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The Silent Cry: Part 2 of 3: There is little Kim can do as her mother's mental health spirals out of control
Cathy Glass
The heartbreaking true story of a young, troubled mother who needed help.The sixteenth fostering memoir by Cathy Glass.It is the first time Laura has been out since the birth of her baby when Cathy sees her in the school playground. A joyful occasion but Cathy has the feeling something is wrong. By the time she discovers what it is, it is too late. This is the true story of Laura whose life touches Cathy’s in a way she could never have foreseen. It is also the true stories of little Darrel, Samson and Hayley who she fosters when their parents need help. Some stories can have a happy ending and others cannot, but as a foster carer Cathy can only do her best.
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Copyright (#ud1acd8a3-e332-5f40-9439-3ff7b8ea4866)
Certain details in this story, including names, places and dates, have been changed to protect the children.
HarperElement
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers
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London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
First published by HarperElement 2016
FIRST EDITION
© Cathy Glass 2016
A catalogue record of this book is
available from the British Library
Cover image © Krasimira Petrova Shishkova/Trevillion Images (posed by model)
Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2016
Cathy Glass asserts the moral right to be
identified as the author of this work
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Source ISBN: 9780008153717
Ebook Edition © February 2016 ISBN: 9780008156589
Version: 2016-01-19
Contents
Cover (#u9b58880a-8f0a-5573-b20c-2ba97b3a04c2)
Title Page (#ulink_f3cdfefe-7c48-5ff9-a3f3-dc2233700ccc)
Copyright (#ulink_4f3b320f-b089-5954-886c-bdb8aee7c672)
Chapter Ten: The Devil’s Child (#ulink_496d16a2-da40-5f5f-943a-70d60b815110)
Chapter Eleven: Trying to Hurt Him (#ulink_118473c3-2979-54fb-9927-d51f7f01f24e)
Chapter Twelve: Very Serious (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Thirteen: Worry (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fourteen: Gina (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Fifteen: Everley (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Sixteen: Home Again (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventeen: Progress (#litres_trial_promo)
Moving Memoirs eNewsletter (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Ten
The Devil’s Child (#ud1acd8a3-e332-5f40-9439-3ff7b8ea4866)
School resumed on Monday after the half-term break and the air temperature rose dramatically by ten degrees, as it can do in England, catching everyone unawares and causing the weather reporter to pronounce a heat wave. The sun shone in a cloudless sky and the air was alive with birdsong and the scent of summer flowers. We didn’t need to wear our jackets to walk to school that morning.
Adrian was pleased to see his friends again and they ran around in the playground before school began. Parents chatted to each other, catching up on their news and asking each other if they’d had a nice holiday, and sharing what they’d done. Some families had spent the week at home just relaxing, pleased to be out of the school routine, while others had been more energetic, going out most days, and a couple of lucky families had been abroad for the week. As I talked to my friends I looked around for any sign of Laura, hoping she was now feeling well enough to bring Kim to school, but I couldn’t see her. Then just before the start of school Geraldine walked into the playground, with Kim beside her pushing the pram. Kim was looking around her, proud to be in charge of her baby brother, while Geraldine kept her gaze straight ahead, her face expressionless. I assumed therefore that Laura still didn’t feel up to coming out, or possibly she was just having a lie-in. I’d ask Geraldine how she was if I got the opportunity.
When the Klaxon sounded the children said goodbye to their parents and then lined up ready to go into school. The little groups of parents began dispersing, making their way towards the main gate. I looked over to where Geraldine had been standing. She was now walking briskly towards the exit. She was always one of the first out, slipping out ahead of everyone else, but this time her progress was slowed by the pram. I caught up with her as she waited for her turn to pass through the main gate.
‘Good morning,’ I said. Paula was holding my hand and toddling beside me.
Geraldine threw me her usual tight smile.
‘Baby,’ Paula said, pointing to the pram.
‘Yes. Baby Liam. How is he doing?’ I asked Geraldine. I could just see his little face over the cover, sleeping.
‘He’s well,’ she said.
‘And how’s Laura?’
‘These things take time.’
‘She didn’t feel up to coming here today then?’ I asked.
‘No.’
