The Amish Mother

How dare Zack laugh at her expense! She felt her throat tighten. She had handled the farm and the children since Abraham’s death. The children continued to be clothed, fed and cared for. And she’d done it on her own, hadn’t she?

She brightened when she caught sight of Rachel, who looked over and waved. Lizzie grinned and raised a hand in greeting, watching Rachel’s gaze shift to Zack beside her as they approached. Her friend raised her eyebrows in question, and Lizzie could feel herself blush as she reached the front porch steps and handed Rachel her pie before she reached toward Zack for the other one. She sighed when Rachel looked to her for an introduction.

“Zack, this is a dear friend, Rachel Zook. Rachel, meet Zack Fisher, my late husband’s brooder.”

Zack gave Rachel a nod. “Rachel,” he greeted warmly.

Lizzie encountered his gaze and suddenly felt flustered. “Rachel and I grew up together. She recently married Peter Zook, who lives just down the road from us.”

“I’m sure you’re happy to have her close.”

Lizzie gave her friend a genuine smile. “Ja,” she and Rachel said at the same time. Lizzie laughed, warmed again by Rachel’s friendship. Rachel was the only person who accepted Lizzie limp and all. If not for Rachel’s presence during her childhood, Lizzie would have been unable to endure the other children’s ridicule.

She saw Rachel’s expression change as her friend studied Zack. Confused, Lizzie shot Zack a look only to find him staring at her and not Rachel.

“Zack?” Amos Beiler drew Zack’s attention away from her and Rachel. Lizzie sighed with relief. She watched recognition dawn in Amos Beiler’s expression followed by delight as he and Zack shook hands. She stood as the two men exchanged pleasantries.

“Lizzie,” Rachel whispered, drawing her aside. “He is beautiful! He looks like...” She didn’t say Abraham’s name but gave Lizzie’s hand a squeeze. “Only he’s better-looking.”

“Rachel!” Lizzie gasped, feeling her face heat.

Esther came up from behind Zack to join Lizzie and Rachel. She’d been standing quietly, studying the church members chatting outside. Lizzie gave her friend a warning look and managed to compose herself before turning to her sister-in-law.

“Esther,” Lizzie said with warmth, “this is Rachel Zook. She and I have known each other since we were children.”

“It’s goot to meet you, Rachel,” Zachariah’s sister said.

Her expression brightening, Rachel smiled. “It’s nice to finally meet some of Abraham’s family.” Her smile faded. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she said.

Esther nodded, her eyes glistening. “My brooder was a goot man.”

“Ja,” Lizzie whispered, suddenly feeling the loss keenly. She blinked back tears. “He was.”

Rachel put her hand on Lizzie’s shoulder. “Things will work out, Lizzie.”

Lizzie forced a smile as she turned to Esther. “I miss him,” she said.

Esther’s features softened. “You must have made my brooder a happy man,” she said, surprising Lizzie. “You’re a hard worker and you love the children.”

“Danki,” she murmured, wondering what Esther would think if she knew the truth.

“Lizzie! Rachel!” Marybeth Stoltzfus exited the house. She widened her eyes when she recognized Esther. “Esther? Esther Fisher?”

Esther smiled. “Ja, Marybeth. ’Tis nice to see ya again.”

“Come in. Come in,” the woman invited.

“I’ve known Marybeth since I was a girl,” Esther whispered to Lizzie. “But she was a Yoder then.”

The women set their dishes in the kitchen and then proceeded to the room where church services would be held. It was a large family gathering room. Benches had been placed in rows on three sides of the room, with the fourth side-area set aside for the preacher and church elders.

As she slid onto a bench next to her daughters, Lizzie recognized her sons seated next to their uncle on the other side of the room. She glanced toward Zack only to find his bright obsidian eyes studying her. She felt an infusion of heat and quickly looked away.

Preacher David Hostetler stepped into the spotlight and began the service. Everyone stood and began to sing from the Ausbund, the Amish book of hymns. They always sang a cappella, their songs sounding like chants. Aware of her daughters’ voices beside her, Lizzie joined in to sing praise to the Lord.

A slight movement to the right of her caught the corner of her eye, and Lizzie turned to see who it was. Little Anne slipped past her older sisters toward her, apparently wanting to sit next to her. Lizzie smiled and laid a hand on the child’s shoulder, pleased that this daughter, at least, loved her unconditionally. Mary Ruth shifted over to allow her little sister more room and then smiled at Lizzie, above Anne’s head, as if she understood. Sensing his regard, Lizzie realized that Zack had witnessed the exchange. She had no idea what he was thinking as he glanced toward Anne then her again, before he returned his attention to the preacher.

Lizzie’s heart started to beat hard as she focused on the service. Did she really want to know Zack’s thoughts?

