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His jaw clenched. One thing she had told him was that Victoria wasn’t her real name. She’d been christened Sara, she said, and Matt could only assume that it hadn’t been sophisticated enough for Max Bradbury’s wife. Not that she’d complained about it to him. Despite the fear she obviously had of her husband, she was absurdly loyal. Even though she must know that by changing her name he had removed another of the props that had made her who she was.
Matt had decided not to show Sara the article in the newspaper. He hadn’t wanted her to be concerned because Bradbury had implied that he knew where she was. The fact that he’d chosen to tell the media that she was in the north of England was just a coincidence. It had to be. But it was another example of how everything seemed to work to Bradbury’s advantage.
Sara’s rental car was no longer advertising her presence, at least. He’d had the garage in Saviour’s Bay pick it up and return it to the local franchise in Ellsmoor, and, although he’d been forced to admit that there’d been nothing wrong with it in the first place, Sara hadn’t complained. Whatever she chose to do after she left here, for the moment she seemed happy to be free of all obligations.
The phone rang before he could indulge in any further introspection, and, tamping down his resentment, he went to answer it.
‘Yeah?’
‘Matt?’
He recognised the voice at once. It was his agent, Rob Marco, and he pulled a wry face. He could guess what Rob wanted: some kind of timeframe for the completion of the new manuscript. The fact that he should have been in the final stages by now was just another cause for his tension.
‘Hi, Rob,’ he answered now, dropping down into his leather chair and propping his feet on the edge of his desk. He glanced at his watch. ‘How are things with you?’
‘They could be better,’ replied Rob, with just the trace of an edge to his voice. ‘How are things with you, Matt? When can I expect the new manuscript?’
Matt gave a sardonic snort. ‘I should have guessed this wasn’t a social call,’ he said, hooking the phone between his ear and his shoulder and pulling open the bottom drawer of the desk. ‘I don’t work well with deadlines, Rob. You know that.’
There was a moment’s silence while the other man considered his response and Matt used it to lift the half-empty bottle of whisky from the drawer. Unscrewing the cap, he treated himself to a healthy swig before setting it down beside the computer. He deserved some consolation, he told himself defensively. It was lunchtime, after all, and problems were assaulting him on all sides.
‘I’m not giving you a deadline,’ said Rob at last, his tone infinitely more conciliatory. ‘But, as you know, your next book is due for publication in the spring. Your publishers would just like to be able to announce the date of publication of the new novel on the flyleaf.’
‘What you mean is, they’re hoping I’ll sign a new contract,’ remarked Matt drily. ‘Have they come to you with any figures? I assume they’ve got an offer in mind?’
Rob sighed. ‘We haven’t gone into specifics, Matt. I wouldn’t do that without your say-so. But Nash is a good publisher. They’ve done pretty well by you in the past.’
‘In other words, you’re interested,’ said Matt, studying the toes of his loafers. Rob was a good agent, and if he was recommending another deal it meant Nash had come up with a pretty spectacular sum. Of course, the book Nash was hoping to negotiate for wasn’t his current work in progress. Their interest had been prompted by his next project, an outline of which had been with his publishers for the past three weeks.
‘It’s inviting,’ affirmed Rob. ‘I doubt if you’d get a better offer.’ He paused. ‘They’re hoping they can persuade you to sign a three-book deal this time. They’re talking seven figures. That’s as much as I’m going to say.’
Matt shook his head. ‘Seven figures,’ he echoed wryly, wishing he felt more enthusiasm for Rob’s news. But right now getting his current manuscript finished and ready for despatch seemed an insurmountable task. The idea of committing himself to writing three more books, even with a seven-figure advance, sounded almost impossible to achieve.
‘What’s wrong?’ Rob was nothing if not intuitive. ‘Isn’t it enough?’
‘More than enough,’ responded Matt, blowing out a breath. ‘Thanks, Rob. As I’ve said before, you’re the best agent in the business.’
‘But you’re not happy.’ Rob wasn’t deceived. ‘Come on, Matt. What’s your problem? Is it Rosie?’
‘Rosie’s fine.’ Matt chose to answer his last question first.
‘You got her a nanny, right?’
Matt hesitated. ‘Not exactly.’
‘Not exactly?’ Rob was curious. ‘What’s that supposed to mean? Either you got her a nanny or you didn’t.’
Matt wished he’d just answered in the negative and been done with it. ‘I’ve got a temporary nanny,’ he said at last. Then, hoping Rob would take the hint, ‘Thanks for calling, Rob. I’ll be in touch as soon as I have some definite news.’