We were now through the main gate and on the pavement outside and it was clear Geraldine didn’t want to walk with us.
‘Give her my love,’ I said.
She nodded stiffly and then, head down, she set off, pushing the pram at a brisk pace.
‘Baby Liam,’ Paula said again.
‘Yes,’ I said absently. ‘With his grandmother.’
As we passed number 53 Paula and I both glanced at the house, but there was no one to be seen, and we continued our haltingly slow journey home. It didn’t matter that it took us ages; it was a beautiful day and Paula was finding plenty to interest her along the way: ants scurrying across pavements, a cat basking on a sun-drenched wall, front gardens with an array of brightly coloured flowers, all of which were wonderfully new and inspiring to the enquiring young mind of a small child. I wished I had Laura’s telephone number – I could have phoned her; just a friendly call to see how she was, for I didn’t feel I could simply arrive on her doorstep. The last time I’d visited, Geraldine had made it clear that she’d let me know when Laura was up to having visitors again.
Once home, Paula and I went straight into the garden and I played in the sandpit with her. It was nice being able to give her some one-to-one time again, and she enjoyed it. Mid-morning I settled her for a nap and continued my dissertation. I wondered if Samson’s social worker would telephone for feedback on Samson’s respite, but she didn’t. However, at lunchtime Shelley’s social worker telephoned to ask if I could foster a four-month-old baby they were bringing into care the next day. Reluctantly I had to say no, and I explained about my degree.
‘OK. Good luck with it,’ she said. ‘I’ll make a note on the whiteboard.’
‘Thank you.’
That afternoon Geraldine was in the playground again with Liam in the pram, and as usual she stood by herself with her eyes fixed firmly ahead. When the children came out I saw Kim pushing the pram towards the exit, but they were well ahead of us by the time we left the playground, as Paula wanted to walk. The next day was the same: Geraldine brought Liam to school in the morning and the afternoon. I didn’t know what this said about how Laura was feeling, but I had to believe that Geraldine and Laura’s husband, Andy, knew what was best for her, as they were close to her and had helped her through a difficult time after the birth of Kim. There’s a fine line between being friendly and neighbourly and being intrusive and a nosy parker, so I felt any further enquiry from me about Laura at that time would be unwelcome and probably resented. If Laura had been an old friend it would have been very different, but for now I just had to accept that Geraldine was in charge and knew best.
However, all that changed the following morning.
It was another fine day and we were walking to school. Paula, as usual, was in her stroller with the promise that she could walk back. As we passed number 53 the front door suddenly burst open. Kim ran out and down the path as Geraldine stood in the doorway. ‘Gran says can you take me to school today,’ Kim said. ‘She has to stay with Mum.’
‘Yes, of course,’ I said. I looked towards the open door, but Geraldine gave a cursory wave and closed it.
‘Is your mum all right?’ I asked Kim.
‘I don’t know. She had a bad night. Gran didn’t want to leave her alone, and my daddy had to go to work. We’ve been looking out for you.’
‘Is your mum sick?’ I asked, worried. I had no idea what a ‘bad night’ meant in this context.
‘Not really,’ Kim said, and looked uncomfortable. I knew not to question her further. She was only seven and I didn’t want to place her in an awkward position by asking questions that she couldn’t or didn’t want to answer.
‘I gave Liam his bottle this morning,’ Kim said proudly, brightening, as she fell into step beside us.
‘Well done. That was a big help,’ I said.
‘I don’t like helping to change his nappy, though,’ she said, pulling a face.
‘Yuk!’ Adrian agreed. ‘She still poos in a nappy,’ he said, pointing at Paula, and dissolved into laughter. He was at an age when he and his friends found toilet talk hilarious.
‘Baby Liam?’ Paula asked, leaning out of her stroller for a better look at Kim.
‘Hi,’ Kim said sweetly. ‘Liam’s at home.’
She took hold of Paula’s hand and we continued down the street with Kim on one side of the stroller and Adrian on the other. Adrian and Kim began talking about school and then a popular children’s television programme, while I thought about Laura. Why didn’t Geraldine want to leave her alone? It didn’t sound good, and I thought maybe this was the excuse I needed to call in on the way home.
