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And he’d missed working with her, more than he’d wanted to acknowledge.
He gave himself a mental shake. This wasn’t the time or the place. He crossed over to the patient, who had come in with vague flu-like symptoms that he was beginning to suspect was something much more complicated. Using the closest computer terminal, he pulled up the patient’s chest X-ray. Raine was right, the patient’s breathing must be severely compromised as the X-ray looked far worse. He suspected the large shadow was a tumor and likely the cause of a massive infiltrate on the right side of her lungs, but she would need more of a work-up to be sure. “How much O2 do you have her on?”
“Six liters.”
He frowned. “Crank her up to ten liters per minute and prepare for a thoracentisis.”
Raine did as he asked, although he noticed she gave him a wide berth whenever he came too close.
He was troubled by the way Raine was acting. He regretted the way he’d overreacted that night and had tried to call her several times to apologize but she hadn’t returned his calls. Did she still blame him? Was it impossible for her to forgive him?
Seeing her tonight brought his old feelings back to the surface. Along with the same sexual awareness that had shimmered between them from the very first time they’d met.
But as much as that sensation was still there, something was off. He’d noticed right from the start of their shift how her usual enthusiasm was missing. Maybe it was just the seriousness of their domestic violence patient, but they’d shared tough shifts before. Somehow this was different, especially the way she seemed to avoid him whenever he came too close.
Maybe she was worried he’d ask her out again. And he had to admit, the thought had crossed his mind. More than once. Sure, he’d made a stupid mistake before, but didn’t he deserve a second chance?
Apparently, Raine wasn’t willing to grant him one.
He turned to their elderly patient, focusing on the procedure he needed to do. He put on a face mask and then donned sterile gown and gloves, while Raine prepped the patient. He lifted the needle and syringe in his hand and gently probed the space between the fourth and fifth ribs. He numbed the area with lidocaine and then picked up the longer needle used to aspirate the fluid. Slowly, he advanced the needle.
He hit the pocket of fluid and held the needle steady while the site drained. Once he’d taken off almost a liter of fluid, their patient’s oxygen saturation improved dramatically.
“Place a dressing over this site, would you?” he asked Raine. “And we need to send a sample of this fluid to Pathology.” Stepping back, he stripped off his sterile garb. Once she’d gotten the specimens sent to the lab and the patient cleaned up, he went back in to talk to the husband and wife.
“Mrs. Ambruster, I’m afraid your chest X-ray shows something abnormal and I believe whatever is going on is causing fluid to build up in your lungs.”
The elderly couple exchanged a look of dismay. “What is it? Cancer?” her husband asked.
Caleb didn’t want to lie but at the same time he didn’t honestly know for certain what the problem was. He was impressed by the mutual love and respect this elderly couple displayed toward each other, something missing from his own family life. He tried to sound positive. “That is one possibility but there are others that could be less serious. I’m not a thoracic surgeon, but I’d like to refer you to one. I can arrange for you to see someone first thing in the morning if you’re willing.”
The Ambrusters agreed and he made the arrangements with the thoracic surgery resident. By the time he wrote the discharge orders for Mrs. Ambruster, the oncoming shift had arrived.
He was free to go home. But he didn’t want to leave, not without talking to Raine.
He found her in the staff lounge, but stopped short when he realized she was crying. Immediately concerned, he rushed over. “Raine? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She quickly swiped at her eyes, as if embarrassed by her display of emotion.
“Raine, please. Talk to me.” He couldn’t hide the desperate urgency in his voice.
There was a slight pause, and he found himself holding his breath when she finally brought her tortured gaze up to meet his. “Becca died. She never made it out of surgery.”
Caleb grimaced beneath a wave of guilt. Here he’d been worried about himself when Raine was grieving over their patient. “I’m sorry, Raine. I didn’t know.”
“Doesn’t matter. We did what we could.”
The despair in her tone tugged at his heart. He wanted to reach out to her, but knew he’d given up that privilege when he’d accused her of cheating on him.
He wanted to apologize. To explain he now knew he’d been wrong, but where to start?
“I have to go,” Raine muttered, swiping at her face and attempting to brush past him.
“Wait.” He reached out to grasp her arm. “Please don’t go. Let’s talk. About us. About where we went wrong.”
