Saving His Son

“I tried to. I called and left messages but you never returned my calls.” Anger, swift and hard, pressed against Lindsey’s vocal chords. “I didn’t expect anything from you, Gavin, not money, not support, certainly not marriage. I know we were both upset about Jim finding the safe house and we let things get out of control. Still, I thought you had a right to know. But you avoided me and when I came to the courthouse…”

“Jesus.” He reached for her, his expression pained, but she shrank away. “I had no idea that’s why you’d come.”

Lindsey stood and backed away from him, wrapping her arms around herself, her voice brittle, “No, don’t…don’t touch me, Gavin. Don’t make excuses.” She let the anger and pain from all those lonely months drive her. “The day I finally cornered you at the courthouse, you wouldn’t even talk to me. I’d even written you a letter, but you said you didn’t want to see me again, that you didn’t want marriage or babies. Ever. So I threw the note in the trash outside the courtroom that day.”

His gaze jerked back to hers, pinning her with the force of his emotions. Hurt, anger, remorse. He started to speak, but Lindsey cut him off.

“I didn’t come here to renew our relationship. I know the one night we shared meant nothing to you, and I didn’t intend to trap you into marriage or make you accept responsibility for a baby you didn’t want.”

A vein pulsed in his forehead, but he didn’t argue.

“I’m not asking anything from you now except to find out if my son is alive.”

“Our son,” he said in a deadly calm voice.

“Yes, our son.” She raised her chin a notch, forcing herself not to think about the pain he might be feeling. “All I want is for you to help me find my son and bring him home. Then we’ll be out of your life. Forever—just like you requested the day I tried to tell you I was pregnant.”

His shoulders went rigid and for a brief minute, fear knotted her stomach. She’d seen Gavin wrestle her ex-husband the night he’d attacked her. But Gavin had never been anything but gentle toward her. He rolled his shoulder as if it hurt, the overly long strands of his hair brushing his collar. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in days, too. She wondered what kind of case he’d been working on, then felt like kicking herself for caring.

As if he sensed her fear, he suddenly dropped his gaze and walked around to his desk, sat down in his chair and dropped his head forward into his hands. Lindsey caught herself swaying and sank back in the chair. The sound of the clock ticking droned in the background, amplifying the tension between them.

He fiddled with a pen and some paper, avoiding her gaze, then finally replied in a low, controlled tone, “All right. Start from the beginning and tell me everything that happened after you left Raleigh.” When his chin lifted, Lindsey saw the pain in his eyes but she also recognized the calm, take-charge cop who’d protected her after her husband’s attack. The man who’d won her heart with his brooding macho manner. The man who’d broken it later. Had she made a mistake by coming to him for help?

GAVIN’S HEAD throbbed from trying to contain the rage building inside him. But he’d seen the flicker of fear in Lindsey’s eyes and shame had filled him. Her first husband had been a violent man. He had to channel his anger into something productive. Even if he died a slow painful death on the inside.

He had a baby. A son.

A little boy who’d died or been kidnapped before Gavin had even known he existed. He’d left Lindsey alone to deal with the pregnancy, the birth of his child, the baby’s death. He’d sent her away to protect her, yet he’d left her vulnerable and unprotected.

“Tell me everything.”

Lindsey twisted her hands in her lap. “My baby died a few hours after he was born. At least the doctor said he did.”

“What do you mean, the doctor said the baby died? Why don’t you believe him? Did you see the baby? Did he look healthy?”

“Yes, I held him, but they whisked him away because there were complications.”

“With the baby?”

“With me, with both of us,” she whispered, staring at her hands. “I went into premature labor. I developed eclampsia and the fetus was in distress so they had to perform an emergency C-section.” Her hands stilled, straightened, curled to dig into her palms as she struggled with the memories. Seconds later, she continued in a shaky voice, “I had a boy. But I was drowsy from the anesthesia and couldn’t stay awake. The next thing I remember, I woke up and the nurse told me he…he didn’t make it.” She paused again, then met his gaze, her big brown eyes pleading with him to believe her. “I was so hurt, so stunned I couldn’t believe what she was saying. Then I went into shock.”

His throat tightened.