Preacher David gave a wonderfully stirring sermon, which caught and held her attention. Inspired, she raised her voice as she sang when the time came for the Loblied, the second hymn. When there was a break in the sermon, she prayed silently.

Soon, church service was finished, and Lizzie rose and followed her daughters out of the room and into the kitchen. The men and boys stayed behind and began to rearrange the church benches and set up tables for the shared midday meal.

When she entered the kitchen to help with the food, Lizzie was suddenly surrounded and the center of attention as the churchwomen asked about Zack and Esther and Lizzie’s family until Esther walked into the room. The women’s excitement rose as they recognized her. Several of the church ladies offered their condolences to Esther on her brother’s death. Others questioned her about other matters, curious to know where the family had been living and what they’d been doing during all these years.

The setup of the dining area was complete. The food was unwrapped and ready to serve. The women grabbed the dishes they’d brought and carried them over to the men. Later, when the men had eaten, the women sat with their children and enjoyed their meal. The men escaped into the yard to talk about the weather, their farms, the upcoming fall harvest and other topics that the men liked to discuss.

Lizzie picked up two plates from the food table and carried them back toward the kitchen. As she approached, she overheard two women talking about the Fisher siblings and the farm. She listened, unable to help herself. When she heard someone mention her name, she froze.

“I was surprised to see Zachariah and Esther. But then, I suppose that I shouldn’t be. Young Zack is the rightful heir to his father’s farm.” The first woman’s voice came clear and strong, and Lizzie recognized her immediately as Joanna, Wilmer Miller’s wife.

“What about young Lizzie? She’s been a fine mudder to Abraham’s children. What will happen to her if Zack decides to stay on the farm?” Lizzie knew the identity of the second woman as Martha Yoder.

“Zack will see that she is cared for. He was always a goot boy—I doubt that has changed about him,” Joanna pointed out.

“But the children—

“Zack and Esther are more than capable of taking care of their nieces and nephews.”

“But Lizzie is their brooder’s widow!” Martha exclaimed.

“Ja, but Lizzie has a hindrance. Do you think she can do everything that’s necessary to keep the farm going and take goot care of seven children?”

“That kind of thinking is not the Lord’s way.”

“Ja, I know,” Joanna admitted, “but too often things are as they are anyway.”

The women’s voices faded as they moved out of Lizzie’s hearing. Their words still hurt her as Lizzie turned away from the kitchen, the leftover food platters in her hands forgotten, and nearly collided with someone.

“Lizzie.” Lydia King stood before her, startling her.

“Mam!” Lizzie gasped, nearly dropping the plates in her hands.

Chapter Five

“What are you doing here?” Lizzie asked. “I didn’t see you at church service.”

Her mother rubbed her forehead with her fingers. “We just arrived. Went to service at the John Millers’. Then I thought I’d come see my daughter since she doesn’t visit me often enough.”

Lizzie stifled a growing feeling of irritation. She had lost her husband and she was dealing with the farm, the children and the house. Her family lived in another church district but close enough to come to her if they wanted, as they apparently had today. Before Abraham had died, she’d seen them often. Didn’t her mother realize how much she had to cope with?

Lizzie managed a genuine smile. She loved her mother, although Mam had been less affectionate with her than with her brothers and sisters during her childhood. “’Tis goot to see you, Mam.” She glanced behind her mother, looking for her family. “Did Dat come? And William and the others?” She referred to her siblings who still lived at home.

“Ja, the boys are here. Katie stayed at the Yoders’ after service. She’s interested in young Mark.”

Lizzie was glad for her sister, pleased that Katie had chosen to find her own happiness.

“Lizzie, you cannot continue as you have been.” Her mother regarded her with concern. “You need to find a husband, someone to help you with the farm and the children.”

Lizzie disagreed. “My husband passed recently. I’m managing on my own. Did you forget that you were the one who warned me that if I didn’t accept Abraham’s marriage proposal, then I’d never marry?”

Lydia waved her daughter’s concerns aside. “You’ve shown yourself to be a goot wife and mudder. Any man would be lucky to have you.”

Stunned, Lizzie could only stare at her. Who was this person and where was her real mam, the mam who’d hurt her, perhaps unintentionally, with words that made Lizzie realize that her disability bothered her mother? She’d never felt as if Mam accepted her. My limp embarrasses Mam. It was obvious to Lizzie that her mother found it easy to love William, Luke, Katie and her eldest married daughter, Susie. But not me—her crippled daughter. Lizzie hadn’t known her mother’s affection during childhood, and she was afraid to hope for it now.

It wasn’t that her mam wasn’t a kind person, a godly woman who lived by the Ordnung—the rules and religious teachings of the Old Order Amish community. But whether Mam realized it or not, Lizzie felt as though she’d never quite fit in. If not for her brother William, who loved to tease her like he did all of their other siblings, she would have felt completely alone and detached from the family. When her mother had urged her to accept Abraham’s offer of marriage, it had been William who had encouraged her to think about it hard and long and decide for herself what she wanted to do.

