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Chapter Seventy-Six (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventy-Seven (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventy-Eight (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seventy-Nine (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighty (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighty-One (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighty-Two (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighty-Three (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Eighty-Four (#litres_trial_promo)
Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo)
Acknowledgements
About the Author
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
For Jude, Fin and James. You inspire me every single day
Chapter One (#ulink_9cb220ed-7858-5f2e-87a4-22a92d6ea8f1)
Present Day
Grace Sumner steeled herself against the bar, her fingers splayed against the cool, polished wood as though it could ground her somehow. It was the moment she’d been expecting for a long time and finally there he was – Nathan Conlon, or Nate as she’d once affectionately called him. The pub was as busy as usual for a Friday night in Liverpool; but from the moment she saw his face, it was as though there was no one else in the room but the two of them. The constant chatter, the laughter – the incessant din of the place – faded into the background, until she could hear nothing but the blood rushing in her ears. She knew he’d make his way back into her life one day. His arrival was no surprise. She’d thought about nothing else for days.
But nothing could have prepared her for seeing that man’s face again.
He scanned the room quickly as he entered. Was he looking for her? For a moment, she thought their eyes met, but perhaps she’d imagined it? There was no recognition from him if they did. She took a moment to appraise him; he still had those incredible blue eyes and that smile that could make you forget your own name. He had a beard now too, and not one of those ridiculous hipster ones which seemed to be in fashion, but a neat one, which framed his strong jawline. It looked good on him. The dark grey suit he was wearing fitted him perfectly. He’d always looked good in a suit. He was bigger than she remembered. No doubt all that free time he’d had to work out in the gym.
It had been a long time since she’d seen him, but the image of him was burned into her retinas like the negative of a photograph. He was still the best-looking man she had ever seen. Gliding through the crowded bar effortlessly, he smiled at everyone. Friends, acquaintances or strangers – it didn’t matter to Nathan, who was always equally comfortable in anyone’s presence. He was one of those people that everybody loved to be around – well almost everybody.
He was the first man she’d ever loved, the first man she’d ever made love to. The irony of that didn’t escape her. Because he was also the man who’d given her nightmares for the past nineteen years, the man she feared more than anyone or anything else in the world: her ex-husband, and the father of her only child. A shudder ran down the length of Grace’s spine as she remembered what he was capable of and what he would do if he ever found out about the things she’d done.
‘Another pint please, Grace,’ one of the regulars piped up, and the world around her came back into focus. She poured the drink as if on autopilot and smiled as the next customer signalled for some service, but her thoughts returned to Nathan. Released on licence from prison the week before, he was there to see their son, Jake. Eighteen years old and practically his father’s doppelganger. She hoped that Nathan had changed; after all, she had – a lot could happen in twelve years. His new girlfriend, Kayleigh, was with him. Grace assumed it was her at least. It didn’t escape her attention how young Kayleigh was. Beautiful too, and much more suited to Nathan in Grace’s opinion, with her long blonde hair, tiny waist and perfect figure.
Grace watched Jake as he fiddled with the collar of his shirt; so anxious for his father’s approval, it terrified her. What would their son do if he knew the truth about the man he idolized?
‘Dad!’ Jake beamed, his face full of adulation, as Nathan approached him and wrapped him in a bear hug. He tousled his son’s hair as though he were still a small child. They began talking animatedly, although Grace was too far away to hear their conversation. But she could see Jake visibly relax and the two of them were laughing. Kayleigh was smiling proudly as she took hold of Nathan’s arm, clinging onto him like a limpet.
Try as she might, Grace couldn’t seem to focus on any one task for too long. Shifting constantly from one job to another, clearing glasses, wiping spillages, serving customers. Stopping to chat from time to time, she found herself unable to hold even a simple conversation. She was about to ask one of the regulars, Crazy Len, just why he was wearing a flower in his lapel when the crowd parted, creating a direct path to the bar. Grace had only ever seen one man have that sort of effect on a crowded pub and he was making his way over towards her. She wanted to walk away and pretend she hadn’t seen them, but her legs were rooted to the spot. Feeling the once-familiar knot in her stomach, she swallowed the bile rising in her throat. Her face frozen in some sort of non-expression, as though it was waiting to be told what the appropriate reaction should be.
