Tempted By Collection

Nate’s cool, calm explanation of the proposed changes and the expected benefits had been a crucial part of negotiations. Having him as a third party helped prevent a lot of the emotional obstacles from getting in the way. In the end her father had even offered to sell a few of the paintings he had in storage so she could hire an events manager and whoever else it took to make this thing work in her absence. She might even come home every now and then, now there were a few more attractions, and a few places still left for NT to conquer.

There hadn’t been a conversation between her and Nate about the possibility of her coming back, or reconnecting if she did. It didn’t seem such a stretch to carry on with what they had going on. She wouldn’t be a permanent fixture in his life, expecting any more than she did now—great sex. It would be a shame to end things completely when they were having such a good time together. Spending more time with Nate would give her something to look forward to other than TV and pizza at the end of the working week.

She watched him now, schmoozing with the wedding party and the photographer in the grounds, and listened in fascination as he recounted her family’s history to the bride and groom. Despite his resistance, he was as much a part of Strachmore as she was. More than ever given their recent antics. She couldn’t imagine coming home and not seeing him here.

He waved her over, not ready to leave his post as today’s host just yet. The bride and groom were his colleagues from the hospital here to use Strachmore as the backdrop for their wedding photographs. It was a favour both to his friends, and Violet. They got free use of the grounds and it was the first step to gently break her father into the idea of sharing his family home with strangers.

Violet watched the newly-weds smiling for the camera capturing their love for eternity. She wanted to be sick.

‘I’d be crying too if I’d been condemned to a life of misery.’ She sidled up to Nate, making sure she was out of earshot of the over-emotional couple now dabbing their eyes and hugging. She didn’t want to ruin their day but marriage had a lot to do with the misery that had surrounded her ancestral home for so long. Her father’s confession of his love for her mother had only served to confuse her views on matrimony further. It had all seemed so black and white when she’d thought her mother’s love for her father had never been reciprocated and had cost her her life. The fear of giving everything and receiving nothing in return had kept Violet from falling into that marriage trap.

Now she knew how much her father had loved her and how lost he was without her, it made her question if refusing to admit your feelings was equally destructive. Apparently once love had you in its clutches it was game over, either way, and no amount of pretending or running could prevent it.

‘Not a fan of the bride, or the groom?’ Nate cocked his head at her as though she were some anomaly of nature for not getting sentimental over the proceedings.

‘Marriage in general. You saw what it did to my family. It’s all flowers and romance now but she’s probably given up all her hopes and dreams to play wifey.’ She clung on to that belief her mother had been the only casualty in the marriage—the only one with feelings to consider. The alternative was to admit both of her parents had been at fault and their marriage had been a partnership rather than a dictatorship, with each of them responsible for their own actions. That idea of free will, even as part of a couple, called into question every excuse Violet had ever made for being on her own.

‘It’s not the eighteen hundreds any more, you know. Women can get married, have children and still work if they choose.’ He was being surprisingly pro-commitment for someone who’d taken great care to make sure they didn’t have one.

Violet’s stomach flip-flopped. Perhaps it was only her he didn’t want around long-term. She hadn’t contemplated having to see him with someone else any time she came home, someone he might want to settle down with.

‘You didn’t strike me as the marrying kind.’ At least not since they were teenage sweethearts when the intensity of his feelings for her, and hers for him, had sent her running.

‘I’m not. It seems to work for some people, though. My parents would be an example of that, I guess. For the record, I have no problem with the honeymoon part. It’s being tied down I take issue with.’ Nate confirmed his place alongside Violet on the dark side, enabling her to breathe a little easier.

‘I don’t know who’s in your little black book but I’m sure you could find someone who isn’t into bondage.’ Not that she was encouraging him to start hooking up with anyone else. She’d prefer he did that when she was long gone. If he really had to.

