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And then the bleeding started.
Lexie had driven herself to the hospital—alone. Checked herself in—alone. Held herself together throughout the miscarriage when she couldn’t reach Jackson. Then she’d driven herself back to Silver Bend. During the trip home, Lexie had come to realize that she was no longer important to Jackson. This wasn’t the first time Jackson had stood her up, or Heidi, for that matter. How could anyone treat those closest to him—his wife and daughter—so callously? If this wasn’t a sign that their love was unsalvageable, Lexie didn’t know what was.
When Jackson showed up after having missed dinner, with some excuse about a friend’s car not starting, Lexie made her decision. She asked him to move out that night without ever telling him of the child they’d lost.
Lexie sighed, pushing back the guilt. She needed to focus on her current problems, not her past. She’d make it somehow. Just a few more months and things were bound to get better.
The Hot Shot crew in the dining room of the Pony roared with laughter, the raucous sound carrying over the noisy fans in the kitchen. Lexie glanced up from the steaming bowl full of scrambled eggs she’d left on the counter for Mary and Heidi to carry into the dining room minutes before. Something was going on out there. The Silver Bend Hot Shots were such a boisterous, upbeat group that their mood was infectious. Lexie needed some of those positive vibes right now.
She carried the bowl of eggs over to the kitchen window where she could look out on to the dining room. A bearded man with hair touching his shoulders stood with his arms looped around Heidi and Mary, their backs to Lexie. He wasn’t dressed in Hot Shot gear, but the way he stood reminded her of someone. Lexie stretched to put the big, heavy bowl of scrambled eggs up on the shoulder-high countertop, feeling its weight all the way down in her belly. And then he laughed.
It can’t be.
The heavy crock slipped out of her fingers onto the countertop with a sickening crack, splitting the bowl in two and cascading eggs across the counter and onto the floor. Everyone’s head swiveled in her direction, including that of the bearded stranger. Only he wasn’t a stranger. He was the man who still held the key to her heart.
Light-headed, Lexie gripped the counter, grateful that it stood between her and Jackson so that he couldn’t see all of her, couldn’t see that she carried his child.
A child she hadn’t told him about. The child they’d created the night Jackson signed the divorce papers.
Their eyes met and held, making it hard for her to breathe. Having been a firefighter’s wife for so long, she couldn’t resist taking inventory, making sure he was all right. His tall frame was still sturdy. Blue jeans covered his powerful thighs, and his broad shoulders filled a forest-green T-shirt. His sable hair fell uncharacteristically below his ears and brushed his T-shirt collar in the back. A thick, dark beard covered his square jaw, making him look less like the young man she’d married and more like a weary man of the world.
Jackson was safe. She couldn’t think beyond that fact. Firefighters who came home early from assignments weren’t always unscathed. Broken bones. Singed body parts. Eyes so red from bitter smoke that they couldn’t see. But Jackson stood solidly in front of her. Unharmed.
The desire to touch him overwhelmed her. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair, feel the strength of his chest beneath her palms, reassure herself that he was, indeed, home in one piece.
“Are you all right?” Mary darted into the kitchen, gave Lexie the once-over, and then started cleaning up, effectively distracting Lexie from the spell Jackson had put her under.
He may look oh-so-right, but he wasn’t able to love them as a father and husband should. Yet, she couldn’t resist looking at him again.
Jackson’s smile was tentative, his green eyes guarded. It was the first time in a long time that she’d seen him unsure of himself. Oh, he had his weak moments, but Lexie also knew that Jackson hid behind his charm. Few knew he didn’t have the hidden reserves of confidence he’d prefer everyone believed. He certainly had never been anything but upbeat and positive with Lexie through their entire divorce.
“How’re you doing, Lex?” His voice coasted over her like warm honey from across the room.
Lexie licked suddenly dry lips. She should have told him months ago about this baby. He’d know how she was “doing” the minute she stepped out from behind the counter.
