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“Bring it on.”
Chapter Three (#uac40c2e2-bd94-51c1-8a82-99bf72c74aac)
Several sessions later, Jackson called a break in our training. We’d been at it since the night before and he suggested we rest. As a Collector I’d spent my free time in my office in a towering skyscraper in New York City that straddled the edge of the After and the Living Realm. The Guard had an office there too, but in their time outside of assignments they had living quarters nearby.
With my new almost-Guard status I had been allowed to stay with them in a set of bungalows that stood atop a cliff. Like most parts of the After, the first time Jackson took me there I’d been speechless. The office I’d known for the past century was a short distance behind the bungalows so we were available as needed. And while Collectors were linked only with Gate Seven and the office, the Guard could wander the After as they pleased.
The trail leading from our training site up to the bungalows tapered farther up the side of the cliff. Jackson took the lead toward our resting place. Souls had no need to actually sleep, but rest was needed, especially after an intense training session.
A sinking sensation crushed my midsection as we neared the Guard camp, as it always did when we returned. I tried to stay away as much as I could manage but I couldn’t do it forever. Dozens of pairs of eyes burned into my back and I watched Jackson’s posture stiffen, but he stayed by my side.
Another regret about the night of Ally’s birthday was some of the Guard witnessing me suck the soul from David. Now, they all avoided me. Felix had made it perfectly clear that Jackson was the only one willing to work with me. I was a ticking time bomb and no one wanted to witness or be victim to the power I couldn’t control. Jackson was the only one to treat me as if it had never happened. I didn’t know which was worse.
“Screw them,” he said, leading me toward my bungalow. “You shouldn’t worry about what they think.”
“I don’t,” I lied.
He chuckled. “Sure.”
I shared a bungalow with Calliope, the only other Guard that would tolerate me and even that was generous since she avoided me as much as she could. The exterior of the bungalows was made of a golden wood that grew in the After forests, with a gossamer fabric covering the front doorway that rippled in the light breeze. The After had a tropical temperature with a constant light warm breeze moving across the land. In one word, paradise.
Pushing the fabric aside and I entered the main space of the bungalow. It was simply decorated with few pieces of furniture for sitting, but as much as Calliope had a hard exterior she was a bit girly. The space had been hers for quite some time and she had made it so with planters on most surfaces, displaying the flora of the After.
“Calliope?” I called.
No answer.
Jackson stood at the far end of the room, looking out the window. Where in the Living Realm there would be glass, in the After the windows were just open spaces. “I guess we’re alone.”
Even though we were alone most of the time during training, we always had work to distract us, but I dreaded moments like these. Through his eyes I always saw a hint of anticipation, like he expected the “real me” to come jumping out and saying, “Gotcha!” Then we’d be off on our merry way as a couple who were once again deeply in love. Tendrils of a chill crept down my spine.
Since leaving Ally’s body I’d not been able to access any memories besides those already stored from after I died and the ones Jackson showed me. But the last one stuck with me like a brand.
Jackson moved to stand in front of me, his eyebrows almost touching with concern. “What are you thinking about?” He swiped a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers were warm, leaving a trail of awareness across my cheek.
I ignored his question and pushed past him towards my room. It was at the end of a short hallway. I had it set up like my sanctuary in the Collections office, with a desk on the far wall and a couch facing the window. But instead of the meadow I’d used as my calming device, it overlooked the cliff.
Jackson’s presence was overwhelming and I became very aware of his every movement. He’d never been inside my room since we’d started working together. It was just for me, but we both sensed the nearing of the end of our mandatory time together and I wasn’t sure I was ready to let go just yet. That sounded selfish but he’d become my only friend and almost a mentor to me, even though I knew he wanted more.
Pressing my hands into the seat and I leaned over taking in the sight of the After that even after a century still mesmerized me.
“So, tomorrow,” I started, turning around. Ally would graduate from high school and I wanted to be there for her. I’d seen her in passing a few weeks ago and we’d managed a polite greeting even though Felix thought it would be best to keep our distance for a while, at least until she had enough time to grieve for her father. I suppose, being around the soul who killed him probably wouldn’t help that.
But words failed me as my gaze landed on the spot on my desk where I’d placed the wooden owl. The one Jackson had given me when we’d first met and later again when I was at Ally’s house. After Ally’s transformation I’d gone back to the Greene house to retrieve it, wondering if I could gain any other memories from it, but I could only see the one it had triggered.
