Christmas Miracle: A Family

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“I’m sure it was an accident,” she said, not sure what else to say, or do.

“I’m sure it was not,” James responded.

“Maybe we should ask Tyler,” Fallon said, quite surprised that he seemed totally unaffected by the whole matter. Most children his age would be scared, on the verge of tears. But Tyler had his shoulders squared, his jaw set, his arms folded belligerently across his chest. Getting ready to do battle was what Fallon immediately thought of. This child was getting ready to square off with someone. “Was it an accident, Tyler?” she asked, suddenly feeling protective of the boy.

He didn’t answer. Instead, he stared straight ahead at the hall, barely blinking.

“Tyler?” she asked again.

Again, no response. She glanced up at James, who seemed in agony. Then she glanced back at Tyler, and saw just a flash of that same agony, and the need to come to his defense in some way, to make the situation a little better for him, overtook her. “Look, Tyler, I’m not going to punish you for breaking my shelf. But here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to go find some rags so you can clean up the lotions and everything else that spilled on the floor. And while I’m doing that, stand back so we can get the glass picked up. We don’t want you cutting yourself while you’re cleaning.”

“We’ve been having a rough time,” James admitted, not so much in defense of what Tyler had done as in explanation.

“I guess you have. And it looks to me like Tyler…” Before she could finish, James’s cellphone rang, and he seemed almost grateful for the interruption. Too grateful, she decided as James walked away, leaving her there to make sure Tyler didn’t do something to hurt himself. Half a minute later, James returned, red-faced.

“Look, I know I don’t have a right to ask this, but…I have an emergency up on Pine Ridge, a child with a broken leg, and I really can’t take Tyler with me. He’s…” He glanced down at the boy. “He’s having a rough time right now, as you’ve already seen, and I don’t have anyplace else for him to stay yet. He’s been through three babysitters in as many days, and I haven’t had time to find someone else to look after him while I’m at work. I wouldn’t normally impose on you, but it may be a compound fracture, and I need to get the child stabilized before transport…”

“Just go,” she said, not sure why. “Take care of your patient, and I’ll look after Tyler.” She glanced down at Tyler, who was eyeing another hanging shelf and trying to inch his way in its direction without being noticed. “But only for a little while.”

“You don’t know how much I appreciate that,” James said, the expression on his face turning into genuine relief. “We’ll talk when I get back, OK? I have so much I need to tell you.”

Fallon reached out and took hold of Tyler’s arm to keep him from moving any closer to his next target. “When you know how long this is going to take, call me, will you?”

Instinctively, James bent to kiss Fallon’s cheek, but she jerked away from him. So he simply nodded then bent to Tyler who jerked away, too. “You be good, and don’t break anything else, you hear me?”

Tyler stared him in the eye, not defiantly, though. And didn’t answer. After several seconds James straightened up. “Like I said, we’ll talk,” he said, then turned and left, leaving Fallon alone with what she knew was going to turn the rest of her day into a royal disaster.

“So, Tyler,” she said, pulling him out into the hall, “tell me why you broke my shelf, and why, right this very minute, you’re thinking about breaking my other shelf.”

The boy’s eyes opened a bit wider, as if surprised that she could anticipate what he was thinking.

Fallon laughed. “You do want to pull down the other shelf, don’t you? Are you surprised that I know what you want to do?”

Naturally, he didn’t respond. But that didn’t surprise her. The answer was in his eyes. Big, beautiful eyes, like his father’s. So beautiful she ached with longing for what she’d lost. “So I don’t suppose I can trust you to stand here and not go back into the bathroom while I go find a broom to clean up the broken glass, can I?” Silly asking the question when she already knew the answer. “Which means you get to go with me.” She pointed in the direction of the utility room, but Tyler kept his eyes glued to the wall across from him. What kind of trauma had done that to him? What kind of upset had caused such a young child to be so removed? James hadn’t told her much. Mostly, she’d heard just the anger from him over being left out of Tyler’s life, over the things he missed. Anger that sank to the heart of what she’d done to him herself, how she’d left him out, too.

And seeing Tyler, even with his problems, reminded her of how selfish she’d been. She’d made a choice that couldn’t be undone. Fought hard then lost. And never included James. It was the hardest thing she’d ever done because she’d loved that baby, wanted that baby. Should have been strong enough to carry that baby to term. But she hadn’t been, and the day her doctor had come to her and told her it was over…

Now she ached that their baby wasn’t in her arms. “Well, Tyler,” she said, trying to shake off the glum mood settling over her, “I don’t know if you’re hungry, but I am. And I think ice cream is a good afternoon snack. Care to have some with me?” she asked.

