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Callie rubbed the stones again. “Of course I do. I just thought that if you made something this pretty you might want to give it to someone … like a girl.”
Jamie frowned. “You’re a girl.”
“Smart kid,” Noah said as he sat at the other end of the sofa. “My sister Mary-Jayne makes jewelry,” he explained. “She lets the kids craft pieces when they stay with her.” He looked at his son. “He doesn’t part with them easily.”
Noah watched her reaction. She looked increasingly uncomfortable. Jamie was a warm, generous child and incredibly easy to love. And although she’d interacted appropriately all evening, he sensed something else was happening to her.
His suspicions were elevated. Was it him making her nervous? Noah couldn’t be sure. In the kitchen she’d been relaxed and chatty. When it was just the two of them she usually looked fired up and ready for anything. But then Hayley had hugged her, and Noah had witnessed reluctance in her response to his daughter. The realization landed on his shoulders.
The kids … it was the kids. He felt sure of it.
How can she not like my kids? They’re unbelievable. Everyone likes my kids.
Finally, she spoke. “In that case, I would love to keep this. Thank you.”
That settled, he flicked the play button and sank back into the sofa. With Jamie between them she seemed light years away from him. Which was probably exactly how she wanted it.
Jamie fell asleep after about twenty minutes. Noah gathered him up and carried him to his bedroom. He tucked him in bed, kissed his forehead and returned to the living room.
She hadn’t moved. He flipped the DVD to a CD and waited until the music filtered around the room before heading back to the sofa.
“Would you like some more wine?” he asked before he sat.
She shook her head. “I should probably go home.”
Noah glanced at the clock on the wall. It was barely nine o’clock. He didn’t want her to go. He had to say what was on his mind. “I’m not a threat to you, Callie.”
She looked into her lap. “I know that.”
“So why do you want to leave?”
She expelled an unsteady breath. “Because being here I feel … involved.” She stopped, looked away. “I feel involved with you.”
Suddenly there was something very raw about her. “Would that be so bad?”
She looked back toward him. “No,” she said on a breath. “Yes … I can’t—”
“I’m not your ex, Callie,” he said bluntly. “And if you screwed up, and if you chose the wrong person to give your heart to, don’t feel alone. Just get in line.”
“Did you screw up?” she asked.
“With Margaret?” he nodded. “For sure. But I should never have married her in the first place.” He shrugged. “She was pregnant with Lily,” he explained. Not, I loved her. To say he’d truly loved Margaret would have been a lie. “We had a baby coming. It seemed the right thing to do.”
She smiled fractionally. “It was the right thing to do.”
In the beginning he’d believed so. Especially the day he’d held his newborn in his hands. But later he’d wondered if they should have considered a shared custody arrangement of their daughter instead of a marriage between two people who were never suited to one another.
She looked at him, hesitated, and then took a steadying breath. “My fiancé wasn’t who I thought he was.”
“Was he unfaithful?”
She shrugged. “I don’t think so.” She dropped her gaze for a moment, then turned back to look at him. “He was killed in a car wreck four years ago.”
It wasn’t what he’d been expecting and Noah saw the walls close around her as if they were made from stone. A cheating, dishonest spouse was a whole lot easier to compete with than a ghost. “And you’re still grieving?”
She gave him an odd look. “Most of the time I’m simply … numb.”
He reached across and took her hand. “Can you feel that?” he asked as he stroked her forefinger with his thumb.
She looked to where their hands lay linked. “Yes.”
“Then you’re not numb, Callie.” Noah fought the impulse to drag her into his lap. He wanted her so badly he could barely breathe. “You just fell in love with the wrong man.”
She closed her eyes briefly. “I know.”
“So maybe we’ll both get it right next time.”
For a moment she looked like she wanted to be hauled into his arms. He was tempted. Very tempted. But the look lasted only a moment.
She grabbed her tote. He could see her walls closing in, could see her shutting down. “I should go.”
