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His handheld electric saw whirred, drowning out the radio Chloe’d turned on, and piece by piece he replaced the flooring. Chloe sat in the living room knitting a blanket for Brianna’s crib, shutting out her thoughts with the rhythmic clicking of the needles. After Daniel finished repairing the floor, he spent the rest of the day digging a trench down one side of the house and laying drainage tiles. He worked in the pouring rain until the light was gone, before coming in soaking wet, his nose dripping and his reddened hands like ice.
“I’ll run you a hot bath to warm up,” Chloe said, putting down her knitting to hang up his sodden rain jacket.
Daniel gave her an oblique glance. “No, thanks.”
Later she lay in bed in the dark, worrying, while she listened to Daniel brushing his teeth. A thin line of yellow light glowed around the closed bathroom door. She should have moved the letter to a safer place. She should have destroyed it. She should have…
The water stopped. The toothbrush clattered softly in the metal holder. Chloe caught her breath, her ears straining in the silence. She heard a drawer slide open slowly. More silence. Then the drawer was shut and another opened.
Daniel glanced through the contents of the drawer—hairdryer, bottles of shampoo and conditioner, a box of sanitary napkins, hairbrush. He picked up the half-empty box of napkins. If she thought he was too squeamish to look in here, she didn’t know him very well. Breath held, he pushed his hand inside…Bingo.
Daniel withdrew the envelope and studied the address. He was an expert on Evan’s bold, elegant handwriting, having seen the various cards he’d given Chloe, all of which she’d saved. There’d been a birthday card, cards with funny pictures and cards with romantic scenes, all overflowing with Evan’s witty observations, references to shared experiences or poetic allusions that Daniel didn’t begin to understand.
Daniel picked up the envelope and tested the solid thickness of several sheets of paper. Rage and despair flooded him as he thought about the sheer unfairness of having to compete with Evan, who used words so easily he could fill pages and pages with them. Daniel’s hand started to tighten around the envelope. Hastily he stuffed it back into the box before he ended up crumpling it into a ball. Quietly, carefully, he shut the drawer. He didn’t need to read the letter to know Evan had once again seduced Chloe.
Daniel had hoped that when they were married and Evan was gone again that part of Chloe’s life would be over. Now he realized it would never be over, as long as Evan continued to occupy a place in her mind and her heart. Daniel had married Chloe because he wanted to do right by her and the baby and because, God help him, he loved her.
Had they made a terrible mistake? He couldn’t say. All he knew was that, where Brianna was concerned, he’d done the only thing he could have done. Right or wrong became irrelevant when weighed against the bone-deep love he felt for the child. The only thing that gave him hope was the knowledge that Chloe felt the same about their daughter.
Daniel put his dirty clothes in the wicker hamper and folded his towel on the rack. Then, so he wouldn’t wake Chloe, he turned out the light and went to bed in the dark, feeling his way along the wall until his knee bumped the bedside table.
Once under the covers he was tormented by the warmth and scent of the woman in his bed. Usually he kept his distance, huddled on his side so he wouldn’t accidentally touch her thigh or brush against her breast and end up tossing and turning all night. Tonight repressed desire made him reach for her, and he wanted to possess her. He felt her tense, but he shifted closer to kiss her neck. “Chloe.”
She started to squirm away. “Daniel, I…”
He took her mouth before she could tell him to stop, plunging his tongue inside with a ruthlessness that further inflamed him. His hand found her breast and the blood roared in his ears. She started to kiss him back and her pelvis pressed against him so that he groaned aloud. At last. She wanted him, too.
“You’re beautiful, like a…a goddess,” he muttered clumsily, struggling to be the kind of man she longed for. “I want you more than a flower wants the sun, more than…” More than he could say, he thought disparagingly. He gave up and pressed his lips to her cheek and along her nose to her soft fluttering eyelashes. There he encountered moisture and tasted salt. Damn. She was crying.
“I’m s-sorry, Daniel,” she stuttered. “I…I can’t.”
His taut skin strained with a physical pain and his fingers dug into the soft flesh of her upper arm. A single word exploded from him. “When?”
She shrank back. “I don’t know.”
Daniel threw himself onto his back and flung an arm over his eyes, rigid in a red haze of thwarted desire. After a moment he became aware of her sharply drawn breaths and irregular hiccups. “Come here,” he said gruffly and pulled her into his arms.
She went with a soft sigh. “I’m sorry.”
“Never mind,” he said heavily, smoothing her hair away from her face. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Maybe I could do it if…”
Hope surged and was quickly checked. Cautiously, he asked, “If what?”
“If you didn’t want me so much.”
