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“This is peace-time, boyo,” said he. “Anyway, we’re gettin’ a refit; we’ll be yere for weeks. I can stand it, I’m tellin’ you.” I doubted whether he could; the gin was obviously lapping against his palate and his complexion was like a desert sunrise. He insisted loudly on buying me a drink at least, and I was finishing it and trying not to listen to his gloating account of how he would spend the filthy amount of money he had won, when I was called to the ’phone.
It was the Governor, excited but brisk. “MacNeill,” he said, “How’s your team?”
Wondering, I said they were fine.
“Excellent, capital. I think I can arrange another game for them, farewell appearance, y’know. That all right with you?”
I was about to mention the two men in hospital, and that we wouldn’t be at full strength, but after all, we were here to play, not to make excuses. So I said, “Splendid, any time”, and before I could ask about our opponents and the where and when, he had said he would ring me later and hung up.
Samuels, now fully lit, was delighted. “It never rains but it pours,” he exclaimed gleefully. “Send it down, David. Let’s see, put a packet on your boys—who they playin’? doesn’t matter—collect on that, crikeee, Jocko, what a killin’! I’ll plank the bet first thing … trouble is, they’re gettin’ to know me. Ne’mind, I’ll get my clerk to put it on, he can go in mufti.” He crowed and rubbed his hands. “Luv-ley little pongoes; best cargo I ever had!”
It seemed to me he was taking a lot for granted; after all, our opponents might be somebody really good. But we’d beaten the best in the Island, so he probably couldn’t go wrong.
So I thought, until I heard from the Governor’s aide late that night. “Two-thirty, at the Stadium,” he said. “Full uniform for you, of course, and do see, old man, that your Jocks are respectable. Can’t you get them to wear their hats on the tops of their heads? They tend rather to look like coalmen.”
“Sure, sure. Who are we playing?”
“Mmh? Oh, the other lot? The Fleet.”
For a moment I didn’t follow. He explained.
“The Fleet. The Navy. You know, chaps in ships with blue trousers.” He began to sing “Heart of Oak”.
“But … but … but,” I said. “That’s like playing the Army. I mean, there are thousands of them. They’ll be all-professional … they’ll murder us … they …”
“That’s what the Admiral thought,” said the aide, “but our Chief wouldn’t see it. Got rather excited actually; they’re still arguing in there; can’t you hear ’em? Amazing,” he went on, “how the Chief’s manner changes when he gets worked up about a thing like this; he sounds positively Scotch. What’s a sumph, by the way?”
I wasn’t listening any longer. I was sweating. It wasn’t panic, or the fear of defeat. After all, we had done well, and no one could expect us to hold the Navy; we would just have to put on a good show. I was just concentrating on details—get the boys to bed quickly, two men in hospital, choose the team, balance it as well as possible. I ran over the reserves: Beattie, Forbes, McGlinchy, myself … Lord, the Fleet! And I had 14 to choose from. Well, barring miracles, we would lose. The Governor would be in mourning; that was his hard luck, if he didn’t know better than to pit us against a side that would be half First Division pros, and possibly even an internationalist. Suddenly I felt elated. Suppose … oh, well, we’d give them something to remember us by.
I simply told the boys at bed-time who they were playing, and they digested it, and the corporal said:
“Aw-haw-hey. Think they’re any good, sir?”
“Not as good as we are.”
“We’re the wee boys,” said the corporal, and the wee boys cried “Way-ull,” mocking themselves. They were pleased at the thought of another game, that was all. I doubt if their reaction would have been different if their opponents had been Moscow Dynamo or the Eye Infirmary.
The corporal and I pored over the team all morning; the one doubtful spot was left wing, and after much heart-searching we fixed on McGlinchy, but the corporal didn’t like it. He at least knew what we were up against “an’ we cannae afford a passenger. If Ah thought he’d wake up mebbe half the match, O.K., but no’ kiddin’, sir, yon yin’s no’ a’ there.”
“He’s all we’ve got,” I said. “Beattie’s a half-back, and I’m just not good enough. It’s got to be McGlinchy.”
“Aye, weel,” said the corporal, “that’s so. But by half-time I’ll bet we’re wishin’ we’d picked … McAuslan, even.”