“There’s no point. What we had is over,” she whispered, wrenching from his grasp. The hint of dark desperation shadowing her eyes hit hard. She hesitated only for a moment, before ducking out of the room.
Shocked, he could only stare after her. Something was definitely wrong. This wasn’t just Raine wanting to take a break from their relationship. There was something more going on.
He’d screwed up before, but he wouldn’t give in so easily this time. He was determined to uncover the truth.
Chapter Two
RAINE drove home, wishing she hadn’t lost control like that in front of Caleb. It was her own fault that he had no idea what she’d been through. No one did. She been too embarrassed, too ashamed. Feeling too guilty to tell anyone.
She was determined to get over the past, and she knew that moving forward was the best way to accomplish that. And if she regretted taking a break from her relationship with Caleb, she had no one to blame but herself.
Caleb had trust issues. But instead of trying to work through them, she’d broken things off. And then, when he’d tried to call to make up, she hadn’t returned his calls.
Because by then everything had changed.
She’d thought she’d put the past behind her. But obviously she’d jumped back into the trauma environment a little too quickly. She’d taken off work completely for a week, and then had taken a three-week assignment in the minor care area, trying to ease herself back into the stressful working environment the way her counselor had suggested. Obviously, she had a way to go before she’d be back to her old self.
She pulled into her assigned parking space in the small lot behind her apartment, threw the gearshift into park and dropped her forehead on the steering-wheel with a deep, heavy sigh.
Who was she trying to kid? She’d never be the person she had been before. Hadn’t her counselor drilled that fact into her head? There was no going back. The only option was to move forward.
Firming her resolve, she climbed from the car and headed up to her second-story apartment. She smiled when her cat, Spice, meowed softly and came running over to greet her, rubbing up against her leg with a satisfied purr. She picked up the cat and buried her face in the soft fur. She’d adopted Spice from the local shelter a few weeks ago and had not regretted it. Coming home to an empty apartment night after night had been difficult. Spice made coming home much easier. And the cat gave her someone to talk to.
She threw a small beanbag ball past Spice—the goofy cat actually liked to play fetch like a dog—and tried to unwind from the long shift. But the relaxation tips her therapist had suggested didn’t help and she still had trouble falling asleep. She’d taken to sleeping on her sofa, and as she stared at the ceiling, she thought about her counselor’s advice to confide in someone. She knew her counselor might be right, but she just couldn’t make herself take that step.
If she told one of her friends what had happened, they’d look at her differently. With horror. With pity. Asking questions. She shivered with dread. No, she couldn’t stand the thought of anyone knowing the gory details. Especially when she couldn’t remember much herself.
The one person she might have confided in was Caleb. If he’d trusted her. Which he didn’t.
The events of that night when he’d looked at her with frank disgust still had the power to hurt her. She’d gone out to a local pub with a group of ED staff nurses and physicians after work. Jake, one of the new ED residents, had flirted with her. She hadn’t really thought too much about it until the moment she’d realized he’d had too much to drink. He’d leaned in close, with his arm around the back of her chair, trying to kiss her.
Before she could gently, but firmly push him away, Caleb had walked in. She’d blushed because she knew the situation looked bad, but he hadn’t given her a chance to explain. Instead, he’d accused her of seeing Jake behind his back.
She’d seen the flash of hurt in his eyes, but at the same time she hadn’t appreciated Caleb’s willingness to think the worst of her. She’d talked to him the next day, and had tried to explain. But when he’d sounded distant, and remote, she’d given up, telling him it might be best to take a break from their relationship for a while.
She’d been stunned when he’d agreed.
Pounding a fist into her pillow, she turned on the sofa and tried to forget about Caleb. With everything that had happened, she’d put distance between herself and her friends.
Her closest friend, Elana Schultz, had recently married ED physician Brock Madison. In the months since their wedding she hadn’t seen as much of Elana. They were still friends, but Elana had a new life now with Brock.
When Elana had assumed Raine had taken the job in Minor Care to avoid Caleb, she hadn’t told her friend any different.
It was better than Elana knowing the truth.
The next morning Raine’s phone woke her from a deep sleep. She patted the mound of linens on her sofa, searching for her cellphone. “Hello?”
“Raine? It’s Elana. I just had to call to tell you the news.”
“News?” Elana’s dramatically excited tone brought a smile to her face. She pushed a hand through her hair and blinked the sleep from her eyes. “What news?”