Nate snorted. ‘That I can handle. It’s this notion that love can solve problems that galls me when, ultimately, it only creates more. All this nonsense is fine for sentimental types whose only aspirations in life are a semi-detached house and two-point-four children but you’re right, some of us have bigger dreams.’

She should’ve been relieved to hear his matrimonial views were in sync with her own but hearing he was as cynical as she was chilled her insides. He was so changed in his views since a teen and she knew she’d been the cause. She must have hurt him more than he ever would admit. Her selfish actions might well have cost him the happy family she’d always thought he’d deserved. The Dempsey curse had struck again.

For a split second she’d zoned out, light-headed and unsteady in her high heels. Her conscience had clearly taken news of his commitment phobia badly, manifesting her guilt physically. They moved with the wedding party through the gardens and she slipped off to take a seat on the carved stone bench under the eucalyptus tree. She stripped a couple of the long blue-green leaves and crushed them in her fingers. The smell of menthol and pine instantly filled the air. She took a deep breath, hoping it would help quell her rolling stomach.

It was coming up to that time of the month too, which probably wasn’t helping this feeling of nausea. She did a quick mental calculation—she’d been here for three weeks, her last period had been before she’d taken time off work... She frowned. That couldn’t be right. She was as regular as clockwork, every four weeks. Her calculations made it more than five. She did another tot-up of the dates. It was still longer than she’d ever gone. It had to be down to the stress.

Another cramp doubled her over, surely a clear sign all was as it should be. What was the alternative? She hadn’t eaten anything other than Mrs Taylor’s nutritious meals, same as her father, so it wasn’t food poisoning. That left one glaring possibility. She couldn’t be pregnant, she just couldn’t.

Nate chose that moment to come and sit beside her. ‘Are you okay? You look a little pale.’

He put his hand on her forehead, her skin suddenly clammy now. Her own health hadn’t been of any significance when her father had been so critical. Now it meant everything. With horror she recalled the fraught night waiting for news of her father and that whole debacle with Nate at the house. Her routine had gone completely out of the window and she’d been a day late taking her pill. In the circumstances she hadn’t thought in a million years she would have to take extra precautions. Sex with Nate had never seemed an option. Her recklessness had apparently come at a price after all.

How would she ever make her escape from Strachmore now if she was pregnant? She didn’t have the support in London needed to look after a baby and work at the same time and she certainly wouldn’t be able to afford childcare on her wages. Nate hadn’t asked for this either, when she’d promised him this would be nothing more than a fling. She couldn’t expect him to take two of them on when he’d made it clear he didn’t even want a plus one. Hell, she didn’t even want one.

Parenthood had never been in her future plans. It had been too much for her mother to cope with and not enough for her to stick around. Violet didn’t want that level of change, or responsibility, causing chaos in the new life she’d made for herself. Her quiet, organised life, where loving anyone except herself was simply out of the question. It was part of the reason she’d been keen to get back to it, knowing she’d be safe from her feelings for Nate there. Now she was in double trouble.

All she could do was throw herself at her father’s mercy now, if the worst had indeed happened, and beg him to take in his pregnant, unmarried daughter. Her life was never going to be the same.

‘I think I’m gonna be sick.’

Nate had tried to go after Violet when she’d taken suddenly ill, but she’d shooed him back to the wedding party, insisting someone should be taking an active role in the day’s events. He’d had no option but to return to the gathered guests when Strachmore’s reputation would soon depend on good word of mouth. Someone had to escort them around the grounds and smile in all the right places. Even if he had been desperate to go check on her.

He’d spent most of his waking moments outside work with her these past weeks, and all of his sleeping ones too. If there was something wrong he wanted to be with her, looking after her the way he always did. He guessed that sense of duty towards the Dempseys was simply born into him. That was the only acceptable explanation for why he cared so much.