In the unlikely event that we had been daft enough to do just that, we would have been disappointed. For when we embussed for the stadium McAuslan was mysteriously absent. We waited and swore, but he didn’t appear, so Beattie was detailed to run the touchline, and off we went. With any luck McAuslan had fallen in the harbour.
The dressing-room was hot and sunny under the stand as we sat around waiting. The boys chewed gum and McGlinchy played “wee heidies” against the wall—nodding a ball against the partition like a boxer hitting a punch-ball. (“Close-mooth, tanner-ba’ merchant,” muttered the corporal.) Outside we could hear the growing rumble of the crowd, and then there was the peep of a whistle and the referee’s step in the passage, and the boys shifted and said, “Way-ull, way-ull,” and boots stamped and shorts were hitched, and outside a brass band was thumping out “Heart of Oak” and a great thunder of voices was rolling up as the Fleet came out, and the corporal sniffed and said:
“Awright, fellas, let’s get stuck intae these matlows,” and I was left alone in the dressing-room.
I went out by the street door and was walking along to the grandstand entrance when I came face to face with Samuels in the crowd that was still pouring into the ground. It was a shock: I hadn’t given him a thought since last night. Before I could say anything, he slapped me on the back, addressed me as Old Jocko, and said I was luv-ley.
“Goin’ up to watch the slaughter?” he shouted. He was well ginned up. “The massacre of the innocents, hey?”
“I like that,” I said. “You’ve won enough off them; you could at least show some sympathy.”
“Who for?” he guffawed. “The other lot?”
A horrible cold hand suddenly laid itself on the base of my spine.
“The other lot,” I said. “You know who we’re playing?” “Been on the ship all mornin’, checkin’ stores,” he said, shaking his head. “Who’s the unfortunate party?”
“Tell me,” I said carefully. “Have you put a bet on?”
“Have I, boyo? The lot, you bet. The sub-cheese. The bundle.”
I looked at my watch. It was two minutes to kick-off.
“Phone the bookie,” I said. “Get it off. No matter what, cancel that bet.”
He didn’t seem to be receiving me. “The whole lot,” he said. “Boyo, I cleaned out the safe. I shot the works. I’m tellin’ …”
“Shut up, you Welsh oaf,” I shouted. “Don’t you understand? We’re playing the Fleet, the Navy, all the great horrible battleships and aircraft carriers, millions of talented sailors. They will eat us alive. Your bet, if you let it ride, will go down the nick. Get it off.”
In all the world there is no sight so poignant as that of the confident mug when he feels the first sharp bite of the hook and realises it is going to sink inexorably home. His face went from sweating red to dry grey, and he seemed to crumple.
“You’re drunk, boyo,” he croaked.
“I’m drunk? Look who’s talking. Look, Taffy, you’ll have to cancel …” And just then what he had said came home to me. “You say you cleaned out the safe? The ship’s safe? But you’ve got two weeks of my Jocks’ pay in there … Oh, brother.” I just stared at him. This was death, court-martial, ruin, and disaster. He was cooked. Unless the bet was scrubbed.
“It’s no use,” he said. “I cannot do it.” Odd, I thought, he says cannot, not can’t. “I didn’t place it myself, see? The clerk did. Peterson. I gave him half a dozen addresses. I dunno where he is, now.”
The crowd was moving in, the last of it. There was nothing to be done. The band had stopped. I left him standing there, like a busted flush, and climbed the stairs to the stand. Poor Samuels, I thought. Idiot, mad Samuels. Of all the …
The roar hit me in the face as I came out into the stand. I sat at the back of the main box; down front the Governor was starting work on his first handkerchief of the game, and beside him was a massive, grizzled hero in blue, with gold lace up to his armpits. That would be the Admiral. Their henchmen were about them, full of well-bred enthusiasm; the stadium was jammed, and every second man seemed to be a sailor. Our support was confined to a handful of khaki down below the box: our own reserves and a few associates.
“Flee-eet!” rolled across the brown, iron-hard pitch, and I saw the concentration of yellow shirts down near one goal: the Navy were attacking, powerful dark-blue figures with red stockings. They smacked the ball about with that tough assurance that is the mark of the professional; I saw. the corporal slide in to tackle, and red stockings deftly side-stepped and swept the ball past him. The roar mounted, there was a surge in our goal-mouth, and then the ball was trickling past into the crowd. I felt slightly sick.
