скачать книгу бесплатно
Eloise sighed. Impossible, apparently.
Eventually, she’d given up on sleep and logged onto the Internet on her tablet, refreshing Sara’s magazine pages until the exclusive she’d known was coming flashed up on the screen at last.
There she was. Eyes wide from the camera flash, her hand wrapped over her chest covering her nudity. Noah lay underneath her on the floor, then in later photos stood in front of her, looking mussed but gorgeous. Charmingly contrite having been caught, his shirt open a little too far, his hair ruffled beyond the usual fashionable mess. He could have stepped out of an advert for aftershave, not been caught falling out of a cupboard moments before having sex.
Whereas she... There was no doubt what she’d been doing. She looked exactly the type of girl Melissa had always told people she was.
Why could men get away with that sort of behaviour and women couldn’t?
Bracing herself, Eloise scanned down through all the photos to the text underneath.
Since half of Hollywood has decamped to England for the wedding of Melissa Sommers and Riley Black, we can report exclusively from Morwen Hall on all the wedding high jinks! Starting with this gem from the rehearsal dinner—best man Noah Cross has found some entertainment to make the week even more fun than Melissa and Riley planned: seducing the maid of honour!
It went on to detail who she was, how she knew Melissa and why she’d stepped in at the last minute.
Then it got to what really mattered.
So could this be true love for eternal bachelor Noah? Apparently not.
He said, ‘She’s nothing to me, and I’m nothing to her. You know how it is at weddings... A fling always makes it a little more entertaining.’
Looks like we’ll have to wait a little longer to see Noah walk down the aisle himself!
Eloise threw her tablet down onto the covers and wished she’d never looked.
Of course he’d said that. He’d never suggested anything else—in fact he’d said practically the same thing to her at the welcome drinks. She’d known what she was getting into. Like he’d told her the night before—he never gave his women false expectations, never fell for them, and never ever told them he loved them.
He played fair. It was only her heart that had cheated.
She’d been so sure that she could play the same game he did, that it wasn’t the same as her mother’s games if no one mentioned love. But, in the end, she’d ended up exactly where all her mother’s men had: alone, heartbroken, her reputation in tatters and everyone talking about her. It was exactly the way she’d felt after she’d found her mother sleeping with her boyfriend, or the day she’d realised that her university boyfriend had been using her all along—stupid, naive, gullible and humiliated.
She was just where she’d always promised herself she’d never be again. And all thanks to Noah Cross.
Because she’d let herself believe, just for a moment, that what they had could be something more than either of them had promised each other. That it could be for real—not a secret, not a fling, not anything to hide or be ashamed of.
And that moment was all that it took for her to fall head over heels in love with Noah.
Closing her eyes, Eloise fell back against the bed and swore softly. Turned out she really was every bit as stupid and naive as Melissa had always told her she was.
* * *
Noah awoke feeling worse than any hangover had ever left him and he hadn’t drunk more than a glass of wine the night before. He’d stuck the rehearsal dinner out until the bitter end, flinching when Melissa told the guests that Eloise had gone to bed with a headache. By midday they’d all know exactly why she’d gone to bed, he knew, but at least the lie had preserved her peace and dignity for a few more hours.
He’d tried to speak with her after the dinner but there’d been no answer at her door. He hoped she’d been sleeping, but knew it was far more likely she’d been avoiding him. Well, she couldn’t do that for ever.
Forcing himself out of bed, Noah dressed quickly and headed straight for Eloise’s room. He needed to speak to her before anyone else did. Hopefully before she saw the photos on the Internet, for that matter—although, since he’d already had a furious voicemail from Tessa, ranting about him throwing away his chances that morning, that was probably a long shot.
‘Eloise?’ He didn’t want to shout—he knew that attracting more attention to them could only make everything worse—but when she didn’t answer his third knock he had to raise his voice. ‘Let me in, Eloise.’