The baby thumped against her ribs, trying to capture her father’s attention from deep within the womb.
Heidi hugged Jackson, her joy in seeing her father apparent in her radiant smile. “He’s home, Mom, for good. Just like before. Isn’t it great?”
Jackson’s smile broadened. The Hot Shots at the table were nudging each other and grinning as if this was the best show in town. She supposed it ranked right up there with the time old Marguerite slurped one too many strawberry daiquiris, shimmied into the lap of a highly embarrassed and uninterested Sirus Socrath, the former superintendent of Silver Bend’s Hot Shot crew, and sang “Like a Virgin.”
“Your father is back from Russia, but I’m sure he’s off to fight fires somewhere,” Lexie said, hastening to correct the impression that Jackson was home to stay. It was the height of the fire season and there were several forest fires rampant across the western states. She pasted a smile on her face and looked at Jackson hopefully.
Jackson tugged Heidi’s ponytail, grin firmly in place. “Nope. I’ve taken two weeks off.”
“In the middle of the fire season?” Lexie’s voice cracked on the last word. Any hope she had of keeping her pregnancy a secret from Jackson faded fast. Would he be angry with her? Would he even care?
“Yep. I decided I needed a break, needed to reconnect with my family.” His eyes, dark rimmed as if from lack of sleep, seemed to glow warmly at her, but Lexie was anything but reassured.
“Wow. That’s…” Lexie’s head bobbed as she floundered for something to say, some way to break the news to Jackson gently. She used to be known for her witty comebacks. Now, all she could manage was “That’s… Wow.”
“Aren’t you gonna hug Mom?” Heidi asked, looking innocently up at her father.
One of the Hot Shots chuckled.
“Oh dear,” Mary said, and disappeared into the back room.
Lexie’s eyes narrowed even as her chest heaved. She was being set up by her own daughter, in front of an audience, no less. Emotions warred within her—indignation at being caught off guard and outmaneuvered by an eleven-year-old, anxiety that Jackson might find out how close she was to needing his help, a feeling of relief that Jackson was home safe, the sour guilt of her secret.
The baby slugged her bladder.
Jackson walked closer, his footsteps a slow herald of the moment of truth. Everyone was looking at her now, probably hoping she’d fall back into his arms as if he’d never broken her heart and shattered her dreams of family. Each step Jackson took made Lexie want to shrink back into the kitchen, but she still had enough pride to stand and face him.
CHAPTER TWO
JACKSON FELT about as nervous as the first time he’d asked Lexie out. She looked great. At least the part of her he could see looked great behind the counter. Thick lashes framed wide blue eyes unadorned by makeup. He could gaze into those eyes forever. Her hair, begging to be touched, fell in soft brown waves about her shoulders. Her cheeks were flushed, and there’d been a few moments there when their eyes first connected that he’d been glad he came because of the way she was looking at him, as if she were happy to see him.
Heidi was pushing his luck a little, but heck, if he could get a hug from Lex on day one, that was something, right?
He gave Lex his best “hey, trust me” smile, planning to take this as slowly as she wanted, and entered the kitchen. The sight of her full, lush body made him stop in his tracks.
“You’re pregnant!”
Her face turned bright red. “Yes,” she said through gritted teeth.
Lexie had slept with someone else. The room tilted.
“When did this happen?” Jackson’s eyes bounced around the room from Heidi—argh, don’t ask Heidi—to his Hot Shot buddies—he’d never live this down—to his wife. “How could this happen?”
Lexie ran her hands over the blue T-shirt—his T-shirt—covering her very pregnant belly.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“I tried to tell you the last time you called, Dad, but I don’t think you heard me.” Heidi leaned over the counter and smiled sweetly as if she hadn’t been in on this secret for months.
Jackson tried to remember the conversation Heidi referred to. It took a few seconds for something to click. He dropped his head and shook it slowly from side to side. “You said she was perfect.”
