The Consolidator; or, Memoirs of Sundry Transactions from the World in the Moon

Indeed these things were of great Consequence, and therefore require some more nice Examination than ordinary, and the following Story will in part explain it.

Among the rest of the Broils they had with the Grandees, one happen'd on this occasion.

One of the Tacking Feathers being accidentally met by a Grandee's Footman, whom it seems wanted some Manners, the Slave began to haloo him in the Street, with a Tacker, a Tacker, a Feather-Fool, a Tacker, &c. and so brought the Mob about him, and had not the Grandee himself come in the very interim, and rescu'd the Feather, the Mob had demolisht him, they were so enrag'd.

As this Gentleman-Feather was rescu'd with great Courtesie by the Grandee, taken into his Coach and carry'd home to his House, he desir'd to speak with the Footman.

The Fellow being call'd in, was ask't by him who employ'd him, or set him on to offer him this Insult? the Footman being a ready bold Fellow, told him no Body Sir, but you are all grown so ridiculous to the whole Nation, that if the 134 of you were left but to us Footmen, and it was not in more respect to our Masters, than you, we should Cure you of ever coming into the Consolidator again, and all the People in the Moon are of our Mind.

But says the Feather, why do you call me Fool too? why Sir, says he, because no Body could ever tell us what it was you drove at, and we ha' been told you never knew your selves; now if one of you Tacking Feathers would but tell the World what your real Design was, they would be satisfy'd, but to be leaders in the Consolidator, and to Act without Meaning, without Thought or Design, must argue your' Fools, or worse, and you will find all the Moon of my Mind.

But what if we had a meaning, says the Feather-Man? why then, says the Footman, we shall leave calling you Fools, and call you Knaves, for it could never be an Honest one, so that you had better stand as you do: and I make it out thus.

You knew, that upon your Tacking the Crolians to the Tribute Bill, the Grandees must reject both, they having declar'd against reading any Bills Tackt together, as being against their Priviledges. Now if you had any Design, it must be to have the Bill of Tribute lost, and that must be to disappoint all the publick Affairs, expose the Queen, break all Measures, discourage the Confederates, and putting all things backward, bring the Gallunarian Forces upon them, and put all Solunaria into Confusion. Now Sir, says he, we cannot have such course Thoughts of you, as to believe you could design such dark, mischievous things as these, and therefore we chose to believe you all Fools, and not fit to be put into a Consolidator again; than Knaves and Traytors to your Country, and consequently fit for a worse Place.

The plainness of the Footman was such, and so unanswerable, that his Master was fain to check him, and so the Discourse broke off, and we shall leave it there, and proceed to the Story.

The Men of the Feather as I have noted, who are represented here by the Consolidator, fell all together by the Ears, and all the Moon was in a combustion. The Case was as follows.

They had three times lost their quallifying Law, and particularly they observ'd the Grandees were the Men that threw it out, and notwithstanding the Plot of the Tackers, as they call'd them, who were as I noted, observ'd to be in Conjunction with the Crolians, yet the Law always past the Feathers, but still the Grandees quasht it.

To show their Resentment at the Grandees, they had often made attempts to mortify them, sometimes Arraigning them in general, sometimes Impeaching private Members of their House, but still all wou'd not do, the Grandees had the better of them, and going on with Regularity and Temper, the Consolidators or Feather-Men always had the worst, the Grandees had the applause of all the Moon, had the last Blow on every Occasion, and the other sunk in their Reputation exceedingly.

It is necessary to understand here, that the Men of the Feather serve in several Capacities, and under several Denominations, and act by themselves, singly consider'd, they are call'd the Consolidator, and the Feathers we mention'd abstracted from their Persons, make the glorious Engine we speak of, and in which, when any suddain Motion takes them, they can all shut themselves up, and away for the Moon.

But when these are joyn'd with the Grandees, and the Queen, so United, they make a great Cortez, or general Collection of all the Governing Authority of the Nation.