He knew the evening was over. “I’ll walk you out.” Noah stood and followed her wordlessly to the front door. Even with music playing in the background, the house seemed uncommonly quiet. Harry lifted his head when Noah opened the front door, then dropped it disinterestedly.
“Well, thank you for dinner,” she said, clutching her bag. “And for part of a movie.”
Noah prepared himself for her hasty departure, but she stopped at the bottom step and turned. “I know what you want, Noah. And part of me wants that, too.”
The air stuck in his throat. “But?”
“Right now I just … I just don’t have room inside myself for any more … feelings.”
The raw honesty in her voice was undeniable. He wasn’t sure how the brash, argumentative woman he’d first met had morphed into this exposed, vulnerable creature he couldn’t take his eyes off. His insides churned. Don’t be afraid of me. Don’t be afraid of what’s happening between us. He didn’t say it. He couldn’t. He wanted to kiss sense into her … to make her really see him, really feel him. But she wanted to run and that annoyed him. God, this woman’s undoing me.
“Will you ever have room?” he asked quietly.
She looked at him. Through him. “I … don’t … I can’t.”
Moments later he watched her drive away and waited on the porch until the taillights disappeared at the end of the driveway. And he knew he was falling for a woman who’d just admitted she didn’t want to feel anything. For anyone. Ever.
Chapter Seven (#u418be5ea-a9d5-52b7-a196-c52cb9116728)
The familiar sight of Noah’s truck arrived at exactly eight fifty-five Sunday morning. Callie was coming out of the stables when she saw him retrieving his toolbox from the tray. She said hello and he said the same, but he quickly headed for the house and began repairing the screen door.
While she was left wondering if he was angry with her, she was also left facing Lily. And Lily was in a dark mood. She grunted when Callie clipped the long lead rein onto the halter secured beneath the bridle. And then again when Callie knotted the reins in the middle of the gelding’s neck and instructed Lily to do arm raises.
Lily muttered a “this sucks” under her breath and began her lesson.
It became a long fifty minutes, with Callie acutely conscious of Noah’s presence at the house. She wished she knew his moods better. Was he angry with her? He worked without breaking; he didn’t even appear to look in their direction. She hadn’t heard from him since Friday night. She’d thought he might call. But he hadn’t called … and as tempted as she’d been to pick up the telephone herself so she could hear his voice, she hadn’t.
“What’s up with you today?”
Lily’s accusing voice vaulted her back to the present. “Nothing,” she said.
“You’re not paying attention to me,” the teenager complained.
Callie switched her mind into instructor mode. “Of course I am. You’re doing great.” She grabbed a neutral subject. “How did your sleepover go at Maddy’s?”
Lily’s gaze snapped at her suspiciously as she trotted Samson in a circle, skillfully rising from the saddle in between beats. “How did yours go with my Dad?”
Maybe not such a neutral subject after all!
Callie’s face burned. She called Samson to a halt and waited until he slowed before roping him in. Once horse and rider were in front of her she spoke. “It wasn’t like that.”
Lily’s expression remained skeptical. “Yeah, sure.”
“I stayed for dinner,” she explained. “And then I went home.”
Lily didn’t like that, either. Her look became as black as her mood. “So you guys are friends now?”
Callie thought about how to answer. “I … suppose.”
Lily dismounted. “I thought you were my friend?”
Uh-oh. Callie chose her words carefully. “I am, Lily. I have all different kinds of friends.”
“Well, he doesn’t look at you like he wants you to be his friend. He looks at you as if he wants you to be his girlfriend.”
Callie grabbed the reins and tried to squash the sudden heavy thump of her heart. He’s not looking at me like anything at the moment.
“We’re just friends,” she said firmly, unclipping the reigning lead and handing Samson to Lily. “Give him a brush down and ask Joe to get a small feed for him.” She caught Lily’s scowl. “Horsemanship includes ground work and is all part of learning to ride.”
