A Holiday Prayer

“Mom?” Nicky pulled on the sleeve of her sweat-shirt. “Mom? Are you okay?”

She shook her head to clear the memories. “We’re going to the zoo tonight,” she said a little too brightly, forcing her mind to shift gears.

“Will we get to see the elephants?” Nicky asked, excitement brimming from his eyes and voice.

Maddie nodded. “Yes, honey. We’ll get to see some very special elephants. They’re opening the new Pachyderm Pavilion tonight, and we get to be the first ones to see it.”

“What’s a pack-eee-drum?”

She laughed and hugged her bouncing, squirming child to her chest. “It means elephants, I think. And maybe rhinos, too. Can you guess why the Pachyderm Pavilion is so special?”

Nicky nodded solemnly. “My teacher told us at school. It has Daddy’s name on it, right Mom?”

“Right, sweetheart. And that’s why we get to be the first ones to go inside!”

“Do you think I can feed one of the elephants?”

“I don’t know about that. But it wouldn’t hurt to ask. You’re Peter Carlton’s son, after all.”

“Yesss!” Nicky bunched his fist and brought his elbow into his hip.

“I think I can safely promise you can feed the ducks. Now, why don’t we try and get this Christmas tree up before Christmas has come and gone. Can you help me sort the branches into piles?”

Neil March pulled his wool coat more tightly around his chest and stared dully at the pond where ducks quacked and vied for his attention. The bridge he stood on elevated his contact with the biting wind, and he shivered.

He shouldn’t be here. It was too risky. What if she saw him? Then she would know…

But he could no more keep himself from coming tonight than he could stop his heart from beating. He had to see her. At least one more time.

He’d stay well hidden. She’d be busy with the press. There was no way she’d spot him in the crowd. And it wasn’t as if she would recognize his face.

She would never have to know the truth.

The air was bitterly cold. He glanced up at the sky, wondering idly if it was going to snow.

He didn’t know why anyone would want to come to see the Denver Zoo’s Wildlights in this nasty weather—but the park was crowded. Probably the grand opening of the elephant exhibit lured them in. It had been well publicized.

As for him…he was here for her. There was no sense denying it. He was here because he couldn’t stand the thought of going through life without looking once more into those sparkling brown eyes.

He wanted so much more, but that was impossible for him. For them. They had barriers between them that made the Great Wall of China pale in comparison. Walls of which she knew nothing, and of which he knew too much.

His life was spiralling from painful to unbearable since meeting Maddie face to face, and he could do nothing to stop it. How could he? He deserved to suffer.

He was after all responsible for the accident, for the fire, for his store going up in flames. And ultimately, for Peter Carlton’s death. He’d have to live with that knowledge for the rest of his life.

With all the strength of his will, he pushed his mind from the future. And from the past. Brooding wouldn’t help matters.

At least he had tonight. Another chance to look at her. To see her shining eyes and glowing face. To listen to the sultry hum of her voice.

Even if she didn’t know he was there.

He wondered why she had given so much money to the zoo. Not that he begrudged her the money. He was glad she was spending it, remembering all too well her refusal to sully her hands with his pathetic attempt at atonement. As if anything could make her life better.

It was his fault that she was alone, and the guilt pierced his heart like a lance.

Why had she chosen elephants? They had been his childhood favorite, both at the zoo and the circus. Perhaps her son had chosen where the money went.

Or had they been Peter Carlton’s favorite, too?

A mallard swam up to the bridge and quacked loudly, flapping his wings for attention.

Neil glanced at his watch. He had a few minutes left before he needed to join the crowd heading toward the pavilion for the grand opening.

Fishing in his pocket for change, Neil smiled. “You’re in luck, Duck. I happen to have a quarter. And I happen to be in a good mood.”

It wasn’t exactly the truth. But it would have to do. He put the coin in the machine dispensing duck pellets and cranked the handle.

He didn’t have much to offer. But at least he could feed the ducks.

Chapter Four

“Mom, look! The polar bear is going for a swim!” Wildlights at the Zoo was a yearly tradition for the Carltons. Adults and children alike enjoyed seeing the animals at night, and the zoo blazing with Christmas color.