Naturally, Tyler didn’t answer. So Fallon decided to ignore him and hope that once she got the ice cream out of the freezer, he’d come to the kitchen. Bad reasoning, though. She’d been in the kitchen less than a minute when she heard a crash. A loud crash coming from the bathroom, followed by another…“Oh, my God!” she gasped, recognizing the sound of breaking glass.

Dropping the carton of ice cream on the floor, she ran to the bathroom to find that Tyler had pulled the second cosmetic shelf down. Along with it had come a large framed picture from the wall…its glass broken into hundreds of pieces and Tyler standing in the middle of the mess, his arms and hands bleeding.

Without a thought that she, herself, could get cut, Fallon ran straight to the boy, picked him up and got him out of the bathroom. But halfway down the hall he started fighting her, kicking and screaming.

“Leave me alone!” he wailed, balling his bloody little fists and thrashing out at her. “Put me down.”

“Hold still.” she said, trying to have a look at the gashes on his arms without letting go of him. Which was an impossible task because Tyler was in a fit of rage, fighting her with everything he had in him. “Hold still, Tyler. I need to see how badly you’re cut.”

“Don’t you dare!” he screamed, still fighting against her. “Just put me down or I’ll…”

He didn’t finish his threat but he didn’t have to. Fallon knew exactly what he wanted to do, and would do the instant she let him go. So she held on even tighter, grabbed her keys from the table next to the front door, and ran as hard and as fast as she could to her car, with Tyler still pounding and kicking. Once there, she managed to get the back door open and literally had to toss him inside and get the door shut in the same swift movement. Then she locked the car with the remote control, ran to the driver’s side, and simply watched Tyler for a moment. He was crying, and kicking the back of the seat. But the rage was gone, and replacing it was fear and sadness. He was now just a sad, scared little boy. Problem was, when she got in, that could change.

And it did. The instant she was behind the wheel Tyler started his tirade again, kicking the back of the seat, screaming, crying. “Tyler,” she said, keeping her voice perfectly calm, “you’re going to be fine. I’m a nurse, and I’m going to take you to the hospital to have your cuts taken care of.” She knew that the better way would have been to stop the bleeding, remove glass fragments, bandage the wounds before moving him, but that was impossible, and her biggest fear was that in his tantrum he might injure himself further, maybe drive a glass fragment in deeper, or open a wound even more. The hospital was her only hope.

“As soon as I call your dad!”

“I don’t have a dad,” Tyler yelled. “Donnie didn’t want me any more, and I don’t want any more dads! I hate James! And I hate you!”

“He sustained some pretty good cuts.” Dr. Eric Ramsey motioned Fallon into the hall. “And he was so agitated I was afraid he’d harm himself, so I had to sedate him. Just lightly. I want to keep him in for a day or so to make sure he doesn’t rip out his stitches. He’s…um…He’s feisty. And very angry right now. I hope James will agree to let him stay for observation.”

“He was so upset, Eric. I couldn’t get him calmed down, and the only thing I could think of was to get him into the car and get him to the hospital. And you’re right. He’s a very angry little boy. But I think it’s more than that. Not sure what, though.”

“So you don’t know anything about him?”

“James just dropped him off and, to be honest, that was the first time I’d met Tyler. I know he’s been a struggle when James has had him before. But I had no idea how much.”

“Well, James is en route to Salt Lake City now with his patient. It’s going to be a fast turn-around, so I suppose we’ll hold off making any further decisions concerning Tyler for a while.” Eric was a pediatrician, and head of trauma services for the White Elk Hospital. “I’ve left a message to have him call here as soon as he can. So, in the meantime, we’ll wait and hope Tyler calms down.”

And here she was, involved. “Then I guess I’ll go and sit in Tyler’s room. He’ll need a familiar face there when he wakes up.”

“He’s going to be asleep for quite a while. How about I prescribe a cup of coffee or something to eat? And I’ll get it for you myself. You’re looking pretty strung out, Fallon. I don’t want you letting this get to you.”

“I’m feeling pretty strung out, as a matter of fact. But coffee and food aren’t going to fix that.” Going home and getting away from anything involving James was the prescription she needed. Only right now that prescription wasn’t going to be filled because Tyler was the priority, and she felt obligated to be with him as James wasn’t. More than that, she wanted to sit with him.

“Want to work?” he asked, half teasing, half serious. “I’m down a nurse today. Dinah’s home with the girls. It’s their regular monthly girls’ day out, and she won’t miss it for the world. So…”

“You know Gabby would have your head if you lured me away from her.”