Rob sounded put out. ‘Is that all you’re going to say?’ he exclaimed. ‘You haven’t even told me how the new manuscript is coming along.’
‘It’s getting there,’ said Matt evasively. ‘I’m sorry if you think I’m ungrateful. I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment.’
‘Including the temporary nanny?’ suggested Rob shrewdly. ‘Who is she, Matt? A girlfriend? I tell you, pal, that’s not a good idea. You should never mix business with pleasure.’
If only he could, thought Matt bitterly, and then chided himself for the thought. Just because Sara was grateful for his protection it did not mean she spent her time fantasising about what he’d be like in bed. After her experiences, sex would be the last thing on her mind. Besides, however unhappily, she was married. And at no time had she let him think that anything else was on the cards.
It was pathetic. He was pathetic, he thought irritably. At the first opportunity he should find himself another woman and get a life. There was always Emma. Since her husband had died she’d made no secret of the fact that she’d be willing to advance their relationship. But he wasn’t attracted to Emma; he hadn’t been attracted to anyone for a long time. So why the hell was Sara Bradbury playing havoc with his hormones?
‘It’s nothing like that,’ he told Rob shortly. ‘She’s just someone I met recently who was looking for a job. But she’s not staying. As I said before, it’s just a temporary arrangement. But Rosie likes her. And that’s what matters.’
‘So what’s she like?’ Rob was trying to sound casual and failing abysmally. He’d probably made the connection between his evasion and Sara’s arrival, thought Matt grimly. ‘Is she young? Attractive? Married?’
A knock at the study door interrupted Matt’s concentration. ‘Come in,’ he called impatiently, guessing it was Mrs Webb with a sandwich for his lunch. Then, to Rob. ‘I’m not getting into what she looks like. She’s—passable, okay? But in any case she doesn’t interest me.’
It was only as he was completing this sentence that he looked up and realised it wasn’t the housekeeper who was hovering in the doorway. With an inward groan, he let his eyes meet Sara’s across the width of the room. She had evidently heard what he was saying to Rob and taken exception to it. He was devastated by the injured look that crossed her face.
‘Ah. Damn—’ His exclamation was audible to both Sara and Rob, but he didn’t have time to spare his agent’s feelings right now. ‘Speak to you later, Rob,’ he said quickly. ‘Something’s come up.’ And, slamming down the phone, he got to his feet. ‘Sara—’
‘You didn’t have to do that,’ she said, the stiffness of her words only equalled by the rigidity of her stance. Matt closed his eyes for a moment against the almost irresistible impulse he had to leap across his desk and take her in his arms. ‘I could have come back.’
She looked so delicate standing there, so fragile. Only yesterday he’d thought she was losing that look of vulnerability; that the time she’d spent outdoors with Rosie and the dogs had added a glow of health to her pale skin. She was still far too thin, of course, but her appetite was definitely improving. She’d been gaining in confidence, too. He could have sworn it.
Now his careless words had spoiled everything. And he could hardly tell her he’d only said what he had to put Rob off the scent. She wouldn’t want to know why he’d said it. It wasn’t her fault that she was having such a stressful effect on his life.
‘Sara—’ he began again, but she wouldn’t let him finish.
‘I only came to ask if you’d like your lunch now,’ she continued, in the same unyielding tone. ‘I heard the phone and it seemed a good opportunity to interrupt you.’
‘I don’t mind—’
‘That’s all right, then, isn’t it?’ She took a breath. ‘I’ll get your tray. Mrs Webb left it ready.’
‘Dammit!’ Matt swore. He’d forgotten that the housekeeper had told him she had a dental appointment at twelve o’clock. ‘There’s no need for you to run around after me. I don’t expect it. I’m not your husband.’
‘No, you’re not.’
Sara was already retreating through the door when Matt went
after her. He didn’t know what had made him say what he had, but it was obvious she’d been hurt by his words. The trouble was, it was becoming more and more difficult not to show how he was feeling, and he wished he could explain it to her.
He caught her in the hall outside his study, his hand closing round her arm and bringing her to a halt. ‘Sara,’ he started again. ‘I’m sorry if I was short with you. When Rob gets on the phone it’s usually because he wants something that I can’t give him.’
‘I’m really not interested,’ she said, making an effort to release herself from his hold, and Matt gave an impatient sigh.
‘Listen to me,’ he said. ‘Rob Marco is my agent. He was ringing to ask why he hasn’t had the new manuscript. I was making the excuse that I still didn’t have a permanent nanny for Rosie.’