Lily started to move then stopped and swiveled on her boot. “I just don’t want things to change, that’s all. I like coming here. I like learning how to do stuff.”
“Nothing’s going to change,” Callie assured her, sensing that it was what Lily needed to hear. “I promise.”
“So you’re like, not moving back to California or anything?”
California? “No.”
Lily shrugged. “Because people do move. People … leave.”
Like her mother. Callie took about two seconds to figure it out. “Not all people,” she said gently. “Not your dad.”
Lily didn’t look convinced. “Yeah, I guess,” she said. “It’s not like I don’t want him to date or anything … I mean, as long as whoever he dates is not some old witch who hates kids. But you’re my instructor … and if you went out for a while and then stopped going out, I wouldn’t be able to come here anymore. When adults break up that’s what always happens.”
Callie drew in a deep breath. “We’re not dating. We’re friends.”
Lily nodded but clearly wasn’t convinced. Callie remained in the arena until Lily had led the horse into the stables. She wiped her hands down her jeans, tightened the hat on her head and walked toward the house. He wasn’t on the porch. The side gate was open and she headed around the back. Noah was by the fence, pulling off a couple of loose palings, while Tessa bounced around his feet.
“Lesson finished?” He spoke before she even made it twenty feet from him.
“Yes. She did a great job. A few more lessons and she’ll be ready for her own horse.”
He kept pulling at the palings. “I’m nearly done here.”
Callie took a long breath and stepped forward. “I was talking with Lily,” she said, watching as he kept working. “She knows … I mean, she thinks there’s something going on between us,” she blurted.
“I’m sure you set her straight.”
He was angry.
“I said we were just friends.”
He glanced at her but didn’t respond. Callie took another step and called the pup to heel. But Tessa, the traitor, remained by Noah’s side. He popped the palings in place with a few deft swings of the hammer.
“Sure, whatever.” He started walking past her but Callie reached out and touched his shoulder to stop him. He looked at her hand and then into her eyes. “What?”
“Exactly,” she said, digging her fingers into his solid flesh. “What’s wrong?”
He didn’t move. “Nothing.”
A big fat whopping lie—and they both knew it. “Are you mad or something?”
“No.” He still hadn’t moved.
“So, we’re … okay?”
He shrugged. “Sure.”
Callie dropped her hand and felt the loss of touch immediately. He looked tense. More than that … he looked as wound up as a coil.
“Noah,” she breathed his name on a sigh. “If you—”
“Just drop it, Callie,” he said quietly. “I have to get going. See you later.”
She stared after him and watched his tight-shouldered walk with a heavy feeling in her chest. She almost called after him. Almost. Tessa followed before she turned back and sat at Callie’s boots. She touched the dog’s head and the pup whined.
“Yeah … I know what you mean, girl,” she said and waited until his truck started up and headed down the driveway.
She lingered for a moment, staring at the dust cloud from the wheels. Once the dust settled she headed back to the stables and prepared for her next student. Fiona called after lunch and made arrangements to drop over later that afternoon. Her final student left at four o’clock and once Joe took off for the day Callie grabbed her best show bridle and began cleaning the leather. Cleaning her gear had always settled her nerves, and she undid the nose band and cheek strap, set them aside and dipped an old cloth into the pot of saddle soap.
It wasn’t much of a diversion, though. Because Callie had a lump in her throat so big, so constricting, she could barely swallow. For two years she’d had focus. The farm. The horses. Her students.
And now there was Noah. And Lily. And the rest of his children.
Deep down, in that place she kept for her pain and grief and thoughts of her baby son, Callie realized something that shocked her to the core. If I reach out, I know in my heart I can make them my own. She wasn’t sure how it had happened so quickly. Feelings hadn’t been on her agenda for so long. Now, faced with them, Callie could feel herself retreating.
She wondered if she should have told him about Ryan. Would he understand? He’d had his own disappointments, but he didn’t appear to be weighed down with regret and grief. Maybe people could move on? Perhaps hearts did mend.