Maddie shivered. That polar bear was clean out of his mind, lumbering into the icy water as if he were taking a cool dip in summertime. Give or take a few hours and he might be able to ice-skate on his pool.

If it wasn’t so cold, she might really be enjoying herself. But the nip of the wind stole away any pleasure she might have had. Nicky, bouncing with energy, didn’t seem to notice, and dashed away to the next display. It was all she could do to keep up with the boy.

She followed him halfheartedly, her mind wandered back to the previous evening.

Last night. What had she been doing at this time last night?

She glanced at her watch.

Dancing. She’d been dancing with her Phantom.

A deep sigh escaped her lips. All she had left of the night was the rose, carefully pressed and drying between the pages of her journal. Were it not for that, Maddie might have thought that it had all been some incredible, romantic dream. Like Cinderella’s glass slipper, the rose was a memento to remember the occasion by.

She wished she’d given him something as well. It would be nice to think that there was a man out there somewhere who remembered her as glamorous Cinderella, and not as a pain-stricken widow.

It was just as well that he’d forever remain a Phantom, she reflected as she led her son to the next zoo display. Any more time in the company of the masked man would no doubt have revealed some all-too-real faults that would have brought her crashing back to reality.

He was much better left a dream.

With gigantic effort, she thrust her thoughts back into the present. “Do you want to feed the ducks?” Maddie asked, ruffling her son’s white-blond locks. “We’ve still got a few minutes before we need to head for the elephants.”

Loaded with a pocketful of quarters, Nicky shouted and raced for the bridge, and to the machine offering duck pellets. He was tossing them by the fistful at the ducks when Maddie strolled up, breathing heavily of the crisp winter air.

Silently watching Nicky calling to the ducks, a man leaned out over the bridge. His dark hair and the set of his broad shoulders seemed achingly familiar, making butterflies dance in Maddie’s stomach.

She stopped short. It couldn’t be him. The thought was utterly ridiculous. What would a wealthy businessman be doing at the zoo, and alone at that? She chastised her fickle mind for betraying her.

She was going crazy, that’s what it was. She’d spent one pleasant evening with a man, and now that she had returned to reality, and was alone once again, she was conjuring him up from the depths of her mind and projecting him onto a stranger..

Desperation at its ugliest. She needed to get a grip on her emotions. And concentrate on her son.

She gave the man one last glance, hoping that by doing so she could prove to her flighty emotions that she was making something out of nothing. It wasn’t him. It couldn’t be him. And her eyes would prove it.

As the ducks clamored around Nicky, she heard the rich sound of the man’s chuckle. And then he combed his fingers through the curls at his neck.

Her heart quavered and dropped into her toes. Her mind screamed, both in elation and disbelief. It was the one gesture that would forever be etched in her mind—the heart-stopping idiosyncrasy of her Phantom.

Unbidden, anger welled in her chest. He’d abandoned her, and he had never let her see his face. How dare he disappear without a word?

Well, she had some words for him! Persuading her to unmask, and then refusing to do the same. Running off on her without even saying goodbye. Who was it that said women were fickle? It must have been a man.

She stomped forward and yanked on the wool of his coat, pulling him around to face her.

When her gaze met his intense, flaming eyes, she gasped. The tiny, niggling voice still whispering that it might not be the same man died a quick and silent death as recognition lit his dark eyes and a crooked smile replaced his frown.

It was her Phantom.

She hadn’t even considered the fact that he wouldn’t be wearing a mask, or given a thought to what he might look like without it. In her spontaneous rush of anger, she’d approached him without thinking, both dreading and anticipating the confrontation.

She stepped back in shock at what she saw. His strong cheekbones, which had been hidden by the mask, gave even more depth to the planes of his face. He was, as she had known he would be, strikingly handsome.

But that wasn’t what made her gasp. His mask had indeed been hiding the truth.

The right side of his face, around the temple, forehead, and eye, was covered with very real bandages.

Surprise registered only momentarily on his face before he grinned and shrugged. “I see you caught me. Your Phantom is more like the real Phantom of the Opera than you anticipated, huh?”