When this last Fraction happen'd, the Men of the Feather were under an exceeding Ferment, they had in some Passion taken into their Custody, some good Honest Lunar Country-Men, for an Offence, which indeed few but themselves ever immagin'd was a Crime, for the poor Men did nothing but pursue their own Right by the Law.

'Tis thought the Men of the Feather soon saw they were in the Wrong, but acted like some Men in our World, that when they make a mistake, being too Proud to own themselves in the wrong, run themselves into worse Errors to mend it.

So these Lunar Gentlemen disdaining to have it said they could be mistaken, committed two Errors to conceal one, 'till at last they came to be laught at by all the Moon.

These poor Men having lain a long while in Prison, for little or no Crime, at last were advis'd to apply themselves to the Law for Discharge; the Law would fairly have Discharg'd them; for in that Country, no Man may be Imprison'd, but he must in a certain Time be Tryed, or let go upon pledges of his Friends, much like our giving Bail on a Writ of Habeas Corpus; but the Judges, whether over-aw'd by the Feathers, or what was the Cause, Authors have not determin'd, did not care to venture Discharging them.

The poor Men thus remanded, apply'd themselves to the Grandees who were then Sitting, and who are the Soveraign Judicature of the Country, and before whom Appeals lie from all Courts of Justice. The Grandees as in Duty bound, appear'd ready to do them Justice, but the Queen was to be apply'd to, first to grant a Writ, or a Warrant for a Writ, call'd in their Country a Writ of Follies, which is as much as to say Mistakes.

The Consolidators foreseeing the Consequence, immediately apply'd themselves to the Queen with an Address, the Terms of which were so Undu-l and Unman-ly, that had she not been a Queen of unusual Candor and Goodness, she would have Treated them as they deserv'd, for they upbraided her with their Freedom and Readiness in granting her Supplies, and therefore as good as told her they expected she should do as they desir'd.

These People that knew the Supplies given, were from necessity, Legal, and for their own Defence, while the granting their Request, must have been Illegal, Arbitrary, a Dispensing with the Laws, and denying Justice to her Subjects, the very thing they ruin'd her Father for, were justly provok'd to see their good Queen so barbarously Treated.

The Queen full of Goodness and Calmness, gave them a gentle kind Answer, but told them she must be careful to Act with due Regard to the Laws, and could not interrupt the course of Judicial Proceedings; and at the same time granted the Writ, having first consulted with her Council, and receiv'd the Opinion of all the Judges, that it was not only Safe, but Just and Reasonable, and a Right to her People which she could not deny.

This Proceeding gall'd the Feathers to the quick, and finding the Grandees resolv'd to proceed Judicially upon the said Writ of Follies, which if they did, the Prisoners would be deliver'd and the Follies fixt upon the Feathers, they sent their Poursuivants took them out of the Common Prison, and convey'd them separately and privately into Prisons of their own.

This rash and unprecedented Proceedings, pusht them farther into a Labrinth, from whence it was impossible they could ever find their way out, but with infinite Loss to their Reputation, like a Sheep in a thick Wood, that at every Briar pulls some of the Wool from her Back, till she comes out in a most scandalous Pickle of Nakedness and Scratches.

The Grandees immediately publisht six Articles in Vindication of the Peoples Right, against the assum'd Priviledges of the Feathers, the Abstract of which is as follows.

1. That the Feathers had no Right to Claim, or make any new Priviledges for themselves, other than they had before.

2. That every Freeman of the Moon had a Right to repel Injury with Law.

3. That Imprisoning the 5 Countrymen by the Feathers, was assuming a new Priviledge they had no Right to, and a subjecting the Subjects Right to their Arbitrary Votes.

4. That a Writ of Deliverance, or removing the Body, is the legal Right of every Subject in the Moon, in order to his Liberty, in case of Imprisonment.

5. That to punish any Person for assisting the Subjects, in procuring or prosecuting the said Writ of Deliverance, is a breach of the Laws, and a thing of dangerous Consequence.

6. That a Writ of Follies is not a Grace, but a Right, and ought not to be deny'd to the Subject.

These Resolves struck the languishing Reputation of the Feathers with the dead Palsie, and they began to stink in the Nostrils of all the Nations in the Moon.