“Get tore intae these people!” came from in front of the box, to be drowned in the Navy roar. Yes, I thought, get tore in. It’s your pay and Samuels’ reputation you’re playing for. Then I thought, no, the heck with that, it’s just for yourselves, that’s all.
And they played. The hard ground and the light ball were on our side, for we were ball-players first and last; on grass the Navy would have been just too strong. They didn’t rush things; they passed with deliberation and looked for their men, unlike our team, who were used to fast, short passing controlled by some sort of telepathy. If we played at their pace we were done for, so we didn’t. The doll-like yellow figures moved and ran as though they were at practice, easy and confident.
We scored in the sixth minute, a zig-zag of passes down the middle that left Campbell, the centre, clear of the defence, and he lofted the ball over the Navy goal-keeper’s head as he came out. There was a shocked roar from the crowd, a neigh of triumph from the Governor, a perceptible empurpling of the Admiral’s neck, and an exulting “Aw-haw-hey!” from below the box.
Two minutes later Campbell had the ball in the net again, but was ruled offside. Then he headed against the cross-bar, and we forced three corners in a row. But you could feel it slackening; the Fleet were as steady as ever, and presently they came away, swinging long passes through the open spaces, using their extra length of leg, keeping the ball up where their height counted. They were good; in their way they were a better team. In their way. And for a moment, as they broke through on the left and centred and their inside right chose his spot in the net and banged in the equaliser, they were imposing that way.
There was worse to come. The Fleet went ahead with a penalty, when the corporal, in a momentary lapse into close-mouth warfare, obeyed our supporters’ behest to “Ca’ the feet fae ’im,” and brought down a Navy forward close to goal. It was a critical point: when we kicked off again the Navy, one goal up, came storming through. Their centre got away and side-footed the ball past the advancing goalkeeper. It was rolling home, but the corporal came from nowhere and stopped it on the line. And then he did the ridiculous, unspeakable thing. I can still see him, the stocky yellow figure with his foot on top of the ball, watching three blue jerseys tearing down on him; alone, in his own goal. Bobby Moore himself would have belted it away for touch and been thankful. But not our boy. He shifted his hips, beat the first Navy forward on a sixpence, showed the ball to the other two, feinted amidst agonised yells of “Get rid of it!” stepped over a scything foot, looked about him, and patted the ball into the hands of the goalkeeper, who was so stricken with anxiety that he nearly dropped it.
It was perhaps the cheekiest piece of ball-juggling that I’ve ever seen; it shook the Fleet momentarily for it seemed to indicate a careless contempt. It said, more clearly than words could have done, that there was no sense of panic in this defence. The Admiral roared with laughter, and I hoped again.
We scored again, just before the interval, a goal against the run of play headed in from a long, free kick, and the teams came off and the Marine band marched up and down playing “Iolanthe”. I stayed where I was, listening to the Governor chattering Good game, good game, my goodness, and the Admiral’s bass rumble, and staring out at the sunlight on the great crowd lining the saucer of the arena. There was no point in my going down to the dressing-room; we were doing well, and nothing I could say could make it better.
The second half began disastrously. A high ball went into our goal-mouth, the centre-half and the Fleet centre went up for it; the sailor came down on his feet and our man on his back. He lay still, and my heart turned over. I watched them lifting him, crowding around, but his head hung forward, and presently they took him behind the goal. “Dirty, dirty!” came the cry from down front, drowned in the answering roar of “Wheel ’im off!” from the Navy. The referee bounced the ball to restart the game, and as the injured man was supported towards the dressing-room I was bounding down the stairs.
He was slightly concussed, the doctor said; he wanted to go back on, but the doctor said it was out of the question. I watched while they bandaged his head, and told him—what I honestly felt—that it didn’t matter a damn about the game. His face took on that look of whining rage that the Glaswegian wears in times of stress, and he said, “We had them bate. We’d’ve sorted them this half.”
Maybe we would, I thought; with ten men it was certain that we wouldn’t now. The doctor broke in to say that he ought to go to bed, and as they took him away I went back to the stand. Dimly I had been aware of the distant roar swelling and dying; when I climbed into my seat we were kicking off again. We were down 4-2.