“We heard the baby’s heart beat!” Elana exclaimed, her excitement contagious. “You should have seen the look on Brock’s face, he was so enthralled. He brought tears to my eyes. You’d never guess he once decided to live his life without children.”
“He was delusional, obviously,” Raine said dismissively. “And that was long before he met you. I’m so excited for you, Elana. Did you and Brock change your mind about finding out the baby’s gender?”
“No, we still want the baby’s sex to be a surprise. But my due date is confirmed—five months and one week to go.”
Raine mentally calculated. It was the seventh of June. “November fifteenth?”
“Yes, give or take a week. Brock is painting the baby’s room like a madman—he’s worried we won’t have everything ready in time,” Elana said with a laugh. “I keep telling him there’s no rush.”
“Knowing Brock, he’ll have it ready in plenty of time.” Raine tried to hide the wistful tone of her voice. Watching Elana and Brock together was wonderful and yet painful at the same time. They were so in love, they glowed.
If only she were worthy of that kind of love. She pushed aside the flash of self-pity. “Do you have time to meet for lunch?” she asked.
“Oh, I’m sorry Raine. I’d love to, but I agreed to volunteer at the New Beginnings clinic this afternoon. Can I take a rain-check?”
“Sure.” Raine forced lightness into her tone. The New Beginnings clinic was a place where low-income patients could be seen at no cost to them. She’d volunteered there in the past, but not recently. “No problem. Take care and I’m sure I’ll see you at work one of these days.”
“I know, it’s been for ever, hasn’t it?” Elana asked. Raine knew it was exactly one month and three days since they’d worked together. Since her life had irrevocably changed. “You’ve been working in the minor care area and I’ve been cutting back my hours now that I’m pregnant. The morning sickness has been awful. Brock is being a tad overly protective lately, but I’m not going to complain. I’m scheduled to work this weekend.”
“Great. I’m working the weekend, too and I’m back on the schedule in the trauma bay. I’ll see you then.” Raine hung up the phone, feeling a bit deflated. Not that she begrudged her friend one ounce of happiness. Elana had gone through some rough times, too.
Elana had moved on from her painful past, and Raine was sure she could too. One day at a time.
Since the last thing she needed was more time on her hands, Raine forced herself to climb out of bed. There was no point in wallowing in self-pity for the rest of the day.
She needed to take action. To focus on the positive. She’d taken to volunteering at the animal shelter on her days off, as dealing with animals was somehow easier lately, than dealing with people.
It was time to visit her furry friends who were always there when she needed them.
Caleb pulled up in front of his father’s house and swallowed a deep sigh. His father had called to ask for help, after injuring his ankle after falling off a ladder. His father was currently living alone, as his most recent relationship had ended in an unsurprising break-up. Caleb was relieved that at least this time his father had been smart enough to avoid marrying the woman. With four divorces under his belt, you’d think his father would learn. But, no, he kept making the same mistakes over and over again.
Leaving Caleb to pick up the pieces.
He walked up to the house, frowning a bit when he saw the front door was open. He knocked on the screen door, before opening it. “Dad? Are you in there?”
“Over here, Caleb,” his father called out. His father’s black Lab, Grizzly, let out a warning bark, but then came rushing over to greet him as he walked through the living room into the kitchen. He took a moment to pet the excited dog, and then crossed over to where his father was seated at the table, with his ankle propped on the chair beside him. “Thanks for coming.”
“Sure.” He bent over his father’s ankle, assessing the swollen joint, tenderly palpating the bruised tissue around the bone. “Are you sure this isn’t broken?”
“Told you I took X-rays at the shelter, didn’t I?” his father said in a cantankerous tone. “It’s not broken, it’s only sprained. Did you bring the crutches?”
“Yes, they’re in the car.” But he purposely hadn’t brought them in. He’d asked his father to come into the ED while he was working, but did he listen? No. His father had taken his own X-rays on the machine he used for animals. Caleb would rather have looked at the films himself.
“Why did ya leave them out there? Go get ‘em.”
Caleb propped his hands on his hips and scowled at his father. “Dad, be reasonable. Take a couple of days off. Being on crutches around animals is just asking for trouble. Surely the shelter can do without you for a few days?”