“You’ve lost weight,” her mother said.

“I’m eating well. I’ve been busy.”

“Are the children helping out?” Mam asked as she watched Lizzie’s younger children playing in the yard through the window glass.

Lizzie nodded. “They are goot kinner.”

“I can come by to help—”

“I’m fine, Mam, not to worry.” She smiled to take the sting out of the rejection. “We are finding our way together. We just need time.”

“It’s been two months,” her mother pointed out.

“Not long since their vadder’s death,” Lizzie insisted. She was glad to see her mother but wished that things would get easier between them. “You said that William was outside?”

“Ja, he’s talking with Dat and your brooder Luke.”

“I need to take these to the kitchen,” Lizzie said, referring to the dishes she held. The memory of Joanna and Martha’s conversation still stung. She hesitated, wondering if the two gossiping women were still inside.

“I’ll take them,” her mother offered surprisingly. “Go. Visit with your father and brooders.”

After considering her mother’s smiling expression, Lizzie gratefully gave her the plates. “I won’t be long.”

Esther came in from outside. “Lizzie, I’ve brought the rest of your pie—” She stopped abruptly when she saw the woman at Lizzie’s side.

Lizzie felt sure that Mam and Esther hadn’t met. Did Esther sense tension in the air between her and her mother?

Lizzie smiled, but she could tell that her mother was curious; and she didn’t want her mam asking questions. As Zack approached, Lizzie felt her stomach tighten when she saw her mother take a good long look at him.

“Who’s this?” her mother asked, studying the young man. She frowned. “He looks like—”

“Mam, this is Zack Fisher, my late husband’s brooder.”

A gleam of interest entered her mother’s hazel eyes. “You look like him,” she told Zack.

Zack nodded. “You are Lizzie’s mudder.” He eyed Lizzie and turned back to smile at her mam.

Mam nodded. “Lydia King,” she introduced herself.

Afraid of what her mother might say, Lizzie flashed Esther a pleading look.

“Lizzie, Ezekiel is tired and wants to go home. Perhaps we should leave.” Esther gave Lydia an apologetic smile.

“Ja, we should go home,” Zack agreed. “We should tell the children to wait in the buggy.” But still he didn’t leave.

Lydia’s eyes widened. “You’re living at the haus?”

“They’re staying in the dawdi haus,” Lizzie said, embarrassed by her mother’s question.

“I see.” The look in her mother’s eyes gave cause for Lizzie’s concern.

“We should go,” Esther said, and Lizzie sent her a grateful look. “It’s been a long day, and the little ones are tired.”

Her mother’s expression softened. “They are growing like weeds.”

Lizzie smiled. “Ja.” Ezekiel entered the house, rubbing his eyes. “Time to leave, Zeke. Where is Jonas?” The little boy gestured outside. “Tell him and Matt and your sisters that we’ll be leaving in a few minutes.” She turned toward her mother. “I’m glad you came,” she said softly. “It is nice to see you.” She regretted that she wouldn’t have time to catch up with her father and brothers, but she needed to go.

Her mudder nodded. “You’ll come for a visit soon?”

“We’ll try.” She hesitated. “But I can’t promise.”

Mam seemed satisfied with her answer.

Lizzie was conscious of Zack waiting patiently beside her. “I’m coming.”

He nodded, hesitated. “I’ll wait for you near the buggy.”

Lizzie watched as he stopped to chat briefly with the gathering of men near the barn before he continued toward their buggy.

She was startled when a hand settled on her shoulder. She turned and encountered her mother’s gaze. There was concern, caring and something she’d never seen in her expression. Affection.

“I will see you soon,” Mam said softly.

Lizzie nodded and then retrieved her empty dishes, before she said goodbye to her parents and siblings. Then she and the children joined Esther and Zack for the journey home.

* * *

As he drove home from church services, Zack noted Lizzie’s silence despite the fact that the children loudly chattered about the friends they’d seen, with Esther interjecting the occasional question or comment. He shot his late brother’s widow a glance. She stared out the side window, unaware of his interest. She looked vulnerable, pensive...alone.

As he turned his attention to the drive, he could still recall every little detail about her. Dressed in royal blue with white cape and apron and white head covering, she was a young, pretty thing. Beautiful, he thought, not just pretty. He immediately thought of her problem hip. Did it pain her often? She never complained if it did, and he respected her for it. He flashed her another look, but he couldn’t gauge her expression.

Turning his gaze back to the road, he recalled watching his little niece Anne as she’d switched places because she wanted to sit closer to Lizzie during church.

Things were complicated. He didn’t know why he’d thought he’d be able to return home, walk onto the property and easily assume control. He frowned, unhappy with his own arrogance. He’d taken a lot for granted when he should have known that the Lord often had other plans.