Maddie tried to speak, but her mouth was dry. “I…uh…”

“I’m sorry. I can see I startled you. I—”

“Mom! I fed all of the ducks!” Nicky bounded between them, bouncing on his toes.

“He did, too!” her Phantom confirmed, smiling in a way that made Maddie’s heart turn over. Something about those lips. Perhaps it was the bandages that shadowed the rest of his face, just as the Phantom’s mask had. Or maybe she was remembering the sweet tenderness of his kiss.

She shook her head, trying to dispel the thought. Nicky latched on to her arm and peered timidly at the bandaged-faced man. “It’s okay, Nicky. This man is my—” she hesitated over the word “—friend.”

“I’m Mr. M…” His sentence trailed. “Um, Nicky, do you want to ride the train?”

That was all it took to make a fast friend of the young boy, who grabbed the man’s hand and pulled him toward the train.

The Phantom scooped Nicky into his arms, placing the boy on his broad shoulders. “Look, there, Nicky! You’re as tall as the giraffes, now!”

He was a natural with children, Maddie thought as they headed for the train, and Nicky was eating up his attention, squealing with glee. Warning bells rang in Maddie’s mind, and she quickly installed mental barriers. The more she knew of this man, the more there was to like. But fairy tales didn’t translate into reality, and she was setting herself up to be left with a crushed pumpkin and a couple of mice for company.

Something she definitely could do without. She’d have to be more careful.

Maddie’s eyes met the Phantom’s and he smiled, sharing with her in Nicky’s delight. It was a small gesture, yet it warmed her heart like a woodstove on a brisk morning.

“I didn’t quite catch your name,” she reminded him as he planted Nicky on the train, waving as the locomotive powered up.

A surprised look crossed his face, but was quickly shadowed. “Hmm?” he asked, as if he hadn’t heard her question.

“Your name. You know, what people call you to get your attention. I can’t keep calling you Phantom all the time. It would be embarrassing for me and humiliating for you.”

Neil glanced at his watch, stalling for time. He hadn’t anticipated seeing her again—or rather, having her see him. And now she was demanding his name.

What was he supposed to say? Hi, my name is Neil March, the man responsible for your husband’s death.

“I…um,” he mumbled, looking right and left, wishing desperately that a gap in the earth would open up and give him an escape route. Swallow him whole. He couldn’t tell her the truth, though he knew she deserved to hear it.

“Rory,” he said, making a split-second decision. “My friends call me Rory.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. He had, in fact, been raised as Rory. Neil Rory March III. His father was already Neil Jr., so adding another Neil to the family clan had seemed a bit confusing. Neil had gone by his middle name until he graduated from college and claimed his inheritance.

“Rory,” Maddie repeated, running her low, melodic voice over the syllables. The sound was like a balm to his soul.

“Mrs. Carlton!” The master of ceremonies for the grand opening of the Pachyderm Pavilion rushed upon them, startling Neil. He took a step backwards and turned his face away from any who might recognize him. “It’s time. We’ve been looking all over for you. Everyone is waiting.”

A tumult of confusion ensued as Maddie gathered Nicky under her arm and muttered about not noticing the time. Several others in charge of seeing the grand opening go off without a hitch converged on her, giving her instructions on speaking and wishing her luck.

Neil slipped quietly away into the night, away from Maddie, feeling the cold closing around him with every step he took. His hands clenched into fists, trying to force from his mind the lie still ringing in his ears.

My friends call me Rory.

Chapter Five

Keeping to the shadows of the makeshift tent, Neil adjusted the collar of his knee-length wool coat high around his neck. From his pocket he pulled a Colorado Rockies baseball cap which he placed low over his brow, shadowing his ravaged face from the crowd.

He couldn’t afford to have anyone recognize him and uncover his deception.

It was the very same reason that, up until last night, he never went out in public: to keep the world from finding out the truth about that one accursed night. Finding out the truth about him.

Until Maddie.

She forced him out of his self-imposed solitude, though she was the last person on earth with whom he wanted to come face-to-face. The irony of his situation cut him like a razor.

