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She promptly stalled the mower.
Cam came up, a frown in his eyes. ‘What happened?’
She swallowed. ‘I, uh, lost my concentration for a moment.’ She tried to find that elusive sense of freedom again, but it slipped out of reach. ‘Thank you for the lesson, Cameron. I think I have the hang of it now.’ She started the mower up again. Something in his eyes made the ache inside her threaten to explode, and she wasn’t sure if tears or heat would be the outcome—and she had no intention of finding out. ‘I’ll just park it up near the house.’ She didn’t wait for him to say anything, but took off.
She climbed off the mower and checked her watch.
‘Somewhere you need to be?’
She suddenly laughed. ‘I’m just waiting for that darn cake to cool. I’d planned on icing it, but I’m not sure I can wait that long. I’ll put the kettle on in a moment and cut us both a slice. I just want to check the animals’ water first.’
Cam settled on the garden bench and picked up Sarah’s book. Tess checked the water bowl by the back door and then the one in the chicken coop, letting Barney and Fluffy out to play in the yard.
Cam gave a sudden snort. ‘You have got to be joking! Listen to this. “Carrot spaghetti: using a vegetable peeler, create long lengths of carrot to look like spaghetti. Submerge in boiling water for a few seconds and then top with pasta sauce. Children will love it and it’s a tasty way to ensure they eat their vegetables.”’
She nodded. ‘I know. Who has the time for that, huh? Do you know how long it takes to peel a whole carrot with a vegetable peeler?’
He stared at her. The book dropped to his lap. ‘You’ve tried this?’
‘Well…’ She heaved back a sigh. ‘I just never knew it could be so hard to get kids to eat their veggies. There’s loads more tips in there about grating carrot and zucchini and adding it to mince when making rissoles or meatloaf…and grating cauliflower And zucchini into hash-brown mixture and…’
She plonked down beside him. ‘Long gone are the days of pulling a frozen dinner out of the freezer and nuking it in the microwave.’ And God help her, but she missed those days. A sigh overtook her. ‘Do you know how long it takes to grate anything?’
‘Hell, Tess.’
She straightened. ‘I mean, that’s one of the reasons we came out here—so I’d have plenty of time to do exactly that.’ Looking after Ty and Krissie was the most important job in the world to her, so what were a few grated carrots between family, huh?
‘You’re going to send yourself around the twist grating vegetables as if there’s no tomorrow.’
It was starting to feel that way, but…
‘You know what, Tess?’
She glanced at him and the sympathy and compassion in his eyes made her sinuses burn and her throat ache. ‘What?’ she whispered.
‘I think you need to stop trying to be Sarah and focus on being yourself.’
Her head rocked back.
‘And another thing…Why are you so reluctant to continue with your music?’
She froze.
‘Why aren’t you eager to dive back into your piano and guitar?’
An invisible hand reached inside her chest to squeeze her heart.
‘Hasn’t it occurred to you that playing again might actually help you manage all your stress and worry?’
‘No!’ She leapt up. ‘You’re wrong. So wrong!’
She stood there, hands clenched, shaking, and realised too late how utterly revealing her reaction had been. She forced herself to sit again, doing what she could to hide her panic. ‘No.’ She moderated her tone. ‘You don’t understand.’
‘Then explain it to me.’
Explain? Oh, that was impossible, but…‘Music consumes me. I…When I play, nothing else matters. For the time being, it needs to go on the backburner until I get a decent handle on my new life.’
All true, but she couldn’t look at him as she said it.
He surveyed her for a long moment. It took a superhuman effort not to fidget. ‘So you haven’t played since you heard about Sarah’s accident?’
The yearning rose within her but she ruthlessly smothered it. ‘There hasn’t been time.’ There would never be time. She’d make sure of it. She’d turned her back on that life of selfishness.
His eyes suddenly narrowed. ‘Why do I get the feeling you’re punishing yourself?’