“And I’m still protesting that she got you and we didn’t.” He faked a frown. “Neil wants you back so badly that he weeps openly when your name is mentioned. You know he’s at odds with his wife for stealing you away from him.”

Fallon laughed, and swatted Eric’s arm playfully. “I love you both, but what I’m doing right now is good. I didn’t realize how much I missed being useful and for now I like the job.” Not the way she liked real nursing. But for a while, until she figured out what she really wanted to do with her life, it would do.

“Well, I’m glad you’re back, even if it’s with Gabby,” he admitted, laughing.

Fallon looked down the hall of the trauma area and sighed. Yes, Gabby did have her. And she was grateful for that. Which meant White Elk Hospital was officially the past now. If only she could return to the past and stay there for ever.

“How is he?” James gasped, running through the door. “I just got the message. I was on my way back when I remembered to check my voicemail.”

“Resting,” Fallon said. She’d been sitting at Tyler’s bedside well over an hour, simply watching the boy. He was even troubled in his sleep. She could see that in the way he tossed and turned and twisted in his covers. “Eric gave him a light sedative and I didn’t want to leave him so I’ve been sitting here for a while, and he’s doing well.” Physically well, anyway. She wasn’t sure about anything else.

“The cuts are all superficial,” Eric said, stepping into the room. “He has a few stitches, and he’s good to go as far as his injuries are concerned. But I’d like to keep him under observation for a while because he was so…I suppose the word to describe it is enraged. He was having a major temper tantrum when Fallon brought him in, fighting her as hard as he could, and I was afraid he’d hurt himself so I gave him something to take the edge off a little, and now I’d like to watch him for a day or so to see if there’s anything else wrong with him other than his cuts.”

James agreed quickly. “I wish I knew his history…if he’s always like this or if this is new behavior. Because it’s extreme. Children have their temper tantrums and that’s part of learning how to cope with disappointment, but when I see a child like Tyler, who acts it out so violently, I’m inclined to look for something other than the momentary trigger of those emotions. I’ve had him three days this time and he’s getting worse, so I think observing him for a day or two, running some tests to make sure he doesn’t have some underlying medical problem, is a good idea. I appreciate the offer, and I’d appreciate it if you’d oversee his care, Eric.”

“Look,” Eric said, “I’ve got to get back to work. But, yes, James, I’ll take over his medical treatment, observe him, run some preliminary tests. You know, blood tests, a general physical, maybe some X-rays, that sort of thing. So, until we know more, if you have any questions, call me. And feel free to sit with Tyler for as long as you like. I’m sure he’ll be happy to have you with him when he wakes up.”

“I’m not so sure of that,” James muttered, slumping to the wall as Eric took his leave. “I’m really sorry about all this, Fallon. I didn’t mean to drag you into it. This whole thing with Tyler has been…difficult.”

“Have you talked to his mother about how he’s acting? Maybe she knows what triggers the temper tantrums.”

“Do you think she’d actually tell me anything? I mean, she didn’t even tell me I had a son until her husband didn’t want him any more. If Tyler had been a well-behaved child, I’m pretty sure she would have never revealed her little secret about his existence. So I have no reason to believe that she’ll tell me anything about his behavior. The hell of it is, Fallon, that when she drops him off and leaves, I don’t even know where she goes. Don’t know where Tyler lives when he’s not with me. They have a son of their own now, and Donnie, the husband, doesn’t want Tyler around. I’d wanted to ask her some questions, so a couple of months ago, after she disappeared with Tyler for the second time, I hired an investigator to find them. But apparently she and Donnie move around a lot, and every time my investigator catches up to her, she moves again. So we start over.” He sucked in a sharp, angry breath. “Secrets. Her stupid damn secrets are killing me, and I can’t do a thing about it.”

Secrets…Reality sprouted in the form of a dull ache in her chest. “But you’re going after custody?”

He nodded. “My first round didn’t turn out so well. I didn’t have the results of the DNA test back, although our blood types matched. And the judge wouldn’t hear the case. To make matters worse, Shelly came back in the middle of that mess and wanted Tyler back, and the judge said I had no legal recourse at that point, that I had to let Tyler go. So I did, then I couldn’t find him again.”

“It must be awful for both of you, never knowing what she’s going to do.”

“This time it may not be up to Shelly to decide.”

It was unthinkable, what Tyler’s mother was doing to him. What she was doing to James. Poor child. Poor James. “And nothing’s getting better yet, is it?”

