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“I’ve got to get this little hellion home to bed,” Mallory answered. “Sorry to miss out.” She turned to Julie. “You really should go. A lot of people will be there, and it’s always a great time. Vanessa can take you, or I can drop you to get your own car.”
“I’ll think about it,” Julie said, while firmly convinced that she was going to bolt. Then she met Braden’s friendly gaze again. Or maybe not.
She had apparently recovered a memory tonight. Maybe getting out more into larger groups would jar something loose.
With her heart in her throat, she agreed to go. But only for a short visit, she promised herself.
* * *
Braden knew his brothers were going to rib him about inviting Julie to the Triple-T, but he was so used to being ribbed about his dating life—or lack thereof—that he really didn’t care. He’d dated before, he’d date again when the time was right. Just now it didn’t feel right.
But something about Julie Smith had managed to reach out to him. For some weird reason, she made him feel like she needed a protector. Yeah, she was beautiful all right, but with an aura of innocence that cried out for shelter. And something else, something uneasy. Julie Smith was not a truly happy young woman, and that affected him.
She touched him, striking some kind of responsive chord, and it wasn’t just those huge blue eyes, her soft face, her great figure. Those things were just a package, and at thirty-four, Braden wasn’t often deceived by the packaging. He’d managed to learn a few lessons over the years.
But he’d always been a sucker for someone or something that needed protecting, whether a friend or a new foal. He could be all wrong about her, but he supposed he’d figure that out quickly.
At first he left her pretty much alone among the family and friends at the Triple-T. A party was underway, and he was one of the hosts. But he kept seeking her out with his eyes, and every time he noticed how uncomfortable she looked. The folks in his home were all friendly, but apparently, as a newcomer, she felt awkward. In fact, she looked as if she wished she could melt into the walls. He was sure people weren’t trying to ignore her or make her feel out of place. Instead, she seemed to be creating her own bubble, emerging only when she had to so she could return a greeting or shake a hand. Welcomed but not feeling it.
His curiosity about her began to grow. She was definitely not just another one of the women who had showed up here hoping to find a husband as they rebuilt the town after the flood. Not to say all those women were bad or anything. But this one seemed to be looking for escape more than company.
Curiosity might be his worst failing, he thought with some amusement as he realized he was steadily circling through the room toward her. He just loved a mystery.
He amused himself even more because he’d seen this woman around town a few times but had never felt the least urge to meet her, until tonight. Ah yes, mystery. Well, he’d try to find out what it was, kill his curiosity and move on. Things were too hectic on the ranch with all his brothers distracted by their families and girlfriends for him to spare the time for much more anyway.
He saw his parents get to her first. It was mostly a family party, and apparently they didn’t want her to feel like a loose end. As he drew nearer, he heard them greeting her as if she were some kind of celebrity guest, glad she had taken the time to join them, hoping she would visit often. They even threw in a little matchmaking of their own, extolling Braden’s virtues.
And Julie, whether they knew it or not, was beginning to look almost frightened. What the hell?
His parents moved on finally, and he prepared to step in. Whatever was going on, he didn’t want her scared.
She started to walk around the room, looking at family pictures on the dark wood wall. His opening, if he could catch up to her. He didn’t miss the fact that she was drawing ever closer to Vanessa, who was her escape route.
He quickened his step and caught her finally as she stopped to look up at the portrait of his grandfather.
“My grandfather,” he said to her.
She started, then looked at him with those huge blue eyes. “You have a big family.”
“Yeah. When I was a kid, I sometimes wished I was an only child. Now everyone’s moved out with their new families and when I stay here, I sometimes feel like I’m rattling around in this place.”
She gave a tentative laugh.
“What about you?” he asked. “Large family?”
“Only child.”
The brevity of her response invited no more questions, but he was determined. “Parents?”
“Gone.”
God, he thought, that was sad. She was truly alone. Friends couldn’t make up for the absence of family, something he’d learned as his brothers moved out to be with their brides and girlfriends. “I’m sorry.”
Just then Dallas appeared at his side, having left his wife Nina to talk to their mother, and bumped his shoulder. “Coon dog smelling possum?” he asked.
“Damn it, Dallas.” Some women wouldn’t appreciate that kind of rough humor. “Go back to your wife and lay off.”
Dallas simply grinned.
Braden glared at him then turned to apologize to Julie. Too late. In just those few moments, she’d managed to reach Vanessa. The two women were talking, and Vanessa nodded. They were leaving.
“Strike out?” Dallas asked.
“I’ll never know, you big idiot. You scared her off.”
“Looked to me like you were doing a pretty good job of that yourself.”
Braden paused. Had he been?