‘Low blood sugar,’ she prescribed, jumping up. ‘It’s beyond time I serve up that promised cake.’
‘Tess.’
She halted halfway to the back door and then turned. ‘Cam, can we leave this for now? I…I just need to get my priorities straight and my music messes with that too much. I’ll sort it out eventually, but in the meantime talking about it doesn’t help.’
She hated lying to him. But he was leaving Bellaroo Creek soon and…And it was just too hard.
With a nod, he let it be and she could’ve hugged him. To stop from doing anything so stupid, she set up the card table and served tea and cake. Cam ate it with the same relish as she did, and it lifted something inside her.
Eventually they both sat back, sated.
‘Tess, about grating all those vegetables.’
His tone made her laugh. ‘Yes?’
‘I don’t think it’s necessary.’
‘No? Well, c’mon, convince me, because, believe me, if I never see another grated carrot for as long as I live it’ll be too soon.’
He sobered, that compassion alive in his eyes again. ‘Tess, no matter what you do you’ll never be able to make up to Krissie and Ty that they’ve lost their parents. You can grate from now till kingdom come, but it won’t make a scrap of difference.’
Her throat closed over.
‘And spoiling them in the attempt will be doing them a grave disservice.’
With a superhuman effort, she swallowed. Had she been spoiling them? ‘You think I fuss over them too much, don’t you?’
His face softened. ‘I think when you’re feeling more confident, you’ll relax a bit more.’
‘So…that’s a yes, then?’
He remained silent.
She pondered what he’d said. It should break her heart that she couldn’t make up to Ty and Krissie that they’d lost their parents. And it did, but it was strangely freeing too. It gave her permission to focus on the things she could change.
She glanced at Cam. He’d put his exciting plans for Africa on hold for a whole additional month for Krissie and Ty…and for her. She started to smile. ‘You’re saying I’ll never have to grate another carrot in my life?’
‘That’s exactly what I’m saying.’
He grinned back at her and she couldn’t help it. She leaned across and pressed her lips to his.
CHAPTER SIX (#u05d84099-629d-514d-b1e5-4198508a69f5)
CAM DIDN’T PULL away. He didn’t even hesitate. He greeted Tess’s kiss with wholehearted pleasure. One of his hands cupped her face, engulfing her in his warmth. Tendrils of sensation unfurled in her stomach and drifted out to every corner of her body in slow adagios of delight. Waltzing delight.
And then the tendrils became licks of fire. Cam’s free hand curved around the back of her neck and he pulled her in closer, his lips moving over hers more fully, more thoroughly, offering her even more delight, making her even hungrier for him.
Greedy to taste, greedy to touch, she slid her hands to either side of his face and she explored the texture of his jaw and the strong column of his neck until her hands and fingers were as alive as her lips. When he licked the corner of her mouth, traced the fullness of her bottom lip, she opened up to him and he dragged her right into his lap as their tongues danced. She wound her arms about his neck as if she never meant to let him go.
She gave herself up to the thrill of being alive and in his arms. Kissing Cameron was like listening to vibrant, wonderful music. Better yet, it was like making vibrant, wonderful music. Music that could fill the soul and send it soaring free, and Tess wanted to soar and fly and swoop and twirl with Cameron and never stop.
She slipped her hand between the buttons of his shirt, needing to touch firm bare skin. His hand slid beneath her shirt, his caress an omen of bliss. And then they both stilled, so unaccountably in tune with each other that they knew.
They knew this had become more than a kiss. It was about to become something a whole lot more interesting…if that was what they chose.
If.
Tess stared up into eyes so vivid with promise that all she had to do was reach out. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and tasted him there. Her body clamoured for more, but…
She shivered. Ty and Krissie.
She gave a tiny shake of her head.
She felt the sigh he heaved back, but he nodded his acknowledgement. He went to lift her off his lap, but she held up a hand to forestall him. She dragged in a breath, counted to three…four, and then removed herself under her own steam until she was sitting beside him again.
