Christmas Babies

“Yes,” she said, her voice low. She paused again. “Bryan what made you show up at my office last night?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“And when you saw me,” she continued, “didn’t anything seem strange to you? Didn’t anything seem different?”

He couldn’t figure out where she was headed. “You seemed,” he said honestly, “more beautiful than ever.”

If he thought he was going to flatter her, he was wrong. The silence on the other end of the line was now potent.

“Danni—”

“Goodbye, Bryan. I can’t see you anymore.” She hung up abruptly, without another word.

He gazed thoughtfully at the phone and then he, too, hung up. “What the hell was that all about?” he muttered.

DANNI FOUND HER SISTER kneeling in the garden, digging up bulbs. Kristine wielded her spade with rather more force than necessary, the rich dark earth building up around her and the poor bulbs tossed aside unceremoniously.

“Didn’t you and Ted plant those together?” Danni asked. “The first year you were married.”

Kristine pushed aside a strand of hair, leaving a dirt smudge on her face. “I’m sick of these damn tulips,” she muttered.

“Kris, you always loved those flowers.”

“It’s time for a change.” Another bulb went flying. “Why, it’s almost Thanksgiving. And then Christmas…and then a brand-new year. A perfect time to completely overhaul my life.”

Danni knelt beside her sister. “Kris—talk to me.”

Kristine ducked her head, the blond hair falling forward again to obscure her face. “No doubt you want to know every little fact about last night. You want to know all about how I confessed to Bryan, and what he said in return, and…and every humiliating detail.”

Danni regarded her sister. “I would like to know that it’s taken care of at last.”

Kristine didn’t even seem to be listening. “Can you imagine what it’s like, Danni? To have a husband who no longer wants you.”

“From what I saw yesterday on the golf course,” she said, “you and Ted may still have a lot to work out. But he still cares about you a great deal. No one could get that angry, and not care.”

“You don’t know, Danni. You don’t know what a man can do to make you feel…completely undesirable. Completely unwanted. After that, there’s not much he can do to convince you otherwise.”

“Kris, what happened? What did Ted do to make you feel this way?”

“I can’t talk about it,” Kristine said, gripping her spade. “I just can’t. I can’t say it out loud…don’t ask me to, Danni.”

Danni had never seen her sister like this. Kristine had been many things in her life—impetuous, thoughtless, self-centered…extravagantly penitent when she realized she’d strained the limits of a friendship. But she had never been this way—so despairing, and so unsure of herself.

“Kris, if you’d only talk to me,” Danni said gently. “Maybe I can help—”

The spade was digging again. “Don’t even try, Danni. All you really want to know right now is what happened with Bryan. Well…I’ll tell you.” She sounded defiant, her words recklessly gathering speed. “I went to meet Bryan last night, and I told him the whole sorry situation. I told him how I’d pretended to be you, and how you hadn’t known anything about it until it was too late. I asked him not to blame you at least. But he wouldn’t listen. He told me…he told me he was disgusted with both of us, and he never wanted to see either one of us again!”

DANNI JUST KNEW it was going to be a lousy Thanksgiving. Of course, that was a safe bet—Thanksgiving at her parents’ house always turned out to be a dismal failure. Every year her mother and father tried a different combination of guests. And every year the result was the same: discreet yawns, embarrassed excuses for leaving early. Of course, Jay and Leah Ferris would never admit that their get-togethers were…well, boring.

Now Danni stood on her parents’ front porch, balancing her usual offerings of sweet-potato casserole and mushroom-sage stuffing. Her mother swung open the door and gave her a hug that almost upended the sweet potatoes. If nothing else, Danni could count on an enthusiastic greeting. She knew she was the success story of the family, the one who had fulfilled all her parents’ expectations. They didn’t even mind that she was thirty and still unmarried. Plenty of time for that later, they always told her. Solidify your career before slowing yourself down with a family.

Leah ushered Danni inside. “Thank goodness you’re finally here. When I found out Kristine and Ted couldn’t make it—”

“Kristine isn’t here?”

“Darling, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Apparently they’ve had some sort of…altercation. Ted flew out to be with his family in Sacramento, and Kristine simply refused to say where she’d be.”