Sara’s brows arched scornfully. ‘So?’
‘So that’s why I said what I did,’ exclaimed Matt doggedly. ‘You probably thought I was criticising you. I wasn’t, whatever it sounded like. I was just trying to distract Rob from his impression that you’re really my girlfriend.’
‘Look, I really don’t care—’
‘No, but I do,’ muttered Matt, his patience wearing thin. ‘I’m telling you the truth, dammit. If I’d finished the damn manuscript we wouldn’t be having this conversation.’
‘I hope you’re not implying that I’m to blame for that,’ she countered coldly, stiffening her back, and Matt expelled a long breath.
He was trying hard not to be aware of her small breasts rising and falling in tempo with her increasing indignation, the widening gap between her tee shirt and jeans exposing the intriguing hollow of her navel. She was so incredibly sexy, with her face flushed, her eyes sparkling with aggravated fire. He could feel a sensuous warmth spreading from his fingers to every erogenous nerve in his body, and he knew he was getting dangerously close to combustion.
‘I didn’t say that,’ he said now, struggling to contain his frustration, and she uttered a triumphant snort.
‘Good,’ she said fiercely, and he had the sudden suspicion that she was using her anger to put a barrier between them. ‘Because I suggest that bottle of whisky on your desk is far more culpable than me!’
Matt choked on an oath. ‘Are you kidding?’ he gasped. ‘I’ve had one mouthful of Scotch and that’s all.’
‘So you say.’
‘It’s the truth.’ He was aware of a growing sense of outrage. ‘I’m not an alcoholic.’
‘Well, it isn’t even lunchtime yet,’ she persisted, and he shook his head in angry disbelief.
‘Where do you get off telling me what to do?’ he demanded, using his free hand to pull her round to face him, and then could have died with mortification when he saw her flinch.
It was obvious that she had encountered this kind of situation before and she expected the worst. The look in her eyes damned and humiliated him, and with a groan of anguish he hauled her into his arms.
‘God, I’m sorry,’ he muttered, one hand cradling the back of her neck while the other circled her waist. Silky hair brushed his fingers and her skin was incredibly soft beneath his hands. ‘Hell, Sara, don’t you know I would never hurt you?’
Her response was muffled, but he could feel the sudden wetness that was dampening his shirt. She was crying, and her distress assaulted him like acid on an open wound. He felt so powerless; so useless. He wanted to help her, but all he was doing was turning her against him, too.
‘Sara, Sara,’ he breathed, his fingers caressing her nape, and she did the unforgivable and turned her face up to his.
Her eyes were flooded with tears, but her expression was more forgiving than accusatory. Lashes, several shades darker than her hair, sparkled with jewelled drops, and Matt’s tongue itched to lick them away. She was so beautiful, so vulnerable, and the knowledge that he had no right to hold her like this was tearing him to pieces. Did she know what she was doing? he wondered. What she was doing to him? Of course she did, he assured himself. He was holding her too close for the swelling in his pants to be ignored.
Then, ‘Matt,’ she said huskily, and it was more than he could bear.
When her hand lifted to his face he caught it and brought her palm to his lips. But even that wasn’t enough. He wanted her so much, wanted more than he had any right to expect, and he might never have another chance like this.
Her eyes were wide now, her lips parted and unknowingly sensual. There was a moment when he might have drawn back, when he might have fought the demons that were riding him, but the sight of her tongue defeated him. When the pink tip appeared to circle her lips, he knew he had to taste it, and, cupping her face between his hands, he bent his head and kissed her.
‘Forgive me,’ he groaned, his tongue slipping into her mouth, and after only a momentary hesitation she yielded to his intimate caress.
He’d intended to be gentle with her. He was fairly sure that any relationship she’d had with her husband would not have been gentle, and he’d wanted there to be no confusion between who was holding her, who was kissing her now.
But the moment his mouth covered hers all reason deserted him. He was like a man in the desert who was suddenly presented with a flask of cool clear water and didn’t realise until that moment that he was dying of thirst. Maybe it was the way her lips opened to his, or the sensuous brush of her tongue. Or perhaps the devastating realisation he had that she was kissing him back.
Whatever, at that moment all bets were off. The heat that flared between them was automatic and uncontrollable, and Matt’s mind swam with the emotions she so easily aroused inside him. He was like a man possessed, and when she wound her arms around his waist and hooked her thumbs into his belt he swayed back against the wall behind him, taking her with him.
