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Uttered from his frowning lips and tight jaw, the word no longer sounded like a compliment.
Cole was hardly recognizable from the youth he’d once been. He’d sprung up several more inches in height. His shoulders had broadened and his voice had deepened. His skin was weathered. He was clearly a man who spent his time outdoors.
But it wasn’t so much the physical changes that had shocked her most. It was his attitude, his bitterness, the ice in his gaze. While it felt as if his emotions were gathered in his eyes and flung right at her, she knew he couldn’t possibly still be carrying that big a grudge against her. Yes, she’d hurt him. She would be the first to admit that. But too many years had passed since then. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but there was...something else. What had happened to him that had put such a big chip on his shoulder?
Whatever it was, it wasn’t any of her business. He had a family now.
She refused to acknowledge any hurt that went along with that news. Why should it bother her? Her feelings for Cole had long since been carefully packaged away, deep in the recesses of her heart. She rarely even revisited them anymore. Mostly. Except for those rare instances when loneliness overtook her and the dark of night stretched before her.
She snorted and rolled her eyes at her own foolishness. When had she become so melodramatic?
“Are you okay?” The smooth tenor voice of her friend Marcus Ender, the male counselor at the ranch, came from behind her.
Tessa hadn’t heard him come in, and she jumped in surprise.
“Don’t do that to me, you jerk,” she admonished him good-naturedly, laying a hand over her hammering heart. “And to answer your question, yes, I’m fine.”
She attempted to paste a smile on her face, but Marcus tilted his head and cocked one dark blond eyebrow.
“Now, why don’t I believe that? Come on, Tessa. I’ve known you too long for you to try to pull one over on me. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
She swallowed air and nearly choked on it. “To be entirely truthful with you, I kind of have.”
Marcus’s other brow darted up to join the first.
“Cole Bishop is in town.”
Tessa and Marcus had known each other since their undergraduate years, when they were both pursuing psychology degrees, and had been good friends ever since. He knew the whole sad story about what had happened between her and Cole and the way things had been left when they parted.
“Oh, wow,” Marcus replied with a low whistle. “Do you know how long he’s staying? Is he here on leave to visit his family?”
Her throat hitched. “No. He’s back for good. He’s got a son—a family. And the worst of it is that Alexis hired him to work at the ranch.”
“Seriously? Why would she do that? Doesn’t she know the history between you and Cole?”
“That’s the odd thing. Alexis knows exactly what happened between us. She was there when it all played out.”
Along with every other resident of Serendipity.
He shook his head. “I can’t imagine what she was thinkin’. Then again, I’ve never been very good at interpreting the female mind.” He crossed his eyes and flashed a goofy grin.
Despite everything weighing her down, Tessa laughed. Marcus always knew how to make her feel better.
“Speaking of female minds, why don’t we try to get you out of yours for a while? I’m running into town to get a few things from Emerson’s Hardware before we have the staff meeting this afternoon. You want to come along?”
She hesitated, pursing her lips. “I don’t know. I won’t be very good company.”
“What if I bribed you with one of Phoebe Hawkins’s red velvet cupcakes from Cup O’ Jo’s? Smothered in chocolate frosting?”
“A cupcake? And my favorite? You’re not playing fair.”
“When have I ever?” he tossed back with a wink.
Tessa knew he was right. She tended to overanalyze every situation, and this one was a humdinger. There were things a woman could change and things she couldn’t, and there was no sense worrying about what was out of her control. At the end of the day, the good Lord had the final say. That’s what she often told the girls she was counseling, and yet now she was struggling to take her own advice.
Emerson’s Hardware, only a few minutes from Redemption Ranch, was located on Main Street, right next door to Cup O’ Jo’s Café. All of Main Street looked like something out of an old Western movie, with colorful clapboard siding and old-fashioned signs dangling in front of the stores.
While Marcus dawdled in the hardware section, Tessa wandered over to gardening to see what was new. Living in the girls’ bunkhouse as she did, she had neither the place nor the time for a garden, but she imagined that someday, when she had a home of her own, she’d enjoy planting vegetables and spending quiet time landscaping with flowers around the place.