Danni felt a letdown. No matter how angry she got at her sister, she always counted on Kristine to be at family functions. It was the one thing that made these occasions bearable.

Now Danni went with her mother to the kitchen, and set down both casserole dishes.

“Are you all right?” her mother asked with a worried frown. “You don’t seem very chipper.”

At times her mother could be quite observant although her quaint terms often irritated Danni. This time, however, Danni had to admit she did not feel chipper. Ever since those few days ago, when she’d learned that Bryan never wanted to see her again…it had put a damper on her enthusiasm. Regret and sadness would wash over her at the most inconvenient times.

“I’m fine, Mom,” she said with an effort.

“Everything going okay at work?”

Danni had a wild urge to lie—to say that she’d walked out on her advertising job and that she’d decided to become a full-time carpenter. She didn’t say anything, though. She just busied herself at the sink, rinsing the lettuce for the salad. Her mother gave her a sharp look, but then hurried out to the living room to try entertaining her guests.

Two hours later, it was painfully clear that the guests refused to be entertained. Danni glanced around the dining room table. She sat among a few of her mother’s law partners, several more of her father’s management associates, two of the neighbors from down the street. It was not a congenial group. Conversations proceeded in fits and starts, then faded to nonexistence. The turkey was dry, the cranberry sauce tart, the pumpkin pie bland. Danni saw the look of chagrin on her mother’s face, but also knew that she would refuse to give up. Leah was no doubt already calculating a brand-new guest list for Christmas.

Danni picked at her mincemeat pie, only to set down her fork at last. She saw the elderly man on her left give a rather desperate peek at his watch. She knew she should be trying to liven the party; she owed her parents that much. But all she could think about was Bryan. She tried to remind herself that they’d only been casual acquaintances until Kristine had stepped in and distorted everything. But the sense of loss continued to assault her.

Fool, a voice mocked in her head. Maybe it’s true. Maybe you only care about men your sister wants.

She clenched her hands in her lap. She didn’t want to care about Bryan McKay. She scarcely knew him.

“Danni, are you sure you’re all right?” Leah asked. “You’ve hardly touched your food.”

“Yes…I’m fine.”

“She works too hard,” Leah confided to someone across the table. There was a note of pride in her voice. Leah herself had worked hard all her life, the first one in her family to get a college degree. No wonder she took her career so seriously, and expected Danni to do the same. If only Danni’s career could provide all the answers…if only it could make her stop thinking about a man she couldn’t have….

She stood abruptly. “Mom, Dad—I’m sorry, but I have to leave.”

The gentleman to her left stole another glance at his watch. “Sorry, but I have to be on my way, too,” he said. There were other relieved murmurs and rustlings around the table.

Danni knew she was responsible for breaking up the party even earlier than usual. Her mother sent her an accusing glare, and she felt guilty. But she just had to get out of here.

Somehow she had to outrun her thoughts of Bryan McKay.

IT HAD BEEN a bad day for Elizabeth. She’d insisted on trying to make Thanksgiving dinner—only to overexert herself, and ending up huddled on the sofa with her famous cornbread dressing and her pumpkin pies only half-done. Bryan had been grateful for the nursing service he’d hired against all her protests. This afternoon, the nurse on duty had come to the rescue—finishing up the dinner, making Elizabeth as comfortable as possible. But Bryan still blamed himself. He shouldn’t have let his mother do all that work. Never mind that she’d been looking forward to it for days. It was up to him to make certain she didn’t overdo it.

Night had fallen, and he’d finally left his mother asleep in her apartment, the nurse still in charge. Now he climbed out of his car and went up the walk to his own apartment. A shape emerged from the darkness next to his door. Danni. He couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather see. After the way she’d hung up the phone on him the other night, this was an unexpected pleasure. Before she could protest, he put his arms around her.

“You smell good,” he said. His hands moved over her back.

“Bryan, I shouldn’t be here,” she answered. “It’s a mistake. But somehow…somehow I can’t help myself.”