Once he’d seen the wedding party off to continue their celebrations elsewhere, he sprinted back to the house. He bounded up the stairs calling her name but she didn’t answer. Eventually he found her in her bedroom, changed out of the dress she’d bought specially for today back into her casual jeans and grey hoodie. She seemed even paler now she’d removed her make-up, looking lost perched on the end of her princess bed. He was sorry he’d left her alone for so long.

When he saw her suitcase lying open on the bed, clothes strewn all around, he went into full panic mode. ‘What’s wrong? Is it that bad? Do you need me to take you to the hospital?’

‘I’m fine. Actually, I’m not. I’m far from it but I don’t need to go to the hospital. I need to go home.’

She wasn’t making any sense and was starting to freak him out.

He knelt on the floor and took her hand. If he’d known she’d react so strongly against the idea of marriage he’d never have suggested bringing his friends here. Her commitment issues were clearly greater than his. In a moment of sentimentality he’d even contemplated how Violet would have looked in a wedding dress. Beautiful and elegant as always, he supposed. If she hadn’t run away, breaking his heart, or he’d been enough for her to contemplate staying, they might have had this one day for themselves. It was a shame their parents’ actions had skewed their view on marriage for ever when people like his co-workers today seemed to find their happiness in it.

‘You don’t need to go anywhere. The condemned couple has left the building. We are officially bridal-party free. If it’s an allergy to weddings you have, perhaps we can go hang out in the divorce courts to counteract the toxins.’ Usually his naff jokes were enough to make her smile, but not today.

‘It’s not that. Thank you for setting that up today,—they really seemed to enjoy it. It’s just...it’s just... I can’t do this.’ She dropped her head into her hands and sobbed her heart out.

This was it—she was going to run again before he was ready to accept it was over. He was supposed to have two more weeks with her. Now she was cutting their time together short he was left with that same sick, empty feeling inside as before. He needed some warning before he was back to his ‘work, eat, sleep’ routine with none of the fun in between and no one to come home to at the end of the day.

‘Do you need me to get you anything?’

‘A pregnancy test?’ Violet gave a forced laugh, but there was nothing funny about it.

‘Don’t joke about something like that.’

‘I’m not. I’m late.’

Nate dropped her hand to steady himself before he fell over. This couldn’t be happening. ‘But you’re on the pill, right?’

‘I think I missed one the night I flew in from London.’ Her grimace sucker-punched him in the gut.

‘You’ve been under a lot of stress too though.’ He slowly got to his feet, still trying to come up with alternative theories. Ones that wouldn’t tie them together for the rest of their days.

‘I’ve been queasy and light-headed today. We both know if there’s a possibility the worst could happen, it will. I should have known things were going too well.’ The tears started again and it was obvious she didn’t want this any more than he did. Neither of them had signed on for parenthood; they hadn’t even been able to commit to each other for longer than a month, for heaven’s sake.

‘We’ll get through this. Somehow.’ The sickness was spreading to him now, his stomach twisting into a tight knot of anxiety.

A baby, their baby, was going to affect so many—him, Violet, his parents, the Earl... Nobody was going to take the news well. Why should they? He’d messed up big style. He should’ve taken extra precautions to prevent this happening, but he’d been too lost in his own desires to consider the consequences. Now he’d ruined Violet’s future, the one she’d worked so hard to ensure didn’t include him.

‘I don’t expect you to take this on. That’s why I’m leaving. This was my mistake. I’ll deal with it on my own.’ She wouldn’t look at him and turned her attention back to throwing her clothes haphazardly into her case.

A vice gripped his heart and squeezed. If there was a baby he wanted to be part of its life, wanted to be included in any decisions concerning their child. He didn’t want Violet to deal with this on her own, regardless of how she did or didn’t feel about him. A child needed two supportive parents to have the best possible start in life. To make sure it wouldn’t ever feel abandoned, as he had when he’d attempted to improve his lot in life.

‘Let’s not jump too far ahead of ourselves. First things first—we get a test.’ If their lives were about to change for ever they should really find out for sure. The delay would also give him a chance to figure out how to get her to stay. Indefinitely.