‘Grace,’ Nathan smiled, all charm and perfect teeth. Taking her hand, he leaned in towards her. ‘You’ve let yourself go, haven’t you, love?’ he said quietly, before giving her a brief kiss on the cheek. He laughed; a sound she’d once mistaken for being warm and friendly, she now recognized as cruel and mocking.
She forced a smile in return. God, he was such an arrogant prick!
Grace noticed Kayleigh looking her up and down before extending her hand. Obviously, Kayleigh had decided that she was no threat to her. If only she knew.
Grace made some drinks for them; she didn’t usually drink when she was working, but she had a brandy. Pretended that she too was drinking to celebrate Nathan’s triumphant return, but it was a futile attempt to steady her nerves. For all intents and purposes they looked like any family, making polite conversation and laughing at each other’s jokes. Kayleigh and Nathan seemed happy and in love. But outward appearances could be deceiving. Grace, of all people, knew that. However, there was no reason to believe that Nathan wanted anything from her – not anymore. As far as he was concerned, she had nothing left to offer him. So, she went back to serving her customers, thankful that their first encounter in twelve years was as uneventful as she’d hoped. Nathan had moved on, and she was simply a footnote in his past.
As closing time approached, the pub was empty, except for Jake, Nathan and Kayleigh, who were huddled around a table in the corner. Grace wanted them to leave too so she could go upstairs and finish cashing up. She’d moved out of the flat above the pub two years earlier because living in such a small place with a stroppy teenager who enjoyed playing his music so loud it made the windows rattle, sometimes made her feel like the walls were closing in. But if Grace was honest, she’d always dreamed of owning a nice house with a garden, and a proper kitchen. Once Jake was old enough to look after himself in the evenings, she’d bought them a beautiful little detached house just outside Liverpool. She still used the flat for storage and as an office, and she stayed there occasionally when she was too tired to face the drive back home.
Approaching their table, she could see Jake grinning inanely. His head rolled around on his shoulders as though it were only held on by a piece of string.
‘You need to get yourself to bed and sleep this off,’ she told him, pulling him to his feet. ‘Nathan, can you make sure he gets home safely?’
‘Of course, Grace. I’ll look after my boy.’ Nathan slurred as he stood up and gave Jake a slap on the back.
Grace arranged a taxi for the three of them and they fell out of the pub into the warm night air.
Twenty minutes later Grace was closing the safe in the office upstairs when she heard the heavy tread of feet on the stairway, making her stop and freeze mid-motion. The doors were all locked, weren’t they? She was always so careful about that. Yes, she’d definitely locked the doors and set the alarm for the whole place, except for the back entrance to the flat. Besides, no one would be stupid enough to try and knock off the Rose and Crown. Would they? It must have been Jake coming back. Why had she relied on Nathan to get him home?
But what if it wasn’t Jake?
Picking up the golf club she kept in her office as a precaution, she edged away from the safe, fooling herself into believing that the piece of iron would offer some protection from whoever was walking up those stairs. Swearing under her breath, she realized she’d left her mobile phone in her handbag, which was hanging out of reach near the front door.
The door swung open to reveal a grinning Nathan. Jake’s keys dangled from his fingers. Her heart almost stopped. In an instant, she was transported back to a time when he would walk through that door, and she would experience that seemingly eternal moment of not knowing what type of mood he’d be in, in constant fear of what would happen next.
Grace’s mouth felt so dry she couldn’t even swallow, although she tried to anyway. She had to make a conscious effort to stop her hands from shaking, but she was not the same scared young girl he’d once known. The things she’d done, the choices she’d made – they had shaped her into a different person.
‘What do you want, Nathan? Where’s Jake?’