“I’ve missed you,” he said. He unlocked the door and drew her inside. When he turned on the hall lamp, light spilled over her blond hair. Her face had an unhappy look, but he intended to do something about that. He held her close again, kissing her, and he could sense the tension begin to leave her body.

“Bryan…I’ve wanted this….”

“Me, too,” he murmured against her throat. He was impeded by some long, silky scarf she had draped around her neck. She was all dressed up, but he liked her better when she wore jeans. Not to mention her tool belt. He went on holding her…he went on touching her.

She tensed all over again and pulled away.

“Bryan, this isn’t supposed to happen. I just thought if I could see you again…if only for a moment…if I could ask you…”

Clearly she was in turmoil, and Bryan tried to help her. “Ask me anything,” he said.

She took a deep breath. “Bryan, do you find me…desirable?”

“You know I do.”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t. Not really.”

“I’ll show you.” He brought her into his arms again. And he proceeded to show her. It was a very long while before she broke away again. Her face was flushed.

“No,” she whispered. “I can’t do this! It’s not right.”

He didn’t agree. As far as he was concerned, nothing had ever seemed more right.

“I want to make love to you, Danni,” he said. “I think it’s time.”

She took in a deep, quavering breath. “Oh, Bryan…”

It was several kisses later when he began un-buttoning her dress. Too bad they were very small buttons, and there were so many of them. Meanwhile, the scarf thing kept getting in his way.

“We have to stop,” she said, placing her hands over his. “This isn’t right.”

“It’s right,” he said. “Trust me.” He finally got rid of the scarf. It drifted to the floor, allowing him much better access. He kissed the places he’d managed to expose, and was rewarded with a sigh from Danni. She curled her fingers in his hair.

“Bryan, if you knew what it meant to me…to have a man want me…a man like you…”

“Yes,” he said. “I want you.”

Something sparked in her eyes, a flash of spirit. “It can’t really be wrong. Not when…It just can’t be wrong.”

She was talking in riddles again, but he figured the time for talking was past. He drew her toward the bedroom. She hesitated another second, but then she gave an almost imperceptible nod—as if she’d just won some argument with herself.

And then she came to him.

CHAPTER FOUR

IT WAS THE DAY AFTER Thanksgiving, and very early in the morning. Danni buried her head under the pillow, refusing to acknowledge the knocking at her apartment door. “Go away,” she mumbled crankily.

But the knocking wouldn’t stop. Whoever it was demanded an answer. Stumbling out of bed, Danni went to the door and squinted through the peephole. Bryan McKay stood on the other side.

Her pulses surged, as if responding to some magnetic force. For a crazy moment, she considered scurrying back to bed and pulling the covers up over her ears. But she knew she couldn’t hide from Bryan forever. He knew the truth now. Kristine had told him about the subterfuge—how she had duped him into believing the two sisters were one—and that she’d been playing the part of her twin. If he never wanted to forgive either one of them, that was his privilege. If he wanted to berate Danni for having such an uncontrollable twin sister, that was also his privilege. Taking a deep breath, she put her hand on the door knob and began to turn it.

But then her courage failed her. She couldn’t face his disillusionment right now. His disappointment…his anger. And so she did retreat to bed. She did pull the covers over her head. And she hoped with all her heart that Bryan would simply go away.

BRYAN MCKAY STOOD outside the door to Danni’s apartment. He knew she was in there. He’d seen a shadow through the peephole—he’d seen the door knob start to turn. But now all was silence, no answer. Why was she hiding from him?

Okay, so perhaps he knew the answer to that. Last night, his lovemaking with Danni hadn’t gone at all well. She’d been guarded, almost furtive, as if afraid to let any passion show. They’d gone through the motions together…but there’d been little pleasure between them. Afterward she’d left as quickly as possible, hardly saying a word.

So now, understandably, she was embarrassed. She didn’t want to see him—didn’t even want to talk to him. Somehow he had to reassure her that their lovemaking would go much better next time. And he had to convince her there should be a next time.

He knocked again…and again. He waited, knocked some more.

“Danni,” he called out. “I know you’re in there.”

A few more knocks, and a few moments later, the door swung open at last, revealing a rumpled Danni in rumpled pajamas.

