Hot Docs On Call Collection

“And if we sink?” His pupils widened with lust and something a little more profound. Something she didn’t want to explore right now. So she bit his lip enough to sting. His breath hissed in and he tried to reach her, but his hands quickly reached the end of their tethers.

“Oh, I’m counting on you sinking, James.” She gave a husky laugh. “All the way to the bottom. And I’m going to enjoy every single inch as you do.”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

LEO WAS ALREADY out and intubated.

Sitting in the observation room where Adam Walker was preparing to operate, Mila leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she gazed at the scene. “The surgeon said he’ll have to wear casts for four months and then braces for probably the next two years.”

Adam had told him the same thing when he’d asked. The sad thing was that if Leo had been treated right after birth, while his bones had still been soft and pliable, the doctors might have been able to manipulate his feet into the correct position and held them there using the Ponseti method of casting and bracing. His Achilles tendons might have needed to be lengthened through a quick surgery, and the tendon which was attached to his second toe might have had to be transferred to his third to prevent the foot from re-rotating into the club position, but it was nothing like what the boy was now facing.

As it was, the muscles in his calves would have to be lengthened, as would his tendons to help rotate his feet into the correct position. And Leo would have to learn to walk all over again on his newly corrected feet.

He moved his glance from what was happening in the operating room and put it on Mila, who now had her chin propped in her hands, her muscles tense as she stared at the scene below.

Before he could stop himself, his hand went to her back, his thumb sweeping in gentle circles. He would give anything to take her worry on himself. But he couldn’t do that any more than he could ask Adam to operate on him instead of Leo.

And he still hadn’t talked to Mila, like he’d promised himself he would. But he needed to, and soon, if he wanted to have a future with her.

He did. Those thoughts had come slowly, but they’d been building with every hour that had passed. They’d spent almost every waking moment together over the last two days, he and Mila and Leo. And for the first time he’d wondered if he actually could have a family. If he could actually be the stand-up guy he hadn’t been six years ago.

That would depend on how Mila reacted to what he told her. But first they had to get through this surgery.

Mila drew in a deep breath and blew it back out, then sat up, holding her hand out, palm up, to him. He reached across and gripped it, his other arm wrapping around her shoulders and drawing her against him.

“It’s going to be all right.” He forced the words from his mouth, more to reassure her than because he really believed them. Oh, he believed that Leo was going to be okay. That he would have a long and happy future. But he and Mila?

Of that he wasn’t so sure.

They sat there like that for what seemed like hours, listening as Adam crisply enunciated each step of the surgery into the overhead microphone.

It seemed to take hours. It did, in fact. And yet there was no place James would rather be than sitting here next to Mila.

Finally, the surgeon stood upright and stretched his back. “That’s it, ladies and gentlemen. I’m going to close and then we can wake him up.”

Just as he took the threaded needle from one of the surgical nurses and leaned over the boy, an alarm went off. Then another.

“Pressure’s dropping.” The anesthesiologist’s voice cut through the celebratory mood like a guillotine.

“What the hell’s happening, Ron?” Adam asked the other doctor.

“I have no idea. He was stable a second ago. Give me a minute.”

James’s muscles went on high alert just as Mila stood and rushed over to the window, pressing her hands against it.

Adam, probably catching the sudden movement, glanced up at them, his jaw tight as he spoke into the microphone that linked the operating room with the observation area. “Get her out of there, James.”

There was no way in hell he was going to tell Mila to leave. But if things got really bad, he would carry her out bodily if he had to.

By now the team was on high alert, Leo’s feet forgotten as they fought to stabilize his condition.

Damn it!

“What’s happening?” He knew Mila didn’t expect an answer to her question any more than Adam had expected one from Ron Palmer, head of anesthesia at The Hollywood Hills Clinic.

Sedation was a tricky balance of drugs. Every person was different and the tiniest variation in the way the medication interacted with a patient could have devastating consequences.

Instrument tables were shoved aside and a crash cart wheeled in, just in case.

Hell, he hoped it didn’t come to that.

“Let’s get him stable, people.” The strain in Adam’s voice came through loud and clear.

Everyone was already working to do just that, but the alarms continued, unrelenting.

“He’s tachy at one-thirty.”

Leo’s heart was beating too fast. They wouldn’t know if it was a reaction to the anesthesia or something else until after they got things back under control.

“V-tach!”

Mila’s whole body was now pressed against the glass. “Oh, God!”

If they couldn’t get Leo’s heart back into normal rhythm, it could spiral down into ventricular fibrillation, the leading cause of cardiac arrest and death.

His eyes burned and his gut was sending up alarm bells of its own. But when he tried to draw Mila away from the window, she shook him off.

“Don’t touch me.”

Just as suddenly, she spun toward him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’m sorry. So sorry. He trusted me. I told him it would be okay.”

