The Baby That Changed Her Life

‘Okay, okay … I guess what I really need to know is your intention. You’re very young and I have no idea of your support system. I’m making no judgements, but I need to know what your intentions are regarding this pregnancy.’

‘My intentions?’

‘Yes. Are you keeping it? Are you here to ask about other options?’ She didn’t want to use the word abortion unless Rhea used it first.

She was quiet for a while, and Callie could see that Rhea’s eyes were filling with tears. Her nose was going red and she was really fighting the urge to cry. All Callie’s instincts told her to reach out and comfort her, to put an arm around her, to show her that someone genuinely cared. But it wouldn’t have been professional to break that boundary— and, besides, she wasn’t comfortable being that person just yet with Rhea. Any show of affection might have the opposite effect and send Rhea running for the hills.

So she sat quietly and waited, her gaze on Rhea’s face.

‘I don’t want it.’ Her voice was quiet and empty of emotion.

‘You don’t?’ This was what she’d suspected.

‘No.’

‘Then there are two options open to you, Rhea.’

Tears rolled down Rhea’s cheeks. ‘I can’t have an abortion. I don’t believe in it.’

‘Right … okay.’

‘I want to give it away. Get rid of it that way.’

It.

So impersonal. So unattached.

I called my baby ‘it’.

There had to be personal reasons for Rhea’s decision, but Callie truly felt that now was not the time to push for them. If Rhea wanted to give her baby away after it was born, that gave Callie six more months of learning about Rhea and working with her to find out what was going on and how best she could help her.

It was a big decision to give away your baby.

It was what I was going to do. Give the baby to Lucas and Maggie. Only it’s not ‘the’ baby now. It’s ‘my’ baby, isn’t it?

Isn’t it?

Callie wasn’t sure. She and Lucas still hadn’t discussed properly what they were going to do to sort this. But they needed to. They were on the clock now and time was ticking. Should she still give the baby to Lucas? Was it even her decision to make?

Callie decided that once the booking clinic was over she was going to call the fertility clinic and ask to speak to one of the counsellors there. She, Lucas and Maggie had each undertaken individual counselling before agreeing to the surrogacy, but the situation had changed now. Everything was different.

I was going to give my baby away. Happily. I was going to do it for Lucas and Maggie.

Who was Rhea doing it for? What was Rhea doing it for?

‘Okay. We can talk about that. It’s a big decision.’

‘I know what I’m doing.’

‘Have you talked to your family about it?’

‘It’s not their decision. It’s mine. My body—my choice.’

‘Of course it is. I’m not denying that.’

‘Just put it in my notes that I’m giving it away. The Social can have it. I don’t want to see it, or hold it. Just get them to take it away and give it to someone who doesn’t know where it’s come from.’

‘Doesn’t know where it’s come from’? Why would she say that? Did Maria think that way about me? She never wanted me. Never wanted anything to do with me. Was my own mother like this young girl once?

‘I’ll put it in your notes. You do know that I’ll be here for you throughout this, Rhea? Any time. You’ll be able to call me, night or day. I’ll give you my contact details.’ She passed over a small card that had the hospital numbers and Callie’s own personal mobile number on it too.

Rhea stuffed it into her bag. ‘I don’t want anyone judging me.’

‘No one will do that.’

‘You don’t know what I’ve been through.’

‘No. But I’m hoping that at some point you’ll trust me enough to tell me.’

She meant it. Sincerely she meant it. And she hoped Rhea could sense that. It was at times like these that Callie’s job meant the world to her. It was at times like these when she felt she could really help someone—and this young girl clearly needed help for something.

If only she’d let me in. If only she’d let me help her so that another baby doesn’t grow up feeling like I did as a child. Unwanted and unloved.

‘Don’t you need to take my blood pressure or something?’

Rhea broke the silence and Callie nodded, glad that Rhea was offering her something.

‘Of course. I need to take blood, too.’

‘I brought this.’ Rhea reached into her bag and took out a small jar with a urine sample in it. ‘I washed it out before I used it.’

‘That’s great—thanks.’ She would need another sample if this one was more than two hours old. It was hospital policy. However, she wasn’t going to say that. Rhea had offered her a little something. That would have to do for now.

Rhea’s blood pressure was fine, as was her urine sample. Nothing out of the ordinary and all well within parameters. Physically, she seemed fine. It was just emotionally that something was off.

‘You know, I’m really looking forward to getting to know you better throughout this, Rhea.’

‘Yeah, well, don’t go thinking you’ll get me to change my mind.’

‘That’s not my place.’

‘No, it isn’t. No one has the right to judge me for giving this thing away.’

‘No, they haven’t.’ I was going to give a baby away myself. ‘But please don’t call the baby a “thing”. Call it what it is.’

Rhea stood up to go and slung her bag over her shoulder. ‘It’s a thing. It will always be a thing. It’ll never be anything else.’ And she stormed from the clinic.

Callie watched her go, bewildered and amazed. In some ways Rhea seemed so strong, but in others she was just a tiny young girl, terrified and afraid.

And what am I afraid of?

Callie’s hand went to her own stomach, as yet still unchanged in size. She didn’t even know she was doing it until her phone beeped a text message alert and she was brought back into the present. As she rummaged in her bag for her phone thoughts echoed through her mind.

Don’t go getting attached.

You have no idea if you’re keeping it either.

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