‘Relax, Grace. Kayleigh is taking him home, and I told her I was going to see an old friend. That’s true, isn’t it? We are old friends, aren’t we?’ He moved towards her and she bristled. ‘I thought you might like some company,’ he leered. ‘And I don’t mind slipping you one for old times’ sake.’
‘You’re drunk, Nathan. Please go home. Kayleigh will be waiting for you.’ She sighed, putting down the golf club; it offered her no protection against him.
‘Haven’t you missed me then?’
She laughed. It was a dangerous move, but she couldn’t help it. ‘Missed you? The man who made my life hell? No I really haven’t.’
He smiled and sat on the desk, before grabbing her by the hips and pulling her to him until she was standing between his legs. Moving his hands to her behind, he pressed her body into his groin until she could feel how hard he was. He smelled good, of soap and expensive aftershave. The heat from his hands penetrated the thin fabric of her skirt. She used to love those hands, the feel of them on her skin, in her hair, on the small of her back. Hands that once knew her so intimately.
Looking into his eyes, she saw they were glassy from the whisky he’d been drinking, and who knew what else. But it seemed like they could still bore right into the deepest part of her. There was a time she truly believed that he could read her mind. So much so, it made her unable to look him in the eye towards the end of their marriage, for fear he would discover some truth she didn’t want him to know. But not anymore. She stared at him, confident in the knowledge that he would never know, not unless she wanted him to at least. He would never believe his naive little Grace could be capable of such things. What if she told him though? The look on his face. That would be something worth seeing.
What would have happened if things had been different? Could she have saved him? Would they have had a home full of children? Retired to the country and lived in a big old house, and kept chickens and horses? She smiled fleetingly at that thought before she was pulled sharply back to reality as Nathan tried to kiss her, the smell of whisky on his breath invoking so many contrasting memories. Pushing him away, she managed to wriggle from his grip.
‘This is not the welcome I was expecting from you, Grace. I’m disappointed in you. And you know I don’t like to be disappointed,’ he said, the cold edge creeping into his voice.
It was a threat and she knew it; but maybe she’d forgotten what it felt like to be hurt by him. After all, there was nothing he could do to her that he hadn’t already done. So, rather than giving in to him like the old Grace would, she replied with a threat of her own.
‘Aren’t you on licence now, Nathan? Doesn’t that mean you have to behave yourself or you can be carted back off to prison to serve the rest of your sentence? I’m sure a phone call to your probation officer about you beating up your ex-wife would justify hauling you back there pretty quickly, wouldn’t it?’
The change in him was instant, his handsome face distorted with rage. He took hold of her face with his hand, his fingers squeezing her cheeks. ‘You are playing a dangerous fucking game,’ he spat. ‘Be careful, Grace.’
And then he was gone.
She sat in the chair before her legs gave way beneath her. How had she once loved that man with every fibre of her being?
But that was a lifetime ago. Grace Sumner was no longer the naive little girl who’d fallen in love with the man of her dreams. She was a woman with a past of her own. Nathan thought he knew her. He had no idea.
Chapter Two (#ulink_9b6ef631-26b7-5b6a-b163-0e2462d44a68)
Replaying the events of the previous night over and over in her head, Grace pondered what a fool she’d been thinking Nathan might have changed. He’d made Grace’s life hell for the first couple of years he’d been in prison. First it was the constant phone calls, then there were the visits. Always someone sitting at the end of the bar glaring at her, watching her every move. Always someone to deliver a message that she’d better watch her back, because apparently, the only thing that kept her safe was being Mrs Conlon. What a laugh!
John Brennan was okay, though. She’d met him once before when he’d come to their flat one night when Nathan had almost died from an overdose of ketamine. He used to call in on his way home, go through the motions and reiterate the same tired threat. Then Grace would pull him a pint and make him a sandwich.
‘Can’t you just put up with being his missus, Grace?’ he’d ask her. ‘Isn’t it easier than all this?’
‘No, John. It’s not,’ she’d tell him.