The blood was pounding in his head, thundering through his veins, making any kind of coherent thought impossible. She burrowed against him, making him overwhelmingly aware of the layers of fabric that divided them. His skin felt raw, sensitised. He had to fight the urge to peel her tee shirt from her and bury his face between her breasts.
His hands slid down her back as he continued to kiss her, lingering on the bare skin of her midriff that was so tantalisingly warm to his touch. The temptation to slide his hands beneath the tee shirt and caress the erect nipples that were straining the soft material was almost irresistible, but he dammed the impulse and cupped her rounded bottom instead.
Urging her against him was the purest form of torture, but it was worth it. Spreading his legs, he cradled her against the erection throbbing between his thighs. She rubbed herself against him and he wondered if she had any idea what she was inviting. How much more of this could he take without losing it completely?
And then she moaned.
It was a plaintive little sound, barely audible, in fact, but he heard it. For a moment he thought he’d hurt her. He was half afraid that his urgent hands had been too rough for her delicate skin. But then, with a shocking sense of his own insanity, he suddenly realised what was wrong.
With unsteady hands he managed to put some space between them, avoiding her eyes as he made some inane apology for touching her as he had. And all the while he chided himself for being a fool, for imagining that she had been as caught up in her emotions as he was. It wasn’t true. That grotesque little moan had proved it. He’d been making love to a woman who had undoubtedly been conditioned never to say no…
Chapter Ten
‘BUT why can’t you stay?’ Rosie gazed up at Sara with tearfilled eyes. ‘I don’t want you to go.’
‘And I don’t want to go,’ said Sara, wondering if she was being entirely wise in admitting as much. But she hated lying to the child. ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart. But this was just a temporary arrangement.’
‘But why?’ Rosie wouldn’t let it go. ‘You like it here. You said so. And I like you. Mrs Webb likes you. Even Daddy likes you.’
Does he?
Sara reserved judgement on that. Since that morning a couple of days ago, when Mrs Webb had gone to the dentist, Matt had barely spoken two words to her, and she was left with the unhappy conclusion that he regretted what had happened.
She regretted it, too, she reflected painfully, but for totally different reasons. Which was quite an admission to make, she conceded with a twinge of shame. Was she wicked for regretting that Matt hadn’t gone on and finished what he’d started? Was it completely unforgivable to wish that for once in her miserable life she might have known the joy of a real man’s love?
Only Matt didn’t love her, she reminded herself swiftly. Once again she was deluding herself about the reason for his actions, just as she had deluded herself that Max had ever really cared about her. She was a pathetic creature, so desperate for affection that she was willing to do almost anything to prove that Max’s estimation of her wasn’t true.
And, until Matt had pushed her away from him and taken refuge in his study, she had believed that she might be happy here. For the first time in years she’d felt secure; wanted; almost content. It was only later that she’d wondered if she hadn’t been deceiving herself all along. It wasn’t the house or the circumstances of her employment that had made her feel secure. It was Matt. Only Matt. And how sad was that?
‘When are you leaving?’
Until Rosie spoke again Sara had been staring blindly out of the window, but now she turned to the child with rueful eyes. And felt even worse when she saw the tragic look on the little girl’s face.
‘Well, not today,’ she said with determined cheerfulness, picking up a velour skirt and jacket that belonged to one of Rosie’s dolls and exhibiting it for her approval. ‘What do you think of this? Smart, or what?’
They were sitting on the floor of the family room, and until Rosie had brought up the subject of Sara’s employment again they’d been sorting through the toy cupboard for things Rosie could donate to the school fair.
Matt had collected his daughter from school a couple of hours ago. Sara had been having a cup of tea with Mrs Webb in the kitchen when they’d got back and Matt had merely deposited the little girl with them before heading back to his study.
‘That man’s overdoing it,’ the housekeeper had remarked sagely as Rosie helped herself to a biscuit from the tin. ‘He’s looking tired, don’t you think? I suppose it’s because he’s trying to get as much done as he can before you have to go back to London. He’s going to miss you and that’s a fact.’
Sara had made some non-committal comment, not wanting to get into a discussion about Matt in front of the child. It was only now she realised that, however distracted she’d seemed at the time, Rosie missed very little.
As if to underline this thought, she scrambled to her feet now and climbed onto the window seat. ‘Shall we go for a walk?’
‘A walk?’ Sara looked up at her. ‘But it will be supper time soon.’ She paused. ‘Besides, I thought you wanted to tidy the toy cupboard.’
‘I can do that any time,’ said Rosie, her small fingers making damp circles on the glass. She glanced back with accusing eyes. ‘When you’re not here.’
Sara sighed. ‘Oh, Rosie—’