“The doctor gave me a sedative, and I guess it knocked me out, but later that night, I woke up and saw someone in my room. A man…he tried to kill me.”

His head snapped up. “What?”

“Someone tried to smother me with a pillow. I thought it was the doctor at first—”

“You think the doctor tried to kill you?”

“Yes…no, I don’t know.” Lindsey sighed and shifted in her seat, then tucked an errant strand of hair behind her delicate ear before continuing. “All I remember is that he was wearing surgical scrubs.”

“Did you recognize him? A voice maybe? His eyes?”

“I didn’t see his face, only shadows. It was dark and I was groggy from the pain medicine.” Her face lifted, her eyes big and wide. “But the staff claimed no one had been in my room. They insisted I was hallucinating.”

Which was possible. He’d seen firsthand the bizarre effects drugs had on people. But Lindsey was normally stable, not an irrational female who invented things.

She fumbled with her purse again, her hands trembling as she removed a paper and handed it to him. “A week after I was released from the hospital I started receiving strange phone calls telling me my baby is still alive. This came in the mail today.”

He reached for the file, surprised to find an autopsy report. “You hadn’t seen the report before?”

“No, I asked about the autopsy, but the doctor never showed me the report. He claimed my baby died of heart failure. But the blood type doesn’t match mine or yours.”

A knot of anxiety tightened Gavin’s stomach as he studied her expression. Her story seemed bizarre—could it be true?

“I think someone switched my baby with the infant that didn’t make it. And they tried to cover up the switch.”

“Sounds pretty sinister. Why would someone switch babies?”

A defeated expression darkened her already dull eyes. “Maybe someone kidnapped my baby or adopted him out. Or maybe someone wanted to hurt me or get back at me…” Her voice broke, a wave of tears gushing out.

He ran a hand over his beard stubble, fighting the urge to fold her in his arms. When another tear slipped down her cheek, he lost the battle and actually reached forward. She stiffened immediately and he dropped his hand, trying to decide if she hadn’t accepted the truth about the infant’s death or if the odd events could have happened the way she described. If their child could be alive…

“Did you go to the local police?”

“Yes, but the sheriff in Maple Hollow is as old as Methuselah. He’s been best friends with Dr. Cross since grade school.” She pressed her fingers to her temple. “He assured me nothing strange or illegal ever occurs in Maple Hollow. That Dr. Cross would never lie to a patient.”

“You don’t believe him?”

She shook her head. “I’m not imagining the phone calls, Mac. Or the fact that someone sent me this report.”

Lindsey had slipped and used the nickname she’d whispered that night in bed, but she didn’t even realize it. He stared at his dirty boots. He’d break her heart if he investigated and discovered the doctor had told the truth. But they were talking about his son here. How could he not believe her? Not investigate?

He shifted, agitated. “Maple Hollow isn’t in my jurisdiction, Linds. If the sheriff doesn’t suspect any wrong-doing, he won’t welcome a stranger poking around. Besides, missing persons are usually referred to the FBI.”

She stood so abruptly her chair teetered backwards and hit the wall with a loud thump. “Then you won’t help me?”

Panic rolled through him at the wild, stricken look in her eyes. “I didn’t say that.”

“But you’re not going to, are you? You think I’m some irrational female. That I’m crazy, that I’m making this up.”

“I never said that either.” He clenched his jaw, lowering his voice to a soothing pitch. “I’ve never known you to be irrational.” And he hadn’t. The woman was made of steel—she taught handicapped kids, for God’s sake. And she’d stood up to her ex-husband in court and in front of the man’s family. She had to be tough. But he’d be crazy to get tangled up with her again. Hell, he’d never gotten over her the first time.

“Will you help me?”

The desperation in her voice tore at his soul. “Of course, I’ll help you. You’re talking about our child.” In his mind he pictured her round with his baby. The pain was so intense his knees almost buckled. “Did Faulkner know you were pregnant?”

Lindsey paused, the strain of the day obviously wearing on her. “No.”

“You’re sure? Have you had any contact with his family at all?”

Lindsey sighed. “His mother phoned me a few times before the trial and asked me not to go through with the charges. Then she called once or twice afterward to try and persuade me to recant my testimony. But after I moved from Raleigh, I never heard from them.”