Mila had trusted James once upon a time, only to have him betray that trust so he didn’t try to placate her or reassure her. He just held her and joined his fear to hers and hoped it was enough to ward off whatever was happening in that room.

The alarms switched off just as suddenly as they’d sounded, and everyone seemed to hold their collective breath.

Mila turned back toward the room below, one hand over her mouth.

“And we’re back in sinus.” The anesthesiologist’s voice, full of relief, verified that things were turning around. “It’s holding. Pressure’s back up to ninety over sixty. Let’s get this done.”

James tightened his grip on her, kissing the top of her head in relief. If Leo got through this, James was going to spill everything. Tell Mila the truth and ask for a second chance.

Adam worked quickly to suture up the surgical sites and finish his work while Ron kept his eyes glued to the monitors. Ten minutes later the surgeon peeled off his gloves. “Thank God. Let’s wake him up.”

Mila and James waited with everyone else as Ron eased the sedation. Within a few minutes Leo’s eyelids flickered and then opened. The anesthesiologist put his hand on the boy’s forehead and said something to him. Leo nodded.

“Thank God.” Mila breathed the same words the surgeon had, her whole body sagging as she fell back into one of the plush chairs. “What just happened?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure Adam will want to keep an eye on him until the anesthesia has worn off completely.”

“I’m going down there.” She stood as if she was going to do exactly what she’d said.

“No, Mila. You’re not. Not until Adam says you can.” They both knew the protocol, and James was not about to break it and risk Leo’s life if something happened.

“But—”

He slid an arm around her waist, ignoring all the jabs his conscience was now giving him. “We’ll both go. But not until Adam gives us the green light. What we can do is wait for him to come out and talk to us.”

So they went down to the waiting area, Mila perched at the very edge of a chair, while James paced in front of her.

After what seemed like hours Adam pushed through the door. “Before either of you says anything, he’s stable. He’s awake and talking, but I want to give him a half hour before we add more people to the mix.”

Meaning he didn’t want them in there right now.

“You’re sure he’s okay?”

“Yes. I’ll have the nurse come out as soon as we’re ready for you. I want to run a few tests, but I think what you saw in there was a reaction to the anesthesia. It’s rare, but it happens.”

“We almost lost him.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Mila’s head jerked around to look at him, as did Adam’s, except the orthopedist, known for his calm demeanor and unflappable nature, barely lifted an eyebrow at his outburst.

“It didn’t come to that. My team was on it at the first hint of trouble.”

James realized his friend could have taken his words as a criticism. “Your team is top-notch. I appreciate all you’ve done.”

“So do I. Thank you.” Mila held out her hand.

Adam gave it a quick squeeze. “Everything we did in there was a success. Leo will need bracing for a while, but he has a great shot at having normal function in both feet. We may need to tweak the tendons and muscles a bit as he grows, but those will be minor procedures under local anesthesia. Nothing like today.”

“Thank you, again.”

Adam nodded. “Let me get back to him.”

We almost lost him. James’s words echoed through Mila’s skull.

They could have. And when she thought of all the lost years she and James could have had, she felt sick.

Suddenly she had to know.

She turned to him. “You said on the boat you had something to tell me.”

“Yes.”

“Is it something about the past? Or something about the present?”

His throat moved. “Both.”

“Okay. I want to do this now. Before we go back to see him.”

He hesitated. “I don’t think this is the right time.”

“It’s the perfect time.” She needed to know. Know whether they were going to be moving forward as a couple or if their lovemaking had been nothing more than passing a few hours. When she faced Leo, she wanted to know the score. Was she doing this on her own? Or did James want to move back into her life? And if she could get past all of their differences, she wanted reassurance that he was there to stay. Which meant she had to understand the past. “Let’s start with ancient history. What went wrong six years ago? I want the truth.”

The waiting room was empty, but James still pulled her toward the back corner and waited until she sat down. He remained standing, hands pressed deep into his pockets.

“The truth. Okay, my calling things off that day had nothing to do with you. Or my feelings at the time.”

She’d avoided the “why” question for years, allowing both her anger and what had happened with her aunt to cloud her thinking. But if it had had nothing to do with how he’d felt about her...

All sorts of alternate scenarios began running through her head. Some of them outrageous. Some of them horrifying.

“So it wasn’t because you didn’t love me.”

“No.”

Had he been unfaithful? All those tabloid stories flashed through her head.

She clasped her hands in her lap, suddenly as afraid as she’d been during Leo’s surgery. “Okay, then. Tell me why.”

James’s eyes closed for a second before reopening. “A former girlfriend told me she was pregnant.”

The words meant nothing to her for a second or two, then realization dawned. Pain knifed through her abdomen, quickly turning to churning nausea. “You got someone pregnant while we were engaged?”