“No, Dad, I said she was pregnant,” Heidi corrected, then had the nerve to look back at the Hot Shot crew and grin.
The men, of course, heard their exchange and roared with laughter. Oh, this was one for the record books, all right.
Jackson struggled to control his emotions. He wanted to throttle whoever had gotten his wife pregnant, or at the very least, punch a wall.
Lexie had slept with another man.
“The ink wasn’t even dry on our divorce.” Jackson’s gaze returned to the floor. He couldn’t bear to look at her. How could she do this to him?
“Heidi, go get yourself something to eat.” Lexie’s voice brooked no argument and Heidi scooted over to the table with the firemen. She was always more inclined to obey Lexie than to listen to him.
Jackson lifted his suddenly heavy head and stared at Lexie, barely able to contain his sorrow. He’d never get her back now. How could he, with this child between them? “You were the only thing…” Jackson let his voice trail off, swallowing thickly. She was the reason he’d found a way out of that fire. She and Heidi had been his reason for living. Lexie was his talisman, for heaven’s sake.
A cold emptiness settled inside of him. He leaned against the kitchen wall, needing support for knees suddenly as limp as spaghetti.
“I’m sorry you had to learn about it this way,” Lexie said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I wasn’t sure how to tell you.”
“How could you do this to me?” He’d be the laughingstock of his Hot Shot crew, of every crew and support group from Montana to Arizona—if he wasn’t already. Had Lexie left him for this guy? And what about her infertility problem? Maybe it wasn’t her problem, after all. Maybe all those doctors were wrong. Maybe all his sperm weren’t accounted for.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen, but it doesn’t change anything between us.”
And then the reality of the situation hit him. He pulled Lexie deeper into the kitchen and lowered his voice. “You’ve been walking around like…like…that for months, haven’t you.” He pointed to her swollen belly.
She arched her brows at him as if he’d lost his mind. “That’s right.”
“And everyone in town knows you’re pregnant.”
“Probably.” Lexie crossed her arms just underneath her very full breasts, resting her arms over her round stomach.
Jackson pinched the bridge of his nose. “That’s why everyone I saw today asked if I’d seen you. They’re salivating out there right now.” This time he pointed toward the dining room. “Just waiting to hear how I react to…to…you!”
“Probably.”
He forced himself to lower his voice. “Smiley. Birdie. Spider. And who knows how many others.”
“It is a situation that people appear to be curious about.”
Jackson slapped the wall with his palm. “Well, I’m curious, too, damn it.”
“Really?”
Jackson tilted his head to the ceiling as if the cracked stucco held the answer to his problems. This other guy was going to move in, sleep in his bed, and kiss his wife good-morning, not to mention good-night.
Lexie was lost to him. And Heidi…
Oh, hell.
Jackson rubbed his dry, sleep-deprived eyes. “Who is he, Lex? Who did this to us?”
Lexie’s mouth dropped open, then she narrowed her eyes at him and said, “You did, you idiot.”
“SAY AGAIN?” Jackson squinted at her.
Keeping her arms crossed, Lexie tapped her forefinger impatiently on one arm, unable to believe Jackson thought she’d slept with another man. And here she’d assumed he’d been upset that she was pregnant. “I’m seven months along.” Three months ago, she’d been told not to be out of bed for more than a few hours at a time or she’d lose the baby because of an incompetent cervix. She’d spent three months being unable to do things with Heidi the way she wanted. Months spent teetering on the edge of failure. Months of—
“And?” Jackson prompted.
Maybe the breakup sex hadn’t been as memorable for him as it had been for her, or maybe he couldn’t add. Lexie wasn’t sure why this wasn’t sinking in. Finally, when she couldn’t stand the fact that he didn’t comprehend her, Lexie tossed her hands in his direction. “And it’s yours.”
Her outburst was loud enough to carry to the dining room. Somebody mumbled at the Hot Shot table and was promptly shushed. The Hot Shots weren’t this quiet and attentive at the movie theater. She and Jackson were putting on quite a show.