At first he was confused. She didn’t want him to want her? How could they make love if he wasn’t aroused? Then he realized—she didn’t want him to need her emotionally. No words of love, no adoration or expectations. Just animals fulfilling their physical needs.
“I told you when I proposed, that I wouldn’t ask for more than you can give, and I stand by it,” he said quietly. He hadn’t realized at the time that not being able to express his love would be the price he was going to pay for her hand in marriage.
“Okay, then.” She turned to him awkwardly, a little shyly, and put her arms around his neck.
Daniel kissed her tentatively, trying not to pour all the bittersweet love he felt in his heart into a deep embrace that would make her withdraw again. Beneath her flannelette nightgown her skin was smooth and satiny, her muscles sleek and firm. Soon he forgot everything but the need to sink himself into her softness. He tugged the fabric up past her waist and over her head, gazing down at her. He could just make out the faint shine of her eyes. Don’t cry, babe.
Chloe bit her lip as she gazed up at him. “Please don’t be upset if I don’t come.” Quickly, she added, “It’s not that you’re not attractive or a good lover, it’s just that…”
Daniel pressed his fingers to her lips, silencing her. “Just don’t talk for a while.” He’d taken enough blows to his pride for one day.
He used a condom, even though she was breast-feeding and even though it was like locking the barn door after the horse had bolted. The last thing they needed was another accident. He was as tender as he could be and drew out the lovemaking as long as he could manage. But he’d wanted Chloe so badly and for so long that he came more quickly than he’d have wished. Just as she’d predicted, she didn’t climax.
When he’d recovered sufficiently, he lifted himself onto his elbows and kissed her damp eyelids. “Do you want me to…”
“No,” she said swiftly. “Thank you.”
Stung by her politeness as much as her rejection, Daniel drew himself out of her and rolled onto his back. Well, he’d known what the score was, because she’d told him. When was he going to figure it out? She didn’t want him. Didn’t need him. Didn’t damn well love him.
“Daniel?” She slipped one arm over his chest and snuggled into his side. “Let’s just hold each other.”
Daniel fought back his disappointment to savor having her in his arms, because just holding her satisfied another need as deep as sex. And who knew, tomorrow she might regret this intimacy and insist they go back to being husband and wife in name only.
After a few minutes’ silence, he said, “There’s a piece of waterfront property out past Sooke being subdivided.”
“Oh?” she replied, yawning sleepily.
“I’m building a house for the developer.” He stroked her hair, thinking how soft it was, like…like…“I want to buy one of the lots. The developer will do a straight trade, if I build his house for cost. After that, I’ll build a house for us. I’ve worked out the finances and it’s a stretch, but I think we can just manage.”
She’d been half-asleep in his arms, but suddenly there was a wakeful alertness to her. “A house for us?”
“It’s isolated,” he said quickly, “but I know you miss your view of the water and I’ve always loved the ocean. When we’re a bit more secure financially, we’ll get a second car for you. It would be good to have our own place.”
She was quiet for such a long time that he thought she’d fallen asleep, but when he turned to look, her eyes were wide open staring at the ceiling. He didn’t even want to ask what she was thinking. “Sleep on it,” he suggested.
“No, let’s just do it.” She spoke quietly but with a kind of grim determination.
Perhaps her lack of enthusiasm ought to have discouraged him, but instead the flickering flame of hope flared back to life. He kissed her temple and said, “I’ll call the owner in the morning.”
Someday, he vowed, she was going to love him as much as he loved her. As his eyes closed, a more sobering thought filtered through. Before that day came, how many times would she have to consciously choose him before he believed she intended to stay?
Chapter 3
The weight of the water pulled Daniel down. Sixty, then eighty feet; deeper than he’d ever gone before. The pressure glued his wet suit to his skin and sucked his mask against his face. It was cold and dark and eerily silent.
Evan left the rocks that marked the shoreline and moved out over the flat muddy sand of the ocean floor. Daniel forced himself to follow across the featureless landscape as visibility faded into murky darkness. The bottom sloped gently down. Every now and then one of Evan’s fins kicked up a cloud of silt, obscuring Daniel’s view of him.
Where were the other divers? Daniel twisted awkwardly in his bulky suit and constraining scuba gear, but he couldn’t see anyone else. He and Evan might be the only two people left on the planet. Wouldn’t that be fine? Trapped in a twilight zone of gloom with the one man in his life he could truly say he hated.
Damn Evan. He was swimming too fast, getting too far ahead. He was just a dim shape, a blur of blue neoprene against the dark sepia tones of the deep. How convenient if he “lost” Daniel down here. He’d be sure to comfort the poor widow. Would she grieve or would she secretly be glad?
