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She’d said too much. He felt it with every fiber inside him. “Get away or run away?”
“Both,” she admitted.
“Have you been back?”
She nodded. “I try to get back every year to see my family.”
“You’re close to them?” he asked.
Callie nodded. “Very.”
“But you wouldn’t move back to California for good, would you?”
She looked into her glass. “I’m not sure. For the moment this is home.”
“That’s … good news. For Lily,” he clarified. “And the rest of your students.” He paused, looking at her. “How many students do you have?”
“Not nearly enough,” she replied. “I lost a few a while back. An unhappy client,” she explained. “Or an unhappy parent, to be precise.”
“Sonja Trent?”
Callie stilled. “You know her?”
“I know her.” He took a drink and looked at her over the rim of his glass. “How many more students do you need?”
“To stay afloat?” He could see her doing a quick calculation in her head. “About a dozen or so. I could advertise—but of course that takes money. If I hike up my tuition fees, I risk losing the students I have to one of the bigger equestrian clubs in town who do a group rate. And with insurance costs and the price of feed sometimes I feel like I’m …”
“You feel like what?”
“Like I’m pushing a barrow of manure uphill with a faulty wheel.”
He smiled, thinking how he knew that feeling. “I don’t think you should dismiss the idea of raising your prices,” he said after a moment. “Cheap doesn’t necessarily mean value. Sure, your clients could go to the bigger establishment—but would they get what you can give them? Probably not. One-on-one lessons with someone who has your experience is what customers will pay for. Your skills and knowledge make your time valuable, Callie—you’ve earned the right to be rewarded for it.”
Her eyes shone bright with tears, and in that moment Noah wished he knew her better. He saw vulnerability and pain and fought the instinctive urge to reach for her. Now wasn’t the time. But soon, he thought. Soon.
The compliment went straight to Callie’s heart and she fought the sting behind her eyes. Silly, but his words made her feel taller, stronger. Her defenses were down. He broke them down. No, not broke … something else. Somehow he took the barricade around her apart, piece by piece, holding each one of those pieces in his hand, showing her what he had in his palm, drawing her out, making her want and making her feel.
Making me unafraid.
She was momentarily stunned by the intensity of her feelings. What she’d first thought was just attraction suddenly seemed so much more.
She liked him…. She really liked him.
This is a good man, a tiny voice inside of her said. A good man with a dazzling smile and integrity oozing from every pore. A man who made her feel safe when she’d believed no man would ever make her feel that again.
How did she resist? She wasn’t sure she could. She wasn’t sure she wanted to.
But … to feel again? Where did she find the courage to do that? If she let herself care for him … she would also have to let herself care for his children. She had to allow them inside and into her heart. Into her heart that was only barely glued together these days.
“Callie?”
She realized she’d been staring at him and dropped her gaze. “Yes?”
“Would you like to dance?”
Instinct screamed no. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. It’s just a dance.”
It wasn’t just anything … she knew it as surely as she breathed.
“I really—”
“Come on,” he urged and took hold of her hand. Before she could protest further he’d pulled her gently from her seat and led her toward the dance floor.
She’d always liked the idea of dancing but had never been all that good at it. Craig had complained it was a precious waste of time when there were horses to train and competitions to prepare for.
The band played covers of popular tunes, and just as they reached the dance floor the beat changed to a much slower number. Callie didn’t move at first. At over six feet Noah was considerably taller than her, and she tilted her head back to look at him. Everything about him drew her in. The white collared shirt he wore emphasized his broad-shouldered strength and as she curled her fingers into the soft fabric and felt the hard muscle beneath, every ounce of blood in her veins surged. She hadn’t been this close to a man for so long Fiona greeted. “Good to see and never one who’d affected her so powerfully.
The music was slow and they moved well together. One hand lay gently against her hip and he held her free hand in his. She felt the intimacy right down to her toes.