It was a price worth paying for her freedom. After all, she’d endured much worse than the occasional threat and menacing glare.
Then one day it all stopped. No more threatening phone calls. No more visits from his henchmen to try and scare her. He’d signed the divorce papers she’d sent him and, except for the occasional phone call when he felt lonely, he’d left her in relative peace.
Then shortly before Jake’s sixteenth birthday, she asked him what he’d like for a present, thinking he’d ask for a new computer or some sort of gadget. Her head had almost popped off her shoulders when Jake had revealed that what he wanted more than anything was to visit his dad in prison. She couldn’t have been more shocked if he’d asked for a trip to the moon.
Of course, she’d told him no. It was then that Jake revealed he’d been in almost daily phone contact with his father for nearly two years. How had she not noticed? How had Jake been able to lie to her all that time? He said he was sorry, that he hadn’t wanted to hide it from her, but he knew she’d go crazy and try to put a stop to it. And how could Grace argue with that? He was right.
Grace had always tried to prevent Jake from discovering the full extent of Nathan’s violent temper. He’d been so young when Nathan had been sent to prison and, given Nathan’s propensity to remain on the missing list for a lot of the time, the two of them had never developed a close bond.
After Nathan had been sent to prison, Grace had never told Jake much about him. She thought the less he knew, the better. She certainly didn’t want him to know what a monster his father truly was. In hindsight, she realized that pretending Nathan never existed was a huge mistake. With no other information to go on, Nathan became some enigmatic, mythical figure in Jake’s mind. By the time Grace learned of their contact, Nathan had cemented himself in Jake’s life as the most incredible father in the world; a legend, who was only doing time because he was trying to provide for his family.
Despite having to endure a year of Jake’s moody teenage stroppiness and his constant declarations that his father was a changed man, Grace would never agree to let him visit Nathan in prison. She confiscated his mobile phone, but Nathan procured him another one and then another. Jake told her there was nothing she could do to prevent him from contacting his dad, and as much as that aggravated and, if she was honest, scared the hell out of her, she knew he was right. So, in the end she’d relented. She realized that he’d only keep speaking with Nathan in secret and if she at least pretended to accept their communication he could be open with her about it. She thought that would allow her at least some insight into their relationship, and thereby give her some modicum of control.
For Nathan’s part, he seemed to adore Jake and appeared to have accepted that he and Grace were long over. According to Jake, he only ever asked if Grace was doing okay and nothing more.
Shortly after Jake turned seventeen, Nathan was transferred to an open prison and started having home leave. Release on temporary licence they called it. Jake would sneak off to meet him, much to Grace’s annoyance. But short of locking her son in his room, she could see no way of preventing the two of them meeting up. Thankfully, Nathan always stayed away from the pub, and well away from her, and from what Jake told her, his dad seemed to have become an entirely different person.
Jake almost had her convinced for a while, but Grace didn’t buy it. Nathan was incapable of behaving like a decent human being for any length of time. He could be the most charming man on the planet when he wanted to be, but it never lasted. He was a master manipulator, earning himself super-dad status from the confines of a prison cell. God knew what kind of influence he could exert now that he was out. If Jake followed in his father’s footsteps, she didn’t know what she would do. It pained her to even think about it, making her stomach contract and her throat feel like it was closing over. She would never let Nathan taint him. Not her sweet, precious boy.
Jake looked so much like his father, from the smile to the same blue eyes. He had the same confidence, too. Fortunately, that was where the similarities ended. Jake had always been a sweet and caring child. There was many a time he would come home from school with some stray or injured animal he’d found, and he would plead with his mum to keep it. The flat, and then the house, sometimes resembled a menagerie.
Providing he passed all of his exams, Jake would be off to university in a few months to study business and economics. Grace had worked hard to provide him with the best opportunities in life; sent him to the best private schools, made sure he always had everything he wanted. She would have been proud of him no matter what path he chose, but she was so pleased that he’d decided to go to university. Her heart could almost burst with pride whenever she looked at him. He was the most precious thing in the world to her.