The sight of Violet packing to leave had crushed him almost as much as finding her room empty had when she’d first gone to London without an explanation. This was much, much worse. That had been puppy love, a childish infatuation. Now he knew how powerful real love was. The kind that was ripping him apart from the inside out at the thought of her leaving again. She was taking an even bigger part of him with her this time. Literally.

This baby might not have been planned but that didn’t mean he didn’t want it or wouldn’t take responsibility for it. All of those steps he’d taken to avoid emotional attachments had led to the biggest one of all—fatherhood. He got chills every time he thought about it. Twelve years ago this would’ve been everything he’d wanted. Violet’s rejection had changed all that, clouded his view on relationships even more. He’d dodged commitment as if it were some deadly disease when all along he’d still been devoted to Violet. She was the only woman he’d ever imagined spending his life with. Still was.

Unfortunately, the last time he’d confessed his feelings for her she’d skipped the country. He doubted ruining her life with an unplanned pregnancy was going to do anything to improve his chances of her loving him back. She’d only just begun making progress with her father and this news could set them back at loggerheads. Nate knew the Earl’s reputation was everything to him and he would never want to sully Violet’s name because of his selfish mistake.

The journey in the car to the chemist for the pregnancy test had given him the space and clarity to decide what to do.

‘Marry me, Violet.’ He loved her. No matter how much he tried to deny it, in the midst of this chaos, the strength of his feelings for her were abundantly clear. Until now he’d refused to admit it and run the risk of repeating the past. Although he’d never be the great love of her life he’d hoped to be, he’d always supported her. He’d always been afraid of marriage but now it seemed the best solution for all three of them. They needed each other.

‘Don’t be stupid.’ A marriage proposal wasn’t helping her dizziness as she glared at Nate and back at the screen. She knew it was a knee-jerk reaction to the reading when he’d told her what an awful idea he thought marriage was only hours ago. He didn’t love her and she doubted he’d even entertained spending the rest of his days with her until they’d sat on the edge of her bed watching the digital screen spell out their future.

Pregnant

2-3

There was no mistaking her symptoms now, the damage apparently done at the beginning of their supposed fun fling. She gave a strangled laugh. It was either see the irony of that or start crying again.

‘I mean it. This baby needs a father and I know how you feel about marriage but you need a husband. Hear me out—’ He put a hand up to stop her as she bristled. ‘It can be in name only, or you know we can keep the physical side going since we’ve both enjoyed it. What I’m saying is, love doesn’t have to enter the equation. I don’t expect it to. But I have a house you and the baby can live in, I can provide for you, and your reputation remains intact.’ He looked so pleased with himself as he shredded her heart into tiny irreparable pieces.

The man she’d apparently never stopped loving, the father of her unborn child, was offering her a marriage of convenience. It somehow seemed worse than the arranged marriages her father had proposed to maintain his social status. Probably because she knew she was in love with Nate and she’d ruined her chances of him ever feeling the same way about her. It was the reason she’d made certain she would leave the country again for London, a place she’d hoped to be able to forget him. Now she would have a permanent reminder.

Nate would always do the right thing, that was who he was, and it was the only reason he would want to marry her. She’d wreaked havoc in his life once too often and it wasn’t fair to lumber him with a wife and child he’d never wanted. Neither did she want to give up her job to fake a happy marriage, following in her mother’s tragic footsteps after all.

In an ideal world her baby would have two doting parents, madly in love with each other, providing the happy, family environment she’d never had. Marrying Nate would simply be perpetuating that myth that money and good name were all that mattered. She would rather raise this baby alone than with a father who was only there out of a sense of duty. The next generation of Dempseys deserved more after the trouble she’d caused to emancipate herself from society rules in the first place.

‘It wouldn’t work, Nate. We’d only end up making each other miserable. Marriage isn’t for us. It’s for people who love each other and are willing to give up everything to be together. Forget about me, forget about the baby, and just pretend I never came back. That this never happened.’