“So now you know everything,” she said without ceremony. “And I’m sure you’re here to tell me how disappointed you are. Believe me, I understand.”

“Disappointed,” he echoed. “Perhaps. I know there’s a problem. But I think we can deal with it.”

She stared at him distrustfully. “You’re taking this much better than I thought you would. I thought you’d be so mad you’d never want to see me again.”

“Mad…why would I be mad?” he asked, puzzled.

“Why wouldn’t you be,” she muttered.

Danni was taking it far too seriously. This type of thing happened—the first time you made love to someone could be awkward.

“We just need a little practice,” he told her, smiling.

She frowned. “Practice…?”

Bryan searched for exactly the right words to reassure her. “A person would be a fool,” he said, “to throw away an entire relationship because it got off to a rocky start. And Danni…you should know by now, I’m no fool. Despite what’s happened, I believe there could be something between us. If we get to know each other better…get closer…I think we can work it out.”

She didn’t seem convinced. “Bryan, maybe we can talk about it, but—”

“I didn’t come here to talk,” he said gently. “I don’t think that’s the solution. We should just spend some time together.”

“That’s not the best idea in the world,” she said. “Not after everything—”

“Just spend some time with me,” he said. “We’ll drive somewhere. I’ll wait here while you change…although I do like you in pj’s.”

She drew her eyebrows together. “You make it all sound too easy. But I know you’re angry, no matter what you say.”

If she thought that, she really did feel bad about their lovemaking. “I don’t think anything is going to be easy,” he said. “But let’s try to give things a fresh start, Danni. Let’s give ourselves a chance, at least.”

Her look seemed to waver between hope and sadness. At last, though, she gave a reluctant nod. “You wait…I’ll change.” The door swung shut on him—but, despite Danni’s overreaction to their physical miscue, he felt a hopefulness lighten his mood.

THE RASPBERRY VEST or the tartan blouse…? Uninspired, Danni tossed both across the base of her bed and began rummaging through her closet. But then she happened to glance across at her bureau, and saw the photo there; herself and Kristine, smiling into the camera.

Danni walked over to the bureau and glared at the photograph. He’s trying to act like he’s not angry anymore, Kris, but that’s just not possible. After what we did to him…of course he’s angry. Why did you have to pretend you were me? Why did you try to steal my life?

The picture of her smiling sister gave away no secrets. Danni plunked it facedown, and then she started to get dressed. Yes, she would spend time with Bryan—she owed him that much.

If she was going to pay for what her sister did, she just wanted to get it over with.

“YOU REALLY are beautiful.”

These were the words Bryan uttered as he and Danni walked from her apartment to the elevator. She flushed when she saw the expression in his eyes. She’d finally chosen an outfit that usually gave her confidence: a peach-colored blouse and slim jeans in biscuit brown. She’d also swept her hair into a loose chignon. Unfortunately, they were the only two people in the elevator, so Danni found herself shut in a small, intimate space with Bryan McKay.

“Strange,” he said. “You’re a carpenter at heart. You want to build things. So why do you live in an apartment, instead of your own house? A home you could remodel as much as you wanted.”

He’d had no way of knowing that he was talking about her dreams…her own home where she could tear down walls, replace windows, put on an addition or two. But pursuing her advertising career simply hadn’t left a lot of time for such indulgences.

Her gaze strayed to the Stop button. Maybe being confined to a small space with him wasn’t such a bad idea. They could stay in here until Bryan finally said everything he needed to say. The necessary recriminations…

Bryan, it seemed, had followed the direction of her glance. “My thoughts exactly,” he murmured. “We could settle in here pretty comfortably, don’t you think?”

“No—that’s not what I had in mind…”

He leaned her against the wall of the elevator. Every time he touched her it was like this…the warmth coursing through her, turning so quickly to need. She seemed powerless to resist. And so, with a sigh of surrender, she arched her throat so that he could trail his mouth against her skin.

The only thing that saved her was that he hadn’t pressed the Stop button. The elevator reached the lobby, and the doors glided open. Danni pulled away from Bryan, averted her gaze from the doorman, and hurried outside. Her body still tingled from Bryan’s caresses.