There was a shuffling noise inside, then she yanked the door open, looking furious under her rumpled red hair. She was wearing what had to be the most unflattering pair of pyjamas in history and Noah realised that it didn’t even matter. She had bags under her eyes as if she hadn’t slept, and mascara on her cheeks, and her pyjamas had pictures of grumpy cats on them, and he still wanted her.
Eloise, however, did not look like she was having the same problem.
‘What are you doing?’ she whisper-shouted at him. ‘Do you want even more people showing up to take photos of me half dressed?’
Noah decided not to point out that the cat pyjamas covered considerably more of her body than last night’s dress. ‘Can I come in?’
Eloise scanned the hallway and, finding it empty, stood aside, still glaring at him.
‘Look, we both have a wedding to get ready for in four hours,’ she said, shutting the door behind him. ‘So, whatever you have to say, make it quick.’
She folded her arms over her chest and stared at him, and all of Noah’s intended words fled. He’d planned to talk about how they could minimise the fallout from last night, how to deal with Melissa today...but instead he found himself saying, ‘I’m sorry. About last night. I know that was the last thing you wanted.’
‘I’m not sure many people want to be caught half naked in a cupboard, Noah.’
‘You’d be surprised.’ If it meant getting their photo taken with him, Noah had found that some women were willing to do anything. But Eloise wasn’t one of them.
She shot him a disgusted look. ‘Of course. I’m sure your many admirers would be grateful for the chance.’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
‘I don’t care.’ She rubbed one eye with her fist and he realised again how exhausted she looked. Had she slept at all? ‘Look, I’ve already seen the photos online, read all the quotes. So kind of you to point out that I was equally indifferent to you, by the way, since, after all, I mean nothing to you.’
Noah winced. ‘I’m sorry, okay? I was trying to downplay it all for your sake! You’re the one who didn’t want to be another woman cast aside and presumably heartbroken when I left them. You wanted to keep it a secret. And, since that was off the table...I figured that this was the next best thing.’ He’d given up his chance at the movie role of a lifetime to try and protect her, and this was the way she thanked him?
Eloise stared at him so long he started to worry he’d grown an extra head while he’d slept. ‘Did you honestly believe that telling them I was just a meaningless fling would help?’
‘You’re the one who insisted that nobody know!’ Couldn’t she see he’d done the best he could in a bad situation? ‘We both agreed this wasn’t anything serious. Just a fling to kill a few days, right? Get the chemistry out of our system. That’s what we agreed.’ They’d had a deal and he’d stuck to it. He’d protected her—at his own expense! So why was he the bad guy?
And why was Eloise staring at him so sadly, her eyes huge and wet and her cheeks pale?
‘You’re a fool if you still believe that,’ she said softly.
Noah’s whole world tilted, for the second time since he’d met Eloise. What was it about her that kept him permanently off balance? ‘What?’
He could see her throat move as she swallowed, as if she was preparing herself for something hard. Something she didn’t want to do.
‘I know what we agreed, what we said. I was there too.’ She met his gaze head-on and he felt it down to his core, past all those carefully built defences he’d put back up. As if they didn’t exist for her at all. ‘But I want more. And I think you do too. Being with you...it’s so different to anything I’ve ever had before.’
‘Well, yeah,’ he said awkwardly. ‘I mean, it would be. My world, the way I live...it’s a new experience for you, I get that. You’ve been hiding out in this hotel for so long...’
Eloise shook her head violently. ‘That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. I don’t care that you’re a movie star. I don’t care that you’re famous or rich or in demand or even that you’re leaving tomorrow. I care that you spoke to me like you trusted me...that you listened to me when I told you my secrets. I care that you made me see it was okay to come out of my shell, to try new things, to let people see the real me. I care that when you touched me...my whole world lit up.’
‘That’s just sex.’ The defence was automatic. Sex he knew. Sex was safe. The other stuff... Any of that he still had left he needed to save for his next movie role—if he got one that was worth anything at all after this. ‘And the talking...I told you. I wanted to get this part and they needed me to act deep.’