He knelt down and grabbed her hands. “No. Cindy and I were over a week before you and I danced that first time. Then things happened so fast, our relationship...everything.” He shook his head. “A few weeks before our wedding day she came to me and said she was expecting.”

He paused. “I didn’t know what to do, knew that a media firestorm would break out as soon as word got out. I waited and waited, hoping some kind of solution would come to me, but there was nothing. So I decided the only thing I could do was break off our engagement, to protect you as best I could from what was about to happen. I’m sorry, Mila. Truly sorry.”

The words swirled and danced, looming and receding before her eyes until they were mere pinpoints.

Then something ugly rose as one phrase rang through her ears. “You wanted to protect me? Protect? Me?”

Okay, so she was repeating herself. But it was because the same words were now slamming against her insides like huge lapping waves that threatened to drown her.

Only this time the words were from another source. From her aunt when a sobbing seventeen-year-old Mila had waved a yellowed newspaper in front of her face, the headlines an accusation.

I was just trying to protect you.

What her aunt had done, though, had been to rob her of a chance to see her mom one last time...to say goodbye.

James had robbed her too.

Mila swallowed the bitterness that coated her throat. More than once. Even so, her next words came out as a whisper. “You should have told me the truth.”

She wasn’t sure if she was talking to James or her aunt’s ghost.

“I wasn’t thinking straight at the time, and I truly believed she was pregnant. I felt I had...a responsibility toward her, and I didn’t want you to have to suffer for it.”

I was just trying to protect you.

He didn’t say the words this time, but they kept echoing all around her.

“And what about your responsibility toward me? I didn’t need protecting. I needed the truth. Deserved the truth. Instead, you let me think I wasn’t...” She brushed his hands away and stood up. Her skin crawled at the similarities between what her aunt had done and what he had.

“I did what I thought was right at the time.”

I just wanted to protect you.

She shook off the words.

“What happened to the baby?” She turned away, not wanting to see his eyes when he told her.

“There was no baby. It was all a lie.”

God.

It was. But not just one lie. More like an entire pack of them, circling around lost chances and stolen moments and trapping them inside—only pausing long enough to snap and growl whenever anything got too close.

A mishmash of betrayal, anger, fear and so many other emotions began crowding her mind, all vying for first place in her thoughts. She needed to get away. To think. To breathe. And she couldn’t do that with James standing five feet away.

Before she could ask him to leave, though, a nurse headed their way. “You can go back and see Leo. He’s asking for you. Both of you.”

She did the only thing she could. Without looking to see if James was following, she gritted her teeth to hold back the cry of pain and walked down the long hallway.

Mila was aware of the second Leo opened his eyes and looked at her. Her heart went from the pits of despair to a relief so great that it made her insides contract. She gripped his hand in both of hers, aware of James waiting somewhere behind her. She didn’t want to talk to him right now. Maybe never. All her energy had to go toward Leo. Toward making sure he recovered.

Leo’s eyes moved from hers to a spot just over her left shoulder. “Papá, Papá ¿Dónde estás?”

Mila’s throat tightened to breaking point when she realized he wasn’t asking where his dead father was but was looking at James.

She glanced back, pleading for him not to hurt Leo. Not now. His mouth moved, but nothing came out, the shock on his face so obvious it might have been funny under different circumstances. Only no one was laughing. Least of all her.

He gave her a long glance before coming forward, the smile he gave Leo as fake as a runway model’s. And his posture. It was stiff. His muscles tensed and ready.

Ready to run. Again.

Well, good. She could only hope he did it before she told him to get the hell out of her life.

How dared he look her in the eye six years ago and tell her that he simply couldn’t go through with their wedding when all the while he’d been sitting on the real reason.

And somehow his lie was so much worse than her aunt’s had been. Because Mila had been an adult, fully capable of dealing with anything he’d handed to her. Only he hadn’t given her the chance.

Well, she didn’t care. This was about Leo. Not about her. Not about James. He could take his sorry little sack of confessions and saunter right back out of their lives. But not until he helped Leo get through this one last thing.

The child held out his hand and James took it. “¿Estoy bien?” Am I okay?

Mila’s heart fragmented into a million pieces.

“Yes, Leo.” There was a strangled edge to James’s voice that she didn’t recognize. “You’re going to be fine now. I promise.”

She took a deep breath. At least this time he’d spoken the truth. She and Leo would be fine—without James. She would make sure of it, make sure she gave Leo everything he needed. And the thing he needed most was love.

The boy’s eyelids fluttered, and Mila leaned down to kiss his brow. “You sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

When she glanced back at James. There was an anguish in his expression that she recognized all too well. She’d seen it once before. In the church, right before their wedding.

Mila moved away from Leo, hoping James would follow her. She didn’t want little ears to hear what she was about to say. She met him by the door.

“Thank you for finally telling me the truth after all these years, but I think you should go. Now, before he wakes up.”