His instinct told him to go to the door to say good-night, but Dallas’s words held him back. That woman didn’t need any more scaring. Instead, he watched as his parents bade the women good-night and made them promise to come back again soon.
“Damn it,” he said again.
“You can always invite her to help at Presents for Patriots. Innocent enough.”
“I don’t need your advice.”
“Wanna bet?” Dallas asked.
Braden realized the room had nearly emptied. It looked even emptier with most of the furniture moved back against the walls to make room. The gals had apparently gone to the kitchen to help with cleanup. That left the merciless crew of Sutter, Dallas, and Collin to stand around with him, converging like vultures who spied a meal. They’d tussled and teased with each other since their earliest days, and Braden didn’t need a map to know what he was in for now. He’d actually talked to a single woman.
“Brother Braden,” Sutter said, “has the hots for a cute little blonde.”
It was hopeless, but Braden argued anyway. Silence might only make it worse. “I was just trying to make her feel welcome here. I said maybe a half dozen words to her.”
“Yeah, but it was all about what was in your eyes,” Collin retorted.
“Since when did you read eyes?”
Dallas snorted a laugh. “Since you started broadcasting. About time you looked at a woman that way. Stuck here all by yourself as a bachelor. Mom and Dad are worried.”
“Mom and Dad are less worried than you four. What is it about people who get married? They want everyone to join them? Doesn’t matter if you’re happy or not?”
“You don’t know if you’d be happy,” Clay remarked. “You never stuck with anyone long enough.”
“Because I wasn’t happy.”
“I think you should go for that woman,” Dallas opined. “Get on your horse and ride over to her place and make her swoon at the sight of a real cowboy.”
Braden reached for a throw pillow from one of the couches and threw it at him. “I don’t think she’s in the market for a cowboy. Besides, I’m not in the market, either. Now will you just lay off? I was trying to be courteous.”
Of course it didn’t end there. It never did. His brothers continued to razz him until the his mom and the growing crowd of his sisters-in-law and soon-to-be sisters-in-law reappeared. He took a few more verbal jabs, but the presence of the ladies toned them down.
And that, thought Braden, was a good reason not to get involved with a woman. Next thing you knew, you’d be leaving your boots outside the door and turning all proper-like.
That was just an excuse and he knew it. His brothers changed a bit around their ladies because with them they could show a different side, a gentler side, than they did with each other.
A good thing, he supposed. But sometimes he really did feel like the odd man out, now that they’d all found their mates. Hell, he was the last man standing. The thought brought a wry smile to his lips.
But he was sure his interest in Julie Smith had entirely to do with the aura of mystery around her and nothing to do with how pretty she was. He almost asked if anyone knew anything about her, but stopped himself just in time.
He could take the razzing, but right now he didn’t feel like taking it about Julie. She’d reached some place inside him that he didn’t want anyone else to touch.
Some dangerously protective place, which meant keeping his brothers out of this as much as possible. More remarks like the one Dallas had made tonight, and Julie Smith might vanish from town as suddenly as she had arrived.
* * *
Later, though, in a quiet moment as he was getting ready to sleep in his old bedroom rather than head over to his own place, his mother spoke to him.
“Braden?”
“Yeah?” He had one foot in the doorway of his bedroom.
“That Julie Smith.”
He tensed. “Mom...”
“Just listen to me. She’s very pretty and seems very nice. I know Vanessa, Mallory and Cecelia all like her. But no one knows anything about her, really. So, while I’d like to see you settled and happy...”
He looked into the face that had loved him since birth and turned to give her a big hug. “I’ll be careful, Mom. I always have been, much to your disappointment.”
Ellie Traub laughed. “Maybe. I’m surprised she hasn’t dated while she’s been here. And it’s not for want of guys asking, I believe.”
“She’s a wounded bird, Mom. That’s all. I just want to know what’s going on.”
Ellie’s smile faded. “That’s dangerous, Braden.”
“I know.”
“Just be careful. If I’d known how you were going to turn out, I’d probably have named you Parsival.”
“Thank God you didn’t.” He laughed. “I’m no knight errant on a quest, just a frustrated detective.”
“I hope you’re right.” She put a hand on his shoulder and drew him close for a kiss on his cheek. “Good night, my boy.”
He watched her disappear toward her room then entered his own and closed the door. The woman who’d earlier been acting as if the answer to her prayers had arrived that night was now cautioning him.
He didn’t miss her point. Not at all.
Chapter Two (#ulink_dfa43608-44b8-5ef0-b454-3bd71c4a10a6)
For the next few days, Julie felt as if the inside of her head had become a huge jumble. Her memory, if that’s what it was, of being an angel in a Christmas pageant when she was young, was really niggling her.