The Fleet were out for blood now. Even the Admiral was joining in the roar, and the Governor was just sitting eating his hankie. Ten men don’t look very different on the field from eleven; for a time they may even play above themselves, but they don’t win. They never deserve to lose, but they lose.
Oddly enough, we held our own now, and with the tension gone I began to take in details. McGlinchy was playing like an elderly horse; he hadn’t seen much of the ball in the first half, and now he was using it as if it was a landmine, shying away from it, stumbling, and generally living up to the corporal’s expectations. His inside man, little Forbes, was obviously cursing himself hoarse. The crowd enjoyed it.
“Windy!” roared the Fleet.
“Ah, you sharrap! Get back on the front o’ the Players packet!”
“Turn blue, pongoes!”
“Play up,” cried the Governor. “Come along, come along.”
The Admiral said something to him, and they both laughed, and I watched the handkerchief being twisted. There were about fifteen minutes left.
Then it happened, and you can read about it in the files of the Island’s leading daily paper.
McGlinchy got the ball and lost it; it came back to him and he fell over it and it went into touch. The Navy threw in, the ball ran to McGlinchy again, and for once he beat his man and was moving down the wing when a sailor whipped the heels from him. The crowd roared, McGlinchy got up hopping painfully, the Governor exclaimed, “Oh, I say,” and little Forbes went scurrying in, fists clenched, to avenge the foul. Oh no, I said, please God, don’t let Forbes hit him, not out there with everyone looking. Please don’t, Forbes. But the referee was in between, shaking his finger, Forbes was hustled away by his mates, and the referee gave a free kick—against McGlinchy.
It was taken amid much hubbub, and I watched McGlinchy, standing looking puzzled, too surprised to protest, and then his head lifted, and the ball was running towards him. He stopped it, turned, swerved past the halfback, and was away. He could run when he wanted; he swerved infield, then out again towards the flag. The back went sliding in and McGlinchy side-stepped him and came in along the by-line, teasing that he was going to cross the ball, but holding it, like Matthews in his good years.
“Get rid of it!” cried an unhappy voice, but he held it, sand-dancing, looking up, and then he made a dart towards the near post, with the back straining at his heels, and he passed across and back when he couldn’t have been more than three yards out, and Forbes had the empty goal in front of him.
The net shook, and the Admiral pounded his fist amidst the uproar, and the Governor made strange sounds, and I could see the corporal slapping McGlinchy’s back and unbraiding him for holding on so long, and I thought regretfully that that had been McGlinchy’s one brilliant flash. He was trotting back thoughtfully to his wing, with the applause dying down. It was 4-3 for the Navy and perhaps twelve minutes to go.
Then he did it again. Or very nearly. He went down the touch-line and then cut square across the field, beating two men on the way. He had an opening towards goal, with the Fleet defence floundering, but being McGlinchy he back-heeled the ball to nobody and it was cleared. I saw the corporal beating his breast, the Governor tore his handkerchief across, the Admiral bellowed jovially—and McGlinchy got the second chance he didn’t deserve. The back’s clearance hit a Fleet man and ran loose. McGlinchy, still in midfield, fastened on and this time went straight ahead, turned out to the left as the centre-half closed in, and centred hard and high. Duff, the right-winger, met it at the post with his head, and I realised that I was making ridiculous noises of triumph and delight. It was 4-4, the Fleet defence were gesturing at each other, and the little knot of yellow shirts was hurrying back towards the centre circle, embracing as they ran.
Then the Navy showed how good they were. They attacked, and for the first and only time in my experience of them I saw my team panicked. They had snatched a possible draw from certain defeat, and they were scared stiff of slipping back. They were wild; they fouled twice, once perilously close to the 18-yard line, and I could see, although I couldn’t hear, the corporal barking at them, swearing horribly, no doubt, steadying them. He was wise, that corporal; whenever he got the ball he looked for McGlinchy. He sensed, like me, that he was in the presence of a phenomenon; it couldn’t last, but he knew to use it while it was there. “Feed him, feed him, he’s bewitched,” I found myself saying, and McGlinchy went off down the wing, fair hair flying—I made a note to make him get it cut—and was tackled and the ball ran out.