He watched her approach the podium nervously, hesitating before the clamoring crowd. From his vantage point near the front and to the right, he could see her hand shaking as she stepped before the microphone. She tapped it gently with her forefinger, then stepped back when the speakers crackled. Neil couldn’t help chuckling.

He tamped down the desire to rescue her. She was putting on a good show for the crowd, but he could see the lines of strain around her mouth, the fear shining in her eyes. He wanted to burst forward, take over the situation, put her at ease. He was good with people, had no trouble speaking in public. He could stand by her side, make things easier for her.

But this was her night. As tough as speaking before this crowd was, it was something she needed to do. He couldn’t rush in and take her place, not only because it wouldn’t be fair to Maddie, but because he’d be recognized. He needed to stay under the cover of darkness.

Clearing her throat, she began again, quietly at first, and then with growing passion, to tell the agonizing story that began and ended with March’s Department Store.

She was so beautiful, even with her features laced with pain and sadness. She looked like an angel from heaven under the stage lights, glowing with a warmth and purity that pervaded even the pain.

Neil’s chest tightened. If only it were another place, another time. If he could erase the past, he would be in grave danger of losing his heart.

But the past could never be changed. He would forever live in the cold shadow of Peter Carlton’s death.

The chill of the night air enveloped him, the dampness of the light snowfall weighing him down as surely as the guilt burdening his shoulders.

The crowd applauded and Maddie stepped away from the microphone. She grasped Nicky’s hand and then wandered through the throng, looking for a familiar face.

Looking for him.

He stepped out of the shadows and turned quickly to leave. He was a coward. His mind berated him even as he walked away. But he couldn’t play the game anymore.

He wouldn’t. The truth might show in his eyes.

And if she didn’t find out…if her big brown eyes met his, he might throw caution to the wind and act on his feelings. He didn’t know which was worse. And he didn’t want to find out.

He increased his stride and pushed through the crowds, making good his escape.

“Rory, wait!”

She’d seen him. His shoulders stiffened and he slackened his pace. Her words burned inside his chest, but he couldn’t help smiling when he looked into her shining eyes. “How did it feel to be up there in front of everyone?” he asked around the guilt clogging his throat.

“I can’t believe it. I was so nervous, but once I got up there I just forgot about everything except telling the story. My adrenaline’s pumping a mile a minute. It was so…invigorating!”

She reached up and swiped the cap from his head, swatting him playfully in the chest with it.

Neil chuckled and wrenched the cap away from her, tapping her lightly on top of her head before placing the cap in his coat pocket.

With an offended screech, she tried to retrieve it, but he shifted back and forth, always just out of her grasp. “Missed me, Missed me. Now ya gotta kiss me!” he whispered in her ear, hugging her to his chest.

Laughing and sputtering, they both fell into a heap in a cold, wet snowbank. Suddenly her smile faded and self-doubt flooded her expression. “But I—how did I do? Really?”

“You were wonderful, Maddie. Born to be a public speaker.”

Maddie grinned. “Now there’s hogwash if I’ve ever heard it. But please—don’t stop!” It had been so long since she’d heard a compliment from a man. She felt her cheeks flaming with heat, but she didn’t care. Right now she was willing to beg for a compliment from this handsome stranger.

He made her laugh. He made her feel. He made the night light up with thousands of brilliant colors that put the Wildlights to shame.

He pulled her into the curve of his arm, the palm of her hand against his chest. She could feel his heart pounding, and her own heartbeat rose in challenge.

She glanced at her son, hoping the boy was not upset by the sight of this unknown man with his arm around her shoulder. But Nicky seemed oblivious, running ahead with wild abandon from one display to the next. He exclaimed over the lights, bounced excitedly over every new animal he discovered. And when he glanced back at his mother, he only smiled to see her in Rory’s arms.

“Shall I tell you how beautiful you are?” Rory whispered as they followed the path her son had taken. “How your brown eyes sparkle in the moonlight?”

“Mmm,” Maddie answered, allowing her emotions to be led as her feet were being led. Far from reality and deeply into a dream.

“You can’t be serious,” she whispered.

“Ah, but I am.” He grasped her shoulders and turned her to face him, forcing her to meet his gaze.