She took a deep breath. “Noah …” Saying his name set off a surge of feelings inside her. Her body tensed and she knew he felt the sudden shift.
“Yes, Callie.”
“Don’t expect too much.”
He looked at her oddly. “Are we talking about your dancing skills or something else?”
“Something else,” she admitted on a sigh and wasn’t sure where the words came from. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She felt like the worst kind of fraud by denying the obvious and refusing to admit to the feelings running through her.
She was suddenly paralyzed by the realization. It was impossible. She had no room in her heart for anyone. Not him. Not his children. “I have to go,” she said a moment later as she dropped her hand from his shoulder.
“I’ll drive you home,” he said quietly.
Callie stepped back, oblivious to the music, oblivious to everything other than Noah and her furiously beating heart. “I have my truck.”
“Then I’ll walk you to your truck.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“Yes, it is,” he said and continued to hold her hand.
By the time they’d left the dance floor their palms were pressed intimately together. Callie didn’t pull away. Deep down, in that place she’d switched off and never imagined she’d switch on again, she found she liked the sensation of his fingers linked with hers. She liked it a lot.
Her truck was parked midway down the car lot and the walk took a few minutes. It was dark and there were a few couples hanging by their vehicles. Callie spotted one pair kissing madly, another simply holding each other. The entire scene screamed of the kind of intimacy she hadn’t felt in a long time.
The kind of intimacy she suddenly craved.
She knew it was foolish to want it. She had nothing to offer him other than the fractured pieces of her heart. And for a man like Noah, she knew that would never be enough. He’d want the whole Callie. The Callie she’d been before her world had been shattered … before she’d been shattered.
And that woman simply didn’t exist anymore.
Once they reached her truck she twisted her fingers from his. “Well, good night,” she managed to say and shoved a hand into her small bag for her keys.
She found the keys, pulled them out and accidentally dropped them at her feet.
Noah quickly picked the keys up and pressed them into her palm. “Good night, Callie.”
She looked at him and saw desire burning in his eyes.
He wants to kiss me …
The power of him drew Callie closer, until they were barely a foot apart. She felt her lips part, felt herself move and felt her skin come alive with anticipation. He leaned in and kissed her cheek so softly all she really felt was breath.
Not enough…
Callie instinctively reached up, grasped his shoulders and pulled him toward her with all her strength. Driven by instinct, she planted her lips on his mouth and thrust her tongue against his. He tasted good. He felt good.
No … more than that. He tasted … divine. And her lips, denied for so long, acted intuitively. She felt her blood heat, felt her skin come alive, felt desire uncurl way down, igniting the female part of her that had lain dormant since forever.
Callie felt his rush of breath as he started to kiss her back. She got the barest touch of his mouth, the barest taste of his tongue. She waited for more. She longed for more. But then he stopped. He pulled away, kissed her cheek again and straightened. Callie released him and stepped back on unsteady feet.
Air crashed into her lungs, making her breathless. She looked at him, felt the burning red-hot gaze. I know he wants me…
She knew it, felt it and tasted it in the brevity of his kiss.
“Good night, Callie,” he said. “I’ll see you Sunday.”
Callie got into the truck and started the engine. She wasn’t sure how she drove home. All she could feel was the tingle on her lips, the heat in her blood. All she could think was how she had just kissed Noah Preston.
And how her life would never be the same.
Chapter Five (#u418be5ea-a9d5-52b7-a196-c52cb9116728)
Noah was thinking.
About kisses. About perfect lips and sweet breath.
“What’s up with you?” Lily asked, shifting in her seat, looking incredibly young in riding breeches and a dark T-shirt.
Noah looked directly ahead. She’d become way too astute for his liking. “Nothing.”
“Yeah … right.” She crossed her arms. “I hope you’re not gonna hang around while I have my lesson.”
“I’ve got some work to do at the house.”