Even as she said the words, her heart cried out for him to say something—anything—that would change her mind before she could make the break complete, but he stood there like a stone.

She waited a second or two longer and when there was still nothing she finished the job, bringing down the ax before she lost her courage. “I want you to go, James. And don’t come back.”

Mila threw herself into her work like never before, flitting between her LA clinic and the new one. James had given her free rein over the hiring of staff, and Avery had helped her in selecting the best candidates and setting up shop.

James had left instructions that no expense should be spared. She had an open checkbook, and he wanted her to use it however she wanted.

Of course he hadn’t told her that in person. He’d done as she’d asked. He’d left. In fact, she hadn’t seen him in the last two weeks. Someone said he’d taken his sailboat and gone on an extended vacation.

Where?

It didn’t matter.

What did matter was that her doubts about the way she’d ended things were beginning to crop up, multiplying like dust bunnies that crouched beneath her bed, hidden from view but there nonetheless.

He’d done what he’d thought best back then.

Had it been the right decision?

No. No more than her aunt had done the right thing by telling her that her parents had died in a car accident.

Had he done it with malicious intent?

No. Of that she had no doubt.

I was trying to protect you.

In truth, nothing could have protected her from the pain of him saying it was over. Or the pain of her parents’ deaths. Both things had been devastating losses that she’d never gotten over.

But James had confessed on his own. She hadn’t had to wave a newspaper article in his face.

Had she pushed him away too quickly, fearing that if she didn’t he would just repeat the mistakes of the past and hurt her again? Well, she’d made sure he never had the chance of doing that.

But if he’d wanted to stay, wouldn’t he have fought for her? Or come back later and tried to get her to change her mind? He hadn’t done that six years ago, so why did she expect him to do it now?

Besides, she’d basically told him not to bother.

Scrubbing the exam table a little harder than necessary after her last patient of the day, she tried to figure out what exactly she wanted.

She wanted James.

But did he really want her? Oh, he’d made love to her after that gala as if he cared about her. And he’d said that what he wanted to tell her had to do with the past...and the present. She’d never given him the chance to tell her anything beyond that awful confession.

But what else could he have wanted to say?

The door opened and Freya poked her head in. In her normal no-nonsense fashion she rounded the corner and braced her back against the wall beside the door, her maternity top skimming over her belly. Her friend glowed with health and happiness. And somehow that made Mila even more miserable. Especially since her cycle had come in with a vengeance, verifying what the pregnancy test had already told her. She wasn’t carrying James’s child. And if she was, would he have stayed with her just for that reason? He’d mentioned feeling a sense of responsibility toward that Cindy person when he’d thought she’d been pregnant.

More doubts arose, revealing the saddest truth of all.

She missed him. Terribly. Despite everything. As did Leo, who kept asking where Papá was.

That just about killed her.

She tossed her paper towel into the trash and tried to think of something cheery to say to her friend. She came up blank, settling for resting a hip against the exam table and waiting for Freya to spit out whatever it was she was chewing on.

“I know where he is.”

A stab of something went through her system. “Where who is?”

Freya gave her a look.

“Okay. I know who you mean. He lied to me, Freya. About everything.”

“I know. He told me.” Her friend moved as close as she could without her belly touching Mila. “I tried waiting until one of you came to your senses, but since neither of you seems to be heading in that direction, I’m going to tell you something. And then you can decide what you want to do about it.”

“Okay.” Mila wasn’t sure she wanted to hear it, but if it would help her understand what had happened, maybe she could at least gain closure.

“James said he told you about Cindy. I had no idea. He never said a word. Until I confronted him on the phone a few days ago. Did he also tell you that our father had a habit of getting women pregnant and then paying them off to keep them quiet? Or that he offered to do the same with Cindy?”

“What?” James had said nothing about it. Not that she’d given him a chance.

“It’s true. There are probably people walking around out there who have no idea that Michael Rothsberg is their father. Or that they have half-siblings.” She paused. “James didn’t say it outright, but I think that’s why he broke off your engagement. So that he didn’t become like our father, unwilling to face the consequences of his actions. If Cindy was pregnant, he wanted that child to know who its father was.”

Mila gulped. It all made sense. Had she made a huge mistake?

“You’re my friend, Freya. Couldn’t you have asked him those questions back then?”

“When? After you’d left for Brazil and said you never wanted to hear James’s name again?” Her shoulders twitched. “I was just as angry at him as you were, Mi. Then, after you came back to LA, I thought that bringing up the past would just hurt everyone involved.”

She touched Mila’s hand. “But now...I think he loves you, Mi. And this time, no matter how hurt you might feel, I don’t think you should let him get off quite so easily.”

Easily? None of this was easy. Would things have been any different if James had indeed told her the truth six years ago? She searched her heart.