But besides this, they had one strange effect, which was a prodigious disappointment to the Men of the Feather.

I had observ'd before, that there was to be a new Set of Feathers, provided in order to Building another Consolidator, according to a late Law for a new Engine every three Years. Now several of these Men of the Feather, who thought their Feathers capable of serving again, had made great Interest, and been at great Cost to have their old Feathers chosen again, but the People had entertain'd such scoundrel Opinions of these Proceedings, such as Tacking, Consolidating, Imprisoning Electors, Impeaching without Tryal, Writs of Follies and the like, that if any one was known to be concern'd in any of these things, no Body would Vote for him.

The Gentlemen were so mortify'd at this, that even the hottest High-Church Solunarian of them all, if he put in any where to be re-chosen, the first thing he had to do, was to assure the People he was no Tacker, none of the 134, and a vast deal of difficulty they had to Purge themselves of this blessed Action, which they us'd to value themselves on before, as their Glory and Merit.

Thus they grew asham'd of it as a Crime, got Men to go about to vouch for them to the Country People, that they were no Tackers, nay, one of them to clear himself loudly forswore it, and taking a Glass of Wine wisht it might never pass thro' him, if he was a Tacker, tho' all Men suspected him to be of that Number too, he having been one of the forwardest that way on all Occasions, of any Person among the South Folk of the Moon.

In like manner, one of the Feathers for the middle Province of the Country, who us'd to think it his Honour to be for the qualifying Law, seeing which way the humour of the Country ran, took as much Pains now to tell the People he was no Tacker, as he did before, to promise them that he would do his utmost to have the Crolians reduc'd, and that Bill to pass, the Reason of which was plain, that he saw if it should be known he was a Tacker, he should never have his Feather return'd to be put into the Consolidator.

The Heats and Feuds that the Feathers and the Grandees were now run into, began to make the latter very uneasie, and they sent to the Grandees to hasten them, and put them in mind of passing some Laws they had sent up to them for raising Mony, and which lay before them, knowing that as soon as those Laws were past, the Queen would break 'em up, and they being very willing to be gone, before these things came too far upon the Stage, urg'd them to dispatch.

But the Grandees resolving to go thoro' with the Matter, sent to them to come to a Treaty on the foot of the six Articles, and to bring any Reasons they could, to prove the Power they had to Act as they had done with the Country-men, and with the Lawyers they had put in Prison for assisting them.

The Feathers were very backward and stiff about this Conference, or Treaty, 'till at last the Grandees having sufficiently expos'd them to all the Nation, the Bills were past, the Grandees caus'd the particulars to be Printed, and a Representation of their Proceedings, and the Feathers foul Dealings to the Queen of the Country, and so her Majesty sent them Home.

But if they were asham'd of being call'd Tackers before, they were doubly mortify'd at this now, nay the Country resented it so exceedingly, that some of them began to consider whether they should venture to go Home or no; Printed Lists of their Names were Publish'd, tho' we do not say they were true Lists, for it was a hard thing to know which were true Lists, and which were not, nor indeed could a true List be made, no Man being able to retain the exact Account of who were the Men in his Memory.

For as there were 134 Tackers, so there were 141 of these, who by a Name of Distinction, were call'd Lebusyraneim, in English Ailesbury-men.

The People were so exasperated against these, that they express'd their Resentment upon all Occasions, and least the Queen should think that the Nation approv'd the Proceedings, they drew up a Representation or Complaint, full of most dutiful Expressions to their Queen, and full of Resentment against the Feathers, the Copy of which being handed about the Moon the last time I was there, I shall take the Pains to put it into English in the best manner I can, keeping as near the Originial as possible.

If any Man shall now wickedly suggest, that this Relation has any retrospect to the Affairs of England, the Author declares them malitious Misconstruers of his honest Relation of Matters from this remote Country, and offers his positive Oath for their Satisfaction, that the very last Journy he made into those Lunar Regions, this Matter was upon the Stage, of which, if this Treatise was not so near its conclusion, the Reader might expect a more particular Account.

