The Mist and the Lightning. Part IV

“Anyway, she said it was some ritual festival, she and few more girls were fucked with a special stick by some old lady”.

“Doesn’t sound like much fun”, – Tol saddened, – “Nik?”

“My older step sister taught me everything,” – Nikto replied, – “Witch’s daughter”.

“Better her than the witch herself,” – Enriki sighted with relief, – “Thanks for that, at least!”

“What about you?”

“Fuuuck! My story is crap, Tol!”

“That’s exactly what we want,” – Lis said.

“Not at all!” – Tol sounded offended. – “I wanted a beautiful story! With details! You were the one who said it was interesting, Rik! So, were the hell is it?”

“I was twelve years old, twelve or thirteen…”

“Well?”

“It was winter. So cold”.

“And?”

“She froze in her little bed, kept coming to me. I was warming up her tiny little feet, breathing on her frozen little fingers…”

“She – who?” – Lis asked grimly.

Enriki lingered.

“Mily…”

“That’s it, enough!” – Orel ordered.

“Arel, it’s ok, if you are doing it because of me – it’s not my first day here…”

“Still, that’s enough!”

“Let Vil tell his story,” – Tol laughed, Enriki’s tale didn’t seem to impress him too much, – “And in detail! When? Where? And who with?”

“I also don’t feel so good about it,” – Vil got nervous, his face twitched. – “I’m not even sure if I can talk about it…”

“And what could it possibly be with you! Don’t scare us like that!” – Lis went sour puss, – “Come on, tell us, you newborn pervert!”

“I’m not a pervert! It’s just…I wasn’t alone there…” – Vil was completely lost, as usual, and gave Orel a haunted look. It really was some resemblance between the two, only Vil wasn’t even his image, more of a caricature of his handsome brother.

Orel nodded at him: “Tell them whatever you want, any way you want”, – he said indifferently, – “I don’t give a damn”.

“It… it was a long time ago” – Vil started very gingerly.

“No way! Really?!” – Lis laughed, and the others followed, and Vil shrank even more.

“Come on, Lis, stop embarrassing him”, – Enriki stuck up for him, – “Let him talk, even I got curious by now”.

Orel smiled, he definitely knew what Vil wants to tell them about, and only waited to see how he goes about it.

“My liege, Orel’s father” – Vil swallowed, finally got his strength together and continued more confidently, – “Summoned me…

I went up into the room…

To tell you the truth, I was really terrified of him, his very voice, which was more of a roar, always made me panic…

So anyway…

I came up running, shivering, and he was standing at the threshold, so huge, he pushed me inside.

And there I saw…

I saw a slave girl, small, no more than fifteen, so thin, just skin and bones, no breasts, nothing…

She had no clothes on, at all, and her hands stuck up and were twisted in a funny way, cuffed to the bed. The face she had…

And then I saw Arel…

He was shrinking in the corner and didn’t even lift his head when I came, and his hair covered his face. He also was completely naked…

It was the first time I saw him like this…

I saw that his arms and legs were all covered in lashing marks. There were old ones, which has almost healed, and really fresh ones. I knew father was disciplining him like that, but seeing it with my own eyes…

The way I felt at that moment…

It’s hard to explain with words…

It was so horrible…

And father said, ‘Well, come on, Vil, show you’re a man, it’s time! If my son doesn’t want to become one! Show him!’

I could hardly understand what he was saying, what he wanted from me, and he shouted, ‘Get undressed! God damn you, and go to her!’

And I don’t remember how I did all that, I was begging the Gods for only one thing, that he’d be pleased with me, or at least satisfied, and wouldn’t beat me, lock me in a dark room, whatever, I just wanted him to let me go as soon as possible. That slave girl was all shaking in fear as much as I did, I got on top of her somehow, I’ve seen couple of times in the garden during the summer how the servants did it. I was hoping that I understood correctly what he wanted from me…

He said: ‘That’s right, atta-boy!’, and I started poking into her, everything was so terrible…

He was standing and staring…

I just remember thinking with horror, what should I do next, and when will it all end…

First my penis rose, out fear more than desire, I think. And then it fell, I didn’t even feel that I came, didn’t feel that anything oozed from me and into her, that everything was finished.

