скачать книгу бесплатно
The Clitical Guide to Female Self-Pleasure: How to Please Yourself So Your Partner Can Too
Jenne Davis
Hitting the right spot!We are here to help women lose the shame and find the fun! If you don't know how to please yourself, how can you possibly help a partner do the same? No two sexual responses are precisely the same, so in this book you’ll find a huge variety of ways to find pleasure.THE CLITICAL GUIDE TO FEMALE SELF-PLEASURE: How to Please Yourself So Your Partner Can Too is a comprehensive look at all the aspects of female masturbation and orgasm, from methods and styles, to toys and homemade implements, to places and times, with warnings for safety and tips to improve your performance…on yourself.Ladies, if your partner doesn’t treat you… we say treat yourself!
The Clitical Guide to Female Self-Pleasure
How to Please Yourself So Your Partner Can Too
JENNE DAVIS
A division of HarperCollinsPublishers
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
HarperImpulse an imprint of
HarperCollinsPublishers
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2015
Copyright © Jenne Davis 2015
Cover images © Shutterstock.com
Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015
Cover design by Becky Glibbery
Jenne Davis asserts the moral right
to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is
available from the British Library
This novel is entirely a work of fiction.
The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are
the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to
actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is
entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International
and Pan-American Copyright Conventions.
By payment of the required fees, you have been granted
the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access
and read the text of this e-book on screen.
No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted,
downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or
stored in or introduced into any information storage and
retrieval system, in any form or by any means,
whether electronic or mechanical, now known or
hereinafter invented, without the express
written permission of HarperCollins.
Digital eFirst: Automatically produced by Atomik ePublisher from Easypress.
Ebook Edition © March 2015 ISBN: 9780008140090
Version 2015-03-24
To my amazing daughter and friends, who never allowed me to give up my dreams, or myself. Never stop dreaming or using your imagination because you never know where those crazy dreams might take you…
Contents
Cover (#u38f1bb15-1bfa-534d-82a1-90fd01ed9bbf)
Title Page (#u171e6191-454e-5191-b0f8-dc31c24116b0)
Copyright (#u93e000be-e5a6-5f70-b48c-cb9fb3444cc8)
Dedication (#u433a9c59-f628-5a79-b562-5154dc0efb9a)
Introduction (#u0121afea-e659-55fa-b45b-f521ccd3cc72)
CHAPTER 1: Female Anatomy (#u87e25c93-dd65-51f8-9871-533ac3796b87)
CHAPTER 2: Masturbation: A Brief History (#u49996d6c-6316-5267-ab6e-2dccf028dc24)
CHAPTER 3: Masturbation Myths and Realities (#u5b2a5ce0-9e21-57ae-8c92-6eb28c221aa6)
CHAPTER 4: Morals, Guilt, and Salvation (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 5: Orgasms: It's About the Journey, Not the Destination (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 6: Mind Over Matter (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 7: Basic Masturbation Techniques (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 8: Anytime, Anywhere! (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 9: Advanced Masturbation Techniques (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 10: Toys, Lubes, and Other Things You Never Learned About in Sex Ed. (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 11: Warnings AKA ‘You Put What Where?’ (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 12: Masturbation and Relationships (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 13: The Bottom Line (#litres_trial_promo)
CHAPTER 14: Real Masturbation Technique as Told by Clitical.com Visitors (#litres_trial_promo)
Resources (#litres_trial_promo)
Jenne Davis (#litres_trial_promo)
About HarperImpulse (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
Introduction (#u339c389a-57ec-588b-8d43-c9cac26e9c54)
Female masturbation, self-love, self-pleasure – call it what you will. For most women masturbation is often their first exploration into the wonderful, but sometimes seemingly daunting world of sexuality. Personally, I can't think of a better place to start than by having sex with yourself – can you?
Like many women, my first hurdle, when it came to masturbation, was learning it was okay to touch myself. I recall reasoning that it was my own body and belonged to no one except myself. That said, I went through the pangs of wondering if I would be condemned for practising, well, you know, 'that' kind of touching. That word, which was rarely, if ever, uttered in my, and, I suspect, most homes across the world. Yes, that word! Masturbation!
I grew up in a time when masturbation was rarely mentioned in the media and was definitely something that you never told anyone you had tried. Even your closest friend, for the most part, was off limits, because they might just tell someone else. I recall the stress of keeping that secret so well – and I'm about to approach fifty this year. The truth was, like many teens, once I discovered that touching my private parts made me feel deliciously good, it was as though I never wanted to stop. I devised secret ways to touch myself. I spent countless hours in my bedroom, just discovering the pleasure that my own body was capable of producing and yet that pleasure would often be tinged with guilt. Guilt that somehow what I was doing was, in fact, inherently wrong, but no one ever really took the time to tell me why it was so wrong. After all, it wasn't as if anyone ever took me aside and said, ‘If you touch yourself you are going to hell’, but still, I felt that guilt.