If there is any Analogy or similitude between the Transactions of either World, he cannot account for that, 'tis application makes the Ass.

And yet sometimes he has thought, as some People Fable of the Platonick Year, that after such a certain Revolution of Time, all Things are Transacted over again, and the same People live again, are the fame Fools, Knaves, Philosophers and Mad-men they were before, tho' without any Knowledge of, or Retrospect to what they acted before; so why should it be impossible, that as the Moon and this World are noted before to be Twins and Sisters, equal in Motion and in Influence, and perhaps in Qualities, the same secret Power should so act them, as that like Actions and Circumstances should happen in all Parts of both Worlds at the same time.

I leave this Thought to the improvement of our Royal Learned Societies of the Anticacofanums, Opposotians, Periodicarians, Antepredestinarians, Universal Soulians, and such like unfathomable People, who, without question, upon mature Enquiry will find out the Truth of this Matter.

But if any one shall scruple the Matter of Fact as I have here related it, I freely give him leave to do as I did, and go up to the Moon for a Demonstration; and if upon his return he does not give ample Testimony to the Case in every part of it, as here related, I am content to pass for the Contriver of it my self, and be punish'd as the Law shall say I deserve.

Nor was this all the publick Matters, in which this Nation of Solunarians took wrong Measures, for about this time, the Misunderstandings between the Southern and Northern Men began again, and the Solunarians made several Laws, as they call'd them, to secure themselves against the Dangers they pretended might accrue from the new Measures the Nolunarians had taken; but so unhappily were they blinded by the strife among themselves, and by-set by Opinion and Interest, that every Law they made, or so much as attempted to make, was really to the Advantage, and to the Interest of the Northern-Men, and to their own loss; so Ignorantly and Weak-headed was these High Solunarian Church-Men in the true Interest of their Country, led by their implacable Malice at Crolianism, which as is before noted, was the Establisht Religion of that Country.

But as this Matter was but Transacting when I took the other Remarks, and that I did not obtain a full Understanding of it, 'till my second Voyage, I refer it to a more full Relation of my farther Travels that way, when I shall not fail to give a clear State of the Debate of the two Kingdoms, in which the Southern Men had the least Reason, and the worst Success that ever they had in any Affair of that Nature for many Years before.

It was always my Opinion in Affairs on this side the Moon, that tho' sometimes a foolish Bolt may hit the Point, and a random Shot kill the Enemy, yet that generally Discretion and Prudence of Mannagement, had the Advantage, and met with a proportion'd Success, find things were, or were not happy, in their Conclusion as they were, more or less wisely Contriv'd and Directed.

And tho' it may not be allow'd to be so here, yet I found it more constantly so there, Effects were true to their Causes, and confusion of Councils never fail'd in the Moon to be follow'd by distracted and destructive Consequences.

This appear'd more eminently in the Dispute between these two Lunar Nations we are speaking of; never were People in the Moon, whatever they might be in other Places, so divided in their Opinions about a matter of such Consequence. Some were for declaring War immediately upon the Northern Men, tho' they could show no Reason at all why, only because they would not do as they would have 'em; a parcel of poor Scoundrel, Scabby Rogues, they ought to be made submit, what! won't they declare the same King as we do! hang them Rogues! a pack of Crolian Prestarian Devils, we must make them do it, down with them the shortest Way, declare War immediately, and down with them. – Nay some were for falling on them directly, without the formality of declaring War.

Others, more afraid than hurt, cry'd out Invasions, Depredation, Fire and Sword, the Northern Men would be upon them immediately, and propos'd to Fortify their Frontiers, and file off their Forces to the Borders; nay, so apprehensive did those Men of Prudence pretend to be, that they order'd Towns to be Fortify'd 100 Mile off of the Place, when all this while the poor Northern Men did nothing but tell them, that unless they would come to Terms, they would not have the same King as they, and they took some Measures to let them see they did not purpose to be forc'd to it.