“So, they didn’t know about the baby?”

“I don’t think so. I moved the day after I saw you at the courthouse.” She toyed with a fingernail. “Besides, I never told anyone the name of the baby’s father.”

Including him. Their gazes met, held. He gritted his jaw, the pain once again almost unbearable. Lindsey threaded her fingers together in her lap, looking tired and drawn and too damned thin.

“What about the staff, you said they didn’t see anyone go in your room?”

“That’s right. Only, I went back the week after I was released from the hospital to talk to Janet, the nurse who helped with my delivery, but she’d taken a leave of absence.”

His voice softened. “Even nurses go on vacation, Linds.”

Her face jerked toward him and he saw fear in her eyes, the same fear he’d seen the night he’d crossed the line from duty to pleasure. The night they’d created a son.

“Maybe, but it seemed odd that no one in town knew where Janet went on vacation. Maple Hollow’s so small everyone usually knows everyone else’s business.”

He mulled over that piece of information, trying to piece together a reason someone might kidnap their baby and make her think the child had died, but guilt slammed into him. If he’d been there to take care of her, maybe he could have prevented her premature labor, or if he’d been at the hospital, he could have seen his son himself, protected him…

“What about the other members of the staff?”

“A terrible explosion occurred that night at a local factory. Except for Dr. Cross and the nurse, all the emergency workers were called to help.” She paused.

“Something else odd, happened, too. I heard a girl crying in one of the other rooms at the clinic.”

“Another patient maybe?”

She threw up her hands in frustration and paced to the window. “I thought so, but the doctor claimed I was the only patient that night, that I imagined the other woman.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You’re sure you heard someone else?”

“I’m positive. You know the kids I taught said I had eyes and ears in the back of my head.”

He smiled at the memory. A natural with children, Lindsey would have been a wonderful mother. “Could the woman have been someone from the explosion?”

“No, they transferred all the injuries to the county hospital. The clinic isn’t equipped for major medical emergencies.”

Gavin stood, walked to the window beside her and stared out at the busy street. Thick traffic crawled by, horns honked intermittently, the wail of a siren burst into the strained silence. Sun splashed off the concrete, flickering from a beautiful blue sky. But Gavin had never felt more dismal in his life.

“What’s the sheriff’s take on things?”

“He thinks Dr. Cross invented medicine. He can’t believe anything bad about him.”

“But you’re convinced Cross is involved?”

“I don’t know what to think, Mac, but I feel my son is out there, I hear him crying for me at night in my sleep. I have to know the truth about what happened.”

His gaze dropped to her arms where she’d cradled them around her. His voice softened with sympathy. “Even if it turns out our baby died like the doctor said? Do you want to know that, too, Lindsey?”

“Yes, even then.” Lindsey choked back the tears clogging her throat. “Whatever you find out, I’ll deal with it. But knowing the truth is the only way I can put this ordeal behind me and get on with my life.”

Gavin nodded, his own throat thick. “I’ll talk to Peterson. I’m due a few days vacation. Then we’ll get out of here.” She nodded and he crossed the room and forced himself to leave without touching Lindsey when he wanted to drag her in his arms and hold her, apologize for letting her down, promise her everything would be all right.

But he’d learned the hard way he couldn’t make promises he might not be able to keep.

GAVIN PULLED INTO into the parking spot in front of his apartment, climbed out and waited on Lindsey to meet him at the door, a bad feeling lingering in his gut. The lieutenant had given him leave, no problem. His partner, Simon Durango, had agreed he should go. But the sight of Lindsey reminded him of the lonely hole in his life. The long days and nights he’d spent remembering her touch, the feel of her lips on his, the feel of her naked body beneath his. He’d admired her strength, had needed it that night they’d made love as much as she’d needed his.

He’d never gotten over her. He probably never would.

But he’d hurt her terribly. She must hate him. And who could blame her?

“Gavin?”

He jerked his head toward the shrubbery lining the far end of the complex, scanning the lot. “Come on, it shouldn’t take me long to pack.” He unlocked the door and gestured for her to go in but she stood ramrod straight.

Those dark eyes watched him warily. “I can wait out here.”

“At least come in and sit down,” he said softly. “You look like you’re going to collapse.”

