.
But she couldn’t help wishing, and Braden made her wish. The warm, roughness of his palm when he shook her hand seemed to have imprinted itself vividly on her memory. She liked just looking at him, which she supposed was utterly silly, and she reacted like a woman to his scent, to his broad shoulders, to the sight of his butt in those snug jeans he wore.
Oh, man, the bug had bit, but it couldn’t go anywhere. Not unless she told him the truth, and she could just imagine the horror that would come to his face. “You don’t know who you are?” The question that most terrified her.
For heaven’s sake, she didn’t even know how old she was. When her birthday was. Who her parents had been. Where she had gone to school. All those simple but important things. Not even whether she was a virgin.
Man. Self-disgust filled her again, even though she knew it wasn’t fair. She’d been seriously injured. She was lucky to be alive.
Except that she had only part of a life.
Tomorrow was going to be another rough day unless she found a way to excuse herself from the big community gift wrapping. But no, she wasn’t going to excuse herself. She had no idea what had drawn her to this town, what had made her feel so compelled to come here, and hiding out wasn’t going to answer the question.
But that compulsion... As she stepped out of the trees and looked up, she saw the snowy peaks of the Rocky Mountains, like the Alps, although how she knew that, she had no idea. They called to her, those mountains in all their majestic height and cragginess. They seemed to be a part of her.
They felt more like home than anything else since her accident. They kept her here.
* * *
The church hall was full of people by the time Julie arrived. So many people, all very busy at sorting through gifts and wrapping them, then labeling them for “A soldier” or “A soldier’s family.” Ages were placed only on toys.
Vanessa grabbed her at once and dragged her to the table where she, Mallory and Lily were busy wrapping things.
“The others will be here later,” Vanessa told her. “Except Jonah, who has a bad cold. Caleb’s finishing some work, and Cecelia and Nick got delayed. I don’t want to know how they got delayed.” Vanessa rolled her eyes suggestively, drawing a laugh from Julie, who then greeted everyone and asked, “If we were going to do toys, why not send them to Toys for Tots?”
“We work with what people give us,” Mallory explained. “Sometimes I think we send enough cologne and aftershave to perfume the entire military.”
Julie laughed and allowed herself to relax. This wasn’t going to be so hard. “So it really gets to the troops? I thought the military was difficult about that, and these are wrapped.” Where that came from, she had no idea.
“It’s all going to nearby bases. No problem there. They know who we are.”
“Ah.”
Lily spoke. “I can’t get the triangle right.”
At once Julie leaned over to her and showed her how to fold the paper at the end of the package. Sometimes it amazed her that she could remember to do things like this without remembering she had ever done them before.
“I like the triangles,” Lily said. “They’re prettier than just sticking lots of tape on.”
“You’re right about that,” Julie agreed.
Lily triumphantly placed the last piece of tape and looked up with sparkling eyes. Then she looked past Julie. “Hi, Braden. Are you and Julie friends now?”
“We’re working on it,” came the answer.
Julie was almost afraid to turn around, but after taking a breath she did, and found him smiling at her.
“Room at this table?” he asked.
“Of course,” said Vanessa, scooting over before Julie could respond, making room for him right beside Julie.
It seemed more than Lily were involved in a little matchmaking, Julie thought. Her cheeks heated.
“Hi,” he said, still smiling.
“Hi,” she managed to answer, then quickly dragged her gaze back to the half-wrapped package in front of her. He looked good enough to eat, and her heart speeded up nervously. He smelled good, too, fresh from a shower, not wearing any aftershave or cologne that she could detect. For some reason she had never found that attractive in a man. At least not in her present incarnation.
He chatted pleasantly with the others who joined the table, appearing comfortable with everyone. She envied him that comfort. Sometimes she wondered if she had ever been someone who had a circle of family and friends that she had known for a long time, a group of people where any reasonable conversation was easy. Small talk certainly didn’t come easily to her now, not at all.