Jackson’s soul was stiff as his eyes followed mine and one of his hands reached out to touch the wooden figure.
My insides twisted uncomfortably.
His head tilted toward the owl. “You kept this?”
I shrugged and before I could say anything, his hands were on my hips. The intimate touch startled me.
“Why did you keep it?”
My thoughts were fuzzy, as if they were trying to make their way out of a thick fog all I could think was that his hands felt so right where they were. “I don’t know.”
“Mags.”
I looked down at the owl on the desk and touched it gingerly hoping it would clear my head. “I thought I could see more if I had it.”
Jackson’s mouth opened slightly and I stared at his lips, remembering through the memory of that night how they’d seared my forehead after he placed a kiss on it.
Suddenly, I put out my hands, pushing him away. I couldn’t focus when he stood that close.
He didn’t take the hint, instead he moved blocking my escape. “I thought you told Felix you didn’t want them back?”
I attempted to shove him away but he didn’t budge. “I did! And I don’t. But I just wanted—”
What did I want?
“What? Please tell me.”
I closed my eyes. “I wanted to see her,” I whispered.
The silence was deafening. We said nothing for a few moments and he didn’t ask who I meant. I knew he wouldn’t. We’d gotten to know each other well enough for him to know who I meant. Well I got to know him. He seemed to know a lot about me. Or who I used to be.
I stared at the wall. “I wanted to see Gemma. Okay? Happy? I thought if I could see her again, it would somehow help.”
He touched my chin and forced me to look up at him. “Help what?” he asked.
I bit my bottom lip. His eyes widened at the movement, so I quickly freed my lip from my teeth and pressed them together instead.
Smoothing a hand over my cheek, he gently asked, “What would seeing her again help?”
“It would remind me how much I didn’t want my memories back,” I said tilting my head and his hand dropped to his side. “If I saw her happy, I’d know that I’d never want to see me kill her again.”
“I can show you that.”
“I know.”
He let out a frustrated growl, his fingers moving to hide the owl. “Why didn’t you just ask?”
Walking to the space behind my desk, I put distance between us. I needed to clear my head. “Because it’s a stupid idea. I shouldn’t be given anything remotely happy after what I did.”
“What you did wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I didn’t protect you.”
I flinched. “You didn’t pull the trigger.” I could still hear the shots in my head as if they had just gone off. And Tristan’s sobs. I shook away the memory of Gemma’s unmoving stare.
Jackson was silent for a moment, his eyes never leaving mine. “Let me show you.”
The idea was tempting. It was all I’d wanted since I found the owl, but there had to be limitations. “No memories of me and you. Just her.”
Jackson nodded and lifted his hand again. I stepped forward, swallowing any doubt as he reached out, one hand cupping my cheek, the other grasping my hand lightly, tracing circles with his thumb and before I could worry about how those circles made me melt inside, the memory slammed into me.
“Margaret!” Gemma shouted with glee. “Come out of there, I know you are trying to scare me!”
I watched the young red-haired girl put her hands on her hips, trying to be brave. She scanned their father’s study, narrowing her eyes. The fire roaring in the hearth was the only source of light in the room, casting dark shadows across the furniture.
Maggie hid behind her father’s chair, in silent wait for her prey.
“I’m going to tell Mother!”
Maggie’s little hands tightened on the chair but she didn’t make a sound. I walked over to her, watching her mouth twist up into a sly grin. She was the older of the girls, but she protected her sister fiercely, proclaiming she was the only one who could tease her. Gemma hated when Maggie played games, but it thrilled Maggie no end and I could feel excited anticipation roll off her in waves.
Gemma’s bravery faltered as she stepped forward toward the overstuffed armchair, expecting her sister to jump out at her at any moment.
But Maggie waited. She had incredible patience, but I sensed that part of it was stubbornness and a desire to test boundaries. Her head poked out from behind the chair just as Gemma turned toward the love seat. I watched as Maggie slowly came out of her hiding spot and charged at her sister.
Gemma let out a scream but Maggie covered her sister’s mouth with her hand.
Both girls collapsed on the floor, Gemma’s muffled squeals threatening to break through Maggie’s tiny fingers.
“Shh,” Maggie cooed.
Gemma managed to wrestle her mouth away from Maggie’s hand. “I hate you!” Her indignation faltered into a fit of giggles and Maggie quickly joined her.