“Thanks, Mac.” Sarcasm laced her voice. “I’d forgotten how charming you can be.”

He winced. She’d been feisty and determined to do the right thing by testifying, regardless of the consequences to her safety. He’d wanted her the minute he’d laid eyes on her, but he’d fought the attraction, knowing she was off-limits.

“Do you mind if I use your phone while you pack?”

He shook his head, hating the awkwardness between them but knowing he’d drawn the boundaries. “It’s—”

“I know where the phone is,” Lindsey said quietly.

He nodded curtly, remembering the night they’d spent together. When her husband had discovered the location of her safe house, his hired hands had come after her and they’d tried to kill her. Gavin had apprehended them just in time to save her. They’d rushed to another safe house, an isolated cabin in the mountains. Emotions had been high, adrenaline pumping from the danger. Things had gotten out of hand. They’d made love. And he’d planted the seed that had become their son.

Now Lindsey had returned because their baby was missing.

A wave of nausea hit him but he welcomed it. After deserting them and leaving Lindsey vulnerable and alone, he deserved the pain.

Lindsey turned away, so he headed toward his bedroom to pack. She was absolutely right. They couldn’t get personally involved again. He’d go to Maple Hollow, check out her story and pray he could help her discover the truth about their baby. But he’d keep his distance. Because he didn’t deserve her or a child, and this time when he walked away, it would have to be final.

LINDSEY SURVEYED Gavin’s apartment as she punched in JoAnn’s telephone number. Two cardboard boxes with half-eaten pizzas were piled on top of a half dozen empty soda cans. A couple of crushed beer cans lay in the corner as if he’d tossed them toward the trash can and missed. Dust covered his collection of trains on the oak bookcase.

He obviously hadn’t been home much lately or hadn’t been taking care of his place, the same way he hadn’t been taking care of himself. His unshaven face, long hair, rumpled jeans and shirt attested to the fact he’d been out on an assignment. Not that he’d ever been neat, but the dust on his beloved trains definitely hinted he’d been distracted.

A beep interrupted her reverie, and she realized JoAnn’s message machine had played all the way through. “Hey, Jo, it’s me. Sorry I didn’t make it by the school but something came up. I’ll talk to you later.”

She hung up the phone and rubbed her neck, then stretched out on the sofa, ignoring the temptation to tidy his room. Exhausted, she closed her eyes, fighting the emotions coursing through her. The shower kicked on, and she envisioned Gavin standing naked under the hot water. She could see his dark hair full of lather, water trickling down the wide planes of his chest, soap bubbles beading on his taut thighs…

She smiled, letting the image erase the haunting memories for the last year. Gavin had been the only man she’d slept with other than her husband. She didn’t give herself lightly, didn’t jump from one man’s bed to another. But during the weeks she and Gavin had spent together, she’d recognized a strength of character that had been missing in her husband. Maybe it had been the circumstances, the danger, the close quarters, but she’d fallen for him quick and hard. And the spiral downward after his dismissal had been devastating.

WHO WAS JOE? Gavin hadn’t meant to eavesdrop. He’d simply picked up the phone to check his voice mail when Lindsey had spoken the man’s name. Was he a new boyfriend?

He tugged on a pair of well-worn jeans and a black T-shirt, pulled on dark socks and his boots, then jerked the ends of his black hair back into a low ponytail, securing it with a leather tie. The discoloration streaking the side of his temple and his bloodshot eye made him look like a hellion, and the cut at the hairline of his forehead should have had stitches. Not exactly the image he wanted in front of the woman he still lusted after. Or her boyfriend.

For the first time in his life, he wondered what a child would think about him. His child. He certainly didn’t look like anyone’s father.

Feeling edgy, he tossed some clothes into a duffel, grabbed his shaving kit and toiletries, checked his gun and stashed some extra ammo in his bag. Not that he planned to use the Glock, but he never went anywhere without his weapon.

SOMEONE WAS watching her.

Darkness bathed the cold room and shadows streaked the whitewashed walls in hazy diagonal lines. The scent of despair hung heavy in the air. The steady drip of the IV. Fresh tears sprang to Lindsey’s eyes and ran down her face. She wanted to scream, but tears clogged her throat. A slight shuffling sound startled her. Someone’s feet dragging. She wasn’t alone.