Lily turned her head. “Yeah—that’s right. Her place is a real dump.” She huffed. “I think you just want to see her again. I’m not a little kid, you know. I saw exactly how you were watching her last weekend.” Lily rolled her eyes wide. “And she’s not bad looking, I suppose, if you go for that type. She’s not like my mother.”
No one was like Margaret—thank God. But he wouldn’t be telling Lily that.
“Do you think you’ll ever get married again?”
That was a first. He looked at his daughter. She stared straight ahead, but Noah wasn’t fooled. She looked just a little afraid. And Lily never looked afraid.
Married? How could he explain his feelings to his daughter? Noah was pretty sure the younger kids would welcome a new mother into their life. And he … he truly wanted someone to share them with. He longed for a wife and a friend and a lover and all that corny stuff he knew made up a healthy marriage. He wanted what his parents had … years of trust and love. But it was a big deal, expecting a woman to take on four children. And he had no intention of bringing someone temporary into their lives. Noah didn’t want temporary. If he got involved again, he wanted permanence. He wanted … forever. He wanted promises that wouldn’t be broken. For the kids’ sake.
And mine.
His train-wreck marriage lingered like a bad taste he couldn’t get out of his mouth.
Is that why I didn’t kiss her back … when all I wanted to do was haul her into my arms?
The truth rocked Noah. He’d spent thirty-six hours wondering what kind of fool didn’t kiss a beautiful, desirable, passionate woman back when she’d made it so clear she wanted to be kissed. But he knew why. It wound up his spine. It filled his lungs. Fear. Fear that he’d want more. Oh, not sex … because he was pretty sure kissing Callie would quickly lead to making love to Callie. He wanted more of her. The more of her Noah suspected she wouldn’t want to give. To him. To anyone. He didn’t want to feel her, taste her and then have the door slammed in his face. He didn’t want to be rejected … left.
And she’d left before, hadn’t she? She’d moved across an ocean to change her life—to get away. From what, he didn’t know. What if she wanted to change it back? Noah wasn’t going to put his kids or himself through the risk of being wreckage in her wake.
It was best that he hadn’t kissed her back. Best that he stopped thinking about kissing her at all.
“So, would you?”
Lily again. Noah got his thoughts back on track. Marriage. Right. “Maybe one day.”
She scowled and harrumphed. “Do we have any say in it?” she asked, using the collective, but Noah sensed she was asking about herself. “I mean, if you’re going to shack up with someone, shouldn’t we at least be able to have an opinion about it?”
“Marriage is a little more than shacking up, Lily.”
She shrugged, looked straight ahead and remained quiet for about twenty seconds. Lily had something on her mind. “Did you know that fifty percent of all second marriages fail?”
He almost choked. Where the hell did she come up with this stuff? “That’s an interesting statistic, Lily. Where did you get it?”
“Social Studies,” she replied. “We’re studying human relationships this semester. There’s a boy in my grade who’s had two stepfathers—can you imagine? And Maddy told me that when her stepdad moved out last year it really sucked. She liked him a lot.”
Noah got his daughter’s point, delivered with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. “I have no intention of jumping into anything, Lily,” he told her.
“But if you do get married again, how do you know she won’t run out like my mother did?”
I don’t.
And Callie … she seemed as fragile and unpredictable as the wind.
Lily didn’t say anything else, and when they arrived at Sandhills Farm she jumped out of the truck. It took him about ten seconds to find Callie. She stood near the house, in jeans and a flame-red T-shirt, one hand on her hip and the other held a cell phone to her ear.
She spun on her heels and looked at him. His heart pounded behind his ribs. That kiss … how did he forget about it? How could he not want to feel that again? Noah took a long breath and headed toward her. Lily reached her first and jumped around on impatient toes while Callie continued her telephone conversation.
She was frowning and clearly not happy with the caller. When she disconnected a few moments later he pushed aside his lingering thoughts about kissing her and immediately asked what was wrong.
“Just another irresponsible horse owner getting away with neglect,” she said hotly.