When she had a home of her own.
Realistically, was that ever going to happen?
What a difference a day made, if that day meant Cole Bishop had walked back into her life. Even the thought of having a family now tore at her heart. What was once a pleasant, if distant, dream of the future had suddenly become a nightmare. She hadn’t realized until she’d seen him again that he’d still been part of her vision. His face had never been replaced by another.
Shaking her head to dislodge her sadness, she found Marcus at the register, where he was wrapping up his purchase.
Edward Emerson, an older man dressed in the same bib overalls as the two men slouched in the wooden rocking chairs just outside the door, smiled at her as she approached.
“Hey, Tessa. Good to see you. Can you do me a favor and tell Cole the feed he ordered is loaded in his truck and ready to go whenever he is?”
“I...I don’t—” she stammered, but Edward went on as if she hadn’t spoken.
“If I’m not mistaken, he’s at Cup O’ Jo’s showing off that new baby of his. Cute little tyke. Bald as a cue ball.” Edward chuckled.
Tessa inhaled sharply. Cole’s son was an infant. Her stomach churned like a combine at hearing the news, creating a whole new set of aches. Her thoughts flew together like a tornado picking up everything in its path. Thoughts that didn’t belong together but still tore through her. Her failure with Savannah was too recent, and Savannah’s baby was never far from her mind. She’d once thought she’d be the one bearing Cole’s children. But now Cole had a son of his own, and his and Tessa’s lives were completely separated.
She had to pull herself together, and fast. Cole had just become a father, and he’d come back to settle down. It made perfect sense. He had moved on, and so had she. And yet she had no desire to find Cole right now, not when it meant she was going to have to meet his family. She was so not prepared for that moment. Not right now.
Not ever.
“We’d be glad to,” Marcus answered for her, giving her a friendly nudge with his shoulder.
“I’m not ready,” she whispered hoarsely as they exited the store. “Did you hear that? Cole’s son is a baby. I can’t— It’s not—”
Marcus knew about Savannah, understood about Cole, and she could tell from his gaze that he knew where all her thoughts were flying. He reached for her elbow and pulled her to a stop on the clapboard sidewalk.
“Better now than later, Tessa,” he insisted. “It’s not gonna get any easier for you if you wait on this thing. I know you. You’ll noodle it over and over again until you’ve built it into a giant issue. In a situation like this, the best thing you can do is face your fear and rip it off like a bandage. It’ll hurt less in the long run.”
She made a face at him. “When did you become so smart?”
He laughed. “I’m an expert, remember? I have the degree hangin’ on my wall to prove it.”
She sighed. She hated to admit it, but Marcus was probably right. Might as well get it over with now. She couldn’t avoid Cole and his family forever.
Even so, she hesitated a beat at the entrance to the café.
“Bandage,” Marcus reminded her, using his palm to press her forward from the small of her back.
The inside of Cup O’ Jo’s was a stark contrast to the outside. Filled with the delicious scents of home-style cooking and fresh pastries, the whole place had the look and feel of a modern coffee shop. There were even computers lining the back wall so folks could access the internet.
It was immediately obvious where Cole and his family were located. Practically everyone in the café hovered around one of the middle tables, their exclamations ranging from “Ooh” and “Aww” to “What a little cutie-pie” and “Sweet darlin’.”
Jo Spencer, the owner of the café, looked up and waved Tessa and Marcus over. Her red curls bobbed as she placed a hand over her heart and bounced on her toes.
“Cole’s back in town,” she said, her voice rising with excitement. “And my stars. Have you seen Baby Grayson?”
Tessa nodded to acknowledge the fact that she knew Cole was back in town and then shook her head. “I haven’t met Grayson yet.”
“Come, come,” Jo insisted, dragging Tessa by the hand. Tessa shot a flustered glance over her shoulder, but Marcus just shrugged and grinned, mouthing the word bandage.
Insensitive jerk. He was going to be no help at all.
Now that she was under Jo’s guidance, Tessa knew she had no hope whatsoever of backing out of the situation. There was no arguing with the woman once the vivacious old lady got something into her head.