Janet, bringing her baby.

No, her baby…was gone. God, noooo…

The sound again. She turned her head. A sliver of light. The door closed. A shadow blocked the doorway. The doctor? Breathing rattled through the claustrophobic room. The shadow inched toward her. Her eyelids felt heavy. She tried to distinguish a face. She had to talk to the doctor. Force him to tell her where he’d taken her baby. Admit that the nurse had made some awful mistake.

He was holding something. A pillow. A chill slithered up her spine. She tried to pull herself from sleep. The pillow closed over her face. Pressed against her eyes. Blocked the air from her lungs. She heaved and tried to kick. But she was so tired.

And just as the inky darkness swallowed her, she heard a baby crying…

Chapter Three

Lindsey jerked upright, her heart hammering in her chest. The sun had set while she’d slept, and early evening shadows engulfed the musty room. Blinking furiously, she finally focused and realized Gavin stood beside her. Relief poured through her. But the silhouette of his handsome face did nothing to alleviate her anxiety over the nightmare. And over seeing him again.

“Bad dream?”

She nodded.

“About that night?”

She nodded again and brushed her hair away from her face. “I could hear our baby crying for me.”

He stood so still, studied her with such anguish that Lindsey ached to touch him. To feel some sort of stability in her rocky world. He had shaved and showered and smelled like soap and that minty aftershave she’d always loved. His damp ponytail was infuriatingly sexy and his bruised eye simply added to his dangerous appearance, the kind that twisted a woman’s insides with fear and want.

Irritated that he still made her ache for him, she drew back. “You should have made some noise or something.”

“I was afraid I’d startle you.”

“It’s been a long day.” She fingercombed her hair, then stood and brushed at her dress. “Are you ready?”

His dark eyebrows shot up. “Are you sure you’re ready? You look as if you need a good night’s sleep before driving.”

“What I need is to find my baby.” She moved toward the door. “And the quicker the better, so we can both get back to our own lives.” Separately.

He frowned, then grabbed his duffel bag and headed to the door. “All right. Let’s go.”

She nodded, wondering at her sanity for asking him to her home. At least now she had no memories of him in her rental house. But once he stepped inside, his image and scent would linger in every corner. Then how would she ever be able to forget him?

HOURS LATER they drove past a neighborhood that could have been lifted from the set of Andy Griffith, then veered onto a side street which curved slightly around the mountain. Lindsey stopped by the cemetery, but Gavin shook his head, not yet ready to face the tiny gravemarker which marked his son’s fleeting existence. When they’d stopped for coffee at a small diner, she’d bought fresh flowers from a stand outside the café. He watched in agony now as she lay the beautiful flowers on the small plot, her soft sobs wrenching in their sweetness.

He had to find out if the baby in the grave was his son—they could exhume the body. But he couldn’t justify disturbing the sanctity of the child’s grave without definite proof of foul play. Judging from Lindsey’s emotional state, he didn’t think she was ready for the suggestion either.

After what seemed like an eternity, she returned to her car and they drove down a dirt road, finally stopping at the end of the narrow drive where a tiny white house sat bordered by a picket fence, a whiskey barrel full of pansies and a front porch with a porch swing. Gavin instantly pictured a tricycle and kiddie pool in the front yard, Lindsey wearing a Little League Mom’s shirt holding a baby on her hip. A picnic table on the back deck, lazy Sunday afternoons, a bunch of rugrats running through the sprinkler. His son sporting a baseball hat.

His son.

Lindsey thought that night with her hadn’t meant anything to him. Hell, it had meant too much.

All the more reason he and Lindsey didn’t belong together.

He’d seen too much meanness in his life. He couldn’t take his kid fishing like Andy had Opie and pretend the world was a good place.

His gaze swept the property and he frowned. Situated off the main turnpike, the cabin was isolated and tucked into the woods with a thick bed of trees backing the property. He tried to remember the distance between her house and the last one they’d passed. At least a mile. Too far to yell for help if she were in trouble. And those woods would make an excellent hiding spot for someone who meant her harm. He kept his headlights on while she walked up the porch steps and opened the door. Thank God, she did use a key.