Daniel checked his depth gauge—100 feet. This place gave him the creeps. For two cents, he’d surface right now. Except that Chloe would look at him with that sympathetic glance of hers, the one she used when she was trying to be comforting. She wouldn’t blame him for aborting the dive, but that was no consolation. Didn’t she know that a man didn’t want pity from his woman? He wanted respect, admiration, adoration. All the things he had always seen in her eyes when she looked at Evan.
Well, he wouldn’t beg for her love. That was one thing he’d decided on early in their marriage. She either loved him or she didn’t, but he would never demean himself by pleading for her affection.
Evan was completely out of sight now. Daniel fumbled for his flashlight, his fingers clumsy in the thick three-fingered mitts. Finally he felt the recessed button respond and a yellow beam illuminated an unexpected scene.
Rising from the sea floor not ten feet away were a dozen or so sea pens, their feathery bright orange fronds waving gently in the current like so many dyed ostrich plumes. He knew what they were from the book of underwater sea life Brianna had given him last Christmas, but he’d never thought he’d see such an amazing sight with his own eyes.
He swam over to them. After a few minutes of intense observation, he reached out to the delicate curling tentacles. At his touch, water squirted from the central stalk and the colony of animals that made up the pen deflated and sank into the sand. Surprised, Daniel kicked backward.
And bumped into Evan, coming to find him. Evan saw the sea pens and his mouth curved in an appreciative smile around his regulator. For a moment they were united by a common interest. For a moment Daniel forgot his antipathy. Then he remembered. That mouth that smiled in camaraderie had kissed Chloe, the hand that motioned him to “come on” had touched his wife intimately, the eyes that met his had looked upon her naked body.
He and Evan might be dive buddies, but they were about as far from being friends as two men could get.
“Close your eyes.” Daniel held Chloe by the hand and led her up the steps. Piles of offcuts and concrete rubble lay here and there, and the yard was bare dirt, but their new home was ready to move into.
“I’ve walked every inch of this house at every stage of construction,” Chloe said, with a little laugh over his excitement. “I’ve picked out tiles and carpets and paint colors. Why close my eyes now?”
“Just do it,” Daniel urged, turning a key in the lock. This was his moment and he wanted it to be perfect.
Chloe closed her eyes, then immediately opened them. “What about Brianna? We can’t leave her in the car.”
“She’s fast asleep,” Daniel reminded her. “The car’s parked in front of the garage, with the U-Haul truck right behind. She’ll be all right for a minute. Now close your eyes.”
Chloe obeyed. A moment later she let out a whoop as Daniel scooped her into his arms. “Keep them shut,” he warned, nudging the door open with his hip and carrying her across the threshold.
Chloe clung to his neck, shrieking a bit with every unexpected lurch. She felt like a wisp of nothing in his arms even though he’d seen the muscles in her thighs as she balanced on her toes. It was easy to forget how much strength was needed for her dancing.
The first time he’d seen her glide across a stage she’d reminded him of a sleek sea bird skimming over the waves. He’d wanted to shelter her, so he’d built a nest for her and their chick, combining those elements that held meaning for him—sky and sea, a cozy haven, a dwelling place for love.
Chloe would cringe with embarrassment if Daniel were to reveal his clumsy poetic thoughts. So he simply walked into the great room and stood with his back to the wide, tall windows high above the Strait of Juan de Fuca. He wanted her first sight to be the family room and kitchen, the heart of the house. “You can open your eyes now.”
Chloe slid out of his arms and gazed silently at the gleaming appliances and terra-cotta tiles, the warm Mediterranean colors. She turned slowly in a circle, past the breathtaking view, the built-in teak shelving and the stone fireplace, and back to Daniel. Solemn and silent, she seemed about to cry. “You did this.”
“Not all by myself.” There was an enormous lump in his throat. “Do you like it?”
“Oh, Daniel, it’s beautiful.” She put her arms around him, her words muffled by his shirt. “I knew what it was going to look like, but until now it was almost unreal—as if someone else was going to live here. I can’t believe it’s ours. You are amazing.”
Daniel held her, then reluctantly eased himself away. “I’ll go check on Brianna. You look around some more.”
“Wait.” Chloe slid a hand up his chest and curled her fingers around his neck. Balancing on her toes, she rose up to kiss him.
Her mouth opened and her tongue shyly pressed against his, flooding him with heat. Daniel gathered her close, hiding his rush of surprise by deepening the kiss. Chloe so rarely initiated anything. With one hand cupping her buttocks, Daniel gently molded one small, firm breast. To his surprise, she didn’t pull away as she so often had before, but instead reached for his belt buckle.
