The WAG’s Diary – Alison Kervin

32-year-old Tracie Martin is Luton Town FC's longest-serving WAG – for 12 years her husband Dean has kept her in raccoon hair extensions and quilted Chanel bags.But looking around at the new breed of WAGS, Tracie is disgusted to see that standards have started to decline – some of them have been spotted in skirts that cover their bottoms and one or two have never drank four bottles of champagne on a night out!And what's worse, Dean is dropped from the first team and Paskia Rose (despite Tracie buying her a Heat subscription and taking her to Cricket) is only interested in the rules and skills of the beautiful game – she wants to follow in her father's footsteps rather than her mother's stiletto-clad ones.What's a WAG to do? Armed only with her Smythson notebook and Tiffany pen, Tracie sets out to write the definitive rulebook on life as a WAG. Containing such sage advice as 99.4% of your nutrition should come from Bacardi Breezers and mantras for life such as WAGS can be orange, they can be caramel, but they CANNOT be white, Tracie soon develops a cult following. Surely it's only a matter of time before the Queen of the WAGS – Victoria Beckham – wants to be her new best friend?