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Susanne put the pan in the middle of the table and looked at Liz and Janie on one side, Frank and Robbie on the other. Her gaze lingered on the vacant spot at the end where Jim used to sit. She swallowed hard, missing him yet feeling blessed by the presence of the children. “Let us pray.” Her voice caught on the words.
The children obediently clasped their hands together under their chins and bowed their heads.
“Lord, we are so blessed to have each other and to have food to eat. Thank You. Amen.”
“Amen!” Frank added with so much enthusiasm that Susanne chuckled.
“It’s not like you’ve been starving to death.” She again felt a sting of guilt. Her meals were simple fare. She lacked time for anything else.
She really should do more cooking. Make bread again. It was weeks since they’d had anything but biscuits and fry cakes. Not that both weren’t perfectly adequate. Just as fried potatoes and eggs were perfectly fine for a meal. Perhaps not day after day, an inner voice suggested. Susanne promised herself she’d do better...once she got the work on the farm taken care of.
“Robbie, slow down.” The child ate as if it was a race.
Frank spoke slowly. “I’m glad Tanner is going to bring his horses here. Pa would have liked that.” Frank’s jaw grew firm, reminding her of Jim. Tears caught in the back of her throat. She’d waited so long to be reunited with her brother only to lose him again. At least until she got to heaven.
“He planned to capture some of the wild horses himself,” Frank explained.
Susanne knew that. In fact, he might well be alive today if not for that dream. He had been following the whereabouts of the herd when he got caught in a downpour that eventually led to his pneumonia.
Frank continued. “He had the corrals all ready and would have gotten his horses for sure except Ma got sick and then he got sick.” His voice quavered but he pushed on. “He told me I could help him when he got the horses. He’d have to gentle them first, but then I could help feed them and could talk to them so they’d learn not to be afraid of children.” Frank sucked in a ragged breath, as did his brother and sisters. This talk of their father and mother would soon have them all in tears. “I want to help Tanner with the horses.”
Susanne jolted back. “I’m sorry, but I must refuse you permission. It simply wouldn’t be safe and I sure don’t want anything to happen to any of you.”
Frank hung his head but not before she caught a glimpse of rebellion in his eyes.
She’d never considered she’d encounter problems with the children. But she must insist. Being around wild horses simply wasn’t safe.
The children were subdued throughout the remainder of the meal. Afterward they helped with the dishes, then scattered outside. She should give them more chores but couldn’t seem to get any organized for them and she freely admitted she didn’t want them to have to work as hard as she had for Aunt Ada.
She glanced about the kitchen. It needed a good cleaning. Alice would be shocked at the way it looked, and Aunt Ada would have had her whipped for the neglect.
But she no longer answered to Aunt Ada or depended on her for a roof over her head and a meal to warm her insides.
She stepped outside when she heard a horse approach. Goodness, months had gone by without anyone but Alfred Morris visiting, and now she had a steady stream of visitors. Or rather, she corrected herself as she recognized the rider, one recurring visitor. Was this what she’d agreed to? For Tanner Harding to come and go at will? Her insides grew brittle at the idea. Frequent visitors, in her mind, came with demands. Demands she didn’t care to fulfill. Thinking of Mr. Befus, she shuddered.
Her eyes narrowed as she saw the milk cow bawling and bucking behind Tanner, protesting at being pulled home at the end of a rope. What was he doing with her cow?
“I brought you something,” he said, jerking his thumb in the direction of the cow.
“Was she out? I fixed the fence just a few hours ago.”
“I saw her jump over the fence where the wires were slack. She was intent on the wide-open spaces.”
“What am I going to do with her?”
“You could try tethering her.”
She hadn’t meant the question for him but if he knew how to keep the cow home, she would like to know. “How do you do that?”
“I’ll show you.” He led the cow toward the barn.
“You tell me and I can do it myself.” Susanne followed hard on his heels, intent on making it clear she didn’t need his help. She did not want him to think he could take advantage of her failures.
“You’re back,” Robbie called to Tanner.
The four children stood in the doorway of the barn, their faces eager.
“I brought your cow home.”
“She won’t stay,” Frank said.
“That’s our problem,” Susanne pointed out, not wanting Tanner to think she couldn’t manage. Never mind that there was plenty of proof she wasn’t doing well on her own.
Ignoring her protests, Tanner handed the rope to Frank and went into the tack room, picking his way over the items on the floor.
Susanne’s cheeks burned. She’d been meaning to clean up that mess. Another of the chores that never seemed to get done.
Tanner returned, a halter in his hands, and went to the cow, five people watching him, four with keen interest, one with reluctance. Okay, maybe she’d let him do it this time, while she watched and learned. After that, she’d do it herself.
“Let’s see if we can train her to stay home.” He slipped the halter over her head, found a length of rope on a nail by the door and hooked it to the halter.
“It’s long enough we can secure it to anything solid enough to hold her. Which might have to be a tree with a girth of at least six feet.”
The children giggled at his explanation as they followed him from the barn. The cow balked, but he leaned into the rope and persuaded her to walk along.
Could this control the stubborn animal? It must. She had no other choice.
“That tree will do.” He led them to the spot where the grass was green and the tree stout, and tied the rope about the tree. “Now she needs water.”
“I’ll get it.” Frank ran back to the barn and dragged out a small trough. He put it beside the tree and then hurried to fill it with water.
Tanner stood by and let the boy do it. Robbie insisted on helping and, even though he could only carry half a bucket of water, Frank let him.
Susanne secretly smiled her approval at how the children worked together. Helping each other was the only way the five of them would manage to run this farm.
“That ought to do,” Tanner said with some satisfaction.
“Thank you,” she said to him. He might have saved her several hours a day by showing her a simple remedy. “I’m sure I can do it in the future.” Hopefully her voice didn’t sound as uncertain as she felt.