“I told you, there’s some sort of infection plaguing several of the new animals. I retired from my full-time veterinary practice last year, didn’t I? I only go to the shelter three days a week and every other Saturday. Surely that’s not too much for an old codger like me.” His dad yanked on the fabric of his pants leg to help lift his injured foot down on the floor. “If you won’t drive me, I’ll arrange for a cab.”
Caleb closed his eyes and counted to ten, searching for patience. He didn’t remember ever calling his dad an old codger, but nevertheless a shaft of guilt stabbed deep. He’d promised to help out more, but hadn’t made the time to come over as often as he should have. “I said I’d take you and I will. But, Dad, you have to try taking it easy for a while. Every time I stop by I find you doing something new. Trying to clean out the gutters on that rickety old ladder was what caused your fall in the first place.”
“Well, someone had to do it.”
This time Caleb counted to twenty. “You never asked me to help you with the gutters,” he reminded his father, striving for a calm tone. “And if you’d have waited, I could have done the job when I came over to mow your lawn on the weekend.”
His father ignored him, gingerly rising to his feet, leaning heavily on the back of the kitchen chair to keep the pressure off his sore ankle. Grizzly came over to stand beside him, as if he could somehow assist. “I’m going to need those crutches to get outside.”
Arguing with his father was about as effective as herding cats. His father simply ignored the things he didn’t want to deal with. “Sit down. I’ll get them.” Caleb strode back through the house, muttering under his breath, “Stubborn man.”
He grabbed the crutches out of the back of the car and slammed the door with more force than was necessary. He and his father had always been at odds and the passing of the years hadn’t changed their relationship much. Caleb’s mother had taken off, abandoning him at the tender age of five. One would think that fact alone would have brought him and his dad closer together. But his father hadn’t waited very long before bringing home future stepmothers in an attempt to replace his first wife. At first the relationships had been short-lived, but then he’d ended up marrying a few.
None of them stayed very long, of course. They left, just like his mother, for a variety of reasons. Because they realized being a vet didn’t bring in a boat-load of money, especially when you were already paying alimony for a previous marriage. Or they found someone else. Or simply got bored with playing step-mom to someone else’s kid.
Whatever the reason, the women his father picked didn’t stick around. Carmen was the one who’d stayed the longest, almost three years, but in the end she’d left, too.
Yeah, his father could really pick them.
“Here are the crutches,” he said as he entered the kitchen. “Now, be patient for a minute so I can measure them. They have to fit your frame.”
For once his father listened. After he’d adjusted the crutches to his father’s height, the older man took them and leaned on them gratefully. “Thanks,” he said gruffly.
“You’re welcome.” Caleb watched his father walk slowly across the room, making sure he could safely use them. Grizz got in the way once, but then quickly learned to avoid them. Crutches weren’t as easy to use as people thought, and Caleb worried about his father’s upper-arm strength. But his father was still in decent shape, and seemed to manage them well enough. Reluctantly satisfied, he followed his father outside, giving Grizz one last pat on the head.
The shelter was only ten miles away. Neither one of them was inclined to break the silence as Caleb navigated the city streets.
He pulled up in front of the building and shut the car. “I’ll come inside with you,” he offered.
“Sure.” His father’s mood had brightened the closer they’d gotten to the shelter, and Caleb quickly figured out the elder man needed this volunteer work more than he’d realized.
More guilt, he thought with a slight grimace. He held the front door of the building open, waiting for his father to cross the threshold on his crutches before following him in.
“Dr. Frank! What happened?”
Caleb froze when he saw Raine rushing toward his father. She didn’t seem to have noticed him as she placed an arm around his father’s thin shoulders.
“Twisted my ankle, that’s all. Nothing serious.” His father patted her hand reassuringly. “Now, tell me, Raine, how’s Rusty doing today? Is he any better?”
“He seems a little better, but really, Dr. Frank, should you be here? Maybe you should have stayed at home to rest.” Raine lifted her gaze and he knew she’d spotted him when she paled, her dark red hair a stark contrast to her alabaster skin. “Caleb. What are you doing here?”
“Dropping off my father.” He couldn’t help the flash of resentment at how friendly his father and Raine seemed to be. She had never mentioned working at the animal shelter during those two months they’d dated. But here she was, standing with her arm protectively around his father, as if they were life-long buddies.