“I thought we were having fun,” he remarked as he caught up to her.

Fun…Danni wouldn’t call it that. Sweet torture, perhaps.

Bryan led her to a navy-blue sports car complete with ragtop. She recognized it as a very expensive model, all aerodynamic curves. Bryan, apparently, had his indulgences.

“Nice,” Danni commented as she settled into the passenger seat. Bryan climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. He drove down the street, his hand easy on the gearshift knob, taking a right turn, then a left. Eventually he pulled up at a small, unassuming coffee shop not far from the harbor.

“Can’t take you anywhere without breakfast,” Bryan announced. “How do waffles sound? They make the best in town here.”

To her surprise, Danni found that she was quite hungry. “Waffles sound wonderful,” she admitted.

A short while later, she discovered that he was right. For all its unadorned atmosphere, this restaurant served possibly the best waffles she’d ever tasted.

“You like the good things in life, don’t you, Bryan?” she asked, when she couldn’t eat another bite. “You’re…a connoisseur. Something tells me you don’t take second best.”

He smiled a little grimly. “Okay, I have a confession to make. I grew up poor. The kind of poor where you’re just one step away from not making the rent, one step away from skipping lunch because you can’t afford three meals a day. That’s how it was for a long time after my dad died. So I guess I did get a taste for what I couldn’t have. And when I could finally afford a few things…yeah, I knew what I wanted.”

“I wasn’t accusing you,” she said.

“They say you never really stop being the kid you once were.”

Absentmindedly she traced a pattern on the table top. “I think that’s true. I think I’m still twelve years old at heart, wishing it was summer so I could be out of school and spending more time with Grandpa Daniel.”

“Tell me about him,” Bryan said.

“He never seemed to expect too much of me,” she said slowly. “He wasn’t like my parents at all. They always had very specific ideas of what they wanted from me. But not Grandpa Daniel. When I was with him…I could just be. And we’d build things. If I didn’t know how to use a framing square, or if I smacked my thumb with the hammer…Grandpa just showed me how to do it right. I was always happy that my parents named me after him. Danielle for Daniel.”

“When did you lose him?” Bryan asked after a moment.

“I was nineteen. He was sick for a while…too long, actually. But I didn’t want him to go. I wanted to hang on. I wanted him to hang on. And he did, as long as he could, even though the pain was getting bad. He was eighty years old, but I think he was still a kid inside, too.”

Bryan reached across the table and took her hand. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Danni blinked against sudden tears. “I still miss him—you know that? It’s been eleven years, but sometimes I wake up in the morning and think of something I need to tell him. Like the fact that I was down at the hardware store, and I saw the perfect sliding compound miter saw. Grandpa Daniel was the only one who’d be interested in something like that.”

“Hey, I’m interested. I understand the importance of a good saw.”

Danni tried to smile. “You’re being nice.”

“Never tell a guy he’s nice. Destroys any image he ever had of himself.”

So…nice wasn’t the right word for Bryan. Danni could think of a lot of other ones. Devastatingly handsome. Sexy. Appealing—any way you looked at him…

She was getting on the wrong track. But when she tried to tug her hand from his, he held fast.

“Why do you keep trying to run away?”

“I’m sitting right here, aren’t I?”

“Yet you want to run away,” he said.

She gazed at their linked fingers. “What I really want to do is talk about what happened. About me and my sis—”

“We’ll talk about it later,” Bryan said easily. “Right now the day is too good to waste.”

Danni tried to argue, but Bryan was in no mood to listen.

And so they were soon in the little blue sportster again, making their way to one of the docks along San Diego Bay.

“Let me guess,” Danni said. “You have a boat. Not a very big one, probably. Just the nicest boat in the bay.”

“It’s seaworthy,” he said in a gruff tone.

That turned out to be an understatement. It was a gorgeous boat—light polished wood fashioned into intriguing nooks and crannies, expert craftsmanship in every detail. After clearing the docks, Bryan hoisted the sails and they made their way into the bay. Sunlight sparkled on the water, lulling Danni into a false sense of comfort.

“Want to take the helm?” Bryan asked.

“No way,” she said. “I’d probably just end up crashing this thing.”

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