It took a moment for Jackson to process this information, in which time Lexie wondered, as she had for months, how Jackson would react to the idea of becoming a father once again.
Then Jackson smiled at her. Even with half his face covered by a beard, his grin was still powerful. Jackson’s smile could charm the birds out of the trees, convince a teacher that his dog had indeed eaten his homework or reassure a lonely teenage girl who’d never felt loved before that she was the most important thing in the world to him. When Jackson wore that smile, people believed everything he said.
“This is fantastic, Lex. I wish you’d told me sooner.”
Before Lexie knew what was happening, Jackson had his arms around her. His warmth enveloped her. Jackson’s fingers began making circles around the small of her back in just the right spot to relieve the soreness. For the first time in months, Lexie felt a little of the pressure inside her ease.
Wow.
Instinctively, she melted against him. They’d dreamed of a large family, tried as many fertility treatments as they could afford, all to no avail. A part of Lexie had died with the baby she’d miscarried last year, but still, she’d told no one, denying herself the comfort of Jackson’s arms because she wouldn’t settle for anything less than a strong, loving relationship.
Jackson nuzzled her hair and she felt his breath waft across her cheek. Then he pressed a gentle kiss on her temple as if they were still a couple very much in love.
Heidi whooped, spying from her position at the kitchen window and the Hot Shot crew broke into applause at her cue.
Uh-oh.
Dumbfounded at finding herself in the one place she longed to be, the one place she couldn’t be without risking her heart again, it took several heartbeats for the alarm to register in Lexie’s head. She knew Jackson cared for her, but if he were to make a list of his priorities, she’d come out somewhere near the bottom. Lexie would be a fool to let him back into her life, even if he was the father of the little one growing inside of her.
The baby poked her.
Lexie began to pull back. “Jackson, you shouldn’t be touching me like that.”
“Another baby, Lex. This is perfect.”
His fingers were magic, but Lexie needed to fight against his touch. They were divorced. She couldn’t go through the disappointment and heartache of having Jackson in her life again, seeing him leave to risk his life to fight a fire, gluing herself to the television screen in the hopes that she’d see him, praying she wouldn’t recognize him on screen because then the danger would become all too real. And when he was home, he found dozens of reasons to stay away, to help others, leaving Lexie and Heidi on their own.
“Jackson, I’m asking you to stop.”
“Why?” He gazed down at her with such tenderness, Lexie found it hard to find the words she had to say, found it hard to move away. She forced herself to dredge up all the unpleasant memories—Jackson missing from the dinner table, Jackson forgetting to pick up Heidi’s Christmas present from the store in Boise, Jackson unreachable when she’d miscarried. For Lexie, love meant putting a priority on someone and being there through the good times, the bad times, even the boring times. She and Heidi deserved that much.
The baby stretched, pushing on Lexie’s bladder and her lungs simultaneously, and holding the position. This kid was definitely into yoga.
Lexie managed to step back. “We’re divorced.”
Jackson’s brow puckered. “It’s my baby.”
“So? You weren’t around to raise the first one.” Shocked at the harshness of her own words, she retreated another step as she struggled to catch her breath.
“I work in a job that takes me away for weeks at a time.” His words were clipped and his green eyes flashed a warning.
Here was the anger Lexie had expected when she’d asked him to leave a year ago, the anger that she’d thought would prove he still loved her.
Too late. Why was Jackson always too late?
“I know that.” When it seemed he’d argue further, Lexie held up a hand, willing it not to tremble. With her other hand, she tenderly pushed on her stomach, encouraging the baby to give her breathing room. “I’m not going to talk about this now. You’ve just found out about this baby, and you’re upset.” And Lexie hadn’t had any time to prepare for this meeting.
“I’m not upset, I’m ecstatic.” He wasn’t smiling. In fact, when he spoke, it was with a clenched jaw. “I’m coming home. I’m moving back in. We’ll get married.”