Another sort of Wiser Men than these, propos'd to Unite with them, hear their Reasons, and do them Right. These indeed were the only Men that were in the right Method of concluding this unhappy Broil, and for that Reason, were the most unlikely to succeed.

But the Wildest Notion of all, was, when some of the Grandees made a grave Address to the Queen of the Country, to desire the Northern Men to settle Matters first, and to tell them, that when that was done, they should see what these would do for them. This was a home Stroke, if it had but hit, and the Misfortune only lay in this, That the Northern Men were not Fools enough; the clearness of the Air in those cold Climates generally clearing the Head so early, that those People see much farther into a Mill-stone than any Blind Man in all the Southern Nations of the Moon.

There was an another unhappiness in this Case, which made the Matter yet more confus'd, and that was, that the Souldiers had generally no gust to this War. – This was an odd Case; for those sort of Gentlemen, especially in the World in the Moon, don't use to enquire into the Justice of the Case they Fight for, but they reckon 'tis their Business to go where they are sent, and kill any Body they are order'd to kill, leaving their Governors to answer for the Justice of it; but there was another Reason to be given why the Men of the Sword were so averse, and always talk't coldly of the fighting Part, and tho' the Northern Men call'd it fear, yet I cannot joyn with them in that, for to fear requires Thinking; and some of our Solunarians are absolutely protected from the first, because they never meddle with the last, except when they come to the Engine, and therefore 'tis plain it could not proceed from Fear.

It has puzzl'd the most discerning Heads of the Age, to give a Reason from whence this Aversion proceeded, and various Judgments have been given of it.

The Nolunarians jested with them, and when they talk't of Fighting, bad them look back into History, and examine what they ever made of a Nolunarian War, and whether they had not been often well beaten, and sent short home, bid them have a care of catching a Tartar, as we call it, and always made themselves merry with it.

They banter'd the Solunarians too, about the Fears and Terrors they were under, from their Arming themselves, and putting themselves in a posture of Defence, – When it was easy to see by the nature of the thing, that their Design was not a War, but a Union upon just Conditions, that it was a plain Token that they design'd either to put some affront upon the Nolunarians, to deny them some just Claims, or to impose something very Provoking upon them more than they had yet done, that they were so exceeding fearful of an Invasion from them.

Tho' these were sufficient to pass for Reasons in other Cases, yet it could not be so here, but I saw there must be something else in it. As I was thus wondering at this unusual backwardness of the Souldiers, I enquir'd a little farther into the meaning of it, and quickly found the Reason was plain, there was nothing to be got by it, that People were Brave, Desperate and Poor, the Country Barren, Mountainous and Empty, so that in short there would be nothing but Blows, and Souldiers Fellows to be had, and I always observ'd that Souldiers never care to be knockt on the Head, and get nothing by the Bargain.

In short, I saw plainly the Reasons that prompted the Solunarians to Insult their Neighbours of the North, were more deriv'd from the regret at their Establishing Crolianism, than at any real Causes they had given, or indeed were in a condition to give them.

These, and abundance more particular Observations I made, but as I left the thing still in agitation, and undetermin'd, I shall refer it to another Voyage which I purpose to make thither, and at my return, may perhaps set that Case in a clearer Light than our Sight can yet bear to look at it in.

If in my second Vovage I should undeceive People in the Notions they entertain'd of those Northern People, and convince them that the Solunarians were really the Aggressors, and had put great hardships upon them, I might possibly do a Work, that if it met with Encouragement, might bring the Solunarians to do them Justice, and that would set all to Rights, the two Nations might easily become one, and Unite for ever, or at least become Friends, and give mutual Assistance to each other; and I cannot but own such an Agreement would make them both very formidable, but this I refer to another time. —

At the same time I cannot leave it without a Remark that this Jealousy between the two Nations, may perhaps in future Ages be necessary to be maintain'd, in order to find some better Reasons for Fortifications, Standing Armies, Guards and Garisons than could be given in the Reign of the great Prince I speak of, the Queen's Predecessor, tho' his was against Forreign insulting Enemy.