The cow jerked at the end of her rope and mooed a protest.
Little Janie pressed her fingers to her mouth. “Daisy doesn’t want to be tied up.” Tears pooled in her eyes.
Tanner squatted in front of the little one and wiped the tears from her face. “She’ll get used to it. In a little while she’ll even learn to like it. Just like we all learn to adjust and even like changes.”
Susanne could well argue otherwise but before she organized what she would say, Janie’s eyes cleared and she smiled. The little girl reached out and touched his cheek.
“I like you.”
Tanner straightened quickly and gave Susanne a dark look.
She pulled Janie to her side. He’s only here for a short while, she wanted to warn her niece. Don’t get fond of him.
Frank spoke, his voice breaking the tension. “My pa planned to capture some wild horses, too. But he died.” Instead of lightening the moment, Frank’s words descended on them like a dark cloud.
Susanne blinked hard, determined not to give way to tears.
“That’s why he built that set of corrals,” Frank added.
“They look real sturdy,” Tanner said.
“They are. Pa said if you’re going to train horses, you need to be set up for it.”
“That’s a fact. I think he would wonder why I didn’t plan ahead before I trapped my horses.”
“Why didn’t you?”
Tanner chuckled. At the sound, the children relaxed visibly, but tension mounted in Susanne. Be careful, little ones. Guard your hearts.
“I should have,” Tanner said, “but when the horses were hanging about within easy capturing distance, I couldn’t resist grabbing the opportunity, trusting something would work out. And, look, it has. Your pa’s corrals are going to be used just as he intended they should.” With that, Tanner moved toward his horse.
Susanne followed, torn between her need to exert her independence and gratitude to him for showing her a simple solution to her cow problem. “Thank you for your help with Daisy.”
He slowed and faced her. “You’re welcome.”
“And for being kind to little Janie. She’s very easily hurt at the moment.”
She wondered at the way his expression grew hard, his eyes cool and distant.
“Ma’am, I assure you that both you and the little girls are perfectly safe from me. I would never take advantage of you.” His expression hardened like granite. “However, there are those who would not believe that. Who would criticize you, or worse, simply for your association with me...a half-breed.”
She recalled his accusation that she’d asked him to leave yesterday based on that fact, something she had never cleared up. Now was the time. “Mr. Harding, it is not the blood of a man that means anything to me. It is his conduct that reveals if his heart is noble or base.”
His eyebrows went up in a way that made her think he didn’t believe her, then he touched the brim of his hat. “I need to check the corrals and make sure they’re ready for use.” He strode away.
She didn’t have any more faith in his words than he had in hers. Time alone would prove whether or not she was safe in his presence, but it wasn’t fear of him physically that made her shudder. No, it was the way the children looked at him. The way he had shown up to help when she floundered to manage on her own and the fact she’d been desperate enough to accept the agreement between them.
She already regretted her decision. Was she to be forever at the mercy of other people’s handouts and thus under obligation to them, wondering what they would demand in return?
Chapter Three (#ulink_d834bf36-8b77-5ffd-81b7-669c12398f4a)
The next morning Johnny and Levi accompanied Tanner to help move the horses. Pa had sent three of the hired cowboys to assist.
They rode directly toward the canyon where the horses were penned.
Tanner reined in at the hill closest to the Collins farm. “I’ll go warn the family to stay out of the way so they don’t spook the horses.”
His brothers waved him away and he turned Scout toward the farm.
Frank and Robbie saw him coming and raced down the trail to greet him, yelling about the horses.
Smiling, he waited for them to reach him. “What’s all the noise for?”
Frank caught his breath. “You’re bringing the horses here today?”
“That’s my plan.”
“My pa would be glad.”
“Then I am, too.” He perceived he and Frank shared something special—a desire to please a dead parent.
The two boys trotted by his side as he rode into the yard.
“Where’s your aunt? I need to talk to her.” He wished he could avoid it. All her fine talk yesterday of accepting a man based on his conduct sounded pure and sweet, but he’d heard it before—specifically from Miss Jenny Rosneau—and he knew untested words had no substance to them.
“In the house,” Frank said.
“Auntie Susanne,” Robbie yelled loud enough to make Scout snort in surprise.
Susanne came to the door, a kitchen towel in her hands. She smiled, her eyes catching the early-morning sun. “Yes, Robbie?”
Tanner swung down. “Morning, ma’am.” She stood framed in the doorway, apparently happy with whatever she was doing.
As her gaze shifted from Robbie to him, the light faded and her smile flattened. Her smile had not been for him. That was obvious.
He hadn’t expected otherwise. “Came to say we’re bringing the horses over this morning. Won’t take anything to spook them, so maybe you and the children could stay inside until we have them penned.”
She nodded. “I understand.”
He stood there captured by the moment and a dozen thoughts that didn’t make sense, most especially that something about Susanne made him think of his ma. They couldn’t be any more different. Ma was bronzed, while Susanne’s skin glowed like fine porcelain. He shifted his gaze so he could think more clearly. “I’ll see to things.”
“Thank you.”
Her words jerked his attention back to her. “For what?”
She gave a little shrug. “For letting me know.”
“You’re welcome.” He trotted away while he could still think. The two boys followed as he led the cow out to the far corner of the pasture and tethered her securely. They stayed right with him as he dragged the water trough out to the cow and they helped him carry water to fill it. They talked as he scoured the yard, removing anything that might spook the nervous horses. Or rather, they asked questions that he did his best to answer.
“How many horses you bringing?” Frank asked.
“Ten,” Tanner said.
“You got lots of help? My pa said getting them into the corrals would be the tricky part.”
“That’s a fact.” He told the boys how many men were with him.
“We could help,” Robbie said.