‘Are you honestly trying to tell me that everything between us happened because you wanted to win some role in a film?’ She raised her eyebrows as she stared at him, and he knew it was crazy. Knew that what had happened between them transcended not just his career but his life so far.
And that was why it scared the hell out of him. He’d had something close to this once—and he’d lost it the moment he’d admitted to it.
He wasn’t taking the chance of feeling that pain again.
‘You know us actors,’ he said, shrugging as casually as he could. ‘We’ll do anything for a shot at an award.’ Not that he had a hope of that now—but Eloise didn’t need to know that. If she realised what he’d given up trying to protect her she might read something more into it than there was.
Her mouth actually dropped open. A director would tell her she was overacting, but Noah knew better. Eloise didn’t act. She was who she was, and it was glorious.
But he knew something else too. She didn’t believe she was worth it, and he could use that now. Because looking deeper was one thing. Falling in love was another altogether—it would take him all the way into his soul and out the other side and it could burn him up on the journey. If he wanted to hold onto Eloise, that was what he knew it would take—everything.
And he didn’t have it in him any more.
‘You know, the saddest thing is, you might really believe that,’ Eloise said, her voice soft. ‘You might actually believe that you’re just an actor and it’s all just a role. But you’re wrong. I saw the real you, I know it. And I think we could have been happy. I don’t know how it would have worked, or what would have happened next, but we’d have been happy. And it doesn’t matter now because you won’t even try. You won’t let yourself feel anything as real and as deep as love. Even if it could give you everything that’s been missing for the last seven years.’
‘You’re wrong,’ he said but, even as the words came out, he knew he was lying.
He could have been happy.
But how long for?
‘I’ll see you at the wedding,’ he said. And then he turned and walked out on love. For good.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#u669e95ea-7edd-5c3f-a502-2a8965d3bfc7)
‘TOLD YOU SHE wouldn’t wear the veil.’ Laurel sidled up to Eloise as they stood outside the ceremony room, waiting for the signal to start the procession. Caitlin and Iona were fussing with Melissa’s train while the bride checked her reflection one last time and straightened the tiara on her—veil-less—head.
‘You were right,’ Eloise said, viewing the proceedings with a strange detachment. As if she were watching the action on a cinema screen, not really part of it at all.
Quite a lot of the last few days seemed like that now, actually.
‘You okay?’ Laurel asked, lowering her clipboard and looking up at her, concern in her eyes. ‘I heard... Well, there’s been a lot of talk this morning.’
‘I’m sure there has,’ Eloise replied serenely. Of course there would be. Everyone staying at Morwen Hall would have woken up to the comedy gold that was her falling out of a cupboard half naked with Noah Cross.
But at least they didn’t know the worst of her humiliation. Noah was right about that—he’d defended her from the mortification of everyone in the world knowing that she’d fallen in love with Noah and been rejected. They were the only two people in the world who knew exactly what had happened between them that week.
In a way, their fling was still a secret. Others might speculate but they’d never know the truth of it.
That mind-set was the only thing that had got her through Melissa’s snide comments and the half jokes and sniggers from the other bridesmaids as they’d got ready together that morning. The make-up artist Melissa had hired had tutted and despaired aloud at the bags under Eloise’s eyes, but some serious application of concealer and other potions from her magic bag of tricks seemed to have hidden them well enough. The icy blue-green dress had been laced tight enough to give her some semblance of curves and her red hair curled and pinned up on the back of her head, leaving her neck bare.
Eloise couldn’t help but feel as if she’d been prepared for an execution.
‘You seem very...calm,’ Laurel said. ‘Serene, even.’
Eloise gave her a small smile and raised one shoulder in a half shrug. ‘What else is there to do?’
‘I suppose.’
