A Christmas Carol; Or, The Miser's Warning!

Scr. Pity me! I will not be the man I have been! Oh, no, no! (Pauses, and looks around him.) Ah! here! Could it all have been a dream! A dream – ha, ha, ha! A dream! Yes! this table's my own – this chair's my own – this room's my own – and happier still, the time before me is my own to make amends in! I will live the past, the present, and the future! Heaven and the Christmas time be praised for this! I say it on my knees – on my knees! My cheek is wet with tears, but they are tears of penitence! (Busies himself in pulling on his coat, throwing off his cap, etc., and speaking all the time.) I don't know what to do – I'm as light as a feather – I'm as happy as an angel – I'm as merry as a school-boy – I'm as giddy as a drunken man! A merry Christmas to every body – a happy new year to all the world! Hallo, there! Whoop! Hallo! there's the jug that my gruel was in – there's the door where the ghost of Jacob Marley entered. It's all right – it's all true – it all happened – ha, ha, ha! I don't know what day of the month it is – I don't know how long I've been among the spirits – I don't know anything – I'm quite a baby – never mind, I don't care – I'd rather be a baby! Hallo! Whoop! Hallo, here! (Runs to window – opens it.) Here, you boy! what's to-day?

Boy. (Without.) Why, Christmas Day!

Scr. Ah! I haven't missed it! Glorious! I say – go to the poulterer's round the corner, and buy the prize turkey for me!

Boy. (Without.) Wal-ker!

Scr. Tell 'em to send it, and I'll give you half a crown. He's off like a shot! I'll send it to Bob Cratchit's. How astonished he'll be. (Coming down.) I'll write a cheque for that society that they called on me about yesterday. Oh, I'll make every one happy, and myself, too! (Knocks heard without.) That must be the turkey! (Opens door.) As I live, it's Bob Cratchit!

Enter Bob Cratchit, 2 e. l. h

Bob. Excuse my calling, sir, but the fact is, I couldn't help it. That worthy gentleman, your nephew, is ruined. I said, ruined, sir —

Scr. I'm glad of it!

Bob. Glad of it! There's an unnatural cannibal!

Enter Frank, 2 e. l. h

Frank. Oh uncle, you know all! I come not to ask your assistance – that would be madness – but I come to bid you farewell. In three days' time, with my unfortunate family, I shall quit England.

Scr. No, you shan't. You shall stay where you are!

Frank. You mock me!

Scr. I say you shall stay where you are! (Writes at table.) There's a cheque for present use – to-morrow I will see how I can make up your losses, and at my death you shall inherit all my wealth – but I don't mean to die yet, you dog!

Frank. This generosity —

Scr. No thanks. I'll dine with you to-day, Frank – and as for you, Bob, Tiny Tim shall be my care, and your salary's trebled from this hour.

Bob. Oh, this can't be my master! Oh, I'm quite sure it must be somebody else. Yes – it is him, too! He must have gone mad! I've a great mind to knock him down with the ruler, and get Mr. Frank to help me to fit him on a strait waistcoat! Well, I never!

Scr. A merry Christmas, Frank – a merry Christmas, Bob – and it shall be a merry one. I have awoke a better man than I fell asleep. So may it be with all of us! Oh, may my day dreams prove as happy as my night ones? (As he speaks, the gauze medium is lit up behind, and the Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Christmas Present, and the Ghost of Christmas to Come, with the other characters in the Miser's dream, are seen in separate groups.) Their remembrance haunts me still. Oh, my friends – forgive but my past, you will make happy my present, and inspire me with hope for the future!

THE CURTAIN FALLS