And less so, being crowded against him at the table. Inevitably their arms and shoulders brushed, and sometimes they reached out simultaneously for the tape. Each contact, however minor, seemed to zap her with electricity.
A different kind of electricity than she had felt from Winona Cobbs. This kind made her start wondering what it would be like to have this man’s arms around her, his lips on hers.
She tried to imagine it and wondered if her imaginings had any basis in experience, or if she was just making it up. How would she know? The not knowing was apt to drive her crazy. She ought to be getting used to this discombobulation, but it didn’t seem to be getting any easier, not with a handsome, sexy man standing so close.
“Julie? Julie?” Vanessa’s voice punctured her preoccupation. She snapped her head up.
“I’m sorry. Woolgathering.”
“Nothing new in that,” Vanessa teased. “The tape, please?”
Julie leaned over and passed her the dispenser. Somehow that twist and lean brought her hard up against Braden’s side.
In an instant, everything else vanished. A web of desire cast its spell, making all her worries and wondering seem like a waste of time. All that mattered was that man and what his closeness was doing to her. What she’d like him to do with her.
Mallory excused herself to take Lily to the bathroom. Vanessa went off in search of a cup of coffee. All of a sudden she was alone with Braden, who was busy cutting paper for the next package.
Desperate not to appear like a dummy, and certainly not disinterested when he was filling her thoughts so much, she hunted for something to say. “Does everyone in town help with this?”
“Of course not.” He flashed her a grin. “Some folks are working, some don’t have time, some don’t care, and could you imagine trying to fit all of Rust Creek into this place? Nah, we’ll stay a short while, and you’ll see new faces start to arrive.”
“That makes sense. How did you find time?”
“I worked extra hard the last few days.”
She dared to eye him. “Not with barbed wire, I presume.”
He laughed. “Nope. Hay. And you know what? That’s almost as bad when it finds its way inside your clothes. Prickly and itchy.”
“But no danger of stitches.”
He looked up from the package he was wrapping, and their gazes engaged. Julie felt as if the air had vanished from the room.
“No stitches,” he agreed. Then, “Julie?”
“Jennifer.”
He looked startled, but probably no more than she. Where had that come from? She stared at him without seeing him as her mind once again jumped on the hamster wheel. Jennifer? Somehow that sounded right, better than Julie. My God, was that her real name? But for once, something felt as if it fit.
“Julie?” he repeated. “What’s wrong?”
She shook herself out of the moment, promising herself she could ponder this revelation later. “Sorry,” she said. “It’s just that I used to go by Jennifer. I don’t know how it came about, it just did. I haven’t used it here.” Because she didn’t know it. “I shouldn’t have blurted that.”
“Well, if it’s the name you prefer, I don’t mind using it.” His smile was friendly as he returned to wrapping. “Jennifer it is. I like it. Or can I call you Jenn? I like that, too.”
Only then did it strike her how many people were going to wonder about this name change. How many questions she might have to answer. Oh, God, she needed to stop blurting things like that. Not that there were too many of them so far.
“Oh, just stick with Julie,” she dared to say. “If I go changing my name now, everyone’s going to get confused.”
“I doubt it. It’s your nickname. I think most of your friends would like knowing that.”
“I don’t know. It seems stupid after all this time to come out with that.”
“Let me handle it.”
She was glad to, but wondered why he should even bother. Or why she should let him. God, she’d like to find some backbone and take control of this roller-coaster ride she lived on.
Then she reminded herself that she’d had the gumption to move clear across the country on her search to make a new place for herself in an entirely strange town. That wasn’t cowardly. She only grew skittish when dealing with people who came close, close enough to figure out that something was wrong with her.
Maybe she should stop making such a big deal out of that. Maybe it was high time she let go of all her anxieties, stiffened her shoulders and let the chips fall wherever.
It sounded good. Not so easy to do.
The room was becoming truly crowded with people now, everyone talking and wrapping presents. Exactly the kind of situation that made Julie nervous. She returned greetings pleasantly enough and began to wonder how soon she could gracefully bow out. Wrapping gifts for the troops and their families seemed important, so she forced herself to attend only to the work. Still no Caleb or Nick.