He clapped his hands for it, trapped it as it was thrown in, back-heeled it through an opponent’s legs, and ran on to it. He stopped, on the edge of the centre circle, foot on the ball, looking round. And for a split second the sound died. Then:
“Coom to ’im, man!” in a great Yorkshire voice.
“Get rid o’ it, mac! See the winger.”
The roar swelled up, and he swerved away, dummied past a half-back, reached the penalty circle, slid heaven knows how between two defenders, almost lost the ball, scratched for it, pushed it forward, feinted to shoot, swerved again, and now he was on the penalty spot, with the blue jerseys converging, and little Forbes screaming for the ball, unmarked, and Campbell on the other side of him beating his hands. But he went on, the Admiral covered his face, the Governor rose to his feet cramming his handkerchief into his mouth, McGlinchy had one sailor at his elbow and another lunging desperately in front of him; he checked and side-stepped, looked at Forbes, shoved the ball under the tackler’s leg, went after it, and just for a split second was clear, with every sailor except Lord Nelson thundering in on him, the goalkeeper diving at his feet, and then the blue flood swept down on him. “Get rid o’ it!”
“Kill him!” bawled the Admiral, decency forgotten.
“Get tore in!” cried the Governor.
He went down in a heap of navy jerseys, and a sudden bellow went up from behind the goal. I couldn’t see why, and then I saw why. The ball was lying, rolling just a little, a foot over the goal-line. It came to rest in the net, just inside the post.
At such times, when all around is bedlam, the man of mark is distinguished by his nonchalance and detachment. Calmly I took out my cigarette case, selected a cigarette, struck a match, set fire to my sporran, roared aloud, dropped cigarettes, case, and matches, and scrambled on my knees along the floor of the box trying to beat the flames out. By the time I had succeeded the box was full of smoke and a most disgusting stench, one of the Admiral’s aides was looking round muttering that expressions of triumph were all very well, but the line should be drawn somewhere, and the Fleet were kicking off in a last attempt to retrieve the game.
They didn’t make it, but it was a near thing. There was one appeal for a penalty when the corporal seemed to handle—if I’d been the referee I believe I’d have given it—but the claim was disallowed, and then the long whistle blew. We had won, 5-4, and I found myself face to face with a red-faced petty officer who was exclaiming, “By, you were lucky! I say, you were lucky! By!”
I made deprecating noises and shot downstairs. They were trooping into the dressing-room, chattering indignantly—it was their curious way not to be exultant over what had gone right, but aggrieved over what had gone wrong. I gathered that at least two of the Fleet should have been ordered off, that the referee had been ignorant of the offside law, that we should have had a penalty when … and so on. Never mind, I said, we won, it had all come out all right. Oh, aye, but …
The Governor looked in, beaming congratulation, and there was a lot of noise and far too many people in the dressing-room. The team were pulling off their jerseys and trying to escape to the showers; clothes were falling on the floor and bare feet were being stepped on; the Governor was saying to Forbes, Well done, well played indeed, and Forbes was saying See yon big, dirty, ignorant full-back, and at last the door was shut and we were alone with the smell of sweat and embrocation and steam and happy weariness.
“Well done, kids,” I said, and the corporal said, “No’ sae bad,” and rumpled McGlinchy’s hair, and everyone laughed. Through in the showers someone began to make mouth-music to the tune of “The Black Bear”, and at the appropriate moment the feet stamped in unison and the towel-clad figures shuffled, clapping and humming.
“Not too loud,” I said. “Don’t let the Navy hear.”
I went over to McGlinchy, who was drying his hair and whistling. I wanted to ask: What gets into you? Why don’t you play like that all the time? But I didn’t. I knew I wouldn’t ever find out.
For no reason I suddenly thought of Samuels, and realised that he was off the hook. Resentment quickly followed relief: he was not only in the clear, he had probably made a small fortune. How lucky, how undeservedly lucky can you get, I thought bitterly: but for McGlinchy’s inexplicable brilliance Samuels would now be facing the certainty of court-martial and dismissal, possibly even prison. As it was he was riding high.