Besides, what would Tessa say? That she didn’t want to see the baby?
How would that sound? Everyone loved babies.
She did, too, of course. It was this particular baby at this exact time she was struggling with. Her emotions were screaming for her to flee. She didn’t think her heart could stand glimpsing the infant who was bound to carry at least some of Cole’s strong features. And was the child’s mother present? That would cause Tessa even more heartache.
Marcus was wrong. She wasn’t ready yet, and getting caught in a situation where she might break down emotionally wasn’t ripping off the bandage. It was creating a whole new wound.
Panic welled in her chest, and her pulse pounded in her temple.
Not yet. Not yet. Not yet, it echoed.
The crowd parted like the Red Sea in front of Moses as she approached, probably half out of deference to Jo and half due to the distinct possibility of drama between Cole and Tessa. Serendipity townsfolk liked nothing quite so much as a scene that might as well have been taken right out of a soap opera.
She took a deep breath and plunged forward. If they were waiting for drama, they were going to have to wait a good long time.
She got her first look at Cole, who held his loosely swaddled son in the crook of one arm. The baby’s tiny fist was wrapped around one of Cole’s thumbs. He looked to be only a few weeks old, incredibly small against Cole’s large chest and muscular biceps, and yet the big man was holding the baby with such infinite tenderness, it brought a hitch to Tessa’s throat. Cole was beaming with pride as he showed off his boy. He was meant to be a father.
Tessa gasped for air and coached herself to breathe normally. If she hyperventilated and passed out, that would really be a show for the neighbors. She plastered her best smile on her face and stepped into the center of the circle. It seemed as if her whole relationship with Cole had been in the public eye, from their quite literally dramatic start on the theatrical stage in high school to the dreadful finish on yet another stage, when she’d painfully but unavoidably ruined any future between them. She would not and could not break down now, not with so many of her neighbors and friends looking on.
Cole’s eyes widened when he saw her. His brow lowered and the smile dropped from his lips—until the infant moved in his arms. The stiffness to Cole’s shoulders remained, but when his gaze dropped back to his son, there was only love and awe in his expression.
Cole was a daddy. A proud papa to his little bundle of joy. How right he looked filling that role.
He cleared his throat, his jaw tightening with strain once again. He appeared to be considering his thoughts, weighing his options. After a long pause, he spoke softly so as not to disturb the baby. Tessa was keenly aware that his voice lost its angry edge in deference to the child.
“Everyone else here has already had a turn. You want to hold him?”
She sat down in the nearest chair and swallowed her shock as Cole held his son out to her, gently settling the infant in her arms, his fingers brushing hers as he rearranged her hand to cradle the child better.
Grayson had been noisily sucking on his two middle fingers, but when he looked up at Tessa, he popped his fingers out of his mouth and smiled and cooed at her. As Edward had said, the baby didn’t have a lick of hair, but his eyes were the exact color of Cole’s, and he had his nose and the twin crescents of dimples in his cheeks.
Tessa’s heart welled until she thought it might burst. It was the worst and most awful concoction of pleasure and pain she’d ever experienced. Why was Cole doing this, letting her hold his precious baby?
Because others were watching? Did he really have no idea how badly this would hurt her, this stark, physical reminder of what might have been if she hadn’t rejected his marriage proposal? Or was that exactly what he was trying to do?
She searched his gaze but found nothing to condemn him, and the upward curve of his lips suggested little other than the satisfaction he’d found in becoming a dad. But his voice was low and gravelly when he finally spoke, the only indication his emotions were stronger than he was feigning.
“Tessa, I’d like you to meet my son, Grayson.”
* * *
It just figured that Tessa would show up at Cup O’ Jo’s right as Cole was out giving the community their first glimpse of Grayson. He’d gone out with his son this morning before the staff meeting on purpose, believing Tessa would be otherwise engaged, back at the ranch getting ready for her teenagers to arrive.
As if that in itself wasn’t complicated enough, old friends and neighbors crowded around him, taking up his breathing space and giving rise to all kinds of questions and speculations. Like what had happened to Grayson’s mother, and how was he coping with being a single dad.