Vanessa returned with coffee in a covered cup, and Mallory and Lily returned only long enough to bid everyone farewell. “Bedtime for the pip-squeak,” Mallory said.
“I am not a pip-squeak,” Lily insisted. “I don’t squeak much.”
Mallory squatted. “No, you don’t. And it was meant to be affectionate, not a bad name.”
Lily frowned. “I don’t like the way it sounds.” Then she looked at Julie-Jennifer and Braden. “You keep making friends,” she said. And an instant later she was skipping toward the coatroom with her aunt in tow.
Vanessa’s cell phone rang, and a frown lowered on her face. “Well, I’m outta here, too,” she said after she disconnected. “There’s a problem at the hotel. See you later.”
“Watching that woman work on the hotel design is purely an experience,” Braden remarked. “She sees things I’d miss.”
“Artistic eye.” Or maybe Jonah needed her. Now she was alone at the table with him, and her discomfort grew. Surely someone else would join them? But they were almost done with the rack of gifts that had been given to them. Nobody, it seemed, had to do that much. Many hands and all that.
“Say,” he said as he reached for the last gift, this one a set of scented soaps. “Why don’t we try the coffee thing again, Jenn? I hate to head home without my latte.”
Considering how she’d fled the last time, she might have said no. But temptation was standing there in a fantastically gorgeous package, and he had just called her Jenn. Hearing that name on his lips warmed some place inside her that hadn’t felt warm in a long time. She couldn’t resist, though some wiser part of her cried that she might be making a big mistake. Blowing her cover. Revealing her inadequacies.
“Sure,” she heard herself say. “I’d like that.” Who was running her mouth now? Julie or Jennifer?
“Good.” He wrapped paper around the last package and asked her to hold it with her finger while he reached for the tape. “I was afraid I’d offended you last time.”
“Me? No!” The thought horrified her. “No, Braden. I just had...something I needed to do.”
He turned his head, and his eyes smiled at her. “I’m glad to know that. I don’t usually send people into headlong flight to get away from me.”
She felt her cheeks burn. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.”
“Which you just proved by agreeing to go out with me again. Hey, lady, it’s my evening out, my day off. I’d enjoy it a lot more with your company.”
A very kind and flattering thing to say, and pleasant heat shot through her. Maybe she was walking on a tightrope, but in this instance, the fall might even be fun.
Twenty minutes later they once again sat in the donut shop. It being Saturday night, it was packed, but they managed to grab one of the few small tables. Once again they both ordered the same things.
“I’ve been talking to Homer Gilmore,” Braden said. “Do you know who he is?”
“I’ve seen him around, but no one seems to know his story.”
“No one does, at least, no one I’ve talked to,” Braden agreed. “I’m working on getting him a place to stay, maybe at the church, before he freezes to death out there.”
Jenn—she really did feel better thinking of herself that way, perhaps another piece of the mystery solved?—shook her head. “He seems sad. I hear he doesn’t even say anything intelligible.”
“That’s part of the problem. He wanders around mumbling unintelligible stuff, and nobody knows what to make of him. He seems harmless. I mean, he’s been hanging around and hasn’t really bothered anybody, unless mumbling crazy things to people is bothersome.”
Jenn felt herself warm to him even more. “It’s kind of you to try to find a place for him to stay.”
“Not really. He deserves at least as much care as any stray, don’t you think?”
Considering she was a stray of sorts herself, she nodded. “Don’t diminish what you’re doing. I don’t see anyone else running around trying to find the guy a home.”
He leaned back as they were served and gave her a crooked smile. “If Winona’s right, I need to get cracking.”
“She’s still predicting that blizzard?”
“Not only that, but every time she gives a prediction, it seems to have grown bigger and worse. Which brings me to a question. Are you going to be okay in that cabin if the power goes out?”
“I was thinking of getting a kerosene heater.”