He said: ‘That’s enough! Get out!’ I bolted, but he held me up, grabbed my shoulder and started staring at me…

It was unbearable, the contempt and disgust he was staring at me with, like at some bed bug. And then he said, ‘My son is good for nothing! Why do I deserve this punishment! And this one’s blood is too dirty, he’s so dirty, punishment from the Gods!” Started muttering, as usual, about the curse of Gods, and then turned to Arel and yelled at him so terribly… I would die on the spot, but Arel didn’t even move a muscle.

He yelled at Arel: ‘you are going to sit in this room till you become a man!’ And locked them up in there.

And that was it” – Vil froze, looking down.

“Yee-ah… not fun again” – Tol muttered after a while. The friends were silent.

“Well, now we know how Arel became a man” – Enriki finally said. “Who has left?”

“What makes you think it was then that I became a man?” – Orel smiled, like nothing happened. It seemed he was the only one completely unimpressed by Vil’s story, – “Actually, by then I’ve fucked every made and slave girl in that castle about a hundred times”.

“So why the fuck did you…” – Enriki shouted, surprised.

Orel laughed: “Just to piss father off! He thought I was good for nothing, and I didn’t feel like dissuading him.

“You are both sick! Oh, boy! I can’t even wrap my head around it!”

“Standing and watching your son fucking for the first time,” – Tol said, – “I wouldn’t be able to do it!”

“He thought he must control everything” – Orel replied. – “And that’s enough talking about him, he’s not worth it, especially that only Carina is left, and I really want to hear her story”.

“I’m afraid it won’t be happy at all, too”, – Carina noted, – “But all of you were so honest that now I just can’t lie or joke in respond”.

“Go ahead”, – Lis nodded at her.

“I will, I will tell you how it all happened” – Carina circled her friends with her eyes, – “even though it has all began with a card game, and is going to end up with a ruined evening”, – she drew breath, getting her strength together. “I was eighteen years old, and… I was born at the east, I was living there and fighting the “reds”…well, you know that…

I was taking part in the battles as well, but usually I was used in another way”… she paused again, it was obvious how hard this story was for her, her friends were patiently silent, letting her find her courage.

“I was being used as a spy. A young girl, half-blood, there’s a lot of them at the border, at every fortress, every little town. And at every camp of the “reds”, too, lots of made servants, washwomen, scullery maids, whom nobody notices. I wasn’t afraid of anything,

was bold and abrasive, successful at everything I did, got away with everything. And my pride and stupidity took me very far east, I have penetrated into a camp of a very strong and dangerous leader of the “reds” and settled there. How many “blacks” he destroyed, how many lives he took, how much of our land he has burned! Everybody were afraid of him, except for me, of course! I was so confident! And so I’ve started ruining all his plans, he and his commanders just grabbed their heads. Some of the very important operations were ruined thanks to me, their positions were at the edge of doom. And I rejoiced. I was sure they would never make me, and they really weren’t noticing me, they couldn’t even imagine some insignificant kitchen maid was capable of something like that. I wasn’t even nervous when they came for me, I couldn’t believe any of them managed to find out about me. I thought it wasn’t a big deal, these are troubled times so they are checking everybody, a couple of standard questions and they will let me go. That’s why I was smiling as I went, even when we came down to the basement my heart didn’t even twitch, I was so sure of myself. And then I saw him… his eyes… They didn’t even ask me any questions… He just hit me… And then his warriors… I would never forget it, that was the first and the only time in my life I was beaten like that, and I’m not sure I would survive a second one… And then he raped me… Right there in the basement, on the dirty, bloody floor. Him first, and then he allowed his warriors… How many of them there were, I don’t remember… From time to time they poured water over me, but towards the end I wasn’t even regaining consciousness, it all comes to me in flashes… That’s what my “first time” was like” – and she went silent, not looking at them.

Everybody else were silent, too.

“Forgive me if I unwittingly evoked some painful memories”, – Orel finally said. “It’s just that when we dared you to be honest, we couldn’t even suspect…”

“And what happened then? Afterwards?” – Tol interrupted, – “You managed to escape, didn’t you? You took your revenge on him, right?”