He shook his head. “Tyler’s so angry, and he’s frightened, and I can’t blame him. When I grew up I had great parents who took care of me, protected me. At his age, I probably had no concept that one, or both, of my parents could simply get rid of me the way Shelly did Tyler. I can’t even imagine…”

“Well, however it works out in the long run, you have Tyler right now and I know you’ll do whatever’s best for him. And if there’s anything I can do in the meantime to help him…”

“Actually, if you ever run onto a place where Tyler and I can live…”

“Where are you now?”

“We’re staying in a hotel room. One room, with a microwave and a mini-fridge. Two beds, a television and a lamp. For me, it was fine. I wasn’t in a hurry to find a house or a condo because this is the tourist season and I know nothing’s available. But the thing is, I won’t get custody of Tyler if I don’t have a stable home for him. And that little room isn’t enough for him. He’s bouncing off the walls, it’s driving him crazy. So if you know of a place I can rent, or even buy…Oh, and a care-giver, too. As of this morning Tyler has exhausted the list of available care-givers in the area…at least, the ones with a recommendation from the hospital pediatric department. I’m pretty sure his reputation precedes him now, which will make the possibility of finding someone else to care for him while I’m working slim to none. So if you know someone who’s up to a challenge…”

“Let me think about it. Make some calls, see if I can figure something out for you…for Tyler.”

“It’s not your problem, but I’d appreciate it.” Stepping away from the wall, James bent and gave Fallon a quick kiss on the cheek, one from which she didn’t flinch this time. “I’m sorry for so many things, Fallon. But I haven’t had a lot of options lately.”

“I know,” she whispered, trying to push back the emotions straining to spring up in her. It was hard thinking of James and Tyler struggling so much. “And you did the right thing then. Still are. So, let me know how he gets along,” she said. “Because I do care.” He was her son’s brother, how could she not care? “And in the meantime, if I can find you and Tyler a place to live…” Spinning away, too full of emotion and her own regrets to be near James any longer, Fallon had every intention of dashing for the exit, which was exactly what she did. But something tugged at her halfway there. It was an image of James and Tyler living in a small hotel room, an image of the judge taking Tyler away from James because James couldn’t provide a proper home. It wasn’t fair! But, then, life wasn’t fair, was it? If it were, she and James and Tyler would be living together now, with the baby. The four of them as a family. Yet James and Tyler were stuck in a cramped hotel room and there was no way a judge would grant James the sole custody he wanted. And Tyler…he really did need a home, needed to be with James as much as James needed to be with his son. The way she so longed to be with her own son.

She understood that need in such deep, agonizing ways now, and it was causing the sprout of a plan to grow. One that sprouted then grew so rapidly it surprised her.

But could she do it? Could she take James and Tyler into her home temporarily? Give them the stability they needed, the stability the judge would demand? Could she do that and keep herself separated from them?

She shut her eyes, trying to fight off the plan. It was ridiculous, and James was right. It wasn’t her problem. Yet behind her shut eyes she saw Tyler, looking so alone and frightened. Tyler without a home. Saw the judge pulling Tyler away from James. Saw the judge sending her son’s brother back to a terrible home. That was the vision that turned her around and sent her right back to James.

“James,” she said quietly, on entering the hospital room where Tyler was still sleeping peacefully. “I’ve been thinking. It’s not good to keep Tyler in a hotel room. He needs a home, someplace where he’s going to feel safe. Someplace where he can live a normal life, where the judge can see stability. Since you can’t find that right now, I think you two should come and stay at my cabin. It’s not large, but I have a spare bedroom, plenty of space for a little boy. For a little while. There’s a nice hill out back where he can sled and play in the snow.

“I mean, I realize it’s not going to solve all his problems, or yours, but maybe it will help make things a little better in the meantime. And we can work out our schedules to watch him so he’ll have some kind of consistency in his life, and you won’t have to worry about finding someone else to look after him. I’m at home most of the time with my new job…at least, for now. And you can work your shifts around what I need to do. Eric and Neil are all into family these days, and I’m pretty sure that’s what they’d want you to do.”

“Why would you do that, Fallon?” James whispered, stepping quietly away from the bed, trying not to disturb the boy. “Considering the way we are now, why would you take us in?”

Because Tyler was lost, and she knew how that felt. Because James was at a confusing, frustrating place in his life and she knew how that felt. Because Tyler was so connected to her son. “Don’t ask me personal questions,” she said. “I’m not getting involved with you again. This is only a temporary solution to a bigger problem, your problem, and I don’t want you getting any other ideas about anything. Especially about us. That’s the only condition. Tyler gets the spare bedroom, you get the couch, and you both respect my privacy.”

James looked down at Tyler then turned back to Fallon. “Do you really think he looks like me? People tell me he does.”