That was enough stress. More than enough. The last thing he needed was for Tessa to walk in the door with some strange cowboy Cole didn’t recognize. Serendipity had remained remarkably unchanged throughout the years he’d been gone, but it had definitely changed some.
Even so, he was confident he could rely on the community. They would have a keen interest in the details, but they also had open hearts with which to embrace him and his son. It wasn’t surprising that everyone would want to know the story of how he’d happened back into town with a baby in tow and no wife to speak of. Most, like Jo, wouldn’t allow him to skim through an explanation. He’d rather not delve back into his shameful past.
He was a single father. He’d stepped up, and that was all that really mattered. End of story.
After that first burst of surprise and panic when Tessa walked in the door, his mind had fled him completely. He hadn’t been thinking—which was the only possible explanation for why he’d passed Grayson into Tessa’s arms. Moving back to Serendipity, he had no intention for Tessa to interact with his son, but his pride and ego had flared up at the sight of her, and the offer had come barreling out of his mouth without his say-so.
His emotions, slow to catch up, had exploded in his chest, razor-sharp shards puncturing his heart and lungs. Tessa smiled as she gazed down at the infant. Her cheeks blushed a sweet peach, and joy radiated from her expression. Her rich alto softened into a melodious Texan lilt as she spoke a series of adorable nonsense words to Grayson.
Grayson had been a regular fussbudget earlier when Cole had allowed each of his neighbors the opportunity to hold the baby. He’d howled and wailed and protested with his little fists until he was once again in the comfort and security of his daddy’s arms.
But with Tessa, Grayson was an entirely different child. Cole’s throat tightened until he couldn’t catch a breath as his son babbled happily at Tessa, perfectly at ease in her arms. When Tessa smiled at Grayson, the baby beamed back at her, and the ache in Cole’s chest deepened. Grayson had smiled for Tessa with no more than her little bit of coaxing. Cole wished it was easier to get that kind of response from his son. He felt as if he had to work for every little thing, and it all seemed to come so easy for Tessa. A natural mother if there ever was one.
Jealousy snapped and burned in Cole’s gut. That smile was supposed to be for him. Whether or not she’d meant to, she’d stolen something from him, and he could barely withhold his frustration.
“Well, would you look at that,” Jo said, leaning over Tessa’s shoulder so she could get a better look at Grayson. “The little fellow has really taken to you, Tessa. You were born to be a mother, my dear. You’ll make a great one someday.”
So she wasn’t yet a mother? Until this moment, he’d been so caught up in his own problems that it hadn’t even occurred to him other things might have changed during his time away from Serendipity. He surreptitiously glanced at Tessa’s left hand.
No ring.
Not that it mattered if she was married or not. The point was that she hadn’t wanted to be married to him.
Cole didn’t miss the cringe that rippled across Tessa’s shoulders at Jo’s words, or the frown that pursed her full lips as her panicked gaze flashed from Cole to the fellow she’d come in with. Her expression lasted only for a split second, and she recovered nicely with a smile that probably fooled nearly everyone in the room. It didn’t work on Cole, though.
Her guy friend seemed to think a grin and a wink would solve her problems.
Cole knew better.
Even after all these years, he could read Tessa like a book. Every happy smile, heartrending frown, radiant beam of joy and scowl of frustration. And while Cole knew she was genuinely enjoying her interactions with Grayson, the rest of it was all an act. She didn’t want to be here any more than he wanted her to be.
They were at the mother of all standoffs, unable to back down even if they wanted to. Living in the same small town. Working at the same ranch. The never-ending possibility of being thrown together at social events.
Would it ever get any easier for him to be around her? Would he ever not hurt when he looked at her?
The plethora of emotions he was experiencing today, battling through him with a vengeance, were just as mercilessly and excruciatingly painful as they had been when he’d first seen Tessa in the Haddons’ office. It was all he could do to stay put and keep his game face on. Pretty much every nerve in his body was screaming to snatch Grayson up and head for the hills as fast as his legs would carry him.