“Afterwards? Afterwards, I came to and realized that I’m going to die, if not this time, the next one. I’ll die if I don’t come up with something. And I did… Now I realize it wasn’t really… But back then… I just wanted to survive, all the rest came second. And the next time he came to interrogate me, I started pretending… That I like him… That I fell in love… I started obeying him… looking at him with devotion and admiration. And he

ordered his warriors not to touch me anymore. Even though they were asking to. Then he moved me from the basement to a better cell. Then started taking me to his rooms at night. At first he was really careful, of course, used to tie me up and watch me like a hawk, but I wasn’t trying to escape, even though he tried to trick me a couple of times, like I had a chance to get away. But I didn’t take the bait, I was all about

loving him and wanting to be with him, I betrayed the “blacks” for him. And even though he was very crooked, didn’t believe anybody and didn’t let anybody close, I managed to convince him in my devotion. “– Carina went silent again, sinking deep in thought for a long time.

“We were together for more than a year”, – she finally continued, – “Always close. He loved me with all his soul, his eyes lit up whenever he saw me, his cold heart softened at my smile. He used to say I was the only joy and happiness in his gloomy life, full of blood and murder. And then one night I took a knife… and stabbed him in the heart. And escaped’, – and seeing that everybody are still silent, Carina shouted ‘’That’s it, end of story! Come on, say something, don’t shut up like that!

“Did he die?” – Tol asked.

“No. He woke up a second before my blow, and he always wore a ring with “black water” inside on his finger, just in case, he poured the water right into the wound and survived. But I found out much later.

“You stayed with him more than a year, pretending to love him and knowing you’re going to kill him?” – Orel asked. – “But you are a monster, Carina, worse than us, or at least worth us!”

“He was an enemy”, – Carina said quietly, – “And I couldn’t betray my people…”

“That’s fucking cold!” – Tol roared. – “Me likey! Waiting till he falls in love! Atta-girl! Now, that’s a revenge! And what’s going on with this “red” right now, any idea?

“Like I said, he survived, but his luck turned away from him, he started losing, defeat after defeat, total doom.

"Serves him right! I hate the 'reds'! All the pain they caused us!" – Tol went on and on.

"He wasn't a complete "red", he was a half-blood".

"Obviously, the "half-bloods" are even worse than the "reds", just like our Lis! By the way, he might have known him, what was that commander's name?"

"His name was Sigmer" – Carina said slowly, – "The 'blacks' used to call him Sigmer-Death."

Orel squeezed his temples within his palms, as if he suddenly got a headache.

"Shit, totally forgot, I've got something important to do…" – Enriki mumbled indistinctly, and without even finishing the sentence hurried towards the stairs to the second floor. Squint-Eye was right behind him, not even bothering to make up an excuse.

"We must go, too" – Orel said. "It's time we attend to business. Tol!" – he called, giving Tol a meaningful stare.

"What business, in the middle of the night" – Tol muttered grumpily, it didn't seem like he's about to go anywhere, even though he took Orel's hint.

"To-o-ol!"

"Yes, I'm coming, I'm coming, why do you have to yell?! I got it. Bye, Lis. Bye, Carina. Good luck…"

"T-o-o-l!"

Carina and Lis were left alone. Lis was sitting in front of her, he didn't change his stature. Didn't try to leave, oh no. Finally, he slowly lifted his dark head, hair parted right in the middle, and looked at her, and Carina thought that Arel has left her alone again.

Alone with Lis. She looked into his eyes and didn't recognize him, it's a different glance, completely different. A glance of a very mature person, of an old man. He really did get old, or maybe it's that dye made him look older, and the black hair. What does his face look like without this dye, are his cheeks and nose still covered in freckles, or maybe they're gone, just like the light from his eyes. So silly… And he was almost a king, a king of the "reds" in this world. But he lost everything. Became a slave. Because of her.

"Why didn't you tell them yourself?" – she finally asked the question that was taunting her all this time. Why didn't he tell Orel, why did he keep quiet, covering for her. And if she hasn't told them, would he just keep quiet?

"I was waiting for you to do it".

"And you weren't even scared".

"No. This doesn't change anything. You saw how Arel took it".

"I did".