Once in the playground I let Paula out of the stroller and she immediately crouched down and began examining the tarmac, poking her finger at a couple of loose chippings. It’s incredible what little ones can spot and play with. A mother approached me with a child of a similar age to Kim. I knew her slightly from seeing her in the playground.
‘You’ve brought Kim,’ she said. ‘Is Laura all right? I’m Fran. Our girls are friends. How is she?’
‘I’m not sure,’ I said honestly. ‘Her mother-in-law asked me to bring Kim to school this morning.’
‘I’m worried about her,’ Fran confided. ‘I’ve tried phoning and I’ve left messages, but she hasn’t got back to me.’ The two girls took skipping ropes from their bags and began skipping.
‘I’m thinking of stopping by her house on the way back this morning,’ I said. ‘We live in the same street. I’ll tell her you were asking after her.’
‘Oh yes, please do.’ She hesitated. ‘I hope I haven’t done anything to upset her. We were both relatively new to the area and seemed to hit it off as friends. But I haven’t seen or heard from her since she was in the playground that morning weeks ago.’
‘I’m sure it’s nothing like that,’ I said.
Clearly I didn’t know how much Laura had confided in Fran, and Geraldine’s words about not discussing Laura in the playground rang in my ears – although, of course, we were only concerned for her wellbeing.
‘Give her my best wishes,’ Fran said. ‘And tell her I hope to hear from her soon.’
‘I will.’
The Klaxon sounded and I said goodbye to both Adrian and Kim and watched them line up. ‘We’re going to see baby Liam on the way home,’ I told Paula, taking her hand.
‘Baby Liam,’ she said and chuckled excitedly.
I wasn’t excited, I was very apprehensive, partly from having to confront the formidable Geraldine again, but also because I wasn’t convinced I was doing the right thing in just dropping by. Perhaps I was turning into the busybody up the road – ‘You know, that woman, the foster carer who thinks she knows everything.’ But on the other hand I had a gut feeling that I should stop by and try to see Laura, and sometimes I think it’s best if we follow our instincts or intuition.
With the promise of visiting baby Liam, Paula walked faster than usual and didn’t stop to examine every little thing that caught her eye. ‘Baby Liam,’ she said every so often with a smile.
‘Yes, I hope we can see him.’ For obviously we might not be invited in.
Undaunted, Paula continued at her best toddling pace along the street until we arrived at Laura’s house. ‘Baby Liam,’ she announced, trying to open the gate.
I lifted the latch, opened the gate and we went up the front path. I parked the stroller in the porch and pressed the doorbell. I felt my pulse speed up a notch and my stomach tighten. I had no idea what to expect, and as we waited for the bell to be answered I prepared myself for most eventualities, including the door not being opened or opened and then shut in my face – most eventualities except … Geraldine answering the door in tears.
‘Oh. I’m sorry,’ I said, embarrassed and completely taken aback. ‘I’ve called at a bad time.’
She looked at me, a tissue pressed to her lips and despair in her eyes. I didn’t know what to do. My instinct was to hug and comfort her, but given her previous hostility I didn’t think she’d want my comfort, yet I couldn’t just walk away.
‘Is there anything I can do?’ I asked awkwardly. Paula looked at her, also concerned.
Geraldine shook her head and wiped her eyes, but fresh tears formed. Usually so capable, determined, even hard, her vulnerability shocked and deeply saddened me. With a heartfelt sigh she turned from the door and walked down the hall, leaving the front door wide open. I assumed she wanted me to go in, so I helped Paula over the doorstep and then once in the hall I closed the door. The house was quiet – unnaturally quiet considering there was another adult and a baby inside. There was a stale smell of burning as though food had caught fire. Geraldine had disappeared down the hall and into the living room. Still holding Paula’s hand, I followed her. Paula had fallen silent, perhaps sensing the atmosphere.
In the living room Geraldine was standing with her back to me, gazing through the glass patio doors. There was no sign of Liam or Laura, but there were a few of his soft toys propped on the sofa and, dropping my hand, Paula went over to them. I crossed the room and stood beside Geraldine. She was staring, unseeing, down the garden.
‘Is there anything I can get you?’ I asked after a moment. ‘A drink of water or a cup of tea?’