She’d realised after Noah left, after she’d wailed and sobbed and thrown things at the door he’d left through, that this was it. The lowest she could go. The whole world knew everything about her that she’d wanted to keep secret, and they probably all thought the worst. Either she was a fame-hungry slut seducing Noah in a cupboard, or a crazed fan lusting after him and thinking herself in love, when he was just using her for a bit of light relief.
But the thing was, neither of those were true. They were all an act—every theory, every story.
And, underneath them all, she was still Eloise Miller. Still in love with Noah Cross. Not the film star, but the man.
And no amount of humiliation could hurt as much as knowing that after today she might never see him again.
But he’d given her something, at least. She knew now what she needed to do next. He’d been right about one thing, somewhere in the middle of all his lies. She’d been hiding away at Morwen Hall for too long—too scared to go after her own dreams, to risk stepping into the spotlight and fighting for what she really wanted.
She’d fought for Noah. She might not have won him but she’d taken the risk and told him the truth—that she loved him. That was a big step.
And as soon as this wedding was over she would take another one. She’d hand in her notice at Morwen Hall and step out of hiding at last. It was time to go after all those other dreams she’d been too scared to chase—her own company, a career she could feel passionately about. Her own life, somewhere else.
She had a lot of planning to do, Eloise knew. But if she took nothing else away from her encounter with Noah Cross, she would have this: she wasn’t afraid of the spotlight any more.
How could she be? After all, it couldn’t ever get worse than this. And that thought was strangely liberating.
The string quartet at the front of the ceremony room started a new piece and Melissa gave a little squeal. ‘It’s time!’
‘Good luck,’ Laurel whispered as they lined up in their assigned order. ‘I’m going to head in and watch from the front.’
Eloise nodded to show that she’d heard her, but otherwise kept her focus on the task at hand. All she had to do was get through the rest of the day, and then she could fall apart and start again. Just another ten hours until the clock ticked past midnight and they entered a whole new year.
A fresh start. Just what she needed.
The doors opened and Eloise took her first careful, measured step, her bouquet held up at just the right height, right foot first, as instructed.
They’d opted to hold the ceremony in the old ballroom—one of the few rooms inside the hotel that retained some of the original Gothic charm. The high, peaked windows let in the winter light through thick glass, glinting off the displays of bright white flowers on every sill. The chairs the hotel staff had laid out in neat rows were now filled with the rich and famous, and at the end of the long aisle stood the celebrant, flanked by Riley, the groom, and Noah. The best man. The only man for her.
And the one man she was certain she could never have.
Eloise concentrated on her breathing as she made her way steadily down the long aisle, ignoring the whispers and muffled laughs around her. Then she heard the gasps and ‘ah’s as she reached the halfway point and knew that Melissa had made her entrance too. Nobody cared about Noah Cross’s fling any more. Melissa was the main attraction—just as she should be, and just as she’d wanted.
Eloise was more than happy to give up this spotlight to her.
As she approached the celebrant, Noah turned at last and she focused on not losing control as she saw his face. He didn’t look like his life had just been ripped apart—probably because it hadn’t.
Was it really all just an act for him? All that they’d shared, could it really have only been a means to an end? She didn’t want to believe it, but maybe she should. He was an actor. He was everything she’d always suspected he would be. Even all he’d shared about Sally—maybe it was just a sob story designed to get her into bed.
Except she’d already been in bed.
And except that it had felt real.
Eloise might not be very well acquainted with love, but now she’d felt its effects, a small part of her couldn’t give up the hope that maybe he felt it too.
Noah looked right at her and Eloise dropped her gaze. She couldn’t let him see how badly he’d hurt her. Despite everything, she still had her pride.
But then something made her glance up again to study his face, just for a moment—and she knew.
Noah Cross was a brilliant actor. But even he couldn’t out-act love.
The only problem was, love didn’t make a blind bit of difference if he wouldn’t let himself feel it. He probably didn’t even know himself.