He glanced over his shoulder. The front door was open so they could hear Brianna if she cried out but…The front door was open.
Anyone could walk in, and the thought excited him.
“Don’t worry.” She was breathing heavily as she slid his zipper down over his bulging erection. “This won’t take long.”
“I don’t have a condom on me.”
Chloe grinned up at him. “We’re married, aren’t we?”
A jolt of pure joy shot through Daniel. He slid his hands beneath her denim skirt and eased down her panties. She was slick and hot beneath his probing fingers. Down onto the brand-new carpet they fell in a tangled heap, Daniel’s jeans halfway down his legs and Chloe’s skirt up around her waist. A button popped open on her blouse, exposing a swelling curve of flesh. Daniel sucked on the rosy nipple and felt Chloe’s legs spread beneath him. The submissive gesture, the giving way, the welcoming, flipped a switch in his brain and all the months of control slipped away as he entered her.
“Sorry,” he panted, withdrawing instantly. “Too hard?”
“Harder,” she said, teeth gritted, back arching.
Their coupling was short and fierce and sweet beyond measure. Afterward Daniel raised himself onto his elbows, taking his weight off her glistening body. Her eyes were closed, her smile dreamy with contentment. “So,” he said. “A new house is a big turn-on for you.”
Chloe tilted her head back and laughed, her slender throat vibrating. “It’s you, you big, sweaty lug. You’re the turn-on.”
Grinning, Daniel stuck his nose into an armpit. “That good? Maybe I should bottle it.”
Then her eyes opened, and Daniel was surprised to see them mist over as her laughter faded and was replaced with a tremulous smile. “Thank you, Daniel,” she whispered. “You’ve made us a family.”
“Brianna made us a family,” he replied gruffly.
Chloe ran her hands over his shoulders and down his arms, tracing the hard outlines of his biceps. “You are the bricks and mortar, the solid foundation of our lives. I really love you.”
The way she said it, she could have meant she loved him as a friend. Foolish or not, however, Daniel chose to interpret her words in the most positive way. He dipped his head to kiss her lightly on the lips. “Now that’s something to build upon.”
Daniel went out to the car and brought Brianna inside. The one-year-old rubbed her eyes and blinked sleepily at the unfamiliar surroundings. “She was just waking. If you want to take her, I’ll start bringing in our boxes.”
“Let’s look through the house together first,” Chloe said. “Decide where we want to put everything.”
“That’ll be an easy decision,” Daniel replied. “Since we don’t have much.”
The design of their house was elegant in its simplicity, and above all, it was functional. All the rooms were large and spacious. Their bedroom, like the living room, faced the ocean and had its own deck. Directly across the hall was Brianna’s room, then the bathroom and linen closet, and then a much larger room. Daniel had called it a rec room during construction, but now its true purpose was revealed.
Chloe stopped short in the doorway to survey the bare floorboards. “Where’s the carpet?” Then she noticed the barre and the wall-to-wall floor-to-ceiling mirror.
He waited, hands clenched, for her reaction. Why the hell hadn’t he discussed it with her first? He’d wanted to surprise her, that’s why.
Those mirrors had cost a fortune, but damn it, he wanted to give her this. He wanted her not to regret giving up her dancing along with her lover when she’d married him.
Brianna was wriggling in his arms, so Daniel set her on the floor. She toddled into the room, saw herself in the mirror and giggled with delight. With graceful steps, Chloe took the little girl’s hands and twirled her in a pirouette. She glanced over her shoulder at Daniel, her face alight. “This is wonderful. Thank you.”
Daniel felt the tension seep from his shoulders and he leaned against the doorjamb, watching his girls spin and twirl. Winning Chloe’s smile made the extra work and expense worthwhile. “I thought you could teach here, until you’re ready to rejoin the ballet company.”
Chloe’s steps slowed, and she surveyed the room as she examined the possibilities in her mind. “There aren’t many children around here, but Sooke isn’t so far away. Teaching might be just the thing.” Then she crossed the floor, to tug on his hands. “Come on, dance with us.”
“I’m no good at that stuff.” He loved the way Chloe celebrated life through her love of movement, but next to her he was big and clumsy.
“Yes, you are. Come on,” she urged, twirling under his arm. Her clear, sweet voice lilted in a wordless melody as she encouraged him to sidestep across the room.
Daniel felt like an idiot clunking around in his heavy boots, but Chloe’s smile was contagious and after a moment he laughed and gave in, hamming it up when Brianna started to clap. A rush of happiness caught him off guard. His wife had made love to him and his baby daughter adored him. Life was good. He picked up Chloe and Brianna in his arms and spun around until they were all dizzy and laughing.