She pulled up that flash over and over, trying to wring every possible detail out of it that she could. Standing on stage, wings on her back, scanning a sea of faces trying to find her parents and not seeing them.
“Damn,” she cussed out loud. If that was a real memory, why couldn’t she see her parents?
But even if she had, could she rely on what she thought she remembered? She’d had some counseling since the amnesia, but it had mostly been pithy claims about how she just had to trust her memory, such as it was, and perhaps her past would return to her.
Trust it? She couldn’t even be sure it was a true memory. It might have been some kind of daydream, resulting from a desperate need to fill in the huge hole her past had become.
But maybe, just maybe, there was some link in her head with the holidays. She should make more of an effort to enjoy the season as it ramped up. Maybe it would jar some more memories loose for her. Maybe little shards would grow into big pieces.
But somehow, one little girl in an angel costume had managed to throw her entire being into some kind of blender. Conviction and doubt warred within her, alongside hope and despair.
Then there was Braden Traub. She told herself he’d just been being nice to her, but he might as well have warning flags all over him. For the first time since she lost her memory, she felt attracted to a man. Seriously attracted. Forgotten urges had wakened in an instant. Dangerous, because she had no memory. She was sure that the instant a guy found out she was amnesiac, he’d head for the hills. But apart from that, she was a babe in the woods. No memory to guide her about dealing with men. About dating.
Hell, she couldn’t even carry on much of a conversation unless it was about the last few months. So why take a risk?
She sighed and rubbed her aching head. Again and again she had been warned about trying to force her memory, but she kept trying anyway. Desperation gnawed at her.
Like looking at those family portraits at the Triple-T. She’d hoped one of them would jog her in some way, but none of them had. Instead, all they had done was make her feel even lonelier. She didn’t even have one photo tied to her past.
But then, she didn’t even know what had happened to her. The doctors theorized she might have been mugged or had an accident, but she’d been found wandering with nothing to show for her experience except a cracked skull and no memory. And her necklace. Her talisman.
And a desire for cold and snow that had led her to New England, where she’d met the man who had researched her necklace and told her the last owner had lived in Montana. Then she’d come across that blog and felt drawn here like a homing pigeon.
But what did any of that mean? Again, she was without context. In some ways that was the most frustrating thing of all: urges and impulses that drove her without having any idea why.
If she couldn’t explain herself to herself, how could she explain herself to anyone?
When she realized she was thoroughly cleaning the cabin again for the third time in as many days, she stopped and tried to give herself a wake-up call.
One of the two rooms she was working so hard on was a bathroom. Otherwise the cabin contained a larger room that held a small kitchen at one corner, an alcove beside the bathroom where she had a bed, and a beastly woodstove that terrified her because she’d never had to use one before, at least not that she could remember. As winter deepened, she prayed the power would stay on, because if it didn’t the heater wouldn’t work and she was going to get very cold. Maybe she should buy a kerosene space heater, although those were dangerous, too.
Sighing, she rubbed her temples. For three days she hadn’t gone out her front door, not since the party at the Triple-T. What was with her? The town was familiar enough now that she felt all right when she walked the streets and shopped. The woods around the cabin were like a personal cathedral for her, offering peace and serenity. So what was she doing being a hermit?
She stuffed her feet into her warm winter boots and pulled her parka off the peg. A bracing walk would do her good, clearing out cobwebs and probably settling her frantic ramblings. The winter snow was not yet deep, although she had been warned that it would get there soon enough. For now, though, she could walk in the woods or into town.
She locked up the cabin behind her, then hesitated on the stoop. The woods or town? She needed a few things from the grocery, and increasingly she had a desire to find some splash of color to add to the cabin. The inside of it was almost dismal; age had faded everything so much. A throw pillow or two, or maybe just a small throw she could wrap herself in when it became drafty. The bedding was her only addition, and sadly she’d chosen a wintry look that right now didn’t help at all.
Why did winter call to her anyway? What she needed as the days grew shorter, colder and darker, were some really bright colors.
God, she couldn’t even bring herself to put a mark on the place where she lived. She seemed to spend all her time feeling as if she might have to bolt at any moment, a purely ridiculous idea. Certainly no one had made her feel that way.
She figured she’d winter in this town then perhaps move on again if she unlocked nothing about herself. That, she thought, was her real problem: trying on places and people, then hitting the road to search for the key to her memory.
But how could she put down roots? She had two huge fears: that she might plant herself in the wrong place and thus lose any chance of finding out who she was, and that she’d find out and not like what she learned. Given that those were polar opposites, she sometimes wondered what the heck she was doing.