The vertigo was back, her head spinning with snapshots of these weeks they’d spent together and memories of her parents’ tumultuous relationship. Neither of them should have to compromise who they were simply because they’d made a mistake. In her case, it was falling in love with a man who could never love her back after everything she’d done to him.

‘That’s impossible.’ Nate rested his hand gently on her stomach, staking a claim on the life growing inside her.

She slapped it away. It would be easier for him to walk away now before this was about more than a bunch of cells. ‘Not if I’m in a different country. I don’t want you in my life, Nate. That wasn’t the deal.’

She was shaking with nerves as the lie left her lips, hoping he couldn’t see through it, or if he did he’d realise this was her way of letting him off the hook. She wanted Nate in her life more than anything but not through a sense of responsibility. This was her way of trying to protect him, sacrificing her desires again and putting him first before her own needs. No matter how much it hurt.

Violet had taken a sledgehammer to what was left of his heart and pounded it until it was nothing but a big red stain he would never be able to scrub away. He was willing to give himself to her body and soul, something he’d never thought he would do, something he’d never imagined he would want to do. Everything he had worked to achieve seemed to have been building up to this moment and asking Violet to share it with him and their baby. Yet, she still didn’t want him. The house, the job, the car—none of it was enough to convince her to be with him. None of it seemed to matter without her.

‘I know this wasn’t what either of us had planned but I’m simply trying to make the best of the situation.’ He was doing his damnedest not to get too emotional and make her even more skittish than she was. She didn’t respond well to intense personal discussion, as he’d found out to his cost. Her default setting was to run and hide rather than confront the truth; he’d seen it so many times before. She’d disappeared for twelve years after one kiss between them and he knew if she went back this time he’d lose her for ever.

‘I just want you to go, Nate.’ She sounded tired, resigned to life as a single parent already and he was being forced into the role of absent father. He didn’t want to make things even more difficult for Violet than they already were by arguing with her, even though he was dying inside with every push further away. Neither could he, in good conscience, simply walk away after getting her into this condition in the first place.

He wanted to be there as she blossomed during her pregnancy, see their baby on the screen as it happened, not in some grainy printout he’d been sent as an afterthought. That role of a supportive father was important to him. It was something neither of them had really had growing up. Violet’s father had been more concerned with his place in society than her feelings and Nate’s parents’ priority had always been Strachmore.

His childhood hadn’t been carefree either, but an endless round of chores and lectures on being respectful. He’d practically had to make himself invisible so as not to offend the Earl. That wasn’t conducive to making a child feel wanted or loved. More like an unpaid, unappreciated skivvy. Perhaps if they’d both been accepted for who they were by their own families they wouldn’t have the problems they had connecting now.

If Violet didn’t want him in her life there wasn’t much he could do, but he had to at least try to be a part of their child’s. That wasn’t going to work long distance and he was willing to make sacrifices to get her to stay if it prevented their baby becoming another statistic of a broken relationship.

‘I’ll go and I promise not to come back unless you want me to. On the condition you stay at Strachmore until you’re due back at work. I want you to be one hundred per cent sure that this is what you want.’ His feet were blocks of wood, heavy and clumsy, as he reluctantly made his way to the door. He’d thought knowing she was leaving would be easier than finding out after she’d gone. He was wrong. However, whenever it happened, Violet walking out of his life was always going to be the worst thing that would ever happen to him.

‘I am.’ She threw one last knife into his back and killed the last dregs of hope stone dead.

CHAPTER NINE

‘I’M SURE IT won’t be much longer now.’ Violet tried to pacify her father, who’d already picked up and set down the one magazine sitting on the waiting-room table. She understood how difficult it was to manage time when dealing with emotional patients, but she also knew how much of a short fuse her father had when he was kept waiting for an appointment. Especially when grief counselling wasn’t something he was totally on board with.