In some ways I wish that guilt had never existed and, to be honest, I hope that this book will help you put that guilt aside so you can simply enjoy what is, after all, a safe and wonderful teaching aid when it comes to sexuality: masturbation.
Society, for the most part, has come to realize, that self-love is probably the safest form of sexual expression there is. It's also a wonderful learning tool and by learning what turns us on, and in some cases turn us off, we are not only better individuals but we, as females, make in many cases much better partners and lovers.
I don't consider myself an expert when it comes to the art of self-pleasure, and I don't aspire to be. I can tell you I am a life-long masturbator and glad to be able to call myself that, hoping to be able to practice until I am well into my old, old age.
Over the years, I have come to think of masturbation as an ever-evolving form of sexuality, and there is no one technique that is guaranteed to bring you the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the infamous orgasm. I'm not sure how I managed to achieve my first orgasm at the age of 15. I was just playing around with my new-found toy (my body) and it happened, but once it had happened, I wanted it to happen again and again. Maybe if I had known what I had experienced back then it might have helped. It might also have helped had I thought about taking note of what I was touching, when and where, but that has always been the most wonderful part of the entire masturbation experience for me: not quite knowing why, when, or where the next orgasm was going to come. The mechanism that caused me to orgasm was just part of the bigger picture and I developed something of a lust for the answer to the question why. Why does this feel so good? Then came the how, as in how can I make this feel even better, followed by the when and where would be the best time to do this, in order to make it better? Could it even get any better?
So I set off on a quest, which at that time seemed to be of epic proportions, to find the answer to those questions. That was when I discovered that this was to be no easy task. No one talked about masturbation back then – it was a dark secret, a sin to be hidden away at all costs, because even though you could talk about what you did with your partner/boyfriend last Saturday night, talking about what you did to yourself, amongst even your closest girlfriends, was akin to admitting you were less of a person because you didn't have, or couldn't get, a boyfriend. In other words, you were the biggest loser on the block. Sex with yourself must be second-rate sex, after all, which to me, never did make any sense. But it was, and still is in many cases to this day, the accepted norm when we talk about solo sex.
Back then there was no Internet, no real sex-toy boutiques, or at least not the type that most women would ever be seen outside, let alone leaving, lest you were spied by the local neighborhood noses, or, worse still, your so-called friends. Like many women of the time, I got my sexual information from the copies of the Penthouse that my dad had stashed beneath the clothes in his closet. Sex education at schools was basic, to say the least, and the only thing I really learned from those lessons was that sex was embarrassing and something to be made fun of. I never felt that way about solo or partnered sex, though. How could something that made me feel this good be so bad, after all?
With the advent of the Internet and the fact that I could communicate with the entire universe and beyond, it became easier to learn about sex, yet somehow it always felt as though solo sex was partnered sex's ugly sister. You know – that one member of the family who is always at weddings and funerals but sits in the corner because no one from the family really wants them there. I began to question how this could be so. How on earth could that be wrong when you are simply loving yourself? At the same time, women were being taught that we could do, or have, anything we wanted. We had the right to demand orgasms from our partners, it was our birthright and if they couldn't give us one as prescribed by the pages of Cosmopolitan, then he didn't deserve us.
As my quest for answers continued, I became almost more confused. Why was partnered sex the hallowed ground? Was there no place in sexuality for solo sex other than as the ugly sister? I'd always had that strange tinge of guilt that came after an often mammoth session of self-loving, but, darn, if it felt this good how on earth could it be bad?
Anyway, I discovered the Internet, but more than that, I discovered erotic writing. I found a way to channel my own guilt at enjoying sex, and especially solo sex, so much, into my characters. As I wrote more and posted them onto the Net I began to form the idea of a website: a site where women could feel safe asking questions about sex, love, and everything in between, and so could their partners. In the year 2000, thanks to a partnership with Art, the wonderful webmaster over at EroticStories.com, that dream became a reality. As so often happens in life, my love of solo sex and my search for answers to my quest became something that was ever more prominent on our new website: Clitical.com
Over the years Clitical has become a labor of love, some might say a labor of self- love. As time went by, I realized that self-love encompasses so much more than a simple technique. It's way more than just a means to an end. Self-pleasure is about learning to love your sexual self. It's a safe form of sexual expression, with a few exceptions, and it can take your partnered sex to a whole new level if you open your mind.