“You can feel it,” he continued, “here.” He placed her palm over his heart. “And you can see it…”

She could see into the depths of his blazing dark eyes, see a flicker of untamed emotion so intense that it heated her insides. She couldn’t have been married for eight years without recognizing what was happening to her, knowing what she was feeling. Understanding what she’d been missing.

It wasn’t just a kiss or a touch that she lacked. She missed the intimacy of two souls meeting, and bonding. She missed this amazing instant and uncanny rapport they shared.

It was what he longed for, as well. She could feel it in her heart. He wasn’t playing games with her. The intensity in his eyes left no doubt that he was serious.

And this time, she didn’t want to run away.

She knew the moment he read her answer in her eyes. She couldn’t have spoken if she had wanted to—except with her heart. And she hoped that was enough for Rory.

He cupped her chin in his palm and shook his head ever so slightly. His dark eyes clouded, but Maddie was beyond being able to do more than lean into him, asking for his affection the only way she could.

“Maddie, I—”

“Rory.”

A muffled groan rose from the depths of his chest as he gave in to the longing in his eyes. The unspoken question remained as his gaze locked with hers, and slowly, slowly, he bent his head toward her.

Maddie’s senses heightened until she was sure she could feel the crackling of tension in the air between them. His featherlight caress of her cheek, sliding gently to the back of her neck to pull her closer, became the focus of her world.

And those eyes. Those eyes.

She wanted to cling to him, to share one breath and heartbeat.

But they both knew this was neither the right time, nor the right place.

Reluctantly, he broke away. “We need to catch up with Nicky,” he murmured, and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, holding her so tightly that he could easily have crushed her, yet so gently that she felt surrounded by the strength of a fortress, safe and protected from the fears haunting her.

She closed her eyes, content for the moment to rest her head against his solid shoulder, to extend the shimmering bliss for as long as possible.

Suddenly his muscles tensed beneath her cheek. Her eyes snapped open to see what was wrong, but Rory wasn’t looking at her.

Jaw clenched, he scanned the throng of people nearby. “Where’d he go?” he asked. His voice was crisp with authority.

“Nicky?” She pointed toward the predatory bird display. “Why, he was right over there when—” She stopped mid-sentence, her eyes searching the area for her son’s familiar face. “Where’s Nicky?”

He was gone.

Her stomach lurched into her throat. Where was he? He’d been exclaiming over the eagles not a minute before. Before she’d lost herself in Rory’s arms.

“Where is he?” she cried, wresting herself from Rory’s embrace. “Where’s my son? Oh, if anything happens to Nicky…”

“Maddie.” Rory’s voice was low and controlled.

“I’ll never forgive myself. “Oh, God, please let him be safe,” she prayed aloud.

“Maddie!”

“This was a terrible, terrible mistake. If I hadn’t—”

“Maddie!” Rory took her by the shoulders and gently shook her. “You’ve got to snap out of it. Take some deep breaths and try to calm down. We’ll find him.”

The even tenor of his words had the needed effect, soothing her soul with steady, reassuring waves. His eyes blazed into hers, transferring his strength to her.

She scrubbed at the tears streaking down her face. “You’re right. Let’s not panic. He can’t be far.”

“We need to put this together piece by piece. A minute ago, Nicky was in front of the eagle cage. Where would he go from there?” Rory took her hand and began backtracking the way they’d come, his eyes alert.

“I don’t know!” she wailed, and burst into a fresh round of tears. “He knows not to wander off. He could be anywhere.”

“He could be. But he isn’t. He’s somewhere. We’ve just got to figure out where.” His words were firm, almost harsh, but the hand stroking the tears on her cheek was gentle and reassuring.

Maddie strained to think of where her son might be, but she couldn’t get past the wild waves of panic in her mind.

She paused as the answer floated just above her consciousness. “The elephants!”

“Didn’t he see the elephants earlier?”

“We didn’t get a chance. We were too busy with the program. And they’ve always been his favorite.” Her voice caught. “I promised him. And then I was so preoccupied with my stupid speech, and finding you—I forgot all about it.”