As she helped her sister up from the floor Maggie said, “Gemma. You need to always expect the unexpected. You can’t go through life being scared all the time.” Even though Maggie was a mere nine years old, she spoke as if she’d lived lifetimes before. It was one of the things that drew me to her more than any other Prognatum I’d watched.
Maggie took a handkerchief and wiped her sister’s cheeks.
“A lady wouldn’t do that to her sister,” Gemma said, finally relaxing.
“I don’t want to be a lady,” Maggie stated firmly. “I want to see the world and not just make babies for the rest of my life.”
Gemma shook her head. “That’s what we are supposed to do. That’s what Mother does.”
Maggie’s indignation flowed through her and into me. I knew Maggie was born to follow through with her Prognatum duties, she just didn’t know it yet. It was rare for a Prognatum to want the Guard position but Maggie would be thrilled when her father revealed it to her at seventeen.
As Maggie reached down to help Gemma up from the floor she whispered, “It’s not for me.”
Gemma wrapped her sister in a tight hug. “I will love you either way, dear sister.”
Maggie rested her head against Gemma’s shoulder. “I love you too.”
I fell out of the memory just as quickly as I’d fallen in, my legs shaking.
Jackson caught me and wrapped his arms around me. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I leaned closer, enjoying the feeling of being protected, and looked up at him. “You didn’t. It was a nice memory. Thank you.”
Jackson gave me a quick nod. “You’re welcome. If you want any more I have plenty.” He smirked tapping a finger on the side of his head.
I stepped out of his grasp, afraid of how close we had been and how much I had liked it. “Maybe some other time.”
He sobered and put the owl back on my desk.
“It’s strange to feel my emotions through you.”
Jackson chuckled, a low rumble in his chest, a sound I heard so infrequently, yet the one that made my day complete when I heard it. “When you get your first Prognatum job, you’ll get used to it.”
“If,” I hedged.
“When,” he corrected.
I heard shuffling from the other room, indicating Calliope’s arrival to our bungalow.
“Let’s meet in the morning for training before the graduation?” Jackson said as we walked from the room into the main area.
“Sounds good.”
Jackson nodded at Calliope as we passed. She didn’t hide her scowl. Where she was stony with me, she detested Jackson. Mostly because of what he’d done to Cooper all those years ago; nearly destroying him so he could get his job back. But I was in no position to judge since I’d actually destroyed someone.
I waved to Jackson and watched as he disappeared out into the night. Turning back to the main room I saw Calliope’s eyes slide over mine and quickly flick toward my room. Smoothing her short black hair from her face, she narrowed her chocolate brown eyes at me before turning on her heel and retiring to her room.
Rolling my eyes I headed back to my room. I just didn’t have the energy for Calliope’s attitude tonight. Tomorrow was one day closer to proving my worth and I wouldn’t waste that worrying about fitting in with her. At least not yet.
Chapter Four (#ulink_a9e08c24-63bb-5228-825e-40ea83602ead)
The next morning, after a particularly intense training session, Jackson and I transported to Freedom High School. I didn’t know how I’d feel about going back. I hadn’t spent much time there, but it’s where I first met Ally, and Jackson officially, and where he’d shown me my traumatic last day as a human. I tore my eyes away from the concrete building straight onto other concrete things, such as the glares from the other Guard.
Our arrival hadn’t gone unnoticed. Several Guard stared, others made it a point to ignore us. Jackson and I were the black sheep of the team and I could imagine what they were thinking right now. Although I was glad I couldn’t. I counted at least two dozen Guard as we made our way to the football field where there were almost a hundred empty blue and gold painted chairs set up on the grass.
Jackson pointed to the last row of chairs. “Let’s set up back here.”
“You don’t have to protect me from them,” I said, looking into his hardened gaze.
He shrugged. “I’m not. These are the best seats in the house.”
I scanned the area, remembering the night before Ally’s birthday when the field teemed with Shadowed and we came close to losing. Only Cooper’s bravery had kept me and Ally’s body safe. He’d fought tooth and nail for us, yet I hadn’t had time to thank him. I thought I’d found a friend but I’m pretty sure there was a proximity factor involved in our friendship as we’d barely had a conversation since training started. Not that it wasn’t completely my fault for creating that gap…
“You okay?” Jackson asked cutting off my thoughts.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Nothing will happen,” he said softly, as he tilted his head indicating the rest of the Guard. “She is going to be safe, I think there are more Guard here than humans.”
I blinked a few times and turned away. Of course he was talking about Ally. I should have been thinking about her too.