As Clitical has grown it has seen many redesigns, but the core of the site remains the same: a place where women can learn about sex, especially self-love, not just from me, but from their peers. Over the years we have amassed a huge collection of female visitors’ masturbation techniques, fantasies, and a whole lot more besides. I've been asked all manner of questions, sexual and otherwise. I've met some of the coolest people on the planet, and all thanks to a quest to answer the question of why self- pleasure is the ugly sister of partnered sex. I've discovered the many facets that make up human sexuality, that no two individuals are alike, and that there is no right or wrong way to pleasure yourself or a partner, only the way that works for you. That journey of discovery is ultimately what this book is about. As you take that journey yourself, I hope that you will find this book will help you discover what works for you and sometimes what doesn't, helps you feel less afraid to try something new, to just jump in and discover, because of all the things I've learned, the most important one is: you have to live in your moment, this moment, the one that is happening right now.
CHAPTER 1 (#u339c389a-57ec-588b-8d43-c9cac26e9c54)
Female Anatomy (#u339c389a-57ec-588b-8d43-c9cac26e9c54)
Love Thyself
Getting to know your own anatomy is the basic foundation for all sexual encounters, whether solo or partnered. Until you are comfortable within your own skin, touching your own skin and seeing it as not just part of your body but as a part of your sexual self, it's unlikely that you will be comfortable sexually.
Most of us think of the sexual parts of our body as being our breasts, vulvas, and vaginas. Occasionally we throw in our butts, for good measure, but our entire body has the potential to offer us sexual pleasure if we know how to tap into the secrets that it holds. This chapter is designed to help you see that sexually you are much more than those three, or possibly four, body parts, depending on how you look at it.
Let's Get One Thing Straight!
Before we go any further, though, let's get one thing straight from the get-go…
Vulvas are not vaginas. Despite the fact that they both begin with the letter V and are part of one another and, more importantly, part of you, they perform very different functions when it comes to sex. Vaginas are the inner part of the vulva, which is the outside part of your female sexual anatomy. Yet so many of us don't know that simple difference – and I'm not just referring to the male species here – women are equally guilty when they talk about their vulvas and refer to them as their vaginas.
If you enjoy clitoral pleasure, and, yes, we will get to discussing your clitoris in the next chapter, then you are touching your vulva. If you enjoy penetrative sex, then you are using your vagina. There is a difference and it is important to understand the difference; learning to use the correct term is a great way to show others that you understand your own body as well.
Are You Sitting Comfortably?
The other reason why many of us feel uncomfortable when it comes to masturbation is that we are often taught that our vulvas are something that should always be hidden, which is admittedly not helped by the fact that they are securely nestled between our upper thighs, and are, in fact, well, hidden. Cotton knickers or panties are placed there and we are told only to make sure that we wear clean panties each day. I clearly recall my own mother declaring that this was in case I was ever in a car accident. Looking back, that was a silly statement, but at the time I took her warning seriously as I'm sure many other little girls did and still do.
I tried to recall an instance where I was actually told not to ever show my hidden or private parts to a boy, and I really can't. It was just something that you never did – if you were a good girl. When you sat down and were wearing a skirt, the norm was to ensure that no part of your privates was exposed to the stare of a guy. Again, no specific instructions may have ever been given; it was something you simply learned unconsciously. After all, they were your ‘private’ parts. Now, I'm not suggesting that you go around wearing no panties or show your vulva to the next guy that walks into your office or workplace. I'm just trying to illustrate where we may have learned the idea that our vulvas are for our lovers’ eyes only and until then shall remain private at all costs.
A Fish by Any Other Name
Another reason that you may feel discomfort when talking about, or looking at, your own genitals is that rarely are our genitals referred to by their correct names. Instead they are referred to as ‘private parts’, or worst still, ‘fish’, ‘star fish’, ‘love taco’, ‘meat curtains’, ‘twat’, or some other equally demeaning name. None of which helps us to get comfortable with them in any way, shape, or form. Many of these names came from an era when talking about sex was frowned upon. It could be said that this is still true, but things are getting better and by learning the correct terms to use when it comes to your own anatomy, you are part of the solution, not part of the problem, so to speak.
More than the Sum of Four
Many women only think of sex in terms of our breasts, buttocks, and, of course, our vulvas as being the sexual part of our beings and that is something of a shame. As we will see in the next chapter, the biggest sexual organ we have is, in fact, our brain, but when we turn our mental thoughts into physical actions amazing things can happen and our entire bodies can become our very own playgrounds of pleasure.
So, let’s start by taking a look at our anatomy from top to bottom – so to speak! For the exercises I've included in this chapter you might find that a hand-held mirror will come in handy, so now would be the perfect time to find one.
Skin
Your skin is, in fact, the largest organ in your body and it contains at least five types of receptors that respond to both pain and touch. An average adult's skin spans 21 square feet, weighs nine pounds, and contains more than 11 miles of blood vessels. Your skin releases as much as three gallons of sweat a day in hot weather. There are a couple of areas that don't sweat and these are the beds of your nails, the margins of your lips, the tip of the penis (if you have one), and your eardrums. Who knew, right?