Or so I thought until that evening, when I was summoned to the local bastille at the request of the Provost-Marshal, to identify a soldier, one McAuslan, who had been arrested during the afternoon. It appeared that he and an anonymous sailor had been making a tour of all the bars in town, and the sailor had eventually passed out in the street. McAuslan’s primitive efforts to minister to him had excited attention, and the pair of them had been hauled off by the redcaps.
They brought him out of his cell, looking abominable but apparently sober. I demanded to know what he thought he had been doing.
Well, it was like this, he and his friend the sailor had gone for a wee hauf, and then they had had anither, and …
“He’ll be singing ’I belong to Glasgow’ in a minute,” observed the redcap corporal. “Stand to attention, you thing, you.”
“Who was the sailor?” I asked, puzzled, for I remembered McAuslan’s antipathy to the ship’s crew.
“Wan o’ the boys off the ship. Fella Peterson. He was gaun tae the toon, an’ Ah offered tae staun’ ’im a drink. Ye remember,” he went on earnestly, “ye told me tae fraternise. Well, we fraternised, an’ he got fu’. Awfy quick, he got fu’,” McAuslan went on, and it was plain to see that his companion’s incapacity offended him. “He drank the drink Ah bought ’im, and it made ’im fleein’, and then he was buyin’ drink himsel’ at an awfy rate …”
“That was the thing, sir,” explained the redcap. “This sailor had more money than you’ve ever seen; he looked like he’d robbed a bank. That was really why we pulled them in, sir, for protection. Weedy little chap, the sailor, but he had hundreds of pounds worth of lire on him.”
Suddenly a great light dawned. Peterson was the name of Samuels’ clerk, who had been going to place his bets for him, and McAuslan had obviously encountered him beforehand, and full of good fellowship had bought him liquor, and Peterson, the weedy little chap, must have been unused to strong waters, and had forgotten responsibility and duty and his captain’s orders, and had proceeded to go on an almighty toot. So it seemed obvious that whatever custom the bookies had attracted that day, Samuels’ had not been part of it. His money (and the ship’s funds and my jocks’ pay) was safely in the military police office safe, less what McAuslan and Peterson had expended with crying “Bring in!” Samuels could make that up himself, and serve him right. Also, he could have fun explaining to the M.P.s just how one of his sailors came to be rolling about town with all that cash on his person.
“McAuslan,” I said, “in your own way you’re a great man. Tell me,” I asked the redcap, “are you going to charge him?”
“Well,” said the redcap, “he wasn’t what you’d call incapably stinking, just happy. It was the sailor who was paralytic. He still is. So …”
“Thank you,” I said. “Look, McAuslan, you’re a lucky man. You shouldn’t go about getting little sailors stotius …”
“I was jist fraternisin’, honest …”
“Right. You can fraternise some more. What I want you to do is go over to the ship, look out Lieutenant Samuels, and tell him, in your own well-chosen words, what happened today. Tell him the money’s in the M.P. safe. And then you might offer to buy him a drink; he’ll probably need one. And McAuslan, if he tries to hit you, you’re not to clock him one, understand? Remember, be fraternal and polite; he’s your superior officer and you wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings.”
We took our leave of the civil redcaps, and I watched McAuslan striding purposefully towards the harbour, bonnet down over his eyes, to break the glad news to Samuels. It was growing dusk, and all in all, it had been quite a day.
I saw McGlinchy many years after, from the top of a Glasgow bus. Although his fair hair was fading and receding, and his face looked middle-aged and tired, there was no mistaking the loose-jointed, untidy walk. He was carrying a string bag, and he looked of no account at all in his stained raincoat and old shoes. And then the bus took me past. I wondered if he remembered those few minutes out in the sunlight. Perhaps not; he wasn’t the kind who would think twice about it. But I remember McGlinchy when …
Wee Wullie (#ulink_0ff6f67c-0826-5c1d-99c8-866f01c3f4a2)
The duties of a regimental orderly officer cover pretty well everything from inspecting the little iced cakes in the canteen to examining the prisoners in the guard room cells to ensure that they are still breathing. In our battalion, the cells were seldom occupied; the discipline imposed on our volatile mixture of Aberdonians and Glaswegians was intelligent rather than tough, and more often than not trouble was dealt with before it got the length of a charge sheet.