She looked at him, right into his yellow, slightly slanting eyes, eyes so different from those of the "blacks", the strange eyes of another world's dweller. "I couldn't do it differently back then…"

He just grinned, opening his jacket and exposing his chest: "You see, not even a scar left. You might have known and even killed some 'red' half-blood Sigmer. But Atley Alis has never met you before."

"That's true. You know, when I first saw you… I didn't recognize you! You have really changed," – she paused, – "Changed a lot. Why are you with them? Grey and black just like them!"

"A slave to Arel".

"Why?!"

Lis shrugged: "That was his condition, and I didn't have a choice back then".

"Arel is insane, totally insane, actually. For real. This honesty of his… He's not even afraid to be weak."

"He's only honest with those he considers close, and he isn't afraid to appear weak, because he is very strong".

"And you?"

"I'm not like that. Once in a lifetime I also wasn't afraid to be weak, dared to open up, exposed myself, my heart…and got a knife in it. No nobody else will ever be able to get so deep inside of me. To know my weaknesses, to know me. You think that I'm crushed, that I'm lonely, but no, not at all. There's no one in this world, whom I would want to enter my heart again, open all my doors towards. I love Arel a lot, but that's different. We don't need this all-consuming closeness. For him, wherever I let him – it's enough. Generally, Arel never pries, it's very easy with him in this sense. And you can't defeat him like me. You are walking around so pleased, thinking you've got him in your staunch paws, but you are mistaken. You succeeded with me, and you would with anybody else, but not with Arel. Me, I'm a regular guy, with a regular way of thinking, and my feelings are pretty primal, as well. I'm just a bit more attentive than others, a bit more hardworking, not as lazy as most people. And you are also regular, you may not flatter yourself. That's why it all worked with me. But Arel is different, you could never understand him, and so you could never defeat him. His heart will forever be unavailable for you; you don't have the key. You may be grinning inside right now, thinking 'how come not, but he's with me', but soon you will realize you were mistaken. I was mistaken the exact same way. I also used to think that Arel was with me. Everybody think Arel is with them. And he is with everybody, and with nobody. All this time you were staring at me like this, you think I'm miserable, but you don't get it, I like it here, I'm good. I'm among my own kind. And you, you are all alone, just like before, not a single loving soul by your side…”

“I truly am sorry…”

“What is it that you want? You came to finish whatever you couldn’t do back then? Why didn’t you tell them that you hand shook and your blow wasn’t exactly to the heart? I know, don’t answer that, you didn’t tell them because you were afraid, afraid to appear weak. Because they might have thought that you too, fell in love with him, with your enemy.

“Tell them”.

“Why should I, I don’t need it all the more. I don’t care! It would be better if everything happened just like you said. And would be better if I died back then!”

“I caused you pain…”

“None of this matters.”

“Why did you stay in the castle, if you think that I came for you?”

“I have nowhere else to run, I told you, here is my real home, my family, which I didn’t have otherwise. Not with my mother, not with my father, not with you…”

“Don’t say that!”

“I’ve been through a lot, and I’ve had everything, even love”.

“No!”

“I will go to a slaughter like a ship”.

“Stop it!”

“Go to sleep in peace, Carina, I won’t escape from you”.

“Lis…”

“Go away already! Don’t you see that everything has finished a long time ago? I don’t give a damn what you do. With Arel or with anybody else. As far as I’m concerned, you can fuck all of them, if Arel will share you around, just like his other girls! I will fuck you like the rest. I warned you!”

Carina’s face changed, they really had nothing to talk about anymore, he became as damaged as everybody else in this god damned castle, he is right, there’s nothing left in him from the great Sigmer, he really was a different person. Arel’s person. Arel’s slave. She got up: “Good night!”

Why do her legs feel like wood?

When her footsteps died down upstairs, Lis kept sitting without moving for a while, staring on the flames in the fireplace. Then he suddenly fell upon the furs, tucking his face in the pelage. And just lay like this, face down, on the old furs, alone in a huge empty hall, and the glare of the fire have tried unsuccessfully to dye his hair red.

Chapter Two.

Who is he?

“What else did you realize for yourself?” – Lis asked. “Tell me”.