‘I really shouldn’t have done that,’ she murmured.
He surveyed her with watchful eyes, but didn’t say anything. She bit her lip and then shrugged. ‘But while I shouldn’t have kissed you, I can’t find it in myself to be sorry for it.’ She frowned, suddenly realising how selfish that sounded. ‘I mean, I’m sorry if I made you—’
‘Me neither, Tess,’ he cut in.
He leaned back, a grin lighting those ecstasy-inducing lips of his and hunger raged through her.
‘I don’t see why you shouldn’t have done it. I don’t have a problem if you want to do it again.’ He raised his hands. ‘Just saying.’
She laughed and shook her head. ‘I shouldn’t have done it because I liked it too much.’
‘And there’s a problem with that?’
It was the same as when she played the piano or the guitar—the world receded and the music took over. And until three months ago, she’d let it. Willingly. Gladly. She’d welcomed it. Only now, she knew how selfish that had been. How unfair it had been to those around her.
No more.
She’d let her selfish obsession keep her from Sarah, when her sister had needed her. She couldn’t afford to let Ty and Krissie down in the same way.
‘There are just too many strikes against us, Cameron.’
‘Like?’
‘Like the fact I truly believe Ty and Krissie need stability for a while. I don’t think it’s fair to ask them to adjust to a new man in their lives just yet. Not after everything they’ve been through. I don’t think that’s unreasonable, even if you do. We’re just searching for…’
‘An even keel.’
She nodded. ‘I really don’t want to mess this up.’
‘Strike One,’ he murmured.
She glanced down at her hands and then back at him. ‘There are other issues too. You have a grudge in your heart that’s bigger than forty hectares of golden canola. Until you come to terms with that, there’ll never be room in your heart for another woman.’
He drew back. ‘I have good reason for that grudge.’
‘Yes, you do.’
‘But?’
Couldn’t he see how much his bitterness, how much holding on to his grudge was hurting him? ‘It’s just from where I’m standing—sitting—that’s Strike Two.’
He didn’t say anything.
She couldn’t let it go. ‘What Lance and Fiona did to you, Cameron, sucks. But…’ She gripped her hands together. ‘But has it never occurred to you that maybe they never meant for it to happen, that they never meant to hurt you? That maybe they just fell in love with each other? Maybe he’s just as appalled by what’s happened as you are.’
Cam dragged a hand back through his hair, making it stand on end. She ached to reach out and smooth it back down.
‘Look, Tess, all his life Lance has been jealous of me. Jealous that I had a father with a bigger station than his father’s. Jealous that I had two homes I divided my time between. Jealous that I did well at sport and at school. You name it—if it was mine, he wanted it.’
He scowled out at the yard. ‘If he spent half as much time working towards whatever it was he wanted instead of resenting me for having it, or stealing it from me, then he might have achieved something worthwhile. I thought he’d grow out of it. Hoped he would. For heaven’s sake, he’s twenty-six years old! I never thought he would go to such lengths, but…’
His hands clenched. ‘But it appears he still wants what I have, so, no, I haven’t considered the fact that he never meant to hurt me. I know that’s precisely what he was hoping to achieve.’
Bile burned the back of Tess’s throat at the expression in his eyes.
‘He stole all that I most cherished in this world, and he laughed while he did it. Forgiveness, even if he asked for it…’
He broke off, his face growing grimmer. ‘This time he went too far. He involved an innocent third party in his nasty little games.’
All that I most cherished. She swallowed, suddenly nauseous. ‘Fiona?’ The name croaked out of her.
He gave one hard nod.
She swallowed again. ‘Forgive me for saying this, but the fact she, um…canoodled with your brother while engaged to you doesn’t exactly cast her in the role of an innocent.’
Did he still love that tall, slim woman with the golden ponytail? The thought left a bad taste in her mouth. If her stomach hadn’t been churning so badly she’d have grabbed another piece of cake to override it.