Despite her hatred for Nathan, he had at least given her Jake, and because of that a part of her would always be connected to him. Grace knew that she would never escape him entirely, so she’d had to figure out a way to protect herself from him instead. And she had, making sure that she would never again be at the mercy of the monster she’d married.
Grace had no doubt that Nathan believed he’d made the decision to stop harassing her entirely on his own. He would never have done so otherwise. She knew him too well; knew exactly how to play him. Smiling to herself, she recalled the night she’d met a man named Patrick Carter. An encounter that would change her life beyond all recognition and lead to the realization that she could play Nathan Conlon at his own game – and win.
Chapter Three (#ulink_4a92a83f-3e77-5660-8638-7bcc62124776)
Ten Years Earlier
Grace watched as the attractive man in the suit threaded his way through the crowd towards the bar. He looked vaguely familiar to her, and she was sure she’d met him before but couldn’t place him.
‘Pint of Stella please, love,’ he said.
‘Coming right up,’ she smiled as she set about pulling his pint.
‘Grace Sumner, isn’t it?’ he asked.
She nodded, surprised that he knew her maiden name. Most people knew her as Conlon now, much to her annoyance. ‘Do I know you?’ she asked.
‘You used to,’ he smiled. ‘But I’ve not seen you since you were a dot.’
‘I thought I knew your face.’
‘Patrick Carter.’ He extended his hand to shake. ‘You can call me Pat. I knew your dad. We went way back.’
Grace knew his name. Patrick Carter was a Liverpool legend. He’d worked for Nathan’s old boss, Tommy McNulty, and she wondered briefly if he’d worked for Nathan too. Carter had a reputation for being as hard as nails. Rumour had it he’d once been jumped by a rival firm. Six of them had taken him on and all six had ended up in intensive care, while Patrick had escaped with nothing more than a cut lip.
‘Oh, you were one of those friends, were you?’ she teased him.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ he laughed.
‘I know all about my dad’s colourful past, Pat. And no offence, but you look just the type.’
‘I wasn’t aware we all looked the same,’ he chuckled.
‘Yes.’ She nodded as she passed him his drink. ‘Trust me. I used to be married to one of you lot.’
Patrick nodded. ‘Yeah, I know. Nathan Conlon.’
Grace bristled. Mentally checking that her mobile phone was in her trouser pocket should she need to call someone to escort Mr Carter from the premises. Nathan’s former colleagues, John or Ben would do that for her if she asked.
‘Look, if you’re here to settle old scores with Nathan then you’d better think again. I have nothing to do with him anymore. This place is sod all to do with him.’
Patrick shook his head. ‘Not at all. I’ve just got out after a long stretch. Only got out a couple of months ago. I was sorry to hear about your dad,’ he said. ‘I just wanted to pay my respects and see what the old place looked like. I spent a lot of my early twenties in here.’ Taking a sip of his pint, he looked around him. ‘It looks exactly the same.’
Grace smiled. She’d worked hard over the past two years to ensure that the pub was restored to its former glory. Nathan had almost ruined the place. Milking it for every penny, allowing the place to become run down and letting his mates have free rein. As a result, they had lost all of their regular custom.
‘I appreciate your condolences, Pat.’
Grace watched him drinking his pint for a moment. He looked a little younger than her dad would have been. He was tall, with dark hair, greying at the temples and brown eyes. He must have been a hit with the ladies in his younger days. Probably still was.
‘So what are you up to now that you’re out?’ she asked him. By the looks of his suit, he was doing well for himself.
‘This and that.’ He shrugged. ‘And how about you? Is that husband of yours behaving himself in the nick?’
Grace laughed. ‘I doubt that. And I told you, I have no idea what he’s doing in there. I have nothing to do with him now. At least I try not to. If only he would bloody leave me alone.’
‘Oh?’ Patrick raised an eyebrow at her. ‘Giving you a hard time, is he?’