“What’s in it for you? It’s all just small talk” – Orel said, lighting a cigarette.

“You think outside the box, and I’m curious”.

Orel laughed: “Is this a complement? Did you just praise a ‘silly pretty prince’?”

“Think whatever you want! I’ve always considered you rather sharp, just somewhat crass. As for your smarts, you have to agree, Arel, you never even really learned how to read, or wright, or count. You’re not silly, of course, but you are uneducated and illiterate”.

“I know all that stuff” – Orel shook his hair.

“You’re a child! It’s ridicules! You are almost thirty years old! Even if a miracle occurs, and you die a natural death, in your own bed, even though it’s unlikely, even in the very best case it will happen within fifteen years tops! And the “blacks” usually live till hundred years easily! You understand that?”

“Yes”.

“Did you already catch the liver infection?”

“Yes…”

“What were you thinking?! Are you still going to claim you’re not stupid?”

Orel was silent.

“How much time did you spend in prison?”

“Two”.

“Two and a half, to be accurate. Best years of your youth! Only fools, like you and Squint-Eye, serve time in prison! Or even get there!”

Once again, Orel didn’t answer.

“Do you know why I like you, Arel? You never make excuses, you take all my mockery quietly. And I mock you in a mean way, it hurts me that such an interesting thoughts come into your head instead of mine. Even though I am the one who always kept searching for the answers, and still do”.

“But I told you, you were the one who gave me the basic idea. You were the one who said, ‘He is a nobody. He actually doesn’t exist! And you get from him whatever you bring in”.

“Well, you’re basically right, I said something like this, but I wasn’t the one who gave it the final shape, it was you”.

“You suppose my theory is final? It’s only one of the ideas”.

“There’s more?!”

“Yes.”

“?!”

“There is the feedback. The feedback we get from him”.

“Your slave girl? Shela, whom he supposedly killed to get back at me. I got you”.

“The black-braided. Yes, it’s possible. Shit, why do I keep forgetting her name!”

“Never mind. You also got something? You love him, after all!”

“I got some. Big time! I got no less than Enriki, and definitely no less than you! I’m almost ruined!”

“But what for? And wait, what does Rik have to do with it?”

“Squint-Eye and Enriki, the two miserable ones, they really do resemble each other. Only Squint-Eye doesn’t deny his own nature, and Enriki would give up his hands, just not to touch the abomination that lives inside him. Eventually, it all ended up the same for both of them, they have both punished themselves. Only one of them cuts his own veins and mutilates himself almost consciously. And the other doesn’t. I had beaten Nikto for that, I was sure it was him…” – and, upon seeing the misunderstanding in Lis’s eyes, Orel shook his head violently.

“Try to understand! I’m trying to convey this to you now the best I can”.

“I’m trying,” – Lis nodded, extinguishing his finished cigarette, but only after lighting a new one from it, that was probably the fifth time he did it: “Let’s go through this. Why did you decide all Enriki’s troubles were Nikto’s fault?”

“If we go through this, first I’ve realized he was punishing me, or at least that’s what I thought. I’m going to tell you first now, I never told this to anybody. He has actually knocked my eye out”.

“What?!”

“Yep. He’s knocked out my eye back then. I have a crooked eye. I was the first one to catch it in the head, even before Enriki, and that’s despite all my love towards him. Well, you received a warning in a shape of a killed slave, and I felt it all on my own flesh. By the way, Lis, it’s all about the womans with you, I wonder why? There, now Carina is torturing you”.

“Don’t get destructed, keep talking”.

“He knocked my eye out, irretrievably, intentionally or not – I don’t know. I recalled all our conversations, looking for a reason, why would he treat me this way. And I remembered how I reproached him for changing his eyes. He adjusted them for the ‘unclean’ and almost turned blind. Or at least that’s what I thought back then. I used to say: ’What an idiot you must be to change your own eyes! Not to see anything during the day! The world in all its’ splendor!’ I was probably wrong, after all, I have no idea how he really sees everything, maybe it’s not all grey and white, maybe it’s not that bad. He told me the world wasn’t any worse at night. I didn’t believe him. And now I know it’s

actually true. Because he has planted an eye of the “unclean” in me, and I see in the dark with it”.