Since his brother’s death, Lizzie alone had cared for the farm and his children. He was beginning to realize that he couldn’t ask her to leave. It wouldn’t be fair or right since she was his brother’s widow. He would stay to help her, see how well she managed in Abraham’s absence. Lizzie needed help with the harvest. And while the community would come to assist her, there was still much to be done beforehand.

And what about the farm animals? How could she, a young crippled woman, handle the farm, the animals and his nieces and nephews? She was only one person, a young, vulnerable woman. He wanted to stay in Honeysuckle, but he had to make sure that the situation was fair to all of them. Zack smiled as he thought of his nieces and nephews. They were lively and smart, and they belonged on the property.

Would Lizzie be happy if he kept the children? Maybe she would be happier without the work and responsibility that had been thrust upon her.

Nay, Lizzie wasn’t Ruth. Despite her disability, Lizzie wasn’t weak. She’d never willingly give up the children or the farm. And he was beginning to wonder if he wanted her to.

Zack steered the horse-drawn buggy onto the road toward the house. It was late afternoon, but with the shortening of daylight hours, it seemed as if it were early evening. Sunlight had faded to dusk. The air was filled with the rich scent of autumn, the chrysanthemums planted near the house, the fallen leaves from the tree in the side yard. As he pulled the buggy into the yard and parked near the barn, he was conscious of Lizzie sitting quietly beside him. Something stirred within him, telling him that he was beginning to feel more for her than he should. He firmed his lips. More than a brother-in-law should feel for his late brother’s widow.

He climbed out, extended a hand to help Esther out of the vehicle and then started around the buggy to help Lizzie. But Lizzie refused to wait. She scrambled out of the buggy. He sensed when she tripped, heard her cry out with pain and then watched as she quickly stumbled to her feet. He rushed to her side, but she seemed composed when he reached her. He might have thought he’d imagined her fall, if not for his niece Anne, who had witnessed it from the backseat.

“Mam, are you all right?” the child cried worriedly.

“Lizzie.” Zack’s first instinct was to ensure that she was all right. His sudden urge to protect and care for her was disturbing. He allowed his gaze to make a thorough examination of her. “Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

Chapter Six

“I’m fine.” Lizzie managed to smile at her daughter without meeting Zack’s gaze. She was embarrassed. The fall had jarred her ankle and hip, which continued to throb incessantly while she struggled to hide the pain. She didn’t want to admit to Zack that she’d hurt herself. She didn’t want anyone’s help, least of all Zack’s. Abraham had accepted that she could manage on her own. Why couldn’t his brother do the same?

Trying not to let on that she was stiff and sore, Lizzie reached down to pick up the empty pie dish and turned toward the house. She lurched and would have fallen again if Zack hadn’t reached out to steady her.

“You have hurt yourself!” he exclaimed, examining her with dark eyes full of concern.

“Nay,” she assured him, but she could tell that he didn’t believe her. She was startled by his touch. His fingers on her arm made her feel things for him that she shouldn’t. She didn’t want to think of Zack as anything but her brother-in-law, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. “I should go,” she said, relieved when he released her. She quickly gathered her composure. “I need to fix supper,” she murmured as she turned and started toward the house. She stopped suddenly and faced him. “Will you and Esther join us?”

After a quick glance toward his sister, who was entering the dawdi haus, Zack shook his head. “We appreciate the offer, but we’ll snack later at the cottage.” He offered her a crooked grin. “Seems like we’ve been eating all day.”

Lizzie chuckled, relaxing, no longer embarrassed about her fall. “I know what you mean.” She had enjoyed a helping of most items on the food table. She shifted uncomfortably when Zack continued to stare at her. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

She didn’t wait for his answer but continued on, looking back only once briefly to see that the children were following her toward the house. Her arm tingled where Zack’s fingers had been. Her face flamed as she regretted her clumsiness in front of Zack. So much for attempting to prove that she was capable!

Once inside the house, Lizzie worked to prepare a light supper for the children, relieved that Zack and Esther had decided to eat at home. She had to process her attraction to Zack. She’d never felt this way about Abraham—theirs had been a marriage that had begun in necessity and ended in a calm and quiet love. Her feelings for Zack mortified and embarrassed her—why did she react so strongly to him whenever he was near?

Lizzie froze in the act of slicing bread for sandwiches. Did he suspect that she found him handsome, that she felt drawn to him like a moth to a flame? Closing her eyes, she groaned. She hoped not. It was wrong to feel this way. She was his brother’s widow, and her husband had been dead less than three months.

“Mam, can we have potato chips with supper?”

Lizzie pushed thoughts of Zack aside and forced a smile for her four-year-old son. “Ja, Jonas, you may have potato chips,” she said. “But it’s important that you eat your vegetables and meat, too.”

“But, Mam, I had lots of meat and vegetables today.”

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